Philadelphia Flyers Pregame: Bolshy Bratchny Flyers

Here’s Doug Johnson of the Puck Buddys with a spot of the ol’ superviolence. Pull up a chair at the milk bar and follow the Buddys on Twitter.

Here’s The Choodesny Pregamey: Viddy viddy, me droogies! Wellity wellity wellity well. A dorogoy game we face then, contra the Chepooka Flyers, is it? And in their gloopy domy on top, is it? Capsity-wapts fans, prepare to creetch yer yarbles biddy biddy well, and poddy thisity this: me droogs are well placed to land the tolchuks to the gulliwats and gullivers of any groody Flyer that skates with us.

To all the horrowshow krovvy to flow!

And Now Back To Sanity: So we – as in PuckBuddyCraig – were struck this morning, amid the fog and shadows, to invoke St. Stanley Kubrick and “A Clockwork Orange” for this pregame. ‘Cause, you know… orange. Flyers. Uh-huh.

So a dorogoy post – and game – it is. And yet, there may be wisdom here. O my brothers, cutter this well…

“But enough of words, actions speak louder than. Action now. Observe all.”

The Puck Drop: Viddy Wel

O, viddy well mi lewdies, how the Caps took the pain and hurt to the (my) Red Wings (hurrah) without any hesitation. And now, now we move from Motown to Blowtown. Philadelphia.

We’ve already discussed at length the global calamity that is Philadelphia. The momentary catastrophe. The searing fact that, should the U.S. Eastern Coast be threatened by any natural threat, Philadelphia would be the first zombie/dark box/experimental slime mold of human DNA, offered up to pointers of what went wrong with humanity. Assuming that humans actually could endure the poisonous slop that was/is/will be Philadelphia. And of course, isolate it.

Memo to Philly: you know you blow dry, or suck rachety oily with suckness, so stop pretending. Oh… you know exactly what I mean, Swan Princess.

Do we really have to say his outloud? That the Flyers are, even considering the Pens and the Ducks, THE worst, most vile de village team ever…well, smasz yer yarlballs at what we viddy? Apparently, dumdum boychicks.

Rozz Dat: Why We’re Hot

1, 2 and 3: Uh-Nuh! So here it is; everyone from the Caps organization playing ‘What comes tomorrow?’ and other contorata chumbley-mumble coming from the Puckgnoscentti.

Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka! (Alex and Alex will be scandalized.)

Here’s why we’re hot. Been following RMNB’s track of late? That’s why. We’re honestly tired beyond words of repeating the mouth-dry-tongued insight that comes from our RMNB overlords and commentators.

Ovi. Sasha. Orlov. Move on.

Or insert your favorite Caps player name here. Yawn.

We’ve Got This, eh?

So we’re so not pandering with silly photos of hot hockey players or RMNB graphic off-site library hotties. Because, you dogs, you don’t want to see he-men in your pics. Or do you? Really?

Admit it or not, flesh comes with awareness. Man or woman, defensive or offensive, short or tall or gay or straight; hockey can only be spelled with 6 letters.

H. O. C. K. E. Y.

And that’s what it comes down to. CAPS DEFENSE; CAPS MUST WIN OFFENSE.

Oh, Lord.

  • Guestz

    LT: Gentlemen, which brings me to my next point. Don’t smoke crack.

  • serpent

    Some may require a translation, Doug, but the message is loud and clear to the rest of us.
    Just hope we don’t get Bryzed.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    I am the best photoshopper in the world.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=554970143 Sheena Dunn

    I guess I need to quit reading this at work. I just died laughing from the picture and got lots of dirty looks from people….oops.

  • Stevewozniak0418

    I know you guys are smarter than most of us. You don’t need to prove it with every post…please just offer simple, often witty, analysis of our boys. I don’t like reading posts and having to go to wiki or dictionary.com every 2 lines. Gives me a headache…otherwise, great job.

  • Definitely not Peter

    You’d think the Woz would be cool with this kinda stuff.

  • Stevewozniak0418

    Cool with it, most def. :) However, I prefer reading things that are mindless when it comes my boys in red. The team hurts my brain enough, this season anyway. What do I know? I got kicked off of Dancing with the Stars the same week as Holly Madison. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Pretty sure Definitely not Peter is Peter.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tylerduchaine Tyler Duchaine

    Brilliant work, as always. Although, after mulling through clips of the film, it’s hard to ignore Alex Semin’s more-than-a-little-bit-striking resemblance to Alex DeLarge, which makes the choice of using Ovi in the picture slightly less favorable in my most humble opinion of opinions. Only slightly, though. Only slightly. KNUBLE THE NET.

  • Anonymous

     I respectfully disagree sir.

    My portfolio speaks for itself.

  • http://twitter.com/thelastgoodnite greta arnold

    this is perfect.

  • Puckbuddy Doug

    Sorry. We’ll keep it well-tempered from here. 

  • Alex

    End of the 1st period. Ovi had a real horrorshow goal.

  • Puckbuddys

    Ian and Peter are the best.