Apparently everything is happening today (or at least this is the first I’ve seen it). Washington Capitals forward Brooks Laich has been named to Vanity Fair’s not-at-all-trashy 10 Best Players Players in the NHL list.

Brooksy, please come up to the podium and say a few words.

Laich plays the coy card. Of course. He has no idea that he’s handsome. That’s why Shy Magazine put him on the cover.

Laich becomes the second Capitals player this calendar year to be honored for their good-lookingness. Before the lockout-shortened 2013 season began, Mike Green was named by Cosmopolitan Magazine as the sexiest player in all of hockey.

Vanity Fair, using some kind of unscientific formula which involves photos and darts, determined that Laich is the fifth most stylish player in the league.

Raised in a tiny town in Saskatchewan, Canada, Brooks Laich can be seen in well-tailored power suits, the men’s-wear standard in Washington, D.C., where he’s a center for the Capitals.

I have no idea what that actually means. Ahead of Laich on the list, was Henrik Lundqvist (total stud muffin), Vincent Lecavalier (his weird oblong head ruins anything he actually wears, right?), Ryan Kesler (leg), and Matt Duchene (someone’s going to have to explain that one to me).

You can see the rest of the list here, which inexplicably leaves off Green, The Holtbeast, and Tom Wilson. What do you think of it?

One last thing: notice how I didn’t make any laaaaadies jokes? Lots of RMNB’s smartest readers and hockey’s best fans are women, who have just as high hockey IQs as guys. Part of me loathes these lists because they seem to define women’s interest in hockey as something limited to handsome guys, and they give fuel to crummy dudebros who want to pigeonhole women for liking hockey only for the hunks. That’s stupid. Rant over.

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  • Brackaphobia

    “Thank you Vanity Fair, what a great honor this is. I would now like to take the time to say that I am voluntarily moving myself to the third line and that Grabo will be skating in the center spot on the second line with Brouws and Mojo. That is all.”

    -Brooks Laich

  • Amanda Elizabeth Sansone

    I was just questioning Matt Duchene’s existence on this list, or any
    list for that matter, as well. In the meantime, I’ll be waiting for
    Vanity Fair’s next list, Best-Looking Possession Numbers in the NHL. Nothing sexier than #fancystats.

  • Neil Greenberg can be the honorary judge.

  • Kesler is the best undressed player in the league for sure

  • bygt

    If I want to find out more about these pressing news articles would clicking your VANITY FAIR tag link me to any and all relevant hockeyabloid articles?

  • dylan wheatley

    i need phil kessel in this pose stat

  • DC Hockey Nut

    Is it just me, or does Erik Karlsson’s stance in that photo make him look like he’s incredibly awkward when he’s not on skates? Something’s way off about that image.

  • Why is it so stormy in the background?

  • Priscilla Villanueva

    this explains the Oates vest.

  • Priscilla Villanueva

    you know, sexy danger. he may as well also be a vampire.

  • Myan

    Matt Duchene made that list?? seriously?? that guy’s barely out of puberty!

  • Sidewinder8

    hahahaha, I love the subtle “Ryan Kesler (leg)”