Patrick McDermott

Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

Woohoo! Final game of the season. A month and a half ago, I thought this would be the last one I’d cover before the summer, but then Ovechkin happened. Now, the Boston Bruins at Washington Capitals game was just a meaningless little preamble to the real dance, which starts next week.

Let’s do a loose recap. Looch got a lucky one off Alzner’s skates, then he screened Holtby on Ference’s goal. Then, Mike Green 2009 warged into Mike Green 2013 and scored back-to-back power play goals. The Caps killed some late-game penalties and forced overtime, where Eric Fehr finished off the regular season with a little goal so greasy you could lubricate your engine with it if that’s a thing you knew how to do.

Caps beat Bruins 3-2 (Overtime).

Mike Green leads defensemen in goals. The current date is April 27, 2013. If that’s not proof that Adam Oates’ power play is magic, I don’t know what is. I don’t know if we’ve ever seen a healthy Mike Green in the playoffs. Heads up.

Out of town: Montreal looks like they’ll beat the Leafs tonight. So if Ottawa wins tonight (Philly) and tomorrow (Boston), the Caps will play the Leafs. That’d be a) awesome given all the media attention, and b) ideal for maximum scoar moar goals. Saturday’s Sens-Flyers game might be the last of Mike Knuble’s career– 1077 games long. It has been a privilege to watch his big ass play hockey.

Joe B suit of the night

Joe B suit of the night

If Ottawa loses tonight (they’re currently trailing), it’ll be Caps-Rangers for the millionth time in a million years. That’s okay as the Rangers are way weaker than some of the other teams the Caps coulda pulled (namely the Sens or the Isles), but still. Jeez. Sick of those guys. Remember: it was Caps at NYR when Mike whatshisface went on that tirade on Ovi. Get ready for 4-7 more games of that mess.

UPDATE: Yup. It’s the Rangers.

Alex Ovechkin got two apples, but no guavas. No matter– as Stamkos didn’t score before press time, soooo… congrats to Alex Ovechkin for winning the Rocket Richard. Just three months after everyone called him washed up. I went through all my old game recaps and changed them to make it seem like I knew this would happen all along. All joking aside, I have been deflecting criticism off Ovechkin all season while also mourning what looked like a mostly predictable decline in performance– until Jack Adams-deserving Adam Oates fed Ovi some acorn paste with red streaks in it and turned him into an all-seeing, goal-scoring, skinchanging ubermensch. Kneel before Ovi.

The Caps are apparently trying to get all the late-game penalties out of their system now. Cool.

OKAY. THAT’S IT. RAZOR’S DOWN. Here’s the part of the year where we all go insane. I can’t wait.

Playoffs, baby! Who’s excited?


Illustration by Rachel Cohen, y’all.

  • Eddie

    We already pretty much knew it was going to happen, but now it’s official. OVI WINS HIS THIRD ROCKET RICHARD!!! 😀

  • JenniferH

    I’M EXCITED!!!!!!!!!! FIRST PLAYOFFS WHERE I ACTUALLY KNOW THE PLAYERS AND KNOW WHAT I’M WATCHING!! WOOHOO!! GO CAPS!!! This game? Muy exciting. And I LOVED that the #1 PP machine in the league won the game by knocking one over the #1 PK machine in the league. BOOYAH! GO CAPS!

  • OlietheGoalie

    Richard is already nailed down. Hart or Ross soon to come…?

  • Green and Ribeiro are the best anti-heros ever. Sometimes we called them idiots and other times we fall in love with them. Let’s get some payback from the Rangers!

  • scott

    pesky sens couldnt do us a favor and win looks like rangers for the 4th time in 5 years. Heres to a few days of this face

  • MSL has the lock on the Ross methinks

  • haha! hope you’re ready for the anguish

  • OlietheGoalie

    John Tortellini is a tool.

  • JenniferH

    I’m ready, I’m ready. But I’m hopeful, if still trying to be realistic.

  • Steve

    Just don’t get your hopes up if a game goes past the first overtime period.

  • uhh this fucking guy again

  • JenniferH

    Yeah, I know. I know. But it’s still exciting for me!! 😀

  • Feanor

    Acorn paste = ASoIaF reference? Awesome.

    Great game. Bring on the Rags!

  • You’re lucky you weren’t as emotionally invested as we were LAST year. Hunter hockey = Heart attack central!

  • Rick Nash doesn’t even know what playoff hockey is.

  • Peter

    Haha yup. Spoilers for ADWD. Shh

  • yv

    Same foe for the third year in a row and forth time in 5 years. It was ‘who is louder’ with BB and Caps quickly showed who, then it was sounds of bone-cracking block shots with DH and deflating loss in game 5. So, what would be now? Blocking shots by Torts NYR are again sure thing, what Caps will offer this time? There is, at-least, one big Caps improvement, MG52 shooting now like a precise canon. It would be either goal or some cracked bones.

    This is really unique situation, after today’s games Boston has a luxury to choose in tomorrow’s game with Ottawa at home with whom they want to play in the first round. Bruins win and they play Isles, regulation loss and they will play Toronto, overtime/shootout loss and they will play again Ottawa.

  • yv

    corr. OT/SO win and Bs play Ott

  • JenniferH

    Knowing what I know now, man, I had it lucky last playoffs! All I cared about was the young stud in the between the pipes, LOL! Now I care about the whole team! And I wanna WIN!!!!

  • Breaklance

    Nice weirwood tree reference. In the end the machine’s always right – may hockey is coming.

  • And let’s not forget my favorite Torts face: The Christ-Crucified-“Oh-Dear-God-Why-Do-You-Hate-Me?” look up at the scoreboard when the Rags are losing: