Last week, Ted Leonsis spread his wings by launching Monumental Network, a site  to aggregate all the Caps, Wizards, Mystics, and Verizon Center coverage his company produces. They’ve got original reporting and a network of blogs to cover the living heck out of each team.

Earlier this week, Casey Phillips, Monumental’s digital correspondent crowded in on RMNB’s beat with a story that we should have had. After Cosmopolitan Magazine named Mike Green the sexiest player in the NHL, the Monumental crew asked the team who they thought was truly the most handsome guy around.

The answers will amaze you. Or maybe they won’t. I mean, you know they’re gonna say Brooks, right?

Jason Chimera

“I’m pretty good looking. My line-mate Joel Ward’s a good looking guy. Mike Ribeiro’s a good looking guy. …I don’t think any of our team is good looking.”

Chimera's Picks

Jay Beagle

“I think Joey Crabb should take his place. Um, Mike Green’s a good looking guy, don’t get me wrong, but I think Crabber could give him a run for his money.”

Beagle's Pick

Eric Fehr

“I think in the top 30 they should have Braden Holtby. He’s a real sharp young lad. He dresses the part. You know he’s a real good looking guy.”

Fehr's pick

Joel Ward

“I would just like to see who’s writing that stuff.”

bettman

Braden Holtby

“I think Greenie fits the part well. Dresses really well, has a nice style too. He’s got some good looking tattoos and whatnot. He definitely deserves that [honor].”

Mike Green Michal Neuvirth-0167

John Carlson

“[Mike Green’s] definitely a good looking guy yeah.”

Mike Green Michal Neuvirth-9837

Mike Green

“Prolly the pretty boy Brooks Laich. All the girls seem to like him.”

brooks-laich-winking

Is anyone else surprised it took that long before someone named Brooks?

  • Lisa

    While Mike’s new scruffy look favors him, I don’t see how he even broke the top 50 players before Brooks did. He’s classically handsome. I might be biased because Mike Green’s intelligence seems … lower than .. most people.

  • Lisa
  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland
  • http://twitter.com/kittileen EileenDaileyLucas

    I don’t see what the big fuss is over Brooks. I definitely think Mike Green is better looking…along with Mathieu Perreault, Braden Holtby, Tomas Kundratek…and even though I’m not really big on blonds, Joey Crabb is better looking than Laich..

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    You have offended me. I demand satisfaction.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    #Crabber

  • http://twitter.com/Dara_Laine Dara Goldberg

    He’s not even the best looking player on the caps, how is he the hottest player in the NHL?

  • Capsfan

    Brooksy is by far the best looking guy on the Caps! His blue eyes are so sexy!

  • http://twitter.com/annielockyer Annie Lockyer

    Some of us cattle like machine men with machine hearts and machine minds. I mean, have you seen his pantry? Also, Laich is a ginger, not a blond.

    Also, this study explains the baffling phenomenon of certain women preferring greener over laich and why. It’s science.

    http://evolution.anthro.univie.ac.at/institutes/urbanethology/resources/articles/articles/publications/146-2000-MaleFacialAttractivenessHormonMediatedAdaptiveDesign.pdf

  • http://twitter.com/kittileen EileenDaileyLucas

    Guess you can please all of the people all of the time!!

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    hahah

  • http://twitter.com/annielockyer Annie Lockyer

    Some of us cattle like machine men with machine hearts and machine minds. I mean, have you seen his pantry? Also, Laich is a ginger, not a blond.

    Also, this study explains the baffling phenomenon of certain women preferring greener over laich. It’s science.

    http://evolution.anthro.univie.ac.at/institutes/urbanethology/resources/articles/articles/publications/146-2000-MaleFacialAttractivenessHormonMediatedAdaptiveDesign.pdf

  • PuckBuddyDoug

    I say the PuckBuddys get a vote.

  • CT

    Green only got it because Mike Ricci retired.

  • http://twitter.com/Carys_Aurora Carys Aurora

    What about Nicky… my 9 year has a major crush on him. Also Marcus, very very cute.

  • http://twitter.com/kittileen EileenDaileyLucas

    I have eyes…I know that Laich isn’t blond…Joey Crabb, however is and that’s who I was calling blond. Re-read what I wrote…..

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    crucial contribution to the conversation– let’s get academic on this ish

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    You may vote so long as you vote for Brooks.

  • http://twitter.com/_Starlet_ Starlet Smith

    100% Mathieu Perreault! And why not, I’ll give #Crabber a vote. But please, let us not forget the not-yet-mentioned Carlzner or Backstrom. Honestly though, the list is endless. There’s not point in trying to decide who the most attractive player on the Caps is…let’s just say the Caps are the most attractive team in the NHL and call it a day!

  • http://twitter.com/kittileen EileenDaileyLucas

    I agree that Mathieu Perreault is the best looking on the team!! In the NHL…I’d say Jose Theodore or Henrik Lundqvist!

  • http://twitter.com/annielockyer Annie Lockyer

    Just did, you’re right.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    You people are crazy. Perreault is like 4’6″

  • Laguna

    Brooks is so physically beautiful it makes me feel funny staring at him. Not funny haha but funny in the lady parts #amirteladies?

  • http://twitter.com/annielockyer Annie Lockyer

    Yes please. Getting academic on this ish was the only way for my friends and I to let this argument die. It also reveals the fascinating (to me) conclusion that the increased prevalence of hormonal birth control creates evolutionary pressure that within a few generations will make pointy faced gingers extinct. Brooks Laichs are a dying breed.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    amen sister

  • http://www.facebook.com/peter.robbio Peter Robbio

    Not so sexy…

  • http://twitter.com/AmandaReportsDC Amanda Sansone

    While I would agree with Peter that Brooks is certainly the most attractive Capital (and also one of the more intelligent and useful guys), does no one even consider Troy Brouwer? He’s like the poor-man’s Alcide. The Brouwer Rangers would probably agree.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    I’ll admit Troy’s got two things going for him: those big black eyes and a good jawline. But Brooksy has a poet’s soul.

  • Capital Punishment

    Did the Puck Buddies hack Peter’s profile?

  • http://twitter.com/Dara_Laine Dara Goldberg

    I’ve seen studies like this about the way men smell, their voices, behavioral displays, etc. However, I feel like cases can be made for either one. Periods and birth control change everything though, crazy stuff.

    Also, gingers becoming extinct? Correct me if I’m wrong, but the science is fuzzy on that one. True, red hair is recessive so it’s harder to get a red head and there are fewer of them out there, but red heads will most likely never disappear completely. Which means (thankfully!) that beautiful strawberry blonde boys like Brooks will still be around for a while.

  • Ilya Bryzgalov

    go look at george washington on a dollar bill and then go look at brooks laich…. that is all i am going to say

  • Ilya Bryzgalov

    yeah! matty p is not cure in the face either! haha “karlzner” is one hot ginger!

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    I dunno about half of that equation, but I implore everyone: don’t sleep on Karl A

  • http://twitter.com/AmandaReportsDC Amanda Sansone

    And very soft hands. Literally and figuratively.

  • http://twitter.com/afgbruins21 Arian

    I think that’s just Peter.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Yup.

  • PuckBuddyDoug

    No. If so, you would have seen much more Sasha (or Jose Theodore.) Or just drop by PuckBuddys, I’m sure we’re peddling something.

  • Ian Hopper

    Chimmer needs his eyes checked. Ribeiro looks like an extra from Breaking Bad.

  • http://twitter.com/cesy1212 Cesy Avon

    Also, based on their article, they went with a broad definition of “hot” that included personality as well as looks, in which case why wasn’t Ovi on the list for his hockey?

  • mucha563

    I miss looking at Jose Theodore. One time I saw him at a store and I acted like a child looking at him between the racks and sneaking a picture. I was too shy to actually talk to him.

  • serpent

    Oh, my! vertical measurement has little to do with it,hon. As a shorty myself, it’s sweet to be able to check out warm brown eyes without getting a crick in your neck.