Photo: RIA Novosti

Defeated. Deflated. Enervated. Team USA went down in flames against a flashy Finnish team, losing the bronze medal in stunning fashion. 5-0.

Patrick Kane missed two penalty shots. The American penalty kill sucked. Jonathan Quick let five pucks past him. Tuukka Rask was exemplary with a light workload.

No medal for America. Everything sucks and so do you. Let’s talk about it.

whyIt should have been evident early on, when the US barely withstood a blistering attack from the Finns. Vancouver’s Ryan Kesler took Quick’s spot in net to block a shot. The American defense, which includes Brooks Orpik and Cam Fowler but not Keith Yandle, didn’t ever look equal to the puck-moving skills of the Finnish crew. Finland’s power play was able to open up a lot of space by moving the puck behind the goal line. That led to Teemu Selanne‘s backbreaking third period goal.

Selanne, who is 43 years old, was fantastic. He scored the game winner against Russia; he scored the game winner against America. He’s great. I hate him right now. I’ll go back to loving him on Thursday. Forever.

Tuukka Rask earned his shutout. And a bronze medal.

I suspect we’ll see some dumb-dumbs putting blame for the loss squarely on Patrick Kane, who missed two penalty shots. I think Kane was pretty great– both today and in the loss to Canada. Instead, I’d file this game under “Team Loss.” That pair of goals on consecutive shots from Selanne and Jussi Jokinen was certainly a bigger factor than any one dude underperfroming. The glut of penalties in the third period– by which point the team had clearly given up– is on the players, their coaches, and management.

GIF by BuzzFeed

These Olympics have been a steaming pile of disappointment. Marcus and Nick have one chance to redeem them tomorrow morning at 7 am.

Congratulations to the Finns and Teemu Selanne in particular.

Now please excuse me.

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  • Ternesti

    Finland and The Flash <3 What a fairytale ending

  • I tuned out at 4-0 when it looked as though the team had quit.

  • Kevin Parlett

    Can you guys guess who the first person Millbury placed the blame on? He is literally the worst

  • Roman Z.

    Wooooooooow what a complete domination by Finland. Their speed and PP were just amazing to watch.

    PS: that Bieber pick made me lose it, that shit was insanely funny lol!

  • Yo8

    As a fan of team Russia I want to laugh at everyone who said the US was going to win gold, but I won’t do it because Karma is a bitch and Sweden still left.

    I’m subscribing back to RMNB and JapersRink because I couldn’t stand the annoying display of patriotism from your twitter accounts.

    And the Russian creepy bear was having a good time.

  • Did he blame Kane and his missed penalty shots?

  • johnnymorte

    F the Olympics. If Canada wins tomorrow, darkness takes over the land. Sverige, its up to. Make things right. Go Backy and Mojo/Jojo, whatever the frick they call you!

  • Roman Z.

    I feelz you broski

  • Isis

    Worst week in US Hockey history. But happy for Selanne.

  • Roman Z.

    Who who who?!? I was watching the CBC feed, so I really wanna know

  • Kevin Parlett


  • Owen Johnson

    He blamed Ovi for having a negative influence on John Carlson?

  • Owen Johnson

    Carlson had another good game. He got at least one good shot on goal and broke up a stellar chance for Finland. Yet he only had maybe 6 shifts the entire game. Seriously BILEsma (and I can go back to hating you).

  • Stephen Chastain

    I believe that was not so much a hockey game from Team USA as an avant-garde interpretive dance of Explosive Diarrhea On Ice.

    Congrats Teemu you awesome old fossil.

  • Roman Z.

    Man, Tweeter is flooded with some amazing memes ATM. If I were a cruel person, I’d be posting them here right now lol

  • opinions_thoughts


  • jon

    Waaaah! Too much patriotism at Olympics! Waaaaah!

  • Graham Dumas

    He blamed Ovechkin for not sweating hard enough in Russia’s game against the Finns, which then set us up for this loss.

  • ..

  • Milbury and McGuire wonder why Caps fans…and fans of 28 other NHL teams (notice I didn’t say 29) hate them!

  • The policy is: You broke it, you bought it!

  • don’t hold back on my account
    let em rip

  • The team tuned out at 3-0

  • Maybe even after 2-0, with the quick goal by Jussi Jokinen right after Selanne had scored.

  • Roman Z.

    Lol so you get to keep him then?

  • Roman Z.

    I’m going to ask you this one time and one time only: are you sure? Cause once the floodgates are opened not even Captain America’s shield will be able to protect you

  • come at me bro

    (keep it clean)

  • Yo8

    No one said anything about whining or complaining to them but instead unsubscribing which is the best thing to do when you see something you don’t like. In this case both of these sides rooting for the US when I was rooting for Russia. I don’t have to put up with anything I don’t like and I believe I have the right to unsubscribe and subscribe whenever I want to.

  • Emily Wright


  • Scott

    And so it is demonstrated yet again that in hockey, as in all sports, team chemistry matters (and the Finns always seem to have it in spades), hot goaltending is paramount, and in a single game between two good teams anything can happen.
    Congratulations to Team Finland for a dominating performance, and let’s look forward to Washington at Florida on Thursday.
    NB: the Caps see Rask a week from today in Boston. Ought to be fun….

  • Roman Z.

    OK I’m done. If you decide to make an article our of it and include me somewhere in the closing credits, it’d make my day lol

  • Roman Z.

    Будете ли вы плакать на моем плече?

  • Owen Johnson

    I mean, Ovi could be having a stellar game, have 2 goals, and playing hard. Then he’ll have one shift where he’s out there for 2 minutes and is dogging it because he’s tired, and Milbury would say, “look at this lazy play. This is TERRIBLE. Kids, DON’T watch him play, eh?”

  • Graham Dumas

    Чрезмерная гордость добром никогда не кончается. Спроси у Российской сборной.

    Так что плечо мое останется свободным до вашего завтрашнего разгрома. Свое ты можешь опустить сейчас!

  • Rob W.

    Thinking 4 years down the road here but i see Canada having an insanely young and talented roster along with Finland and Sweden. I hope the american team can reload

  • Lawrence

    Are you serious? Did he really?

  • Lawrence

    Had to turn this game off. Olympics pretty much went as bad as possible in my book. Can’t wait for ovi and the caps to hit the ice next week.

  • Owen Johnson

    Probably not, but I wouldn’t put it past him.

  • Graham Dumas

    Haha, no, but couldn’t you just hear him saying that?

  • Chris Cerullo

    Shame on them for supporting their country. If stuff like that gets to you so easily, that’s a little ridiculous.

  • Ben

    Carlson got 21 shifts. I agree that he was fantastic and would have liked to see him paired with someone other then Orpik.

  • Roman Z.

    Hmmm you completely misinterpreted that. It was meant more along the lines of let’s unite in our own distinctive sadness, much like everyone here unites when the Caps lose.

  • M Taylor

    Did you also see the outpouring of support for Ovi and his family here? The continued following of Sasha Semin despite him being on another team? Did you see how many people were torn between wanting Russia to win purely due to loyalty to Ovi despite our nationality? I just hope Ovi sees it and realizes his “adopted” nation supported him so thoroughly.

  • Eric Schulz

    Yeah, half the coverage, and half the fans (at least), were rooting for Russia to win Gold, not the US. Not sure what you were paying attention to…

  • M Taylor

    If you look at how well the American Hockey Development program has been doing recently (in terms of draft pick, players actually signed to NHL teams and playing in the NHL), you can see huge advances recently. I think more and more the Development of USA players will show on an international stage.

    That being said, it was a wonderful tournamanet in terms of seeing the talent up and coming in developing programs. Switzerland and Slovenia should be forces too in upcoming years. All of which benefits us, better games to watch, better players all over the world pushing the sport to excel.

  • Graham Dumas

    Haha, my bad. I thought it was a continuation of your good-natured, pro-Canada ribbing from yesterday, so I decided to respond in kind. Fail!

    I should have put a sticky-toungy-out emoticon to make it more clear where I was going with that. But I can’t stand emoticons, so I thought the overly strong epithets would do the job instead.

    But seriously, what the hell, USA?!

  • Graham Dumas

    Also, that. Russia was my second team after the USA, and I think Ian was pulling for them all along (along with other, actually Russian contributors). Japer’s I can’t speak to, but I’m pretty sure the non-Peter RMNB posts were pretty strongly in favor of Russia and USA both.

  • Graham Dumas

    That’s what we in the biz call getting lawyered!

  • Graham Dumas

    Soooooo we gonna see some of these on here, or what?

  • JenniferH

    Did he legitimately blame Ovi for USA losing against Finland? He blamed Ovi for another teams loss against another team?

    ETA: Oh, OK, I see that he actually didn’t, but the fact that I actually thought it was an actual possibility says what I think about Milbury.

  • JenniferH

    Unless Sweden wins, this will have officially been THE single most disappointing Olympics I have ever watched in my life. Not one single win in one single event I’ve watched. Ugh. (And even if Sweden wins, that’s so not the win I wanted there.)

  • Graham Dumas

    Because this is how nasty rumors get started and torch-wielding mobs formed, I am going to answer, “yes.” In his sick, twisted mind, somewhere buried deep behind the doors of perception (or something), I am sure Milbury was blaming Ovi.

  • Eric Schulz

    Seemed like a lot of the comments by followers were Russia FIRST, US second; I was one of them.

  • Graham Dumas

    There you go. Oh well…

  • MuzzMuzzington

    USA was absolutely lost on the bigger ice. Seemed like we were trying to play as if it were the smaller ice. Barely beat the Russians, got a plethora of bad, cheesy goals on the Czechs who could’ve used better goaltending.

    Finns did a good job of keeping us on the outside, which is even further away on the international ice. Just like the Canadians did. I’m just hoping at this point that Canada loses and has to settle for silver.

  • Yo8

    Yes I did and that’s one of the reasons I like this side. Following Sasha is more out of comic relief here. Yes, but I don’t care about the US or Canada. Good but I still don’t care for the US and Canada and again I believe I can do whatever I want with my twitter account.

  • Yo8

    I subscribed to follow the caps and of course the Russian players mainly and not to hear about the US team. Like I said to the other guy I can do whatever I want with my twitter account. If something like that gets to me easily or not it doesn’t matter because I wasn’t getting exactly what I wanted from their account. That’s like saying stick with your cable company even if you don’t like half of the channels or continue to buy from a business when the products aren’t the same as before.

    Last time I checked you are not forced to stay subscribed to anything and I’m not telling them to stop talking about the US team either.

  • Graham Dumas

    Yo, forgot to say in all the anger over Backstrom, but congrats to Canada on the gold. Now we can all go back to being sad for the same reason…

  • Roman Z.

    Yo I ain’t even that happy yo. When Russia got out, I was transported to Mordor. So Canada winning gold doesn’t really compensate for the initial disappointment.

  • Graham Dumas

    Yeah, Olympic hockey basically blew for everyone except Finland and Canada. Crappy tourney.

  • Silk

    Canada was really hoping for a Canada-Russia gold medal game and I watched a Tretiak interview and that’s what he wanted to. Hope to battle for gold in 2018. ;).