New York Islanders Pregame: They’re Still Horrible

Here’s Doug Johnson with your pregame report. Read PuckBuddys and then follow ‘em on Twitter.

“What Wha?” There are some things that just aren’t said aloud.

  • Example #1: Oprah is a Fraud. Yeah, she could buy the Nepalese army to storm my house, or hot-wire the RMNB site for combustion, just ’cause I said it. Yet it’s true. Oprah Winfrey is, as we speak, today and into the future, a total fraud.
  • Example #2: Our Politics are a Farce. Do we really need to gut this beast further to illustrate that point? Anyone who thinks our civic culture is robust, please hold your head underwater for five minutes. Questions?
  • Example #3: Caps…Leading the Southeast?! Eighth in the Eastern? And *shudder* five points behind Ottawa? I’m not sure when we signed up to write fiction, but apparently that is now.

The Puck Drop

The PuckBuddys were lucky enough to have seats for Sunday’s game. You know, the one where we shut the Maple Leafs down? Where Sasha, Brooksie and Chim-dog – with Perrault and Ward and the rest – totally took down Toronto? Where Goofstafson Gustafson got tricked out of his net? Where the big oaf next to us spilled mustard down our jackets?  Yeah, good times.

Here’s where it’s at: 13 games left. Are you triskaidekaphobic? Then hide your head under your pillow for Tuesday night, ’cause we’re bringin’ it:

Why We, And Only We, Are Hot

1: New Vee. Or Neuvy! Or however they spell it in the land that brought us Bel Ami. Michal Neuvirth totally has Coach Hunter’s hot hand lately, and is responding in kind. First: we still believe Tomáš Vokoun is among the best in the NHL, whatever Coach Yelly thinks. (Hunter doesn’t so much yell, as punch in the throat.)  But Neuvy is responding like a champion. He’s been a little head-casey in the past, but we say he’s got it working.  And if he doesn’t, we have one of the best ever ready…if only Coach ThroatPunch will put him in. (HINT: PUT HIM IN.)

2: Who Cares? Funny thing, Sasha does. Once and for the last time, all you anti-Seminites, go stand in the corner. With a funny hat. Singing “I’m a little dorkpot…” Alexander Semin continues to stand up, helping his team and looking sharp on his toes. Who cares? Sasha does.

Why people should not have tattoos

3: R U Serious? Everybody, right now; everyone who didn’t see this video, just stop everything and watch right now. Now. Watch Now! We have nothing further to offer. Matty? Hendy? *sigh*

4: Stats Be Damned. We’ve lost more to the Fishsticks than we’ve won this season. They’ve out-shot us. Our powerplay is weak. Despite winning many more recently than losing, we still stink on the road. Blah blah blah. The PuckBuddys, having predicted accurately the last three games say pshaw to your stupid stats.

You know who they are; so do we. At this point we all know their weaknesses. There’s nothing left but to do it.

Mites On Ice

OK, of all the teams we love to hate, the Islanders are our favorite. And by favorite, we mean, easiest to loathe.

But… but our hearts of stone were melted the other night, watching mitey mite someone make a run down the ice to pop the puck in the net. He couldn’t have been six, and yet he was ever inch a hero.

Still hot with his shirt on

Capitals: be our heroes.

The OT: Haha! We didn’t include one shirtless hockey player photo!

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  • CDizz

    I feel like I have to be high or drunk to follow these pregames…good thing it’s already 10am!

  • Kath

    Enjoyed this.  Made me smile.  Thanks.