Sens beat Caps 5-2, Ovechkin on the Shelf

There’s not much to say, really. The Washington Capitals got their asses kicked thoroughly by the Ottawa Senators.

Erik Karlsson went five-hole on Tomas Vokou to make it 1-0, and Milan Michalek beat Dennis Wideman to make it 2-0.  Number three was Michalek again, who tipped a power play shot to make it 3-0. On another power play, Chris Phillips made it 4-0.

The Caps got serious in the third. John Carlson broke the shutout, and Matty Perreault deflected in a goal off his pretty French Canadian face. But Nick Foligno secured the empty netter. Sens beat Caps 5-2.

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Video: Caps Fans Mourn for the Good Times

Ted Leonsis called the Capitals’ 5-0 loss to the Hurricanes on Monday the “worst game of the season” and “unacceptable.” It’s hard to disagree; we’re bummed too.

And judging by their YouTube contributions of late, the general Caps fanbase is just as forlorn. Gone are the days of the raucous pump-up videos, brimming with glove-kissing Ovi goals and soundtracked by some awful nu-metal bands that you hear at the gym. Instead, we’ve got these solemn remembrances of happier days gone by— as if Washington’s ability to scoar moar goals died in a drunk-driving accident and this is the public-service announcement.

Greendayghostgirl‘s work is one such video. “Amazing Grace” plays throughout, contrasting sharply with the joy of the images. It ends on a hopeful if heart-heavy note: Believe. Which is just another way of saying Crash the net.

S/T to @GoodSasha28.

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Trade: Antoine Vermette to Phoenix

According to TSN’s Bob McKenzie, the Columbus Blue Jackets have traded center Antoine Vermette to the Phoenix Coyotes for goalie Curtis McElhinney, a 2012 second-round and a 2013 fifth-round draft pick.

Vermette has a cap hit of $3,750,000 and had been projected as a possible option for the Caps themselves, likely because he has a pulse and the letter “C” in his player bio, but we’d remind you that there is certainly another center on the Blue Jackets that seems to be very much up for grabs. Vermette will instead now be providing center depth to a team filling holes for the postseason, while Columbus will presumably gain some breathing room in net from the acquisition of McBackup McElhinney.

We don’t want to jump to conclusions, but this may be an indication that the  Blue Jackets aren’t going to try to make a run for the playoffs this year.

Ottawa Senators Pregame: The Post Apocalypse

Kathy Kmonicek

Here’s Doug Johnson of Puck Buddys with your pregame report. Follow @PuckBuddys.

The Pregame: Well, hello you! Pollyanna Sunshine, reporting for duty! And here’s my colleague, Peppy Miller! Rah Team!

OK, glum-dums. Tides have a way of turning. Or so Barbara Streisand tells me. Sure, watching the Capitals this season has been exactly like watching the tides rush in and out, depositing a fresh crop of flotsam and hope on the shore at high tide before sucking it all back out to sea, leaving behind dead jellyfish and despair. But…

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Trade: Steve Downie Somehow Turns Into a First-Round Pick

If we had entitled this “Steve Downie Involved in Three-Way”, you never would have clicked on it, but that’s exactly what happened this afternoon. According to TSN’s Bob McKenzie, Tampa Bay has traded Steve Downie to the Colorado Avalanche for defenseman Kyle Quincey, and then traded Kyle Quincey to the Detroit Red Wings for a first-round draft pick and prospect Sebastien Piche.

Steve Downie has a cap hit of $1,850,000 and will bring with him his charming personality and 121 season penalty minutes, while the Detroit has acquired Quincey and his $3,125,000 cap hit, who they originally drafted in 2003, and lost on waivers in 2008.

We’re obviously very broken up about Steve Downie leaving the division and will deeply miss seeing his face six times a year. We’ll make it through this somehow. The real question is, who’s going to tell Semyon Varlamov about his new teammate?

While the Capitals were busy looking for answers after getting flat-out embarrassed by division rival Carolina 5-0, across the globe Russia’s most popular sports magazine was preparing to remind them what’s in their future in high-quality, glossy color. 19-year-old Caps prospect Evgeny Kuznetsov was chosen to be the cover athlete for PROsport Magazine’s March issue, which officially hit the newsstands on Monday.

Kuznetsov, who can be seen gazing back vulnerably at the reader, is wrapped in both a fashionable wool hat and tan scarf in the artistic cover. The publication also did a feature story on Zhenya to go along with the photos and described it as such:

At the age of 19, [Kuznetsov] became the brightest of the KHL’s new stars. Many think that he will put on a show in another league, but guys from the ChTZ District are never in a hurry and don’t ask anyone for anything. They just come and take what’s theirs.

In the accompany article, Kuznetsov reveals that he’d continue playing hockey in Russia if a team offered him a 10-year deal. He also says that, “I talked with Washington this season, now there is a pause. Tractor has made an offer, but I’m still waiting.” Fun.

Below the jump, check out a humorous behind-the-scenes video of Kuznetsov’s shoot, and the photos inside of PROsport’s March issue.

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Video: Florida’s Matt Bradley Hurt After Colliding with Glass

Photo credit: Gary I. Rothstein

During Sunday’s game between the Florida Panthers and Anaheim Ducks, former Capitals player (and fan favorite) Matt Bradley suffered what appears to be a significant injury.

During the second period, Anaheim’s George Parros apparently leveled Bradley at center ice with a high shoulder hit. Bradley attempted to hit Parros into the boards in retaliation a few seconds later. Parros slowed to avoid the hit, causing Bradley to collide with the glass headfirst. Bradley was unable to continue playing and required help off the ice and into the locker room. He did not return to the game.

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Four Fictional Hockey Teams That Could Beat the Capitals

Karl B DeBlaker

Photo credit: Karl B DeBlaker

Over one thousand posts and we’ve never seen the Caps this bad. After watching them get wiped out by the singular wretchedness that is the Carolina Hurricanes, we realized that any unit of hockey players anywhere in the world could have beaten our boys in this one. The entire intramural team at Colgate could get brainerd diarrhea and still mollywhop Alex and company. The 1974 Caps coulda shut ‘em down. Probably the ’73 team, too. So we had to wonder…

What fictional hockey teams could have beaten the Caps tonight?

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Canes beat Caps 5-0

You thought you’ve been through the hard times already, right? Wrong.

The Washington Capitals’ pathetic bumbling against the Carolina Hurricanes was their worst performance that I’ve had the dubious honor of documenting. This was the kind of game that costs people their jobs. Or at least it should.

No goal summary for you. Hurricanes beat Caps.

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Carolina Hurricanes Pregame: The Etymology of “Berth”

The Puck Buddys have the night off to pamper their new greyhound puppy. So instead, here’s me!

The Washington Capitals are running out of time to earn a playoff berth. Berth is a weird word. It just means anchor, but it sounds a lot more… obstetrical. Like once you clench a berth, you are supposed to take a hot shower and replace electrolytes.

Stuff is looking dire for the Caps, but here’s a spot of good news: they get to play the Carolina Hurricanes on Monday! With a 22-26-11 record, the ‘Canes are the worst team in the eastern conference and the closest thing our team will have to a sure thing from here until April.

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