It’s August 8th! Today is the day where we tweet like a caffeine-addled adolescent with only a passing understanding of English syntax and a strange affinity for the close parenthesis key.
It’s #TweetLikeOviDay! So go ahead and peruse Alex Ovechkin‘s timeline for some style guide tips. Personally, I recommend flourishes of repeated vowels “bronzeeeeeee!” and not using a space between your sentences. From what I’m told, the close paren “)” key means you’re smiling, so do with that what you will. Have fun!
Hey everybody, it’s that time again. The season is long over. So too are the playoffs and the finals, free agency season and development camp. Stretching out before us is the red waste we call August, the month where so hockey is unimportant you’d think you’re on Long Island.
Our Caps have signed their free agents. They’ve said goodbye to one coach and hired another coach– along with two assistants that make it feel like we time-warped back to ’98. A couple prospects have signed their entry-level contracts, and the Caps have renewed their vows with Hershey (a huge relief to us and SHoE). Elsewhere in the league, that drama with Parise, Nash, Weber, and Staal has played itself out. Almost all of our questions have been answered.
It’s February 14. It’s not just some random day that the Hallmark corporation picked out of hat so they could sell greeting cards. It’s actually the Christian co-opting of a pagan festival all about horny werewolves and blood and copulation and cool stuff like that. Now, instead of lycanthropes and sex, you spend 30 dollars on roses that will wither tomorrow.
If you’re in a relationship, prepare to disappoint your significant other. If you’re not in a relationship, revel in your solitary despair.
(I’m single, by the way.)
Behind the jump is a lovely and full-sized picture by Rachel Cohen, featuring Dmitry Orlov, who scored last night and is handsome enough to probably do the same today. Also a video.
Way back when Ian first blackmailed me into writing about the Capitals everyday, it was easy. The Caps were on the way to their best ever season, a copious and capacious 121-point campaign that was chock-full of nutritious, whole-grain scoarmoargoals. My job was basically to regurgitate some boxcar stats, writing something defamatory about the other team, and think of escalatingly ridiculous metaphors for the Caps’ awesomesauce.
It was terrific, but that’s over now.
I’m not gonna get into it, but I think we can agree that Capitals are having trouble this season– even if we differ about the precise degree of that trouble. And while there are many varied and valid ways to express our disappointment with the team, my endeavor is to be as sober and honest about the Capitals’ struggles as I had been drunken and boastful about their victories. Is that bumming you out?
We just finished basking in the glow of our successes in the past year. Ahhhh… Yes, that was nice.
But now it’s over, and we must look ourselves in the mirror to see the billion things we have screwed up over the past year. We’ve got a huge collection of embarrassments and goof-ups that should have shamed us out of blogging altogether. But we’re shameless. You already knew that.
Grab a chair, pour a ginger ale, and put some soft jazz on the hifi. We’re about to take a leisurely ride through the world of RMNB 2011. Today we’ll be looking at the good stuff today, and the really awful stuff we’ll see on Friday.
Our humble little blog, Russian Machine Never Breaks, spent the last year cutting our teeth writing about the Washington Capitals. Through our labors we learned about the team’s secret weapon: the Hershey Bears. This Pennsylvanian cache of dynamic, young talent kept us entertained long after the Caps took their early curtain call at the playoffs. The Hershey Bears marched dutifully to their 11th Calder Cup championship led by guys like Andrew Gordon, a right winger with bright prospects whose only mistake in his young career was to blog with our lowly ilk.
The HBH-ers inspired us, and we decided they deserve more than a measly category on this site. So all of the Russian Machinists got together one night, drank a couple root beers, one thing led to another, and now we have a bouncing baby blog in the family.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to present to you
Piloting the new site will be Kathryn Hedrick, intrepid reporter and author of Flashy Glove Save, and Kyle M., photographer with a sports-coverage pedigree. Together they will relay to you the promise and excitement of the Hershey Bears Hockey with the same gusto, pizazz, and thesaurus-ness you find here on RMNB proper.
To celebrate SHOE (oh dear, is that really the acronym?), we’re holding a little contest. Among those of you who network up with us and help spread the word on Friday, we’ll select the most enthusiastic to receive some free RMNB merch and the signed photo above. We’ll announce our winners before Hershey’s home opener on Saturday Night.
For the sake of laughs and posterity, here’s the full quote we supplied, unabridged and with a few more jokes:
All I’ve heard so far of the new NHL media policy is rumor. Until some enterprising PR guy leaks the thing, it’ll remain a straw man for bloggers like us to sneer at. From what I can tell, the policy codifies travelling teams’ ability to restrict access from new media folks.
I don’t think access to players – especially visiting teams – is what bloggers are good at or even interested in, so I doubt there will be much practical difference under this new policy. All the NHL has done, therefore, is antagonize and belittle bloggers for no apparent reason. We’re already a cantankerous and unstable breed of people, and although anarchic and headless, we generate a big chunk of buzz for National Hockey League.
Were I a decision-maker in Toronto, I’d begin a Blogger Appeasement Tour. It would start with granting unmitigated access to players in locker rooms and hotel rooms alike and end with perhaps some complimentary Knoll Life office chairs. Ahh, yes. That would be nice.