Read Neil Greenberg’s Debut with WaPo

Neil Greenberg's debut with WaPo

A year ago, you might have known Neil Greenberg only for his razor-sharp analysis on 5ive Hole, but the most controversial acquisition during the season last year might have been Neil’s signing with RMNB.  Since then, he’s become the Examiner’s hockey photographer of record, the Washington Post’s hockey statistics nerd, and Samantha Casey’s new BFF.

Capitals Insider posted Neil’s first file today, an incisive piece comparing Karl Alzner and John Carlson to their predecessors.  With the exception of the Carlzner portmanteau, it’s a huge success.  Please, go read the piece and leave him some love in the comments.

No excuse not to read the article when there’s a link this big.

Congratulations, Neil.  Please don’t forget the little people.

RMNB & Its Readers Wish Alex Ovechkin Happy Birthday

RMNBs Birthday Card for Alex Ovechkin.

We asked you, the noble hordes of the Russian Machine, to congratulate our hero Alex Ovechkin on his 25th year of life.  You had to make a birthday card.  The only rule was that you had to use a cheap graphic editor to make it.

What we didn’t tell you was that we didn’t have to follow the same rules. Above, is our card for Ovi via new RMNB illustrator, Rachel Cohen. Welcome to the team!

Meanwhile, you guys knocked this assignment out of the park.  Like Shakespeare unto the sonnet, you transcended the limitations of the form and blazed new trails of Art with a capital A. Sad we are that only one of you shall win the grand prize.  Cruise on down past the jump to check out the gallery.

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RMNB Exclusive: Bruce Boudreau’s New Commercial

What happened here?

Nothing gets me more excited for the upcoming hockey season than local commercials featuring some of the Capitals biggest stars.  The summer has already brought us a Capital One campaign with Alex Ovechkin checking a Visigoth through the glass and another of him moving new Redskins QB Donovan McNabb into the area. A few weeks ago, Comcast Sportsnet raised the stakes by releasing “The Race For The Cup,” an Inception-stylized promo hyping the start of the season. And we here at RMNB had been hearing rumors about another a clip featuring the Caps’ secret weapon, television dynamo Bruce “Gabby” Boudreau.

Well, with a huge special thanks to Hadeed Carpet Cleaning, we are proud to present Caps Nation with its first look at Bruce Boudreau’s latest masterpiece.

The clip, produced by Rosenberg Media, features Coach and his lovely wife Crystal. The couple are in a pickle after some unruly friends wreck their house.  Oh no! Who will save the day?

And yeah, there’s a pony.  Why is there a pony at the home of the former Jack Adams Winner? No idea, but I want to party with Bruce now. And if you think the pony is cool, you’ll love what’s hanging from the ceiling in the shot before this.

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RMNB Contest: Make Your Own Birthday Card For Ovechkin!

Portrait of Alex Ovechkin as a Rookie.

Ovi’s all growned up!

Our hero and blog namesake, Alexander Ovechkin, will turn the ripe old age of 25 on Friday. To celebrate the occasion, Russian Machine Never Breaks is throwing one of those contest things we’re trying to become known for.

The contest: Using MS Paint or any other primitive graphic program (Photoshop is cheating), make a birthday card for Alex Ovechkin.  Let Ovie know that you love him and wish him the best for his silver year.  Draw him a pretty picture, write him a poem, demonstrate somehow that you are person of passion and culture.  Whatever it takes.  Send your submissions, either by attachment or in a link, to  Use the subject line “Ovie’s birthday card”.   We will accept submissions until Friday at 5pm.  That night we will share the submissions, name a winner and present our own card.

The prize: The winner of the contest will win a high-quality RMNB t-shirt.  The winner of the contest will be selected by our arbitrary and completely capricious judges.

Remember: this is Ovie’s birthday.  Do what he’d do; kick some ass and do it with a big, goofy smile on your face.

Semyon Varlamov & Matt Bradley Visit Kenmoor Elementary

Wednesday, Semyon Varlamov and Matt Bradley visited Kenmoor Elementary School in Landover, Maryland, to teach hockey to some awesomely, adorable kids. The above video details their day.

Since I know you’re wondering: No, I don’t know which part of the video I like the most. Maybe it’s when Brads temporarily forgets his own name and then mispronounces Varly’s in the introduction. Maybe it’s when Varly gets beaten cleanly stick-side by a 9 year old (perhaps selecting #1 wasn’t a good idea after all). Or maybe it’s this ridiculously cute sign.

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Who is on Peter’s New Caps Jersey?

Peter opening his present.

On Saturday night, RMNB had a little outing in Frederick, Maryland, Peter’s and my hometown.  We planned on a night of crackling creative energy and revolutionary ideas for the new season. Turns out we just ate terrible bar food, heard a worse bar band, drank too much Flying Dog, and played some NHL ’11. Go figure. Even though nothing was accomplished, we did manage to get one thing right: we gave Peter a new jersey (ew, New Jersey) as a thank-you for all his hard work last year.

Peter hasn’t had a Caps jersey since a Dale Hunter when he was little, so I thought a new, customized sweater would be the perfect gift. The only question was: Which player would be on his back?

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Day 2 of Caps Rookie Camp


In front of a sparse Monday morning crowd, the Capitals’ rookies took to the ice for their second day of Rookie Camp. The prospects were put through a extended practice that consisted mostly of tedious timing drills. The usual suspects, guys like Cody Eakin and Marcus Johansson, impressed the coaches with their skill while RMNB worship idol, Stanislav Galiev, showed-off his blazing speed. Trevor Bruess also showed improvement throughout the session, darting easily through the timers that were set up to record their speed.

Bruce Boudreau noted that all of the players were in great condition for camp. And it’s true. The boys were moving faster and looking less winded after each and every drill. However, the session ended with the dreaded set of Herbies, which we can only describe as the worst suicides on earth. The sprints included skating back and forth repeatedly across varying widths of the ice, full throttle. By the end, all of the players were doubled over, struggling for air.

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New Varly Blog Post: “Getting Ready For The Season”


Semyon Varlamov’s LiveJournal is a curious little gem.  Started at the end of August, the Russian-language blog toiled in neglect, threatening to become like a million other abandoned bloggy homes on the blogscape.  But today, Varly posted his second entry!

Discussing his pre-season workout routine (a trend started, perhaps, by Andrew Gordon?), Varlamov tells us of his return to the states and how he filled his August.   The post, titled “Getting Ready for the Season”, is basically Varly’s How I Spent my Summer Vacation.  It goes a little something like this:

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David Steckel and Mike Knuble At Redskins Cowboys Game

David Steckel and Mike Knuble at Skins Cowboys Game

Mega-sports-celebrities LeBron James and Dale Earnhardt Jr. were at the Redskins Cowboys game tonight. One rooted for the good guys and one rooted for the bad guys. That’s cool and all, but we here at RMNB don’t give a crap about them. (Though Dale Jr. was awesome in that one Three Doors Down video.) What we care about are guys with character. Guys who will take out my trash if I need them too. Guys who will awkwardly attempt 70 yard field goals with pucks on a wooden platform while in really tight polo shirts. So when we saw that Stecks and Kanoobs were hanging out at tonight’s Skins game via a Ross Hollebon photo, we had to put it up.

S/T to Melissa (@Love4Greenie) who first alerted us to this photo.