No reason to trash the Pens or Pittsburgh, especially since they have two cups.

Go Caps!

That said, put a deck in it for hating on Pittsburgh with that ill-informed hot mess of ignance. Rename it if you want, but the reality won’t change: it’s the city with a team you love to hate so much while we shake our heads ’cause it ain’t even that serious. I don’t even think we hate the Capitals; I think we hate that people have the audacity to suggest you’re a team to be taken seriously in the clutch when all evidence points to the contrary. We save hate for teams that have done something like, you know, the Flyers. You’re making us feel like Regina George, Doug. Why are you so obsessed with me?

Kindly forgive me for not fawning over DC and its various outstanding qualities, but if you have to resort to taking absurd and flat-out phony-ass digs at a city, you’re scrapin’ the bottom of the barrel. I won’t engage in that kind of mess, despite DC having its very obvious problems. Like Beyoncé once said, my mama taught me better than that.

Besides, the Capitals give me enough material to work with that I don’t have to get desperate and sink my teeth into anything outside the Verizon Center.