‘Absoutley Pathetic’: My Night on SportsYapper


As Tuesday’s game against the Carolina Hurricanes got started, I opened up the SportsYapper app on my iPhone. That was my first mistake.

Bombarded by all the commercials and promotions on Comcast SportsNet, I had already downloaded the app but had never been inclined to use it. It seemed like Twitter, just stupider. Maligned by the media and by us, SportsYapper is like the Columbus Blue Jackets of social media. And after a few hours on the service, I can report that I learned nothing. It is exactly what we thought: Twitter, just stupider.

A typical selection of Yapps.

A smattering of Yapps.

“[W]e wished there was a place similar to Twitter or Facebook, but that was just for sports fans while they’re watching the game,” the founders write on their website.

An excellent idea, but we already have an outlet like that. It’s called Twitter or Facebook.

It’s a completely redundant service. Its purpose is already served by more established applications — ones you can access over the web, unlike SportsYapper, which is partially bankrolled by Yankees first basemen Mark Teixeira.

You wonder what kind of person would use SportsYapper. After one night in the Capitals Yapp Zone, I have an idea. He is angry, he is without spellcheck, and he is filled with fervent antagonism towards Mike Green. I counted more than 30 frothing attacks on the former Norris Trophy finalist in the first period alone.

“I’d take Shutz over green any day!” @tmanlee wrote.

“Mike green sounds horrible to my ears. ew” added @mattellison_.

Some, though, defended the 27-year-old — I think.

“Really greens fault wow u ppl r hard on him,” said @charliemadore.

Green, however, would prove the Yappers wrong just minutes later. Early in the second period, Green tallied a goal in his third straight game with a blistering bomb from the point. SportsYappers were quick to admit their error.

“NOW, we can get Green out of hete,” @mikecarrico editorialized.

Mike Green scored again. His sins were not absolved.

“Still green u need traded or moved to offense,” suggested @joeglock730.

“He would be a great 3rd line winger , no D-man for sure !!” estimated @toxicxmo.

“I still hate green,” said @everagejakeff.

The game continued, and there were more vile outbursts, grammatical errors, and exclamation marks. I started to gloss over them after awhile. I switched back over to Twitter, swearing never to return. The Capitals went on to win 5-3. It was nice.

I could go on about SportsYapper, but I shouldn’t. Instead I’ll let one SportsYapper do it for me, as he sums up my feelings superbly.

SportsYapper is “absoutley pathetic.”

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  • Lindsey

    Chris Gordon, you are magnificent. Thanks for taking one for the team.

  • wow, what a coincidence; i have “Still green u need traded or moved to offense” tattooed on my ass. how about that.

  • People are so hung up on him being too offensively minded. I for a bit thought that as well but that was during the two shortened seasons of his. This is his first season back and he’s looking like he’s got a good balance between offense and defense. Maybe you should create an app that only allows people who follow or like RMNB to talk about the game. I’d use it!

  • Haha.

    I really like Mike Green. I think when he’s healthy, he’s a total stud.

    That’s the hill I will die on.

  • PuckBuddyDoug

    This actually makes “My Dinner With Andre” sound fun.

  • theGREATk8

    The best is when you are in the Caps zone during a Caps/Pens game and random penguins fans jump in to talk shit about the caps. This application is worthless

  • Yeah, when he’s healthy. *sigh* And the person who would take Schultz over Green must be high.

  • rubeus

    I like him as well, its just when he goes into full on derp mode with the puck right beside his own net that I get frustrated, which has been frequent this past week. Also of concern is the lackadaisical, nonchalant manner he plays with, which isn’t anything new of course. He has always been that way. I think these things are whats driving the animosity displayed in some of the sports yapper comments. Its reminiscent of my feelings toward Dennis Wideman last year, though I hasten to say that Mike Green is light years ahead of Wideman when it comes to watch-ability and overall talent.

  • Colin

    So let me get this straight, they build this app just to import the comments from WaPo? 🙂

  • Rhino40

    This is because Pens trolls are addicted to Schädenfreuede: They would rather troll Caps zones about how we have no Cups (yet) than share joy with fellow Pens fans about how well their team has been doing…oh well–I guess having Buffalo (Buffalo?!? Yes, Buffalo!) end their win sterak with a 4-1 thumping last night got them in a foul mood. They’re just like Habs & Yankees fans. Only worse.
    I am considering opening a Twitter account, but I forsee no justification for SportsYapper. RMNB is all I need.

  • Rhino40

    spelling FAIL–sorry folks 🙁

  • Haha my comment made it whoo thanks for the shout out

  • KareeLyn

    I forgot WIdeman existed.

  • Haha

  • blondinwrx

    last year and the year prior he was leading the team in blocked shots before injuries IIRC – not many defensemen in the league can skate like him. Just last game he went on a full rush, got caught deep and managed to get back to alleviate the odd man opportunity. Only other D I have seen this done so naturally is Karlsson, who won the Norris with offensive numbers – numbers that green put up a few years ago and got shafted. 30goals as a D with an absurd goal scoring streak…won’t happen for a WHILE.

  • York, Pa

    I was quite disappointed that it was on Comcast sportsnet +. We hockey fans in Pennsylvania do not want to watch the wizards. Do not ever play the wizards on Comcast sports net again, Capitals only. Signing off, a disappointed Hershey Bears fan. To relate to the article when Comcast does that, it’s like stupid sports yapper. Ahhhh I’m angry