Watch Out For: The Bruins Bear

Ed. note: We’re gonna prepare you for the Caps-Bruins series from every angle this week.

The playoffs are a physical grind, but we shouldn’t underestimate the psychological dimension either. Remember We are Louder, anyone? For that reason, the Washington Capitals’ upcoming series with the Boston Bruins is kind of daunting. Those guys have psy-ops down pat thanks to their demented, violent mascot, the Bruins Bear.

I’m kind of jealous. The Bruins Hockey Rules commercials are pretty fantastic. In the series, the Bear punishes fans for violating some unspoken code–  like dating a fan of another team in the division…

…or leaving the game early to beat traffic.

Those spots build shared identity for Boston fans, a cohesion they can rely on in the hunt for sixteen wins.

But the Bear isn’t just for policing Boston fans. He’s a world-class troll. Check out these signs targeting Bruins’ opponents.

Never ever date a Flyers fan, even if she shaves her moustache.

In Tampa, "Hat Tricks" are performed at the community center every Monday at 4:30.

We can expect D.C. to be the subject of mockery in coming weeks. That’s okay. We have a sense of humor, right? And besides: we’re freaking D.C. No one can make fun of us better than we can.

But how should we respond? We must be clever, pointed, slightly cruel, and above all– fun. We’ve got the RMNB Brain Trust working on this day and night, but we solicit your opinions as well.

Crash the net.

  • Ana

    That bear’s got his work cut out for him. What could he POSSIBLY say about the Caps that a Caps fan hasn’t said already? 

  • Andi Bigelow

    Hmmm. A few ideas….

    * Target the Boston accent.
    * Go historical.
    * Timmy Thomas vs. Barack Obama

  • Patrick

    I would love to see some giant Obama heads against the the glass on the Boston side during warmup before game 3

  • http://www.facebook.com/bryantpthomas Bryant Thomas

    about the same size as the knuble head at your front page party.

  • Peter

    Shhhhhh

  • TerraNet360

    Yeah, ok the commercials are kind of clever.  But think about it:  Caps fans don’t require the threat of mauling by a* bear* to get them to respect the jersey (or not tuck it in for that matter), not kick in the pillars of the VC, or how to stand in line for the toilet (see the respective Bruins Rules videos). 

    Further, have you ever heard the music they play at the Garden?  OMG — talk about total flashback to a regrettable era of awful hair bands.  The mullet per capita of the Garden must be off the charts…

    In sum: The most of them, they’re heathens. Boors. Neanderthals.  Orcs. The northern version of the NASCAR fan (with due apologies to NASCAR fans.) 

    The lot should be pitied for their misguidance and suffering.

  • Katzistan

    Oh this is a great idea. I could see the entire lower bowl full of Obama paraphernalia during warmup. I’m in. (As long as we’re not down 2-0.)

  • Guestzs

    Thomas v Obama is a great idea. 

  • Rhino40

     “USA Prime Credit this is Peggy I help you?”

  • Guest

    I went to a Caps-Bruins game in Boston the other day because I unfortunately live up here.  Those fans really do love their team a lot.

    I am pretty sure they stole the idea for the “punishing bear” from these funny Thai commercials: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X21mJh6j9i4

    Maybe we could re-adapt a similar set of funny commercials, it would be an easier place to start.

  • Jozxyqk

    The fact that woman from Boston look just like that bear?

  • Hesrabi

    That bear looks straight out of the Conan masturbating bear skits…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9MphE0gtRs 

  • Guest

    FYI panda commercials are from Egypt, not Thailand.

  • http://twitter.com/mrh61988 Mike H.

    Just show Timmy Thomas falling on his ass from the shootout last week. That’s embarrassment enough. 

    http://www.homermcfanboy.com/images/Hendricks032912.gif 

  • Derek

    The state of Massachusetts pretty much makes fun of itself.   
    The Departed, The Fighter, etc., between violence and that stupid accent, its a comedic goldmine.

  • Recinos

    man……..

    FU%K CHOWDER!  

  • Photoshop Guy

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6ovXnZcb_A

    This should play in the Verizon Center after ever Cap’s goal

  • serpent

    Some signs reading something like “Yeah, yeah, we know…but we’re gonna beat your butts, anyway.”

  • Photoshop Guy

    *every. durp

  • GovtMinion

    *B’s fan going into hiding over the next two weeks*

    Parting laugh for you all to share. How do you beat Tim Thomas? Load up on left wingers and he’ll storm off the ice in a huff.

    …go B’s, and please no one kick my ass for this series, please? :/

  • Photoshop Guy

    We have to do something around the whole “Tim Thomas won’t show up especially if there are a bunch of left wingers crowding the net” joke.

  • Photoshop Guy

    I created this as some kinda starting point for signs, photoshops of Bruins players, etc. 

  • scott

    someone needs to stand around on the bruins end during warm ups with this pic blown  up on the glass http://www.bostonsbettah.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Tim-THomas-Beat.jpg