Photo: Gregg Forwerck
One year ago, an April game between the Carolina Hurricanes and the Washington Capitals would be a huge deal. The main reason the Caps made the 2013 playoffs was Carolina’s swoon. Now, the picture couldn’t be more different. This game didn’t matter to either team– and it showed.
And I get to recap it! Lucky me. I’m sure you guys are just lining up to read this.
Joel Ward scored from Fehr and Chimera early on. Then Chimera scored from Fehr and Ward. Jiri Tlusty notched a shorthanded goal against the suckasoft Caps PP defense, but Troy Brouwer restored the two-goal lead with a one-timer off Marcus’ great cross-slot pass. Eric Fehr scored from Chimera and Ward. Brouwer notched another goal in the third. Radek Dvorak rearranged your keyboard with a late goal for the Canes, but it was already over– on multiple levels.
Caps beat Canes 5-2. This changes everything.
- ♫ Third line ♪ You are so fine ♫ And you’re mine oh mine ♪ Oh third line ♫. I just wrote that. It is absolutely fitting that Eric Fehr, Jason Chimera, and Joel Ward kicked ass tonight. They’ve always been the Caps’ best line– much to my surprise– and they do a stellar drop funneling shots to the net. They’re all under contract for next season. Unless the Caps bust out the TNT, I’d expect to see these guys lining up together at the beginning of October.
- That might not be a good thing. The third line has created a firewall between the top six and bottom line. Why Tom Wilson and Evgeny Kuznetsov are still getting garbage minutes now that the stakes are so low confuses the heck out of me. Wait, nevermind. It’s Oates.
- Alex Semin got a stick penalty in neutral. Like cuddling up with your old baby blanket.
- Braden Holtby, the once and future Caps franchise goalie, was excellent. You guys think we see Halak again? I’m skeptical.
- Apart from the third line, this was an astonishingly boring game. Like, the Masters would be more compelling television than this low-hitting game. The Caps ran up the score thanks to the Green Line and the subject of our next bullet, but the give-a-poo level of this one was hypotensive for nearly the whole 60. Third line excepted.
- Troy Brouwer. Here’s what I’d like to think happened: Brouwer busts out his Kindle Fire or whatever, pulls up RMNB (his homepage, I’m sure), sees the thing about his 0-17 shot differential the other night, and declares, “never again!” Brouwer scored twice– neither of them on the power play. Awesome game.
- Minus-2 for Alex Ovechkin and one shot on goal. Your move, Steve Ott.
- If they spread some of these 5v5 goals out through the season, we’d be ramping up for quarterfinals next week. God this is sad. Let’s switch it up.
Here’s Joseph Beninati’s suit of the night:
Now, for something completely different.
(9:09:28 PM) Peter Hassett: Hey Ian.
(9:09:34 PM) Ian Oland: hey
(9:09:40 PM) Peter Hassett: What’s your favorite Katy Perry video?
(9:09:45 PM) Ian Oland: Roar
(9:09:51 PM) Ian Oland: are we doing this
(9:09:53 PM) Ian Oland: lol
(9:09:56 PM) Peter Hassett: Roar. Why do you like Roar, Ian?
(9:10:30 PM) Ian Oland: the song is good, but the way she looks in the video is even good-er
(9:11:14 PM) Peter Hassett: See, it’s not my fave version of Katy personally. The whole Tarzan thing? Not my bag.
(9:12:36 PM) Peter Hassett: Okay I’m watching it now and I’m seeing your point.
(9:12:47 PM) Ian Oland: Her clothes are tattered and almost falling off. She makes the #LattaFace
(9:12:57 PM) Ian Oland: There’s good typography
(9:13:00 PM) Peter Hassett: Hahaha. Okay, but quick counterpoint: Teenage Dream.
(9:13:54 PM) Peter Hassett: But in Teenage Dream, she’s basically singing exclusively about premarital sex between really attractive people.
(9:14:05 PM) Peter Hassett: And the video is SHOWING that. They’re not even doing metaphors. It’s just right there.
(9:14:11 PM) Peter Hassett: That’s what high school was supposed to be like.
(9:15:03 PM) Peter Hassett: Instead of playing Dungeons and Dragons and watching South Park in a basement with guys named “Saco” and “The Gimp”
(9:16:25 PM) Ian Oland: Yes, I’ve seen it. It’s almost raunchy
(9:16:29 PM) Ian Oland: I mean every Katy Perry video is a wonderful collection of sexually suggestive pixels. I like my sexual metaphors more coy and cute.
(9:16:48 PM) Peter Hassett: That’s where you and I differ. I want it LITERALLY in my face.
(9:17:02 PM) Peter Hassett: None of this “Dark Horse” junk.
(9:17:35 PM) Ian Oland: I’m re-watching the video again. Her clothes are also tattered in this one. I’m noticing a theme.
(9:17:48 PM) Ian Oland: she’s now humping a car seat
(9:18:01 PM) Ian Oland: she looks more dangerous to drive with than Ovi
(9:18:20 PM) Peter Hassett: No one is more dangerous than Ovi. Except maybe Vince Neil.
(9:18:37 PM) Ian Oland: And there goes her pants
(9:19:19 PM) Ian Oland: If you come out with a song called “I Kissed a Girl (And Liked It)”, when you’re’ actually singing about sexuality with a man, you really gotta bring it.
(9:19:34 PM) Ian Oland: and by bring it, I mean no clothes
(9:19:56 PM) Peter Hassett: See I didn’t like the early Katy stuff. Except for Hot and Cold. This song– not just the video– is so great.
(9:20:06 PM) Peter Hassett: Alright, good talk. I should wrap up the recap. We’ll talk more later.
(9:20:09 PM) Peter Hassett: About Katy
(9:20:11 PM) Ian Oland: sure okay