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Look like me! Oh wait, you’ll never get a date then.

I’m gonna take a wild guess here, and you let me know if I’m wrong: I bet you’ve a) got friends and/or family who b) like hockey and c) have torsos. Good news for both of us, because I’m right and here are bunch of new RMNB t-shirts for you to give as gifts to your loved ones just in time for the holidays! Except Hanukkah. You already missed that one– way to go, dude.

Follow us past the jump for the sweet 8-bit hot stick shirt, Willy Baby, Free Wardo, and a new classic RMNB logo shirt.


8-Bit Hot Stick T-Shirt

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The Great Eight set the world and blogsophere on literal fire when he scored his 50th goal of the season way back when. Dropping his stick to the ground, he pulled the Hendrix-at-Monterey-Pop move, feeling the heat with his gloved hands. Don Cherry clearly loved it. We did too, and that’s why Rachel drafted up this pixelated masterpiece in the style of NHL 94.

Get The Shirt Here >>


Willy Baby T-Shirt

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Tom Wilson absolutely trounced me in this week’s episode of Caps Red Line. I mean, it wasn’t even close. It’s almost like Wilson was a pro at it. To commemorate the victory blowout victory seriously-that-was-embarrassing, that-should’ve-been-a-towel-match, blowout victory, I assembled this shirt as an act of deference to my better. Tom Wilson, or as Ovi calls him, Willy Baby, pwns all and this shirt makes it known.

Get The Shirt Here >>


FREE WARDO T-Shirt

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Joel Ward is on his way to a career-best season, so the story about the time he got stuck in a bathroom stall is okay to remember now. When you’re kaying Ps and scoring Gs like Wardo is this year, there’s no reason to get embarrassed about THE TIME HE GOT STUCK IN A BATHROOM STALL. Seriously, why would a pro hockey player making $3M a year raking in points on the best third line in the league have any reason to feel shame over the time he GOT STUCK IN A BATHROOM STALL AND HAD TO GET HELPED OUT BY A TEAM OF CUSTODIAL STAFF AFTER A FULL HOUR OF TRYING TO OPEN THE DOOR. <3 Joel Ward.

Special Note: That’s a bathroom lock over the A. The text at the bottom says: “#BathroomRescue | October 5, 2013 | Dallas Omni Hotel”

Get The Shirt Here >>


RMNB Logo T-Shirt

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The new classic. With this shirt you will let the world know that — not only do you love the Caps– you also love SCOAR MOAR GOALS. And you know the only way to SCOAR MOAR GOALS is to CRASH THE NET. Who’s your favorite player? Doesn’t matter as long as he wears Caps red and is from the Soviet Union. What’s your second favorite thing after Caps hockey? Meteors, obviously. There is no article of clothing in the world more conducive to random high-fives than this one. So show your allegiance to D.C. hockey– by way of Russia– by wearing the new RMNB shirt.

Get The Shirt Here >>


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  • Michael Reschly

    I will repeat my request for long-sleeve, toddler-sized options.

  • Brouwer Rangers

    Is this a request for one new product or two?

  • Michael Reschly

    I would definitely buy toddler size long sleeve. May or may not buy adult size long sleeve.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Michael (and for anyone else wanting toddler/baby options),

    Go here: http://www.spreadshirt.com/design-your-own-t-shirt-C59/department/3/productType/814

    Let me know what product, what design/s you want applied, and then shoot me an email: thecrew@russianmachineneverbreaks.com

  • Michael Reschly

    Crap. Looks like spreadshirt doesn’t offer long sleeve toddler shirts, so I’ll stop complaining.

  • Capslass

    Must be the season but I keep hearing “Santa baby” song when I see the Willy baby shirt. Needs a santa hat on his head. : )