Okay, Maybe the Capitals Should Trade for Ryan Miller

We’ve been saying that it’d be unwise for the Washington Capitals to trade for Ryan Miller. Our reasoning wasn’t complicated: whatever extra goals Miller might save could be made up for cheaper by spending that money on skaters.

But lately I’ve been coming around. I have seen the error of my ways. I now see the appeal of trading for Miller. In fact, I think I’ve concocted the perfect transaction to make it happen.

Capitals trade Brouwer, Chimera, and Erskine to Buffalo for Ryan Miller

Voila!

Buffalo gets three tough-skating character guys who skate tough and have character.

In exchange, the Capitals get the best head of hair ever to watch from the bench as the US got shut out twice in a row.

…BUT I’M NOT DONE YET!

Capitals trade Ryan Miller to Montreal for PK Subban

There. I did it. I just traded for Ryan Miller and made the Caps a better team. I am a genius. Someone hire me. 

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  • Kim Peacock

    Sounds legit

  • Tank Nation

    Crappy photochop and two unrealistic trade proposals – nice job! ;)

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Should I take a bow or hide my face in shame for that Miller photoshop at the top? Also, mad skillz by our boy Peter with the trade graphics.

  • H70

    I am offended at the suggestion that Ryan Miller has better hair than Holtby.

  • Jason W.

    i love pitch perfect

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    let’s fight about it

    DRAMA!

  • Owen Johnson

    But Chimera is the ice cheetah who can outskate everybody. Troy Brouwer is finally coming into his own this season. And John Erskine… well… we love John Erskine.

  • Clint Petty

    I can’t tell if this is serious or not…

    In case it is, can’t we just trade directly to the Canadiens for Subban? They don’t need Miller with Price in net.

  • Rob W.

    I think you trade either holtby or neuvy to buffalo along with a 1st or 2nd pick and another player for Miller. Then you trade Neuvy, erat, Orlov(maybe?) for a top 4 Defensemen. bring up Gruby to back up miller

  • Dustin Sier

    I think you’re insane, considering Miller is FA after this year. Don’t we always yell about mortgaging the future?

  • Kim Peacock

    Holtby has long locks, but Miller has purrtier locks

  • Kim Peacock

    Bow— he looks dreamy

  • zoltoner

    Skeptical Fry is skeptical.

  • CapsCast

    You’ve proved here that you know how the game works and how to work it to your advantage. If I ever get good enough at anything that requires me to have an agent, I’d like you to be the guy.

  • james1968

    Miller, Grigorenko, 2nd round pick for Nuevy, Burkovsky, 1st round pick. Or Miller, Erhoff, 2nd round pick, for Nuevy, Johansson, 1st round pick.

  • o’rly

    hey did peyton manning win a super bowl this year?

    oh thats right…

    gg holtby.

  • Rob W.

    I didnt think i had to say it but i guess i do, if we get him theres no way we dont resign him

  • Owen Johnson

    Nope. I’m DONE trading away top prospects.

  • Owen Johnson

    Holtby also has a more symmetrical face. Sorry, that was mean.

  • Nick Palastro

    Very subpar

  • H70

    Miller keeps his under his helmet, and doesn’t throw it back Fabio style after every play. Also this…

  • Dustin Sier

    Don’t get me wrong, I think Miller is an excellent goaltender but he’s 33 years old and we’d be moving one goalie with huge upside (Holtby) and one very solid goalie (Neuvirth) to get maybe 2-3 years with potential downturn from a guy who has been overworked to this point, to be backed up by a guy who’s first NHL experience was this year.

    Maybe I’m too high on Holtby, but I don’t want to see us deal him. I think he has tremendous potential with an actual defense in front of him and he’s a STEAL in comparison to Miller (who I don’t think you can guarantee is going to resign with the club for an affordable price).

  • Charles Alan Parsons

    You’re assuming that he both wants to play in DC for the rest of his career and that we could match the offers by other teams.

  • james1968

    You would get a comparble prospect who the Sabres have mishandled and somewhat soured on, but I think would be a good fit for the Caps, and maybe a little closer than Burkovsky to NHL ready.

  • Rob W.

    I should make it clear that Im not actually in favor of getting Miller, this is just a scenario i think would work to get him and clear up cap space. Relax people

  • ErskSMASH

    LOL!!!!!!!! is this serious or sarcasm? or did someone pour an insane amount of LSD in your coffee this morning?

  • BPThomas

    The truth hurts

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland
  • Kim Peacock

    But….

  • BPThomas

    This thing was good, but the trade for Subban really does it for me. I have a total hockey-crush on that dude.

  • Brian

    Your trade proposal is missing a goalie. Jus sayin

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    If by coffee you mean Diet Mountain Dew…

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    I don’t drink no DIET Mountain Dew

    what is this

    COMMUNIST FRANCE

  • William

    It’s noticeable but it works!

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett
  • Shaun Phillips

    You’d trade 2 out of 3 goalies (and the only 2 NHL-tested, mother-approved), a top round pick (which are the only ones GMGM is good at), and one of our best puck-moving dmen for a rental goalie and a top 4 d?? GMGM should be worried about his job with you in the hunt for surpassing him in terms of moronic moves. ;) Good luck in 2 years when all you have is Grubi with no real backup.

  • Brouwer Rangers

    As long as we’re suggesting realistic trades, why not package Erat, Neuvy, Erskine, Laich’s groin and Green’s meninges for Miller instead?

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    I’m relieved you entered into this unarmed. I was worried you’d mug me.

  • GregV

    I agree. Even Chimera has better hair than Ryan Miller. Holtby’s is in a category of its own. It knows no peer. And I say this after watching that profile piece/Swedish shampoo ad about Backstrom.

  • Brian

    The caps want a win now not in 2 or 3 years. Your key guys aren’t getting younger either. Miller makes sense. He hasn’t shown signs of slowing down, fatigue or injury. Lundqvist is only two years younger and signed his 8 year deal, no reason you cannot expect the same out of Miller for 5 or 6 years

  • Joey Doukmetzian

    you don’t like the new Ovi/Backie/Brooksie line??!?!?!? lol

  • H70

    But that just makes me think of this…

  • Owen Johnson

    The Caps aren’t winning a Stanley Cup this year, so yeah, I want them to build for the future.

  • Rob W.

    you missed the part where this is hypothetical and i say you obviously resign him, no one would be that dumb to not resign him

  • Sarah

    Seems plausible. Where do I sign to make this happen?

  • Brian

    You cannot continue to build for the future with the kind of talent you have now. Soon they will get slow down and not be as effective. Theres no reason to think the Caps cannot be contenders given the opportunity of having a goalie that doesn’t give up 4 goals a game.

  • Shaun Phillips

    Didn’t see the re-sign thing in the first post. And I don’t think there’s any way we’d re-sign Miller. He wants to go to a cup contender, Caps are struggling to make the playoffs.

  • Dustin Sier

    I just don’t want to see us mortgage our future for RIGHT NOW THIS YEAR. We tried that last year. We’ll have room next year, but as someone else mentioned, how do we know Miller wants to stick around DC?

    I’m all about getting Ovi a cup, but not at the risk of hurting the future.

    Related note, but Lundqvist and Miller have been starting/primary goalies for their teams for 9 years each. I don’t want more crazy-long contracts.

    I guess if we can get Miller for almost nothing, I’d be for it. I think we could take the pieces we would probably need to get Miller to get a top 4 D and still have one of those goalies available (my preference being Holtby, who has been fine).

  • Owen Johnson

    But goaltending isn’t the problem. I’m not saying Miller wouldn’t be an upgrade over Holtby because he would be. The Caps have a horrible defense that leaves the goalie out to dry at least 3-4 times a game. If anything, when the Caps were 2nd in the Metro earlier this year, it was Holtby stealing games for us despite the fact we were being outplayed. Once he went on a slump was when we started to lose ground in the playoff race.

  • Brian

    Yeah the defense is a problem as well. Its psychological also. Not saying Miller is the cure all and will make the defense become a shut down force, but it may increase their confidence. Who knows. Personally I do not think Miller will end up in Washington. I think the Blues are the eager force and closest to finding that final piece to the puzzle. But what do I know ha.

  • ErskSMASH

    with copious amounts of psychedelics … is our goaltending thaaat bad? in most of the game recaps i hear how awful the D is (especially my namesake)

  • Chris Cerullo

    Upvote because Emily Osment.

  • Chris Cerullo

    There would literally be no point in adding either prospect to the trade you posted…. Neuvy and a 1st would get it done for Miller.

  • Andy

    So you’re saying the better the hair the better the goalie, right? Let’s slap a pair of skates on that hunk Tim Riggins. Clear eyes, full hearts, NO SCOAR GOALS.

  • Shaun Phillips

    The only serious cap space you’re clearing with this move is Erat. We could accomplish the same thing with buying him out. I don’t think these trades would even cover Miller’s cap hit, let alone a top 4 dman’s cap. You should know that Cap fans are a passionate group and anything that doesn’t make sense will be called out. :)

  • Kim Peacock

    The Hair, the background… it all works together

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    /puts serious hat on

    The Caps are 19th out of 30 in 5v5 save percentage: http://www.extraskater.com/teams/on-ice?sit=ev&type=rate&sort=save_pct

    But the gap between 19th and 7th is just 7 goals on 1000 shots.

    During the PK, the Caps are 26th out of 30– http://www.extraskater.com/teams/on-ice?sit=sh&dir=reverse&type=rate&sort=save_pct — giving up a goal every 10 shots. That’s the problem right there, but it’s likely to self-adjust.

    So, no. Goaltending isn’t that bad. And based on career numbers so far, Holtby is better than Miller– though Holtby’s numbers are soft due to the smaller sample size.

    /takes serious hat off

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    I thought that was one of our readers

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Does anyone else get this image when they do a google image search for “ryan miller hair”? https://www.google.com/search?q=ryan+miller+hair

    http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lys73yKHur1qfverto1_500.png

  • Chris Cerullo

    No Peter that is clearly Lilly Truscott from the hit Disney Channel original, Hannah Montana.

  • Chris Cerullo

    Is that Vokoun with Miller hair?

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Oh, I’m relieved. I thought that was this girl from twitter and I was like oh no is she sad because of something I wrote?

  • Kim Peacock

    It is

  • Kim Peacock

    LOL

  • Jeffrey Burns

    If the Sabres were to trade Miller to the Caps, they would not take back 3 veteran players. Brouwer possibly, but the other portion of the deal would be Holtby/Neuvirth, a young 20-21 year old forward prospect, and possibly a 1st/2nd round draft pick in 2014 or 2015. They need scoring, and only Brouwer could provide that. They have enough character guys in their lineup.

  • DonGiovanna

    Hey! In defence of Miller and his coiffure, the whole Team USA was a train wreck (plus he wasn’t in net, pfffhhht)!

  • ErskSMASH

    this seems to be on the assumption that the goaltending is the problem, better defense can improve the rankings you mentioned..im not sure a substitution miller for holtby would solve the problem

  • bggb

    Seems legit.

  • Graham Dumas

    I’m sad because there’s still no Grabo Bank shirt. Does that count? I, uhh, don’t look like that when I cry, though.

    http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gEmG4Fzh__g/UZZEN-PGW1I/AAAAAAAADbk/g3u83udAeoU/s1600/tim-robbins.jpg

  • Matthew Kory

    My take-home from this: Erskine, Chimera, and Brower are all signed through 2015… Ugh.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    The numbers I showed were all based on save percentage, which goalies control, not shots against, which they do not.

    Defense is the problem, but I don’t think Miller is a fix either.

  • liquid8d

    I saw this headline and was about to get pissed after watching the Panthers.. the PANTHERS.. out shoot us. Then I LOL’ed :P

  • Myan

    I was talking about this with my boyfriend the other night while we were watching Sabres/Carolina when Miller stole the game for Buffalo. I like the idea of Miller in a Caps sweater because I do think that he’d be able to steal games for us.

    Holtby’s inconsistent play last night just summed up my general frustrations with him between the pipes. We were up 4-2 and he took that bad delay of game penalty which gave Buffalo all that momentum and led to a 6 minute window where I couldn’t breathe out of fear. I wish he wouldn’t try to handle the puck so often…he isn’t that good at it. If I recall correctly, we gave up a SHG against Columbus (or Rangers?) when he misplayed the puck behind the net as well. The real conundrum with Holtby is that while he’s prone to errors and allowing softies, he also comes up with crazy saves that NOBODY should make. The standard deviation of his play must be off the charts. At the end of the day, I don’t think that Holtby is a viable Number 1 for us if we truly want to make the push for a Cup in the next few seasons. He’s just inconsistent.

  • Clare Conner

    this is a GIF of me.

  • Jaime

    Aw, don’t worry; we’re fine.

  • Hyusis

    Thank the universe you aren’t the Caps GM

  • Barrett

    Hey Peter, can you run some #’s on the Capitals defense vs the Sabres defense. Both teams are almost identical in goals against (WSH: 172 & BUF:174). Obviously the Capitals are getting way more offensive production, but is this really an improvement in net that will have an impact? Are the Sabres that bad defensively and Miller is bailing them out, or are the two teams pretty equal defensively and both sets of goal tenders are stealing games?

  • Lawrence

    I could watch Anna Kendrick gif’s all dayyyy

  • Smed Baildog

    I think both BUF and MON would have to hire you as GM simultaneously for this to work.

  • james1968

    Neuvy and a 1st wouldn’t do it. Murray wants prospects a year or two into their development. Burkovsky would be the desired piece. Sabres would just be taking Neuvy, a player who wants out, off the Caps hands. I add Grigorenko because I know the new Sabres regime have cooled on him and he would minimize the impact of the Caps losing their 2nd best prospect. I also think he would fit well with the Caps and would benifit from being around Ovi. If anything the exchange of picks is unnecessary. Just trying to come up with a scenario, granted I doubt it would happen, that benifits both teams.

  • Graham Dumas

    Yeah, umm, define “we”…

  • Guy

    Wait what? You’d put Brouwer up right as he is blossoming? Explain your reasoning. I’ll stick with McPhee’s gambling abilities (or lack there of) over Peter’s for now.

  • Marky Narc

    What?! And break up the Ward/Chimera bromance?! The one positive thing to come out of this season?! No, Peter, no! :( You heartless monster! TRUE LOVE, PETER. THINK ABOUT TRUE LOVE.

  • ErskSMASH

    save percentage isnt 100% on goalie either tho is it? a bad defense has gotta hurt a goalies save %, giving up scoring chances that put the goalie in an impossible situation to make a save more often, either way i say lets get some legit defense (beyond carly and alzner) and then see if our goalies dont perform

  • Guy

    ^^these guys should be dual GMs. Staying in full regalia underneath their suits. The departure of Erat, Neuvy, Big John Bunyan, ol’ brittle bones Laich, and perhaps #greenlife420 just sounds like Bailamos already.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Sure. Let’s do it in two parts: not-goalies and goalies.

    First, not-goalies:

    Buffalo allows 33 shots and 60 attempts per 60 minutes of 5v5.
    Washington allows 31.2 shots and 56 attempts per 60.

    Both are in the bottom five of the league.

    Conclusion: both teams are pretty bad at limiting their opponents. Any talk of Ryan Miller having it much tougher in BUF than Braden does here doesn’t really stand up to criticism.

    Now goalies.

    For save percentage, I’ll refer to Neil’s tweet.

    https://twitter.com/ngreenberg/status/438429575513505792

    They’ve very, very similar goalies at even strength.

    http://www.extraskater.com/players/goalies?players=398%2C188

    Where they differ is the penalty kill. Again, both teams are bottom five when it comes to limiting opponent shots on the powerplay, but Miller is saving better.

    Because the sample size is so small, the volatility is very high. Miller could regress and Holtby could progress. At the end of the season, there’s a totally decent chance Holtby could beat Miller in all Sv% stats.

    The salient part is the same for both teams: the defense sucks, not the goalie.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    oh hi Clare
    didn’t see you come in

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Yeah, I did it for an RMNB post a few years ago.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett
  • Barrett

    So, where does this trade benefit the Capitals? How does trading for Miller solve the problem? I’d rather keep Holtby/Neuvirth/Grubauer and dump the dead weight to free cap space.

  • Jared

    This is totally the wrong place to complain about this, but…

    “Marcus Johansson, who has played left wing most often under Oates, was centering a second line with Jason Chimera and Troy Brouwer. Eric Fehr stayed in the middle of the third unit now flanked by Joel Ward and Nicolas Deschamps. Jay Beagle centered the fourth line, which could be rounded out by Tom Wilson and Martin Erat.”

    Deschamps on the third line over Wilson. Classic Oates.

  • Stephen

    Guys c’mon, be serious. this is the internet.

    Miller hair is thick, but I’d take Holtby’s flow anyday.

    http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr02/2013/1/30/17/anigif_enhanced-buzz-784-1359584167-0.gif

  • Myan

    Wait, is there an actual rumor out there that PK Subban might not be a Hab in the near future??? I know that he signed a bridge contract last year but are contract negotiations really hitting an obstacle right now?

  • Chris Cerullo

    If that’s what Murray wants he’ll have a hard time finding a suitor. You don’t deal prospects like Burakovsky for a UFA. I’m pretty sure we’d be completely fine keeping Nuevy to backup so no he is not a throw in….

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    I think it’s a temporary thing while they figure out what’s up with Erat (rest) and Grabo (injury).

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Yeah, there’s some friction between him and coaching.

  • Vince Constantino

    I would love to see Miller rockin’ the red, but I really wouldn’t want to see Chimmer go. Jason and Wardo together on the same line is the only legit. source of secondary scoring we seem to have right now. I agree with trading Erskine and Brouwer for Miller though.

  • VeggieTart

    Yeah, but Holtby knows how to work it with his locks.

  • james1968

    In the fantasy scenario I put out there Grigorenko is the piece that makes up for the loss of Burakovsky. He is also a high end prospect, who has simply been mishandled by the Sabres and who they’ve cooled on. Honestly the only teams that should be interesed in Miller are the ones that think the only piece between them and the cup is a goaltender. In that case a high end prospect might be woth the cost. Washington is of course not that team. If the Caps seriously want to participate in the Sabres firesale they should probably look at Christian Erhoff.

  • Robert

    It doesn’t, this article was completely facetious (and awesome)

  • johnnymorte

    Yes, I would also like to trade in my Honda for a brand new Porsche.

  • rapmadrob

    Why would the Habs trade a guy that logs 25 minutes a night for Ryan Miller when they have Carey Price who has a .925 Sv% on the year?

  • Bev Miller Bellamy

    Easy, breezy, beautiful…..

  • Bev Miller Bellamy

    Well, if hair and background matter, I humbly submit the following…. :)

  • Myan

    eggscellent!

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Oh shit, you’re right. I’ll delete the post right away.

  • Kim Peacock

    dammit, now I just want a pepsi and all I have is coca-cola

  • Chris Cerullo

    I know who Grigs is and his situation in Buffalo. Trading Grigorenko for Burakovsky is just literally ridiculously lateral from a Caps perspective that it would never fly. I do agree on Ehrhoff and Tallinder as well.

  • Rhino40

    Peter,

    First let me say that I totally agree that we absolutely, desparately need improvement on Defence.

    I’m just not certain that Subban is the droid you’re looking for. He’s got skills, sure, but I just don’t know if it’s worth the baggage he might bring.

    Consider that he was in salary dispute with one of the wealthiest, most storied franchises in hockey–a dispute which had him not skating for far too long at a time when his team needed him ON THE ICE. If he acts like that in MTL, why would he give proper respect to the Caps team if he comes here? Chemistry? I don’t know. And while many of us–perhaps rightly–bemoan JE4′s questionable puck decisions and relative lack of foot speed, he does seem to be a relatively disciplined player: He rarely lets people get under his skin…until the time is right. Subban, OTOH, strikes me as being a bit of a hothead; if a hot-headed D-man was what we needed, I’d say try for Phaneuf…except he is unfortunately a Leaf for Life.

  • jennrubenstein

    all i can think of is wuv… twue wuv…

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    ???

    First, and I cannot stress this enough, this article is satire.

    Second, the conceit of the satire is the Caps unloading salary and to solve a known problem by way of a three-way trade containing a silly trade idea for Miller.

  • Barrett

    I see through your satiracle article and uncover the true meaning, your love for P.K. Subban and Ryan Miller.

  • RY

    Too late now, the Sabres just got ripped off by the Blues.

  • RyanMiller2 STL

    so much for that lol

  • 0nimpulse

    oh…but no. Miller/Ott off to St. Louis. http://www.nhl.com/ice/news.htm?id=706963&cmpid=nhl-fb

  • RESmith

    Mr. Hassett, I think you just earned the hockey swami hat for the week!

  • rapmadrob

    No I’m seriously asking… I don’t see how that would be a good trade for Montreal when they have a good goalie? He’s not as good as miller, but I feel like he isn’t worth a defenseman from their top pair. Am I missing something here?

  • Eric Schulz

    Yes, you are missing something.

  • rapmadrob

    I guess that’s why I asked the question about why they would they trade Subban for miller.I was actually just asking. That’s how we gain information. I wasn’t trying to attack the post.

  • JenniferH

    Peter, you know I love you, but, uhm, no.

  • JenniferH

    You’re psychic!

  • Owen Johnson

    It was my obscure Simpsons reference of the day.

    “Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A’s, and Bart… well, we love Bart.”

  • Colin

    I love Anna Kendrick. Wait, I promise I came here for the hockey.

  • Owen Johnson

    Well, I’ll give you this: you apparently know what you’re talking about.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    Yes. Comedy.