Photo credit: Paul Chiasson

Over the next five days, the Capitals will finish the lockout-shortened 2012-13 season with three home games. The Caps’ match-ups with Winnipeg, Ottawa, and Boston will not only determine if Washington wins the Southeast Division and makes the playoffs, they’ll also sort out the trophy races that Alex Ovechkin is involved in. Ovechkin, after not winning any hardware since 2010, is in contention for four awards: the Ted Lindsey trophy for players’ MVP, the Art Ross trophy (for most points), the Maurice Richard trophy (for most goals), and the Hart trophy (for most valuable player).

While The Great Eight and his peers control his destiny with three of these four awards, the esteemed members of the Professional Hockey Writers’ Association will decide the Hart Trophy. This is the same media that in the last three years has literally flogged Ovechkin with a spiked 2 x 4 painted with a red maple leaf and dripping with Tim Horton’s coffee. Because when every great player gets older and his team becomes less aggressive, it’s the media’s moral obligation to antagonize him to casual fans and excoriate him at every turn.

I mean, look at some of this stuff.

• On February 27th of this past year, NBC analyst Mike Milbury begged Ovechkin to “act like a man, for god’s sake” and to “stop acting like a baby.” Ovi “should be ashamed of himself,” and on that one memorable night in February, Ovechkin “failed” the superstar test “miserably” with “an awful display of hockey.” Babies and women are apparently very low on Milbury’s stack ranking.
• Former player Ray Ferraro said recently that Ovechkin is a hockey idiot. “I do not think he’s got a high hockey IQ,” Ferraro said, as transcribed by the DC Sports Bog. “He goes for power, he goes in straight lines, he doesn’t see around him really well, and to me, one of the great traits that Sidney Crosby has is his ability to think the game at the highest speed. And I don’t think Ovechkin’s got that.”
• CBC analyst Craig Simpson, in an online chat earlier this season, consider Ovechkin a poisonous asset: ”[You] can’t win with Ovie as your face of franchise and so called leader. toxic.” He also thought the Caps should buy him out.
• This season, local writer Thom Loverro wondered out loud if Ovi would rather play in Russia. “You have to wonder,” Loverro wrote,”after having a taste of that for several months, if Ovechkin wishes he were back in Moscow playing for the Dynamo instead of here in Washington skating for the Capitals.”
• NBC4′s Adam Vingan said Ovechkin on right wing “[shifted] between looking completely lost and disappearing completely.”
• Sports Illustrated’s Stu Hackell believed at one point this season that Ovechkin’s “already peaked.”
• Fat-gate.
• ESPN’s Sean Allen observed that Ovi “has looked slower than usual and isn’t playing with as much force as usual.”
• And the local Caps media? They’re not sold on Ovechkin’s credentials for the Hart either. Neil Greenberg thinks Ovi’s not quite MVP material. Stephen Whyno’s got Crosby as his MVP.

Despite there being strong evidence that Ovechkin has carried his team and done exactly what the Hart trophy entails, he still has detractors. I’m not blind to the fantastic seasons of Sergei Bobrovsky, John Tavares, Sidney Crosby, and Jonathan Toews, but if the Capitals make the playoffs after such an awful start, Ovechkin deserves the Hart trophy. Period.

Here’s something you can do to get Ovi over these last three games. Every time he scores a goal, makes a big hit, or hell– any time his name is growled by Wes Johnson, chant M – V – P! Because optics matter. A Captain with uniform support of his fans looks ever slightly more attractive to the media members who pick the Hart.

So create your own signs, or print out the one I made below.

Let the NHL world know that Ovi deserves recognition. He’s successfully switched to right wing, changed his game, revolutionized the power play, and scored like it was 2008 or something. Seasons like this can’t happen every year, so enjoy it and cheer it on. And while you’re taking it all in, shout like a madman.

Rachel Cohen’s (@kat326) Valentine.

It’s the dreaded day of days once again. Celebrating either some apocryphal rebel-priest martyr or a bunch of horny werewolves, Valentine’s is when we make cards to let people know we care about them. What could be wrong with that?

“What could be wrong with that?” was what I naively asked myself before you people started sending in your V’s Day cards. While many of you were sweet and genuine (and strangely skilled at MS Paint), there are others among you that I am actually scared of now.

Let’s take a look at what you sent!

Holts doing splits, holding things, provoking the womenfolk. (Valentine by Kelly T.)

Oh good. A venereal disease reference and we’re only two valentines in. Great. (Valentine by Clare C.)

Gnomes > Trolls, sadly. (Valentine by Josh W.)

The Wolski-Bear connection continues + food we can’t pronounce! (Valentine by Mandy K.)

Isn’t Holtby the right guy to take over Mike Piazza’s Pert Plus ads? (Valentines by Mandy C.)

Ya know… it’s your thought bubble. No reason it can’t be BOTH. (Valentine by Gina W.)

An appeal for a polyamorous Valentine’s Day. Touching. Well, not literally touching. (Valentine by Jenny W.)

[Sound of a hundred slash-fic writers banging on their keyboards.] (Valentine by Perri M. @not_a_platypus)

I have issues with the meter, but I enjoy the sentiment. (Valentine by Christie R.)

Same here, kiddo. Same here. (Valentine by Matt M.)

A great card commemorating the best Caps moment of the season so far. (Valentine by Sam M.)

The tide of PuckBuddys allegiance shifts to McRib. (Valentine by some guy named Craig Brownstein.)

A very well done poem and collage for the Holt-beast. (Valentine by Stephanie D.)

Good point: gnome kinda undermines Backy’s new serious image. (Valentine by Alison @ATPinDC)

An obvious appeal to RMNBers. Flattery: it really works. (Valentine by Mary S.)

(Valentine by Annie L.)

(Valentine by @jennrubenstein)

(Valentine by Brooke and Julia)

(Valentine by the @brouwerrangers)

Of course the grand finale is shirtless Ovi. You people are incorrigible. (Valentine by Tina K.)

Great work, everybody! Thanks for all the cards. You’re all so talented– imagine what you could be doing if you weren’t hopelessly devoted to this silly hockey team.

Way back in 2006 and before he became hockey’s version of Neil Degrasse Tyson on HBO 24/7, Russian goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov — then playing with the Anaheim Ducks — gave an interview to The Score in which he was asked a simple question: “What are your thoughts on Chris Pronger returning to Edmonton?”

A few months earlier, Pronger helped lead the Edmonton Oilers to their first Stanley Cup Final since the Gretzky era. After the Oilers lost in 7 games to the Carolina Hurricanes, Pronger requested a trade for personal reasons. Local media reported that his wife Lauren hated the city. So GM Kevin Lowe shipped Pronger off to the Ducks a month later for Joffrey Lupul and a whole bunch of spare parts.

So here we find Bryzgalov trying to defend his teammate and diffuse the situation ahead of his first game back at Rexall Place. In broken english, Bryzgalov takes the mic and spectacularly fails.

The interview further enraged already-angry Oilers fans, and Bryzgalov’s sassy rhetorical,”Why you heff to be mad?” became a crucial meme.

YouTube user AndersonCooper (no relation to CNN’s silver fox?) put Bryzgalov’s quotes on a sample of Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg’s “Nuthin’ But a G Thang” right after the incident happened. It was tremendous.

And six years later, Bryzgalov’s comments have been given the Dubstep treatment by YouTube user tjeaton2405.

You’re welcome.

Thanks to obsessedwithgreenday23 for reposting the video on Tumblr where I first saw this.

Photo credit: Kyle Mace of Sweetest Hockey on Earth

Because I’m an optimist, let’s say there’s an NHL season this year. As soon as the new collective bargaining agreement is signed, sealed, and delivered, the Washington Capitals goaltenders will debut shiny new masks. Michal Neuvirth, who has been playing with Sparta Praha of the Czech Extraliga, has been wearing a new mask featuring former Capitals great/current goaltending coach, Olie Kolzig, on its side.

I spoke with Braden Holtby on Saturday about his thoughts on Neuvirth’s new bucket. After I showed him the mask on my iPad, Holtby chuckled and flashed a big smile in approval. “Olie’s done a ton for the organization,” Holtby said, “so that’s pretty cool.”

Not to be outdone, Holtby has been wearing his own new mask playing with Bears. Unlike last season, where his helmet featured a split Bears/Capitals theme (and oh yeah don’t forget that awesome bear on a rollercoaster), Holtby’s new headgear is ALL CAPS (get it?).

David Gunnarsson, the Swedish artist who has custom-painted Holtby’s last few masks, integrated images of the Capitol building as well. On his Facebook page, Gunnarsson, in enthusiastic Swedglish, further explained the design:

When we created this one me and Braden brainstormed a lot about new cool ideas, we wanted it to breathe Washington DC in a classic way.

Soon this design idea crystallized. With this artwork we travel back in time and create an old school feeling all over the mask, and it is all based on the team logos and hidden details.

From a distance it is a retro design in calm harmony…and when you come closer you will discover a treasure map of detail work, and in the white base you find what has named the artwork, the Capitol building of Washington.

And then there’s the details on the backplate. Holtby brings back  the symbols from his previous masks: the flags of Saskatchewan and Alberta, the Japanese symbol for constant improvement, and the Latin phrase Carpe Diem.

In blue script near the top, there’s Benjamin, the name of Holtby’s first child, born during last year’s playoff run.

Photo credit: Kyle Mace of Sweetest Hockey on Earth

As a reminder to all of you hooligans to vote today, we’ve unveiled a new t-shirt in our store. While we all may have wildly different opinions on who we think would be best in the White House for the next four years, let’s all agree on this: Barack Obama is an amazing singer Voting Yes For Number 8. This finely printed red shirt will be available in our Spreadshirt store for today only. Check out the shirt, buy one or two or ten, and be the envy of all your friends.

Before you start hassling us да means yes in Russian. Here’s a bigger version of the graphic.

But what does it mean?

We asked you, deranged and lovely readers of RMNB, to congratulate our hero Alex Ovechkin on his 27th year of life. You had to make a birthday card. The only rule was that you had to use a cheap graphic editor to make it.

What we didn’t tell you is that we don’t have to follow the same rules. Above is our card for Ovi, via RMNB resident artist Rachel Cohen. Meanwhile, you guys knocked this assignment out of the park. Like Josh Morgan, you threw a football into the face of your limitations and blazed new trails of Art with a capital A. Cruise on down past the jump to check out the gallery. And make sure to vote for your favorite on our Facebook fan page at 10am this morning.

Abbie’s family sent us in this video of their adorable daughter playing hockey. Abbie wishes Ovi (and Brooks Laich?) a happy birthday from Langley Air Force Base. She even scores a goal. Though Abbie, where’s the belly pat celebration after you score? Also, what’s your t-shirt size? We want to send you a shirt.

Joanne reveals that Ovi lied when he told Mike Vogel that he was going back home to Russia for his birthday. He actually flew to Mars to make party with the Mars Rover.

Here Diana, Hedda, and Rosannah illustrate how Ovi’s birthday would go if he would have stayed in DC this year. Tennis birthday!!!!! best!!)))))

@HockeyHourly‘s Geoff T. illegally dug through some mailboxes and found Gary Bettman’s birthday card for Ovechkin.

hahahahaha fire. Via some guy named Ian O.

Ashley B draws the Russian machine daydreaming about his favorite healthy snack.

Some guy named Peter H. used his iPad to make this gem. I’m not really sure what’s going on here: there’s a giant two-legged dog with a pink field hockey stick and clown make-up on, a moon with sun glasses, stars, and a Russian hat. [Ed note: Yep. You nailed it. -P]

Well, at least Lord Stanley Alexander the Eight won’t be locked out all day. Via Lisa M.

Wow. Ovi’s hair grew back really fast. Nice headband! Via Hockeyshopped’s Brendan Sheridan.

@BatmanEatsBabies offers some diet tips to the Russian machine during his big day.

The lovely and talented Justine K did this fantastic painting of Ovi for his birthday. Way to go!

Misty’s 7-year-old son Cooper is already growing his facial hair for this year’s playoffs, if there even are playoffs this year.

Elizabeth H cutely draws The Great Eight’s signature smile.

If there were actually hockey, this would be how the eights on Ovi’s jersey would be decorated. Via Perri M.

It’s not just Ovechkin’s birthday, it’s also Quentin R’s. From all of us here at RMNB, Happy Birthday, dude!

Miranda shows that Ovi’s decision to go home to Russia this year to celebrate his birthday wasn’t that hard of a decision after all.

Tim presents Ovi’s new celebration: The ‘Hot Cake.’

Here’s Brooke’s hand drawn card for Ovechkin.

We love Danielle S.’s card. Though she forgot to mention Ovi’s also the world’s great rapper too!

Jessie N shows us that three Ovechtricks equals 27. Awesome.

Finally, we share Mahesh P’s tradition. Every year when it’s Ovi’s birthday, he has a hockey-themed birthday cake made and his family eats it on the Russian machine’s birthday. These are the types of people I want to be friends with.

REMINDER: Make sure to vote for your favorite card on our Facebook fan page at 10am.

In a few short hours, the Capitals will face the Rangers in New York City to battle over who will advance to the Eastern Conference Finals. But we shouldn’t worry. Why? Because our team is made up of a bunch of super heroes.

A few weeks ago, at the same time that the Caps were starting their series against New York, Marvel’s “The Avengers” hit theaters, wowing audiences everywhere and shattering box office records. As a huge fan of the movie and its characters, I decided to make RMNB its own special homage to the film, but… with a bit of a twist.

The idea for this illustration started to form around last season, before I went to school. I got a request from my mother to draw a little sign in the same style as my Russian Machine signs for herself. But instead of Ovechkin, she wanted Nicklas Backstrom. So I turned Nicky into the god of thunder Thor, with influences from the Marvel Comics character.

This got me thinking about what kind of crossovers I could do with other Caps players. Last summer, I drew Alex Semin as Two-Face, and this season the sign I made for my mother was John Carlson as Captain America. When I found out about the Avengers movie, I immediately jumped at the chance to make an illustration crossing over Earth’s mightiest heroes with Washington’s mightiest heroes.

And thus the “Capsvengers” were assembled.

We have John Carlson and Nicklas Backstrom reprising their roles as Captain America and Thor. Mike Green is the Incredible Hulk, Brooks Laich is Iron Man, Matt Hendricks is Hawkeye, Karl Alzner is Black Widow, and Joel Ward is Nick Fury. For their outfits, I tried to find a balance between the comic character’s design and the Capitals’ uniform.

The layout of the illustration is based off the concept art for one of the earliest movie posters, but instead of having the team on the Helicraft, I put them on the rink instead. The drawing is 15” x 20,” and created using FW Acrylic inks and coloured pencils.

This illustration took several months of brainstorming, and many sleepless nights to paint (since it also happens to be Finals Week). It was a blast to make, and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do.

CRASH THE NET.

The Capitals are back in Washington with a chance to keep their season alive. It didn’t have to be that way. With half a minute left to protect their lead in Game Five, Joel Ward high-sticked Carl Hagelin. The ensuing Rangers powerplay cost the Capitals the lead and the win– and what would have been a veritable chokehold on the series.

After he bested the Bruins in the quarterfinal round, Ward was the target of some vile and feckless trash from Boston fans. After his double-minor penalty led to Monday’s loss, that same pernicious evil erupted from Caps fans as well.

Here are Three True Things:

1. Joel Ward is not at fault for the team’s loss.
2. This hate is as rare as it is unacceptable.
3. Joel Ward is a great hockey player and a great addition to the ’11-’12 Washington Capitals.

Joel Ward has earned himself a sterling reputation. He’s a playoff stud with 10 goals in 30 games. He’s a clutch player with a pair of game-winners in the postseason. He’s strong on the puck– with the 4th best Corsi score relative to quality of competition among Caps forwards despite starting most of his shifts near his own net [BtN 1, BtN 2]. Yeah, he’s exactly the guy you want in an elimination game.

If the Caps are to shake off the reputation of psychological frailty that has followed them the last few years, they’ll have to come out on Wednesday night as a united front. No one should be singled out for blame. The stories about Joel Ward’s terrible play have to be brushed aside. The criticism has to be hushed. Here’s how we’re gonna do it.

RMNB’s “This Means Ward” & “Caps In Seven” Signs

Download	Download

This Means Ward is an affirmation. Joel Ward represents the kind of hockey that has got the Capitals so far. In spite of critics and doubters and demagogues, Ward executes Hunter Hockey better than anyone. His fourth line, paired with Keith Aucoin and Mike Knuble, has become a grinding dynamo, wearing down the other team’s D in their own zone and getting the greasy goals when they’re needed most.

Ward is an fitting conscript for the hockey team that Dale Hunter has marshaled. And now, as the team faces the precipice of summer once more, he’s the likely guy to bring them back from the brink.

Crash the net.

Posters by Ian Oland.