Feed The Machine's been SLOAN'D

It’s been another rip-roaring week of sifting through piles of your inane ramblings. Judging by reader letters, most of you seem to have gone off prescription medications recently. Cool. If you’ve got a question, a comment, or a paternity query, please feel free to shoot us a message!

Now follow us past the jump, where Neil does some slam poetry on the topics of faceoffs and Tyler Sloan.

Carolyn F. asks what we all wanted to know but were too afraid to ask:

How is a faceoff “win” determined? Direction of puck or who gets it? Seems inconsistent as far as what’s counted.

Great question. I had to consult the real hockey expert in my house, Nicci, to get the answer. According to her: “the first team that gains possession of the puck wins the faceoff. Kinda like your scoring chances, you know, no real rhyme or reason.”

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Those clever bastards at PuckBuddys (which you should be reading) wanna know about booze and collective bargaining:

1. What’s your game night drink of choice?

2. Is there a Cliff Notes out there for CBA?  What’s a good resource to explain the process?  It’s seems sooo complicated!

My game night drink of choice, as everyone knows, is ginger ale. Ian likes beer, and Peter enjoys Kumis by the gallon [Nu-uh! I love me some Flying Dog Gonzo Imperial Porter -Peter]. As for the CBA, I agree, whiskey tango foxtrot were they thinking?? Luckily we have Capgeek, who translates it to English.

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Awkward photos are on the ellipsis-abusing mind of Mike F.

Do you think this prom picture circa 1994 was a good idea……..?


Sometimes what you think may be a good idea at the time just isn’t. Exhibit B:


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Joanne X. (from the School for Gifted Youngsters) is worried about Tyler Sloan.

Tyler Sloan is back from his conditioning in Hershey. Is this the Caps-ocalypse?

Close, but not quite yet, although most fans would rather face an army of zombies armed with only a loaf of bread and a hula hoop than see Sloan get much ice time. He’s definitely been Washington’s weakest defender at even strength when it comes to scoring chances, but at 50% it doesn’t seem that bad. You have to look at the on-ice save percentage to get a real feel for how much he drags the defense down. When he is on the ice, the Caps’ even-strength scoring chance save percentage (say that three times fast) is .688. When he is off the ice, it is a robust .855. The chances of that being due to bad luck alone is about 200 to 1. Now, if injuries caused him to get anywhere near a consistent 10-12 minutes a game, then yes, start stocking up on canned goods.

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Alright, friends. If you’ve got a question for us about the Monte Carlo machine, Alex Ovechkin’s sticks, or which root beers do not have caffeine, fire away!

  • JP

    Is it still a good idea (for the team & for Ovi) for Ovi to be Captain?

  • J.P.

    “Close, but not quite yet, although most fans would rather face an army of zombies armed with only a loaf of bread and a hula hoop than see Sloan get much ice time”

    That’s soooo funny ‘cuz it’s soooo freakin’ true!

    Oh, and I must strenuously object (and I mean strenuously, dammit!) to anyone else anywhere in the world posting to message boards using MY initials. See post #1. Did I mention strenuously? Please delete first poster’s comment, and then delete his social security number, his credit card accounts, myspacefacebookblogspotwebrything and send the black helicopters to disenfranchise him from his DNA. Thanks!!

  • Sarah

    Gonzo = great beer choice, Peter!

  • sara bae

    i nominate perrault for captain of the season! ovi this year, meehh…not so much.

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