7/4 Update: It’s finally over! Both Parise and Suter have signed with the Wild for $98 million each.

Here’s a commercial featuring the man single-handedly holding Free Agency hostage, Zach Parise. He talks to ice skates, and drives cars over the edge of cliffs, but at least he’s not a coach killer!

S/T to @SternumNews for tweeting the video to us.

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