Habs beat Caps 3-2, But What About the Vamwolfbies?

Neuvy sad - Patrick McDermott

Photo: Patrick McDermott

The Washington Capitals had a simple challenge when they faced the Montreal Canadiens on Friday. Back on Wednesday, the Capitals had managed exactly zero shot attempts on the Penguins before the game was out of reach. And while the possession game was a disaster, the team chose to blame it on “execution.”

inigo montoya word

After that bad start on Wednesday, the team had a simple task: do better in the first period this time.

Could they pull it off?

gladiator thumbs dow

No.

No, they could not.

A bad breakout pass from Alex Urbom to Mikhail Grabovski led to a turnover for the Habs, whose Travis Moen didn’t have much of a challenge from Mike Green: 1-0 Habs. David Desharnais tipped in a high puck to make it 2-0 in the first period. And then Danny Briere made it a three-spot converting a power play while Marty Erat was in the Sasha box.

Alex Ovechkin saved a bit of face with a very, very wide-angle shot to score on a late-period power play.

The second period was quiet, which is a bad thing if you were hoping for a Caps comeback and a good thing if you thought it could get even worse.

Alex Ovechkin got his 19th of the season tipping in a long bomb from John Carlson, but 6-on-5 didn’t earn the Caps a tying goal.

Habs beat Caps 3-2. Boo.

Friday’s game: better or worse than Friday the song? YOU BE THE JUDGE.

  • Mikhail Grabovski got credited with the turnover and the internet seemed to blame Mike Green for weak defense, but I think Alex Urbom‘s off-target breakout pass was at fault for the Moen goal.
  • Troy Brouwer hasn’t been very good this year, so while I’m usually anti-fighting I was totally okay with his bout against PK Subban. It took him off the ice and a Norris Trophy-winner. Win-win.
  • Subban, bee tee dubs, totally had it out for Ovechkin all night. Grumpy shoves and headlocks galore. Ovi didn’t seem to mind much at the time, but he rag-dolled Brian Gionta in the third, so I guess it got to him after all.
  • I’m sure the Caps had a discussion about how to start games better, but man did that ever not happen. The Caps went two goals down before I was able to do my push-ups in the first period. When I did that wordy, pretentious rant about the Caps and execution yesterday, I suspected the team might not solve its underlying problems but they’d at least be a bit more motivated out of the gate tonight. Nope. By the time they were down two goals, the Caps had managed only 11 shot attempts. At least that was 11 more than they had against the Pens.
  • Down 3-0, the Caps were– as the Pensblog says– stunned.

  • The Caps surrendered — what, like 7 unanswered goals on home ice before Alex Ovechkin opened it up with a twice-deflected power play snipe? Amazing shot with a happy bounce. Thanks, Ovi. Welcome back atop the league leaders ladder.
  • The Caps were in a blowout situation, but they did manage to turn the possession game around in the back half. That matters. Not, you know, a lot. But it matters.
  • Rough night for Michal Neuvirth, though he wasn’t really that bad. If you let your goalie face 30+ shots (as the Caps have done in three straight games), you should probably expect at least two goals against, and it’s not like that freaky tap-in by Desharnais could be stopped by anyone who doesn’t have telekenesis.
  • Switching Martin Erat to center immediately transformed the line with Brooks Laich and Troy Brouwer into a truly elite —- jk they are still a garbage fire. Under 40% possession (0 when the game was close) [UPDATE: The Caps' comeback attempt actually brought them above 50%!], No signs that Adam Oates will break them up. Ever. The Black Hole Line will outlive us all. When the sun burns out and the entropy actualizes, there will still be Laich and Brouwer and someone else getting stuck in the defensive zone, losing board battles against humanoid cockroaches and Romero zombies and blaming Ragnarok on poor execution and some bad bounces.

power rangers nooooo

  • Budaj? More like boo– ya know what — I can’t even make a pun right now, that’s how upset I am.
  • Deflecting John Carlson’s long shot, Alex Ovechkin secured his 19th goal of the season. All up in his face was Parsifal Khan Subban, making that sweet goal just a bit sweeter. Ovi is a different kind of human than the rest of us. When he fell off a few years ago, I said he wouldn’t have a comeback like Pavel Bure did in his late 20s. I was wrong. This is much bigger. As bad as the team gets, Ovi is amazing.
Joe B suit of the night: haute couture! (that's French, right?)

Joe B suit of the night: haute couture! (that’s French, right?)

Ovi rules, but this game was no good.

Here’s a series of questions that are on my mind:

  1. Can a zombie become a vampire?
  2. Can a vampire become a zombie?
  3. Werewolves?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?

The answer to #1 is a simple NO. A zombie’s body has irreversibly stopped all vital functions. Many times they have no blood whatsoever. They lack the vitality to get infected with porphyric hemophilia.

The answer to #2 is an obvious YES. A vampire is, by strict definitions, dead– but it is far more vivacious than a zombie. They’re still susceptible to illnesses– just far fewer of them than humans. While the zombie virus– let’s call it Solanum– kills a living host, it also converts a dead host into a zombie. Vampires occupy the sweet spot between the two.

#3, the werewolf, the X-factor. Werewolves probably won’t bite or eat a zombie if it is decomposing, but in the rare situation where a fresh zombie gets bitten by a werewolf, I assert that it’s still incapable of manifesting as a lycanthrope. It simply has no metabolism. A vampire, OBVIOUSLY, can become a werewolf– either by feeding on a werewolf (its last remaining metabolic process) or by getting bit by one. Similarly, werewolves can become vampires. That dangerous mutual risk to one another is why the vampire and werewolf communities have maintained detente for all these years.

And if a vampire-werewolf gets bit by a zombie, look the frak out. We’ve got a vamwolfbie on our hands. Or maybe a zomwerepire. Or god help us if it’s a werevambzom.

Feel free to disagree, but you’re wrong and YOU SHOULD DIE IN A FIRE.

Listen, I’m sorry I yelled. It’s possible that this game and this team have got to me.

Friends?

godzilla shakes hands

Friends.

Alright, see you guys on Saturday night. Grabo vs the team that gave him away over the summer! Should be fun. See you then.

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  • Freedoooom

    Brooks Laich with 0 tape to tape passes? PUT HIM OUT IN THE LAST MINUTE TO TIE GAME.

  • Jack Conness

    Sucks to lose but the GIF from Gladiator is pretty sweet!

    Urbom and Schmidt looked bad, again. Slow and couldn’t control the puck or make a pass. Green looked like the same Green we have seen all year. Nothing special.

    Another tip of the cap to Ovi, Wardo, and Chimera, who seem to bring it every single game. The Caps wouldn’t be where they are at without these guys.

  • Denis Carmo

    At least Ovechkin is scoring…

  • Owen Johnson

    I used to only have nightmares about Halak. Now I’m going to have nightmares about Halak AND Budaj. Neuvy wasn’t great, but credit to him for bouncing back after that awful start and keeping us in the game.

  • Ross Andrews

    We sure make opposing goalies look good

  • Brouwer Rangers

    Nice Power Ranger GIF, Peter.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    for you!

  • Graham Dumas

    Look, maybe I’m just a sick, sick, ridiculously hopeless optimist. But I thought the Caps fought back reasonably well after falling behind stupidly, and because of some bad luck as well. (Could someone explain what part of the hockey stick has to be above the net for the puck to have been hit with a high stick?)

  • Graham Dumas

    Oh, yeah, can we talk for JUST A MINUTE about how awesome that Wardo/Chimmer shorty attempt was? And about how well Chimmer played generally? Not one bullet point on that?

  • Brouwer Rangers

    Thanks, bff! ::hugs::

  • MuzzMuzzington

    Is it just me or does it feel like Laich consistently goes offsides when the 2nd line finally looks like they might be putting together a decent rush? Furthermore, he always seems to stay offsides and doesn’t realize he was offsides until the whistle has been blown.

    Is he like the second coming of Reed Doughty where nobody realizes he is partially deaf or something?

  • WisconsinCapsFan

    There arent enough tires to change in the world for Laich to continue to play as much as he does.

  • MuzzMuzzington

    Fighting back is commendable. But these guys are always having to fight back because they play like diarrhea to start every game.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    worst recap ever but at least NO ONE READS THIS SHIT

  • Graham Dumas

    Baby steps, please! Baby steps. Because clearly that’s what it’s come to.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    From ExtraSkater http://www.extraskater.com/game/2013-11-22-canadiens-capitals
    decent comeback attempt

  • Owen Johnson

    Ah, the perpetually employed Reed Doughty.

  • Bob

    First off, perfect “execution” on the GIF’s. I stopped watching after the first habs goal because it became obvious what type of effort we would give the remainder of the game. Our offense is embarrassing, i really miss the wide open creative offense we had under Bruce. Also, what really bothers me is the mental toughness of the team after going down in a game. I especially hate how we make goalies look like patrick roy. Last thought, FreeDIMA, FreeFehr, and get brooks a nice comfortable seat in a luxury box

  • H70

    I was all excited about the last minute effort until I saw that and realized that Oates had given up.

  • Owen Johnson

    #FreeFehr?
    I don’t know how Twitter works.

  • Graham Dumas

    It works fantastically well, judging by all the effect the Free Fehr campaign has ha… oh. Never mind.

  • Owen Johnson

    Did anyone else notice that CSN cut away from the Laich interview immediately after he was asked “how do you think your line played tonight?”

  • Anela

    The real question here is, with the Caps playing like zombies in the first period–what would improve their game more? If they were bitten by vampires or werewolves? Serious questions on an otherwise mediocre Friday night.

  • RedRockingElla

    I don’t even care about the loss now. Reading this makes me smile. Thanks guys.

  • MuzzMuzzington

    GMGM needs to focus on finding some left handed guys so we can get some other people in these lineups. Grabo to the second line, Laich to the 3rd. Or put Fehr back in as 3rd center, Laich to the 4th line, Grabo to the second line?

    Aside from Erat, the second line is just a black hole of puck possession.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    “That was brutal.” – CSN on Ovi’s post-game interview

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    From FB: John Walton is always all “…and here comes what’s his name?..and he shoots, he scores his 1st NHL goal in his first NHL game!” or he’s all “and what’s his face hasn’t scored a goal in 75 straight games, oh he shoots, he scores his first NHL goal since 2011″….WTF

  • yv

    Four Caps breakaways -zero goals that’s the lost game. Urbom, Strachan and Schmidt have again confirmed that Orly deserves to be on ice here.

    Ovi was the great, beside taking penalty, and it was nice to see how Russian Olympic team head coach Bilyaletdinov and scout Kravchuk jumped and celebrated when Ovi scored the second goal.
    Loss tomorrow, I think, will force AO to do some changes in D and second line.

  • Boush

    Moar importantly, would a Caps werewolf be a Laich-an? I’m here all night.

  • Shawn Murphy

    I read it for the in-depth Undead Philosophical Analysis, the hockey stuff is for plebes

  • johnnymorte

    Brouwer and Erat combine for a cap hit of 8.2 million. Suddenly, Semin’s 7 doesn’t look so bad after all. Wake up and smell the coffee people. Your GM is a loser and has built a team of third liners that he expects will magically rise to the occasion and become a cup team through some godly act of transcendence. We have two third lines and an AHL blue line and we are just under the cap. We deserve better and I wonder how much misery our fan base is going to have to suffer through before Ted hires a real GM like (sorry to say this) Ray Schero. I hope Gretzky talked some goddamn sense into him.

  • Steve Killmon

    I’ve skipped the second half of the recap just to tell you how much I love the Firefly reference, Mr. Hassett. Okay now I’ll go back and read the rest.

  • Pat Magee

    Zombies can’t do anything, since riggomortus takes effect around 2 hours after a person has died.

    Brouwer needs to be demoted to the 4th, and wilson or Fehr deserves the shot at 2RW!

  • Michael Reschly

    Completely ot, but the recap was too so…

    Grabbo was wonderfully quotable the first week or so (Kessel/buccaneer, seat belts in Ovi’s car). Haven’t seen a good quote from him since. Is he being kept away from the media (for being too quotable?) Did the team tell him to quiet down?

  • Jennifer Carignan

    Did revenants come up in this vamwolfbie conversation? Asking for a friend.

  • Michael Reschly

    Needs less twilight. More orcs.

  • Catherine__M

    Crazy but true? Vampires, zombies and werewolves are all the same thing. Or at least came from the same thing (humans with rabies) and the details that make them different kind of evolved over time. Blew my mind and terrified me all at the same time.

    I don’t have much to say about hockey tonight.

  • Matt Root

    This whole “execution” reasoning is becoming more infuriating than Dale Hunters “the team that scores first has the best chance to win” tidbit he threw in every postgame interview

  • Matthew Kory

    ON FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA GET TO MY BUS STOP AND FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA MAKE MY CEREAL AND FRIDAY FRIDAY GOTTA PICK A SEAT IN THE CAR ON FRIDAY FRIDAY GONNA HIT MYSELF IN THE FACE ON FRIDAY FRIDAY WITH A BRICK FRIDAY FRIDAY AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

  • Dark Stranger

    First period certainly was garbage as I saw posted on the RMNB Facebook page. We should have sent my kids’ old swimming coach to come yell at the team. (He was known for saying “That was garbage” when kids were swimming poorly, without enough effort during practice.) Recent play of the Caps has certainly been garbage but at least they made the effort to come back. Still lost and it doesn’t feel good

  • djlotus

    When will you dolts stop blaming the lack of talent on the ice and begin to shift blame on the person responsible for that lack of talent. The players aren’t the reason we dress 8 bottom 6 forwards every night. It’s not Schmidts fault he is playing against guys who are worlds better than he could ever hope to be. It’s not Laichs fault he got top 3 money for bottom 6 performance. You can’t blame Jay Beagle for watching from the press box while a waiver wire acquisition losses face-offs and couldn’t pass a beach ball across a highway. When your “third” line is you best line, it’s more than a personnel issue. GMGM has slowly killed this franchise while “uncle Ted” hides his business profits in the fans’ loses.

    Step up and lay the questions at the feet of the guys who deserve to be questioned.

  • djlotus

    #freebeagle #freefehr #freedima

  • Lisa

    Me too! Game was a tire fire but what can a Caps fan do except come to RMNB for some analysis and after games like this, a few laughs. Don’t stop or we’ll be morose, not to mention lacking in zombie knowledge.

  • Jayleigh

    Don’t know how CSN’s cameras missed this moment. ;)