Russian Machine Never Breaks: We Suck

We spent a bunch of pixels bragging about all the cool stuff we did in the last year.  That’s cool, ’cause we really are proud.  But we’re totally rank amateurs.  False rumors, worse typing, and bad luck charms; that’s just us.  We’ve surpassed our peers by a long stretch of internet miles when it comes to screwing up.

  • The giant gray thing at the top of the page
    Ian assures that one day we will put a feature widget for good posts there.  I think he might just be waiting for us to write some.
    Russian Machine Never Breaks_1280326894548
  • Spelling names incorrectly
    We’re supposed to be fans of this team, so we should probably start spelling their names right.  I’ll go ahead and take the blame  for this one.  I’ve goofed up Matthieu Perrault, Michael Nuevirth, and both Morrrisssonnns.  I did it in my very first post, and I’ll eventually get around to correcting it.
  • Varlamov will miss the Olympics
    In our defense, Lisa Hillary was trying to trick us.
    After re-injuring his groinular area, Lisa gave a pessimistic prognosis that we might have accidentally blown completely out of proportion.  Real-live PR people and respectable writers had to bail us out.
  • Nick Backstrom to sign a huge contract… in February
    Maybe we were just waaaaay ahead of everyone else.  We found an article on a Swedish site that said Backy was this close to signing a massive deal.  It was a few weeks later before someone bothered explaining fact-checking to us.
  • Neil Greenberg
    Just in general.
  • Peter shaves his beard, dooms the Caps
    Peter loved #beardpact.  It was his baby, and he protected it.  But he couldn’t look like a pirate at his buddy’s wedding, so he shaved.  And the Caps lost three in a row.  JINX!
  • The Washington Capitals… Napoleon Dynamite style
    Sara Bae created these monstrosities, and we…. oh screw it.  This post was awesome, and we are unashamed. Please send us more fan art!
  • The Joe Corvo Bandwagon
    We trust Neil implicitly, and that’s a character flaw we will address soon.  He said that Corvo was the missing link and a hands-down improvement on Pothier.  Suckers we are.
  • Our logo scares children
    Ian’s girlfriend reports that this t-shirt has driven her students to tears.  That’s because it’s freaking terrifying.  Contrast/compare with one of the most twisted films of all time:
    Ovie vs Clockwork Orange
  • Taunting the Hockey Gods
    We had a post actually titled We Got it Made, in which we document all the reasons why the Caps will beat the Canadiens in five games.  Our reasons included secondary scoring and Jose Theodore.  Ugg.
  • In-SEMIN-nation
    Least tasteful t-shirt ever?  Be honest; someone was going to do this sooner or later.  Just be glad it was us.
  • Justin Bieber in the Bears’ locker room
    There’s a fine line between cute human-interest stories and oversharing.  This post demarcates the two.
  • Various crimes against the English language
    Our relationship with the written word is abusive and codependent.  The difference between resign and re-sign (post date: Yesterday) springs to mind.  We’re language recidivists, well beyond any hope of rehabilitation.

After looking at all this, I can’t blame Mike Green for blocking us on Twitter.   We’re a wandering band of fools and idiots, sauntering into town, breaking everything we touch and offending the locals.  At this point, that you’re still reading this post speaks more to your failings than ours.  You really should know better.

If you have any other screw-ups we should know about, use the comments to have your voice heard.  Tomorrow, we’ll list our resolutions for next year.   We promise to do better, people.

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  • Stevie K.

    I know what t-shirt I’m wearing to the party on Saturday. People probably shouldn’t bring any kids near our table.

  • Greenie blocked you?! HAHAHAHA. Sorry, that’s hilarious.

    Also, during dev camp (sorry Addison) it was bugging me that Finley was consistently spelled Finely. Freudian slips?

  • haha… i tried to order the In-SEMIN-nation t-shirt like 5 times, but everytime i almost clicked “add to cart” i realized i would never wear it outside of the house or my mother would see it and ask if she was getting finally getting a grandkid from me that wasn’t a cat 😛

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  • Sherry

    Its your imperfections that make you guys my fave caps blog!! Truly fan friendly!!

  • WashCapsRock

    But we love you just the way you are!

  • Megan

    Aww! I think this post made me love you guys more!

    And I think you just knew before everyone else that Backstrom was going to sign a huge deal btw, how could they not?

  • Gary Karr

    On the Semin t-shirt, that’s 100 percent cotton, right? Because if it was polyster it would then be a ….

    Artificial InSemination t-shirt.

    I don’t do this for a living. Probably a good thing, right?

  • FedFed

    BTW, it was me who found that article on Nicky in the Swedish web. I asked my friend who knows Swedish to help me, he did and… Next spring Aftonbladet and me will say ‘Caps won SC’ few months before the finals.

  • Megan

    Also, I think I may have to obtain that Semin shirt…

  • BobbyG

    No worries RMNB, your sins/offenses are forgiven.

    ROFL at MIke Green blocking you on Twitter AND the saying on the Semin tee shirt. Does this site rock and have impact? YES!

  • Peter Hassett

    This comment is merely to ensure that the WE SUCK post has as many comments as the BEST OF.

  • Lisa

    I like the fact you’re not taking RMNB too seriously, have fun with it. On the other hand, you’ve done some seriously good work so since you asked, a couple of things I’ve noticed. You sometimes refer to “Japer’s Rink” in posts and every time I see that I think, can these guys read! It’s Japers’ Rink. It’s also wrong, in a different way, in your Blogroll. And I second your comment about your spelling which is sometimes atrocious, but since you were so cute and self-deprecating about it, I won’t give you a full rundown of your errors.

    In all seriousness, there’s a few dozen Caps blogs but I only read a handful on a regular basis and RMNB is among them. Andrew Gordon was the initial draw but I stayed on because of your work during Development Camp. Congratulations on your first year or nine months or whatever it is and keep up the good work.

  • Mary K.

    Just so you know, you guys are awesome. One of 3 caps blogs on my must-read list 🙂

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  • Dave

    Any chance we could ever get a clockwork Alex version of that t-shirt? All you have to do is stick a bowler hat on him.