steve-oleksy-racketball

Photo: @StevenOleksy

When I think of hockey players training in the offseason, I imagine iron, ice, and sweat. I don’t imagine safety goggles and balls bouncing off walls.

A few weeks ago, Steve Oleksy revealed his newfangled training technique: playing racquetball with Braden Holtby.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

I dabble a bit in the sport as well. I lost 15 pounds playing racquetball one summer to get in shape for varsity basketball. I play almost every week at the Sport & Health in Frederick. I own my own pair of nerdy racquetball glasses.

I bet I could take him. This could be where my losing streak ends.

How good could Binky possibly be? I know he’s like a pro athlete and whatever, but there’s no way he plays all the time. There’s no way he can take me.

Steve Oleksy, play me in racquetball. I want to humble you.

In the awkward words of Mark Calaway, “You wanna do it?

You bring the racquets and I’ll bring the GoPro. The readers will want to see this beatdown.

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ian-racketball3

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11:50 AM Update: Oleksy has unwisely accepted and is already talking junk to me.

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  • DashingDave314

    The bet better involve Ian eating Chipotle. #ConvertIanToChipotle

  • Brouwer Rangers

    Oh, the readers will definitely want to see this beatdown.

  • TakkoSupreme
  • http://twitter.com/1bscarbro Benjamin Scarbro

    What I wouldn’t give for Oleksy to reply with this:
    http://youtu.be/sl_JNTCNH2k

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    You’re right. Seeing a blogger defeat a pro athlete will be hilarious.

  • SeminAllOverTheIce

    Im picturing the scene from Big. Anyone else?

  • sheena dunn

    Can you please post the location so we can come & watch?

  • Golly Girl

    Please, please, please! This would help fill the void that the world cup (aka summer hockey) just isn’t filling.

  • Brouwer Rangers

    Yes, Ian, that’s how the beatdown will go.

    Just make sure for Ashley’s sake that your life insurance covers #WrathOfBinky-related injuries and/or death.

  • SeminAllOverTheIce

    Just saw the tweeted challenge pic. Dropping a deuce on the court to claim the territory? Bold strategy.

  • Guest

    You

  • HMA8

    You guys are the best.

  • VeggieTart

    I would love to be on hand when this happens. Even better if it’s you and a fellow racquetballer versus Binky and the Holtbeast.

  • Steven Lemmeyer
  • Sarah

    I’d call it a draw so far in the war of the ridiculous pictures.

  • Luke Anthony

    My money is on Steve, but those are some pretty great action shots of Ian.

  • thebumpasspodcast

    I love it!!!!

  • Josh Willison

    I wouldn’t be surprised Ian… Have you seen old men play? If you could channel some of that wisdom and expertise like a 50 year old man does, you just may be able to best the pro athlete that conditions in speed, endurance, and strength for a living.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    I’m not sure one racquetball court could hold that much awesome.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    Initially when you said “old men” I thought you were talking about Oleksy.

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland
  • Bev Miller Bellamy

    I won the women’s racquetball tourney at my gym….I could be your partner and we could challenge Binky and Holtbeast to doubles. Imagine if they were beaten by a blogger AND a GIRL!!! LOL

  • Sarah

    50 is old?

  • Langway

    Eradicator!

  • sheena dunn

    maybe him and Steve can go that after! hahah

  • Josh Willison

    Not really, but it is for someone to be playing a cardio-intense sport. Yet somehow they dominate. Which I caulk up to experience.

  • Josh Willison

    He does have a face made of leather, but we know that is from stopping fists.

    I’m pulling for you Ian. I think there is a T-Shirt in the making here

  • Hockey Mom

    If I’m in town, I will pay for them both to eat at District Taco…this Chipotle/ Qdoba nonsense is killing me!

    It’s like talking about next years HHoF nominations and these dudes keep talking about Volpatti (no offense to him) while Selanne is standing right there…

  • Sarah

    I’ve noticed that, too.

  • Bilal

    what could possibly go wrong!

  • JenniferH

    This is so awesome. And epic. I’m thinking The Hound and Brienne epic. But who will you be, Ian, at the end? The Hound or the Maid of Tarth?

  • Brouwer Rangers

    I fear for Ian it will be more like The Mountain (Oleksy) vs. Oberyn (Oland).

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com Ian Oland

    I’m pretty sure I don’t want to end up being the Maid of Tarth. But because Peter’s not around right now, I have no idea what that means.

  • JenniferH

    Trust me. You want to be the Maid of Tarth. You really, really do. ;)

  • JenniferH

    Yikes!

  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett
  • http://www.russianmachineneverbreaks.com/ Peter Hassett

    crushing defeat

  • JenniferH

    I love her so much. I never would have imagined that they could have found such perfect casting, but they did, they so did!

  • http://twitter.com/kat326 Rachel Cohen
  • Catherine__M

    THIS IS AWESOME

  • Catherine__M

    AHH stop! I’m still tying to unsee that. I can’t :(

    Peter down there isn’t helping matters either.

  • Sarah

    Wait, they made a fantasy series where the women who go to battle wear actual armor, instead of chain mail bikinis? How am I not a fan of this yet?

  • Red

    I want video, audio, seismograph, thermal imaging, and other various Predator information processing techniques recording this event.

  • Jayleigh

    ^^Haha, Sarah! My thoughts exactly!

  • Sarah

    I’m with Sheena Dunn, I want to be there. Not least, because how else am I supposed to meet a nice, fellow hockey-loving dork if the RMNB crowd doesn’t get together? Good Lord, they leave us all fending off nasty trainers at the gym… who don’t even know anything about hockey… it’s so sad.

  • Smiley456

    Sounds like a perfect charity event!

  • Amykins

    I also want to go to there. I also would be willing to pay a price for admission that would go to charity. #makeitso

  • Matthew Kory

    If we can we get the Brouwer Rangers doing choreographed dances outside the back window of the court all will be perfect.

  • caps fan

    for those of us with internships and transportation issues, please record this so we can laugh at Ian and his terrible bets! The thought of this happening makes me smile. Also, someone get Holtby involved!!

  • D’Arcy Butler

    I’m surprised the challenge was accepted when you can see the raw power in Ian’s action shots. The second one looks more like a broadsword swing.

  • D’Arcy Butler

    I don’t want to belittle Ian’s chances… but I’m going to go ahead and belittle them by suggesting that Oleksy could play in full match gear minus the skates to even the contest. That would really give it a Mountain/Viper flavour.