RMNB Meetup: Hockey Night at the Frederick Keys!


Ian and I were born and raised in Frederick, Maryland, which is the greatest city on the face of the Earth. This is relevant information, because now we’re inviting you to town.

Our hometown baseball team, the Frederick Keys, are having their hockey night on Saturday, April 12. We’ve missed the event two years in a row, but we’re definitely going this time– because Craig Laughlin and Alan May will be there! And we want you to come too.

We’ll eat peanuts, drink beers, talk hockey, watch baseball, and generally have a blast.

Who: You! Us! Craig and Alan! Glynn Davis!

What: Hockey night! Keys vs Lynchburg Hillcats! (Boo Hillcats! We don’t like them!)

Where: Harry Grove Stadium, 21 Stadium Dr, Frederick, MD 21703

When: Saturday, April 12, 2:00 PM

Why: Because the weather is nice, the people are good, and the hockey makes us sad.

I’m excited. The Caps will wrap up the regular season the very next day, so this might be our last chance to hang out for a while– and we’d be doing it at a beautiful ball park in the middle of spring.

Tickets cost between somewhere 6 and 14 bucks, which you can buy at the gate. If you tell them you’re with RMNB, you will not get a discount. You might get a suspicious side-eye.

It’s a big promotions night for them. According to the Keys:

  • Come meet Washington Capitals alumni Craig Laughlin and Alan May. Also in attendance will be Caps mascot, Slapshot!
  • The first 1,000 fans through the gates will receive a FREE Keys calendar.
  • Get your Keys magnet schedule presented by Precision Heating and Cooling.

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m getting me a magnet schedule. Also, maybe a high five from Locker. And almost certainly an insult from Alan May.

Thing you need to know: General admission gets you bleacher or lawn seats. We’ll probably be on the bleachers.


Ian will be wearing an RMNB shirt. I will be wearing a single pink carnation in my lapel. Bring five thousand US dollars in non-consecutive, unmarked bills. Place it in a paper bag three seats in on the second row from the back. There you will find a dossier containing the microfiche.

Another thing you need to know: The Keys have a mascot called Frank Key.


He scares the living hell out of me.

Lifeless eyes. Dead eyes. Like a doll’s eyes.

Yet another thing you need to know: I live like two blocks from the stadium, but please don’t come over. Even if you see the huge Knuble head in the window. Even if you see the best bullypup ever next to said Knuble head. My house is tiny and I’m very afraid of you.

Final thing you need to know: Come! It’ll be so much fun! Maybe we’ll go out for drinks afterwards! Yay!

Tagged with:
  • Brouwer Rangers


  • Down with Frank Key. Up with Keyote. #savekeyote

  • Kelsey

    Ah good ol Keys game – a huge part of my childhood. Then we can hit downtown frederick afterwards!

  • Rob W.

    frank key is straight nightmare fuel

  • yup

  • amen

  • Brouwer Rangers

    you butt!

  • Georgia loves it.

  • Brouwer Rangers

    Well ok I guess.

  • Brouwer Rangers

    I want to print this photo out life size and hang it in my front window.

  • meta

  • Myan

    Frank Key literally looks like what you see before you die. (no offense)

  • Brouwer Rangers

    I wish there were a reason for Mike Knuble to be walking the streets of Frederick and see this staring back at him.

  • Owen Johnson

    Frederick is a little far for those of us living south of the border. If I lived in Maryland, I’d be down to clown with this.
    Also, the plush mascots that are sort of supposed to resemble people are always terrifying

    Hate to give credit to my school’s hated in-state rivals, but THIS is how you do human mascots

    Other than that F WVU

  • PleaseKillMe

    Brewer’s Alley, or Bushwaller’s afterward?

  • It’s not too far. If I can endure the beltway and 66’s horrible traffic to go to Kettler, you guys drive 30 peaceful miles up 270.

  • I’m offended this YouTube was left off of this post


  • Brewers > Bushwallers, all day, every day

  • Thomas Fontana

    Woah now, I’m wearing my Hillcats T-shirt right now! Lynchburg has some caps fans too!

  • boo

  • ajansen1

    Yeah where’s Keyote? On a slightly unrelated note, it’s very fun to blackout at brewers/bushwallers

  • Drew just made this his ringtone.

  • My flip phone doesn’t have ringtones. 🙁

  • erinamanda13

    I was JUST thinking the same thing when I was reading that comment. 🙂 I live in Thurmont…I’ll try to be there!

  • erinamanda13

    Totally seen this before when I’ve been walking around taking pictures…I have a couple of pictures because it always amuses me.

  • Owen Johnson

    I didn’t say no. It was a maybe.

  • Yay!

  • I will make every effort to make it there with the family!

  • bskillet

    See ya there, I’m in Monrovia.

  • SM74

    I’d come, but 1) baseball – why?, 2) it’s the day I leave for overseas. Have fun (yeah, right, baseball)… I mean, enjoy the get together.

  • R.O’B.

    HUGS FOR ALL. Can’t wait!

  • picturesandtalk

    Wait. What happened to Keyote? I haven’t been to a Keys game in a really long time…

  • picturesandtalk

    While I love to shit on VA as much as the next guy (seriously, I trust exactly 0 people who choose to live in that state), you can only call a drive north on 270 “30 peaceful miles” at select times.

  • Keyote is still the main dude. And he’s also the best dude.

  • Emily Casto

    Dear Peter, you know that your “warning” above just guaranteed a booze-soaked after-party at your place, right? Not to worry, we roll Knooblian-style: we’ll send a DD out for Denny’s and be passed out at your crash-pad by 7pm. I mean, you gave us directions and a Knoob-head landmark. Your only hope is to run ahead of the approaching mob so you can throw on a robe and slippies, sit in a lawn chair, and yell “get off his lawn”, while pointing to the mighty #22’s head in the window.