Important: John Carlson Has Cut His Hair

John Carlson has had an ugly season. Sure, he’s got the third-worst goals-against count in the league, but that’s not the true source of the ugliness. No, we’re talking about the untamed tresses flowing down Carlson’s back. The hairstyle that says, “whatever, I’m a pro-hockey player and I can totally pull this off– no don’t look at Brooks look over here please.” We’re talking about this:

Oh thank god that’s over now.

I think he looks sharp now! Like Samson in reverse, the haircut pretty much guarantees big performances from JC74 coming up.

But it’s time to give those lovely locks one last goodbye.

carly-back

carlyhair

GIF by ilaichorlov

Goodnight, sweet prince(ly hairstyle). And flights of Jeff Buckleys sing thee to thy sleep.

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  • Akay15

    Agh good that salad was distracting.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    I have been informed that my “reverse Samson” line was made earlier by two RMNB readers. I regret the blatant plagiarism and intellectual theft and probably might not do it again.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    what is a “reverse Samson” – like I literally have no idea

  • Akay15

    In the Bible, Samson was a man whose incredible strength came from his hair. When it was cut, he became extremely weak and lost his power.

  • Kate

    God bless the person who cut his hair.

  • Clare

    you better NOT do it again! that was the greatest joke I’ve ever made!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sabrina.e.hicks Sabrina Hicks

    In the Bible, Samson had supernatural strength…as long as he had long hair. Cut the hair/lose the strength. Thus for Carlson, he’s saying “reverse Samson”: cut the hair, get the power back.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samson

  • http://www.facebook.com/sabrina.e.hicks Sabrina Hicks

    sorry Akay15…i hit “post” after you!

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    RMNBible study

  • http://twitter.com/VeggieTart Danielle

    Thank goodness. Who convinced him to get his mop chopped? Because that person deserves a big ol’ hug of thanks.

  • Farhan Khan

    you call this journalism? This is the stuff I don’t like about RMNB.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    We try to cover both the silly and the serious. I know that means some stories aren’t going to be everybody’s cuppa tea, but I wanna make sure all kinds of fans have a space here. I’m really sorry this one story turned you off, and I appreciate you writing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/derek.eklund Derek Eklund

    I feel like in dark times (i.e. the 2013 Caps season) the funny stuff is what gets me through it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/derek.eklund Derek Eklund

    My sister was freaking out over Carlson’s and Green’s hair this season. I think it looks badass when the players let it go.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sabrina.e.hicks Sabrina Hicks

    dang: i should have written: “cut the hair, get the fury back.”

  • http://www.calacirian.org sonja n a

    Thank goodness!! I’ve been waiting for this all (short) season.

  • Hockeynightincanada

    @Farhan, this is a blog, not a newspaper. As a regular poster at CSN and WaPo., I recommend CSN if you want only journalistic stuff. The WaPost sucks.

    I like RMNB for the very reason they post humorous things. Very few things hockey related give me laughs as good as this.

  • Dark Stranger

    It seems the new hair cut is having mixed reviews (between the comments here and my Twitter Feed). At least he’s left some hair, as opposed to the buzz cut that he had 2 years ago (after losing a bet on the WJC results). Must confess to not being a fan of the buzz cut.

  • Hockeynightincanada

    Two immediate Caps hairstyles that come to mind are Chris Simon and Al Iafrate.

  • Hockeynightincanada

    Who finishes with more points tomorrow night? Semin or Brouwer?

    Who is the first to flip off the other? Semin or Brouwer?

  • sean

    I think doing a story on a blind baby rhino and his puppy friends would count as real journalism.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett
  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    YES

  • http://www.facebook.com/Andy.Wallace.839 Andy Wallace

    This is a blog about EVERYTHING Caps… Hell if they could find out what a player eats for breakfast one morning I wouldn’t have a problem with them writing a piece about it.

  • Clare

    ian I literally explained this to you weeks ago

  • Yv

    Hopefully, Mike Green will be next. He really need to cut his hair and good shave to be sharp on ice as he was couple years ago.

  • serpent

    I’m with you on this one ,Derek.

  • leaveittobeagle

    thank god, he was looking way too hippy

  • chris

    I’ve nothing against long hair but I was calling him Joanie Carlson since the start of the season.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sabrina.e.hicks Sabrina Hicks

    Carlson scores in the 3rd! no Samson worries….