Fellow RMNBers, mark your calendars. On Tuesday, Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin will turn 28 years old.
To celebrate the occasion, we will continue the tradition wherein you, our faithful and somewhat demented readers, make homemade birthday cards for the Russian machine himself.
The guidelines are simple: using Microsoft Paint or any other primitive graphic program (Photoshop isn’t cheating, but it’s frowned upon), make a birthday card for Ovechkin. Here are some past examples. You can even draw him a pretty picture, glue on some macaroni elbows, or write him a poem. Consider including the following topics when composing your card: a) Sasha is engaged to Maria Kirilenko; b) Alex Ovechkin is the ee cummings of Twitter; c) nachos; d) Ovi’s face got smushed pretty bad Saturday night; e) think of the best possible places for Alex to make party in Baltimore. If possible, please also demonstrate that you are an intelligent and cultured person whose work might be posted on a website that has younger readers.
Once you think you’re done, send your submissions, either by attachment or in a link, to firstname.lastname@example.org. Use the subject line “Ovi’s Birthday Card 2013”. Please, if at all possible, save out your images as a jpg, gif, or png, and keep the size under 100kb.
We will accept submissions only up until 11:59 PM Monday night. I will then put all of your cards into a post (if I don’t have freaking jury duty) and then try to think of something funny to say under each. Tuesday we will share the submissions with the world (and Ovi) and present our own card.
So there you go. Go to work. You’ve got a day’s notice!
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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