There is no defining Alex Semin. Many men have tried and gone mad in the attempt.
This season, though, Matt Bradley helped us out by distilling the thousands of questions about Semin into only one: Does Sasha care? We spent the rest of the season trying to find the answer, helped by scientific bar graphs, endearing drawings, and caps-locked hashtags. Yet here we are in what could be the last few days of Semin’s career with the Capitals, and we still don’t have the answer. Does Sasha really care? Perhaps we’ll never know.
Cap Hit: $6.7 M. Alex Semin is UFA on July 1st.
Best Moment: Scoring both the first goal of the season and the goal to clinch the Caps a spot in the playoffs.
Things We Said About Alex Semin: “#SASHACARES”; “Oh look, an offensive-zone stick penalty.”
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
First Irrelevant Google Images Result:
Media Consensus: Everyone else: “ENIGMATIC.” Mike Milbury: “It’s because he’s Russian.”
Spirit Animal: Alex Semin.
Sasha is his own spirit animal.
Alternate Universe Superhero Identity: The Enigma
Notable Invasions of Personal Space: This year, Semin didn’t sit on as many people, but he did get close with Ovechkin in a goal celebration, play around at practice, and express his affection for Mike Green.
Team Role: Elite scorer, dynamic top-six player.
Execution of that Role: Alex Semin’s news cycle got started way ahead of the season, when former Cap Matt Bradley gave a frank interview about his effort level that quickly created an all-out media discussion of the same. Semin did an rare English interview that counteracted some of that, but it was another up and down season for #28. He started very, very slowly, with five goals in his first 27 games, but then finally began scoring steadily in the second half of the season. The good moments were dazzling, as always, and Semin was able to show some real defensive commitment as well. He once again failed to reach the heights we have seen in previous seasons, though he was not playing in a system that made it easy for him to do so.
Postseason Performance: Semin had a good first round, tallying three goals against the Bruins in a tight, low-scoring series. Then, in the second round, he had just one assist. We’re almost glad the Caps didn’t make it into the third round, he might have vanished from sight altogether.
Semin chose to go with the controversial “don’t grow a beard at all” strategy. N/A.
Likeliness to Return: Three out of ten. Alex Semin is an elite UFA this offseason, and there are mixed messages as to whether or not he’ll consider an offer from the Caps. Do we want him to? Tough call. Semin is one of those guys who makes you think that if you could just harness that pure offensive talent, you could win Stanley Cups until the end of time. So tempting — and besides, we’ve gotten used to having that guy around, we’d miss him.
Usefulness in a Post-Apocalyptic Setting: You know, it’s…hard to say. Perhaps the fear of being eaten by zombies will motivate Sasha like nothing else has ever been able to. ???? out of ten.
Greatest Semin Interview of the Season: This chat with Jill Sorensen, wherein vital questions were answered, such as whether Sasha’s shoes were comfortable, and whether or not he was going to smile.
Other: His facial expressions have got to be worth $1 M alone.
Overall Year-End Rating: ??????