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Photo: @JohnCarlson74

Washington Capitals forward Joel Ward joined former NHL players Jamie McLennan and Jeff O’Neill on TSN 1050 Radio this afternoon. Yes, he spent almost the entirety of the interview talking about his fun excursion in Dallas where he got locked in a hotel bathroom. Better that than his even-strength goal differential.

Here is a transcription of most of the interview. The Big Cheese has a new nickname.

You were trending on Twitter for an epic reason. Take us through this, because I think you’ve handled it like a champ. You were down in Dallas getting prepped for a game against the Stars. You got locked in the washroom. How did you get locked in? How did you get out? Take us through this.

Well I was having my morning breakfast, doing my normal routine. I was sitting at the bar at a hotel restaurant in Dallas. And then I kinda put my jacket down on my seat and — you know — the oatmeal started kicking in. I had to go to the bathroom. So I took my phone along with me — I was sitting at the bar so I thought I should bring it — I get in the bathroom, close the door behind me, and you know — after I’m finished — I looked to go flip the lock there and it kinda spun right around and didn’t catch on the latch there. I tried to fiddle around a little bit and do a few different things, but I knew I was in trouble. So I had to hit up one of my teammates, Karl Alzner, to come see if he could help me out. He couldn’t really do too much so he called the maintenance guy and sure enough, there were four or five guys in the bathroom with me, trying to open this latch and the door. They still couldn’t do it so… Finally they got a ladder, and then I had Alzner and Carlson Superman-carry me out of the top of the bathroom. It was quite an eventful 40 minutes in this bathroom.

At any point did you try a scissor-kick to try and kick it open?

No, because every time a guy would come in, he’d be like “you’ll be out in 30 seconds.” I was just like, “Okay” and kinda sat tight. Then another guy would come in and he couldn’t do it. Then he’d be like, “All right, I’ll bring the next guy in. Just hold on tight for another two more minutes.” I’m like, “Okay, no problem.” Next guy comes in, he couldn’t do nothing. Before you know it, we were forty minutes deep and [I’m] almost about to miss the bus for pre-game skate.

You know what’s great about this? It’s such a 2013 story. You can’t go to the washroom without technology.

You know what? I just happened to have my jacket at the bar. You know what? I don’t [usually] carry my wallet or phone with me.

The funny part was there was a guy beside me who I asked for help originally. And he basically had to go so bad, he just ignored my request to get help. And that was the part that was killing me. I was in this stall by myself. So it was pretty funny.

I probably would have gone postal if I was getting helped out of a washroom and my buddies were taking pictures at the same time. What as your reaction during that?

They just came in and made a mockery of me in the stall there. There was nothing I could have done. There were guys coming in left and right laughing and joking and snapping photos.

Hashtag bathroom rescue. Who came up with that?

Carlson came up with it. I know I was making fun of him for keeping me company while I was sitting there. So they were providing me with some entertainment. They were pretty good about it through that whole episode.

Did the guys come up with a nickname for you or anything like that?

Yeah, but uhhhhh definitely not something appropriate for on air. They definitely came up with a few which cost me a few on the board of course. Yeah, it just wasn’t a good look for myself all around. I was taking a little bit of heat and still am actually. So I’m kinda hoping for it to die down for sure.

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  • Andrew Pang

    This could be the funniest hockey-related story I have ever heard. Still chuckle every time I think about it.

  • Sage Confucius

    What a great sport. He could have been completely irritable about it, but simply embraced it for what it was; a truly awkward moment he’ll be able to laugh about with teammates.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    If it were me, I’d be a cranky little jerk about it and snap at someone whenever they brought it up. Joel Ward is good people.

  • D’Ann Faught

    Love that during the game the Stars did a bit on it and said something like “We’re glad you could join us Joel Ward”

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Totally. I’m still amazed he found such a subtle way to say he was taking a doo doo.

  • pixiestix

    I’m not surprised, given his subtle quote about “relieving himself” after his sports hernia surgery

  • Burn

    Shit Break?

  • R.O’B.

    why has no one commented on the fact that the 6’1 225lb man fit through the top of the stall, thats the best part