RMNB Quarterfinal Playoff Predictions: Peter vs Ian

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Tuesday night begins the best part of the entire year. Eight best-of-seven series start today– with all the rivalries and drama and bad blood that come along with ‘em. Expect big games every night and fresh fallout every morning. Playoffs, baby.

As RMNB’s creators, Ian and I thought we’d ramble on about our predictions for the first round and put our necks on the line. I do not recommend you take any of our guesses to #thebank.

Minnesota Wild (#8) vs Chicago Blackhawks (#1)

Peter: I’m still astonished the Wild even made the postseason (#lumbus). I guess Parise might steal one game, but this is all Chicago. Blackhawks in 5, because they’re awesome on both ends of the ice. If any series goes to a sweep, it’ll be this one.

Ian: I first want to preface this with, I haven’t watched any West team play an entire game all year. So not only will my analysis be worthless, but I’ll probably get all of my picks 100% correct. So the Blackhawks are proven performers. They are made up by a gritty forward who is also a fearless leader (Toews); a dude who is a great scorer, probably drinks too much, and played under Dale Hunter (Kane); and a guy who’s won the Norris (Keith). Sure the Wild have Parise (which kinda rhymes with parcheesi) but this is going to be a war for them — and they’re on the wrong side of Pickett’s Charge. Blackhawks in 6.

Detroit Red Wings (#7) vs Anaheim Ducks (#2)

Peter: Sorry, Bruce. You’re getting first-rounded. Red Wings in 6. If the kid’s in net, make it 5.

Ian: The advanced stats say no, but my heart says yes. Boudreau and his Ducks continue their improbable run, riding some awesome play by their hall of famer. #TeemuForever in 5.

San Jose Sharks (#6) vs Vancouver Canucks (#3)

Peter: Congrats to this series for being the one I care about least. I want the Canucks to lose to see Alain Vigneault fend off the rabid Canadian hockey press with a broken chair leg, but I have a feeling they’ll squeak by. Canucks in 7.

Ian: The Canucks are that team everyone wants to pick but they always come up just a little bit short, like a preteen in line for a roller coaster. This season will be no different, but I think they’ll take care of business in the first round quickly. Canucks in 5.

Los Angeles Kings (#5) vs St Louis Blues (#4)

Peter: The Kings are my pick to win the Cup. Kings in 6. Quick might be able to put some Holtby-esque numbers up in this one, though STL is no slouch.

Ian: Look at the Kings’ possession stats. Just look at them. History has smiled upon a team that just owns the puck like the Kings do. While the Blues are a brilliant young team with a talented Russian that I pull for (Tarasenko), the defending champions will be too much for them to handle. Kings in 7.

New York Islanders (#8) vs Pittsburgh Penguins (#1)

Peter: This one should be fun to watch. John Tavares will shoot fireworks at MAF, who shouldn’t be Pittsburgh’s escape goat again this year, but he’ll give up enough to make up for whatever hockey majesty Crosby and Malkin unleash at the other end of the ice. If I were Fox Sports, this would be my Upset Special. Islanders in 7. Crosby for Lindsay though.

Ian: I don’t think I even need to offer an explanation. Penguins in 4.

Ottawa Senators (#7) vs Montreal Canadiens (#2)

Peter: Craig Anderson is scaaaaary, but I’ll give the edge to the Habs because I learned my lesson about doubting them back in 2010. I’m expecting PK Subban to bust out more dick moves than a [joke redacted]. Canadiens in 6.

Ian: I love how Ottawa’s built, and I especially love their forwards: Erik Condra, Mika Zibanejad, and Cory Conacher. These are tough forwards, guys who can score any way you can imagine. I think this will be a long series, but Montreal will eventually lose. Senators in 7.

New York Rangers (#6) vs Washington Capitals (#3)

Peter: My feeling is the Caps will get stonewalled on too-few power plays, but they’ll get the win in 6 regardless based on the strength of the hairy dude in net, who will put up a 93% save percentage. Plus, Jason Chimera will score big– Druce Mode. Capitals in 6.

Ian: I always tell my friends, the playoffs never make any sense, especially for the Capitals. You would expect the Caps to win this easily just because of how they’ve played lately, but I’m leery of such an assumption. I think the Rangers find a way to control Ovechkin, but the Caps’ tertiary scoring will come to the rescue. Also, four goals from #52 who will earn a new moniker: Series Over. Capitals in 6.

Toronto Maple Leafs (#5) vs Boston Bruins (#4)

Peter: I think most people think this is a lopsided match-up, but I’m a little cool on the Bruins (overrated dot com). I mindlessly predict this will be a high-scoring series (sorry Rask, sorry Reimer), and the Leafs win it in 7.  Because the playoffs are weird, and the hockey media machine wants this. I’m totally anticipating a bevy of War Room conspiracy theories erupting from this one.

Ian: I know Leafs fans are excited to be back in the playoffs for the first time since the lightbulb was invented, but, after seeing them get demolished live by the Capitals a few weeks ago, I’m not even sure they can win one game in this series. Not only are the advanced stats against them, they were built by a guy who would make trades just to make trades. Tyler Seguin will show that he has the stuff to be a superstar during this round of games. #BostonStrong. Bruins in 5.

Please share your predictions below.

Tagged with:
 
  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    #TeamPeter

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=42211077 Owen Johnson

    The only Western Conference action I have watched this year is a Wings-Hawks encore presentation that I just watched on NHL Network 20 minutes ago because I had nothing better to do. But..
    Pens is 5 (god I hope they fizzle out and choke) Sens in 7, Caps in 6, and B’s in 6

  • Phil

    Count me in with #TeamPeter….Mainly because I would love to see the isles beat the Pens.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Go #TeamIan

  • http://www.facebook.com/caponslugger Adam Schwager

    In this day and age it’s too hard for the Champions to repeat. Kings wont go further than the conference final

  • http://www.facebook.com/caponslugger Adam Schwager

    Make moar predictions!

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    aww no someone downvoted you

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    I don’t think it’s any harder for a team to repeat than it is for a team to win once.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Okay I wanna point out that Rock The Red posted something EXACTLY like this BEFORE us. http://www.rockthered.net/2013-articles/playoff-predictions-andy-vs-harry-2013.html Like the title and the formatting is almost identical.

    (For the record, we wrote ours last night and this morning.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1005713165 Pat Magee

    Pens are going to lose in the 2nd round to craig anderson. He is a monster!

  • http://twitter.com/deniscarmo Denis Carmo

    #TeamIan looks stronger. Leafs in 7? Islanders in 7? I don’t know Peter, I’d love to see that happen but it’s a long stretch..

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    your face is a stretch

  • http://twitter.com/dylanwheatley83 dylan wheatley

    My picks:

    Chicago in 5
    Detroit in 6
    San Jose in 6
    L.A. in 5

    Isles in 6 (?!)
    Ottawa in 7
    Washington in 7
    Boston in 5

  • brian!

    Coworker and I have a burrito-bet going down on our playoff predictions, I’ve got CHI, LAK, ANH, VAN, PIT, BOS, OTT and CAPS in round one.

  • http://twitter.com/deniscarmo Denis Carmo

    Love you too buddy

  • OlietheGoalie

    As long as the Pens get bounced in the first round, I don’t care about anyone else beyond the Caps. That being said, I am officially #TeamPeter

  • http://www.calacirian.org sonja n a

    #Team Ian is more conservative and traditional with their picks. So I have to go with #Team Peter … which, if I actually placed bets, would feel a little more dangerous. Except for one pick in which I choose the Sharks over Vancouver in 7. The rest all look mighty fine.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    ANA over DET isn’t conservative, it’s myopic!

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Lotta short series!

  • jennrubenstein

    i’m #teampeter except for the ducks series, because it’s boudreau and because i still miss my stecks, dammit! i mean, you SAW that silly goal he scored on bob, right?! http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nhl-puck-daddy/strangest-nhl-goal-season-ducks-dave-steckel-scores-042613832–nhl.html

  • JenniferH

    #TeamPeter if only for the continued Chimera predictions of SCOAR MOAR GOALS!

  • yv

    I can guess that Hawks in 5, Ducks in 6, Canucks/Sharks?, Blues in 6, Pens in 5, Sens in 7 and Bruins in 5/6.

    BUT I know that Caps will beat Rangers in 5. I have tickets only for 3 home games and don’t think 4th home game would be necessary. And the reason for this is in comparing how Caps played them 1 year ago and what happened to the teams this year. Playoffs is always a match up. Even playing ultra defensive DH system, when Ovi usually played <18-19min and didn't see much time during last 10 min, Caps lost to #1 seed in 7 games with 1 goal differential, beside game 1. And if not those stupid, self-inflicted last 40 sec in game 5 in MSG, Caps should finish NYR in 6 last year. Now, when assessing this year, you can see that NYR is not all-around favorites as year ago and haven't improve much this year. They got Nash, but they lost Gaborik, Dubinsky and Anisimov. Plus no Staal. While Caps with Adam Oates have improved tremendously. We have Rocket Ovi and two lines of scoring threats. If Holtby will play as last year, and even if Defense would be, at-least, as the last year, when Caps have Wideman, Hamrlik and Schultz, then I don't see how Caps will not win this time in 5 using home ice.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    How do all you people think the Ducks will beat the Wings??

  • Evan

    DAMIT! have you no recognition for our Hockey Gods?!?!

    another playoff attempt jinxed. thanks

  • http://www.facebook.com/caponslugger Adam Schwager

    Once the targets on your back, teams have been gunning them the whole season, plus a possible return trip hangover.

  • http://www.facebook.com/caponslugger Adam Schwager

    WE WANT BOUDREAU-CAPS FINAL

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Magic!

  • Rhino40

    Will someone please explain to me how #thebank differs from, well, y’know, an actual bank?

  • http://twitter.com/priscillamay1 Priscilla Villanueva

    #TeamIan

  • http://twitter.com/kat326 Rachel Cohen

    Fig. able to depend on the truthfulness of my statement: it is not counterfeit or bogus; to be able to bank on something. (From “The Free Dictionary of Idioms”)

  • Jose

    Hawks in 5: because they will get up 3-0, then Leipold will threaten to buy out one of the perfect couple’s salaries, then they’ll push to win one and then the Hawks will absolutely smoke them in the 5th.

    Wings in 7: because they played like crap yesterday and they’ll give a much better effort tomorrow, and if Tootoo can get Captain Dickhead to fight and put himself out of the game, together with a Wings victory, it makes them go home tied and puts more pressure on Anaheim that they can handle. Plus numbers are against them, but still don’t see it going less than 7 anyway (unless Detroit lays another egg on game 2, then it’s Ducks in 5-6).

    Canucks in 5: Sharks suck, Raffi Torres deserves no shot at any winning and Thornton is an underachieving whiner. Also I think Luongo is going to shut a lot of mouths if he gets to play.

    Kings in 6: They are better than the Blues, but their key figure last year isn’t playing as good this season, and the Blues are nor as good as people thinks they are nor as bad as they’ve looked at times.

    Pens in 5: Tavares steals one, but (especially if Crosby returns for the series) are waaay too much to handle for them. Even if Crosby, Malkin and Neal sleep through them, Pens have proved they can win without them and they have a plethora of stars desperate to win (I’m looking at you Iginla, Morrow, Murray and company), and Fleury surely wants to erase last year’s memory quickly and decisively,

    Sens in 6: End of season Andersson is still awesome, Karlson doesn’t seem to have missed a beat, and Chris Neil must just stare at those midget Montreal forwards for them to stay put. Or else speak to them in english and see them crawl to the floor because it’s not the correct language for Montreal hockey.

    Caps in 6: Payback time, and I don’t think they’re shutting Ovi down this time around. Holtby’s rounded into form, Backstrom’s playing great and Mike Green should have a big part in this series. Also, please somebody lock Mike Ribeiro up in the locker room for every 3rd period, I’ve had enough with his stupid penalties.

    Toronto in 6: Only because it’d be considered a major upset and because it’d be so cool to see the Bruins go again early. I know the city of Boston could use any cheer available, but the obnoxious Bruins (the team, not the fans) don’t deserve any pitty from us, and they’ve been playing pretty bad lately. Plus I’d absolutely love for Kessel to put on a show and give them a big finger, he’s taken too much shit for it, and no disrespect to Seguin and Hamilton, but so far Kessel’s still better than those two combined.

  • http://www.facebook.com/davidr.wahnish David R Wahnish

    Well, yes, I know about the idiom thing, Rachel. But what I was wondering is how the “#” part makes it different…

  • http://twitter.com/kat326 Rachel Cohen

    welp, sorry. it was late.

    I think the hashtag is just supposed to be for humor.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    It’s a reference to how we mention it on the RMNB Twitter– as a hashtag that we pretend will one day catch on.

    When the Caps are in French Canadia, we make it #lebanque

  • http://www.facebook.com/davidr.wahnish David R Wahnish

    Oh…OK then. Just paint an enormous red L on my forehead.
    I’d been trying to put it off, but between my awesome new phone and RMNB, I am at the very precipice of being dragged–kicking and tweeting (twöting? twæðiŋ? tvmqpeo?) into the Twitterverse. Thanks, guys (Harrumph).
    FTR, I still think both your site and you–the folks who run it–are the best. )))))
    Peace,
    Rhino40

  • Ryan

    Everything you guys write is entertaining