Ovi after he got pie’d in the face last year on his birthday. (Photo credit: Chris Gordon)
Fellow RMNB’ers, mark your calendars! In exactly one week, Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin will turn 27 years-old.
To celebrate the occasion, we’d like to continue a tradition we started a few years ago wherein you, our faithful and slightly demented readers, make homemade birthday cards for the Russian machine himself.
The guidelines are pretty simple: using Microsoft Paint or any other primitive graphic program (Photoshop isn’t cheating, but it’s frowned upon), make a birthday card for Ovechkin. Here are some past examples. You can even draw him a pretty picture, glue on some macaroni elbows, or write him a poem. Consider including the following topics when composing your card: a) Alex will be spending his birthday in Russia this year; b) Alex Ovechkin is the ee cummings of Twitter; c) nachos; d) Alex Ovechkin’s biggest accomplishment over the summer was watching tennis; e) think of the best possible places for Alex to make party. If possible, please also demonstrate that you are an intelligent and cultured person whose work might be posted on a website that has child readers.
Once you think you’re done, send your submissions, either by attachment or in a link, to firstname.lastname@example.org. Use the subject line “Ovi’s Birthday Card”. Please, if at all possible, save out your images as a jpg, gif, or png, and keep the size under 100kb.
We will accept submissions only up until noon on Sunday. That night, I will then put all of your cards into a post and then try to think of something funny to say under each. On Monday, we will share the submissions with the world (and Ovi) and present our own card. We’re also going to try something new and hold a vote on our Facebook Fanpage (which you should already be following) to see which card you think is the best. If there are any entries that go above and beyond, we will award a yet-to-be-determined prize.
So there you go. Go to work. You’ve got a week advanced notice. Make us proud!
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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