jeff-schultz-hows-the-wood-sid2

I saw this on eBay and I just had to have it. Capitals Sport & Decor, a memorabilia shop at Dulles Town Center, sometimes hosts signings with Washington Capitals players. They put up some of their extra signed merchandise up on eBay, and that’s where I unearthed this gem. It’s a signed 16 x 20 photo of Capitals defenseman Jeff Schultz checking Sidney Crosby down to the ice. Schultz’s signature is at bottom. To the left is an inscription that reads, “Hows the Wood Sid!”

I repeat: “Hows the Wood Sid!”

This is problematic for me. First, there should be a comma after wood to set off the direct address. Second, how’s is a contraction of how is, and should have an apostrophe. The exclamation instead of a question mark I’m gonna let slide on stylistic grounds.

…and, oh yeah, what the actual hell does “Hows the Wood Sid!” mean?

Other offerings from Capitals Sport & Decor are similarly inscribed. For example, Brooks Laich tells Sid to “Sit Down” and “Can’t Catch Me.” It seems like there’s a cottage industry of Sharpie-drawn trash talk that we’re just now discovering. More please.

jeff-schultz-hows-the-wood-sid

Tagged with:
 
  • Clare

    really, ian? correcting a hockey player’s grammar? for shame

  • Sidewinder8

    Can we really be sure that Jeff Schultz is a hockey player?

  • Swisscheesedefense

    Jeff Schultz autograph? I wouldn’t pay him to wash my car… He’d probably stop trying half way through… just like he plays defense.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    I right in hockey blog and udont!!!Q@#W$ER

  • http://www.facebook.com/nodnarbeleets Brandon Steele

    I hate Schultz more than any player ever

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    It was the best 10 dollars I’ve ever spent.

  • CDizz

    ^this

  • http://twitter.com/Wood9074 Marc

    this isnt a real pic anyway……Schultz doesnt hit other players because he is afraid he will hurt them…..

  • http://twitter.com/VeggieTart Danielle

    Or even afraid he will hurt them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/bryan.carnahan.5 Bryan Carnahan

    At the Verizon Center auction table near section 109 they had a framed set of 4 or so photos of Caps players putting hits to Crosby, those photos never get old

  • Wing

    That should say “write”!! And you are correcting someone else’s grammar? Love your hockey site, though!

  • T.K. Jackson

    haha, sometimes sports and irony go well together. this is great. (p.s. been thoroughly enjoying this blog since discovering it during the playoffs last spring, though i haven’t bothered commenting until now)

  • http://twitter.com/Macdilz Sean Mac.

    …painful

  • SC3

    Hows the bottom of the conference Caps!

    -87 Sid

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Thanks for reading, T.K. We’re glad to have you. Now go tell your friends and friends’ friends about us. Yes, I am shameless. :D

  • CapsfanVA

    I have the one with Brooks Laich and I hang it with pride in my living room :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/james.gahagan.1 James Gahagan

    Too bad Shultz devalued an otherwise nice $6 photo. I wonder who even got this? I wouldn’t be able to get a Shultz autograph with a straight face. I bet he rode his bike there. His mom told him to head down to the local men’s big and tall XL store for some new tube socks and he somehow wandered into the mall. Someone had to mistake him for Chara. I don’t know.

  • BigRest

    No pictures of any of those dudes holding the Cup though, huh?

  • BigRest

    “Just ask your girlfriend how my wood is.” – Sid

  • Rhino40

    I consider any image of Sid The Id getting knocked down–whether by Schultz or anyone else–to be worthwhile.

    All kidding aside, folks, I am tired of the unrelenting Schultz-hate everywhere I look. Criticizing his (admittedly flawed) grammar & punctuation is just piling-on. The Caps hired him to be a hockey player, not a copy editor.

    • Are there better defensemen than Jeff Schultz in the NHL? Certainly, but there are worse ones, too.
    • Have I ever wanted to tear my hair out after a glaring Schultz mistake? Of course I have. But I have also had the privilege–and satisfaction–of witnessing the many, many, many times Jeff Schultz has done something right.
    • Is he funny-looking? That is a matter of opinion, and not really relevant to hockey for anyone other than “puck bunnies”. You want matinee-idol handsome? don’t worry–I have a feeling Le Brooksi will be back very soon.
    IMHO, Jeff is a human being who–like all of us–has made mistakes. More than that I feel he may also be a victim of what people expect from a player his size: Admit it folks, when you see a defenseman of above-average size, you judge him by the standard of a Tyler Myers or Zdeno Chara or a Dion Phaneuf, and therefore judge his effectiveness by 1) How many goals he scoars, and 2) How often he “blows up” any opposing skater who comes within striking distance.

    Although these days a defenseman has to scoar a lot of goals to be in the Norris Trophy discussion, it is still possible to be an effective defenseman without laying out highlight-reel hits on a nightly basis.

    I see Jeff Schulz as a mostly sound positional player who skates within himself, and who is–more often than not–effective in his role. Not awesome. Not horrible. Just effective.

    Just my $0.02

  • Pete

    Awww… butthurt Pen’s fan is butthurt

  • http://twitter.com/digiguin brendan

    Butthurt? Theyre just stating facts. Man, you guys are obsessed with us.

  • http://twitter.com/priscillamay1 Priscilla Villanueva

    It’s funny how some fans think this post is about Sid or the Pens. This post is one of those benchmark posts for me. Measure of intelligence. Sort of like how “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” is a benchmark movie. and Top Gun.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Apparently there’s an Erskine one too https://twitter.com/poopenfaust/status/313854429977788418

  • BigRest

    So funny how obsessed the Capitals fans are with Crosby. I feel badly for people who people who loath other people’s success or talent, or in this case both. It’s like obsessed high-school girl crazy when it comes to how some of you are toward Crosby. At this point it’s like the equivalant of the janitors at NASA calling their head astrophysicist stupid.

  • Slapshot

    Spoken by a Pens fan commenting on a Caps blog. “Hello kettle, this is the pot calling. You’re black!”

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    1) The transitive verb is spelled loathe, not loath.
    2) You should know better than to talk astrophysics on RMNB.

  • Slapshot

    Sort of like the Head Astrophysicist with self esteem issues who feels the need to defend his hurt feelings by stammering in middle of the janitors break room. Thanks for removing your head from Sid’s crotch long enough to pontificate about our “obsessions”.

  • Sidewinder8

    Mrs. Schultz? Is that you?

  • BigRest

    If anyone has their faces planted under the man’s nuts, it’s you people who look for any opportunity you can to be “whiney” haters. Talk about “butt hurt feelings”. Pens fans don’t even sweat the Caps any longer. The entire world stopped entertaining the thought if there were even a debate between 8 and 87, but you people behave like you’re trying out for Preparation H sponsorships or something when it comes to Sid.

  • https://twitter.com/Haddaweezy Holy_Cal

    More than Tyler Sloan?!

  • ThereWillBeBlood

    All you Pens fans are like this; arrogant pricks. No wonder you guys are the most hated team in the country. I can agree that the debate over 8 and 87 has dropped over the years, but let me remind you of something. Two years in a row the Pens have been knocked out of the playoffs in the first round, unlike the Caps who made it to the second round.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    “Who?” <—– most common reaction upon reading this comment

  • https://twitter.com/Haddaweezy Holy_Cal

    Sounds about right.

  • Slapshot

    For a member of a fan base that “don’t even sweat the Caps any longer” you sure do find an ample amount of time and energy visiting a blog devoted to a player and a team that is allegedly beneath you. Can we assume by your Preparation H analogy that Ms. Crosby is considered to be a hemorrhoid on the ass of the NHL? Upon your return to Little Sid’s neither region please remember to say “hello” to Mike Milbury. To spend this much time on the Pens second best player ( Malkin, being the top dog), is pointless.

  • Slapshot

    A final PSA for all of our freinds from “beautiful” Western PA. Before you comment on your hockey team, please use rational thought and never ever…….
    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0942385/

  • Slapshot

    Fail, on my behalf. This should be the “you never go full retard” clip. I feel like I’m from Pittsburgh, my apologies (okay, maybe I don’t feel like I’m from Pittsburgh after all).