Introducing: Feed The Machine

Feed The Machine

One of the things we love about Russian Machine is how engaged and creative our audience (that’s you!) is. All that artwork and those guest posts are among the very best work we’ve ever published here, and we want to keep that going. So we’ve invented a new column that requires your help.

Helmed by Neil Greenberg, Feed the Machine is our version of the “Dear Abby” column, except crazier. Here’s how it works: you email us your thoughts about anything. Maybe you have a question about those impenetrable statistics (PDO, what’s that?) or an observation you’d like to share on Joe Beninati’s wardrobe. Maybe you’d like us to demystify the arcana of AHL-NHL eligibility rules.  Maybe you need dating advice and it hasn’t occurred to you that we’re the worst possible people to ask.  Whatever. Just drop us a line, and we’ll get back to you– by writing about it on here on the site.

The lines are open, and operators are standing by to take your call.

Let’s get it started.


I. Why is Alex Ovechkin struggling so much? – John S. from Columbia, MD

We’ll open with the question that is on everyone’s mind. There have been many theories, including some of my very own, but the answer that is most overlooked has to do with a change off the ice: he has a new girlfriend.

Consider this:

Ovechkin Goals per game Points per game
Before Valeria 0.68 1.34
After Valeria 0.33 1.00

See the pattern?


II. Who has the best taste in music amongst all the writers in RMNB? – Sabrina D. from Arlington, VA

Peter doesn’t listen to music, he writes his own, Ian has been overheard muttering the words “Justin Beiber is not that bad” and my favorites include anything written or performed by Walter Schreifels. You tell me.


III. Why has Jay Beagle stayed in DC while Andrew Gordon was sent back down to Hershey. I thought Gordo was the better player? – Eric R. from Frederick, MD

Andrew Gordon probably projects to be the better NHL player, especially if we translate their career AHL stats to the NHL level:

NHL Equivalencies for AHL career

Player G/82 A/82 Pts/82
Andrew Gordon 37 51 87
Jay Beagle 24 25 49

However, Beagle has not only played against the oppositions’ better scoring lines, but also creates more of the Caps chances when he is on the ice. With an offense looking to find their identity, this simply cannot be overlooked.

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  • JWare

    This is really relevant to post as a full-on question but I was just wondering when the next prospect watch is coming on. I really enjoy them and it seems there hasnt been one for a while. Thanx guys, always enjoy RMNB :)

  • Terry Reece

    Caps need to move some of these girless d-men we have playing for us , Poti ,Sloan . We need to get that nastey MOFO d-man . This would be great for Green . Speaking of Green he needs to drop his gloves on game nights when the other team is pounding his butt on the boards. The Ny team was just taking shot after shot on him and he did NOTHING to help his self . Toughen up Green trade that Moped for a Harley and start smoking a cigar people will not mess your hair up then !

    Go Caps Rock The Red…

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