Eliot J Schechter

Photo: Eliot J. Schechter

Kind of a snoozer in Sunrise. The way the Washington Capitals played against the Florida Panthers was so button-up and boring I was waiting for the dowager countess of Grantham to say something snarky. No team wanted to win this one, and then things went completely apenuts in the shootout.

Mike Green choked up the puck to Scottie Upshall to give Derek McKenzie a layup, making it 1-0 for the Panthers going into the first intermission. Troy Brouwer tied it on the power play in the second, getting the puck back after a block by Willie Mitchell. A washed-out kicked goal by Brooks Laich meant we were headed for overtime, which was exciting enough I guess, but no result.

Prepare yourself for the shootout bullet epic!

  • Fehr didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Huberdeau didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Backstrom didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Bjugstad didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Kuznetsov didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Boyes didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Ovechkin PUT THE BISCUIT IN THE BASKET.
  • Jokinen also put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Brouwer didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Kopecky didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Latta didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • My god this is going long. Epix show is almost over by now.
  • Barkov didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Brooks PUT THE BISCUIT IN THE BASKET.
  • Bolland also put the biscuit in the basket. Harumph.
  • Johansson didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Flash didn’t put the biscuit in the basket. He burned the biscuit.
  • Schmidt didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Upshall didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Ward PUT THE BISCUIT IN THE BASKET.
  • MacKenzie also put the biscuit in the basket. It never ends
  • Carlson PUT THE BISCUIT IN THE BASKET.
  • Bergenheim put the biscuit in the basket. This is my hell.
  • Beagle didn’t put the biscuit in the basket, but shoulda been a biscuit-delivering beagle.
  • Hayes didn’t put the biscuit in the basket. Life is meaningless and full of pain.
  • Green didn’t didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Campbell didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Chimera’s biscuit missed the basket by a mile.
  • Gudbranson didn’t put the biscuit in the basket. You can’t put a biscuit in the 5-hole.
  • Wilson didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Ekblad didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Niskanen didn’t put the biscuit in the basket because the stupid crossbar.
  • Kulikov didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • BORPIK PUT THE BISCUIT IN THE BASKET!!!!
  • Olsen didn’t put the biscuit in the basket. 17 rounds down.
  • Alzner didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Mitchell didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Backstrom, part II, didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Jokinen, part II, didn’t put the biscuit in the basket. I no longer fear death.
  • Ovechkin didn’t put the biscuit in the basket.
  • Bjudgstad put the biscuit in the basket! WINNER. FINALLY. I’M OKAY WITH THIS.

Panthers beat Caps 2-1 in the longest shootout I can remember!

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backy

Party animal celebrates career achievement (Photo: @myregularface)

Twice this week the Capitals faced the Tampa Bay Lightning, maybe the best team in the east, and twice the Capitals have won. At home on Saturday night, the Caps played a steady game on unsteady ice. With a solid backstop and the consensus most underrated player in the league, the Caps seemed to have it sewn up until a late volley by the Bolts made it scary.

Both teams emerged scoreless from a power-play-packed first period, then Nick Backstrom struck twice in the second– both times up close. Backstrom earned the natural hat trick with a wrister from the slot in the third. Tyler Johnson ended the shutout in the final five minutes, and then Matthew Carle made it scary with a wrister super late.

But Eric Fehr got the empty netter because he’s bacon bits.

Caps beat Bolts 4-2! Backtrick!

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Power-Play Pity Party: Blue Jackets beat Caps 3-2 (OT)

Patrick McDermott

This is what the Caps’ other goalie looks like. In case you forgot. (Photo: Patrick McDermott)

I don’t know what I was expecting from Thursday’s Caps-Blue Jackets game, but it wasn’t this. I didn’t expect the glut of special teams and an explosive start for the home team. The pair of goalie interference calls were the Spanish Inquisition of penalties. And while I guess I saw the Caps’ offensive doldrum coming, I didn’t expect that depressing finish. This was a weird one– and it was not particularly pretty.

A little over three minutes in, John Carlson released a point shot at the tail end of a 5v3. Eric Fehr tipped that in, though we think Alex Ovechkin might have had a piece of it. The Caps dominated much of the period, but Nick Foligno tied it up with a giftwrapped goal in the fifteenth minute. The second period went scoreless despite a four-minute power play for the Caps.

Troy Brouwer masterfully tipped in a wide cannon from Matt Niskanen midway through the third to put the Caps up, but Kevin Connauton got a weird shot from outside past Braden Holtby’s left flank to tie it just 99 seconds later. That’s how it looked at the end of rego.

Jason Chimera got sent to the Sasha box in overtime, where Nick Foligno ended it with a snazzy shot.

Lumbus beats Caps 3-2 in overtime.

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ovi-scary

Screen: @myregularface

The Washington Capitals came in like a wrecking ball to Amelie Arena, beating the beast of the east Tampa Bay Lightning in convincing fashion for the team’s third straight win.

Alex Ovechkin scored 40 seconds in, tapping in a pass from Tom Wilson. Brian Boyle, who must love playing against the Caps, tied it up later that period, but Matt Niskanen’s power-play marker restored the Cap lead before the intermission.

Steven Stamkos scored a tricky one from the slot to knot it up in the second, but Brooks Laich’s hardscrabble effort put the Caps up again before the third period.

The Bolts looked fierce in the third, but Troy Brouwer put ‘em in a two-goal hole with an even-strength wrister midway through. The Lightning got a goal in garbage time, but then Ovi also got one in garbage time and I give up.

Caps beat Bolts 5-3! Flawless road trip! Let’s dance.

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Stick Em in a Two-Goal Hole +1: Caps beat Devils 4-1

Julio Cortez

Alzner scores, Alzner gets a the top pic (Photo: Julio Cortez)

Secondary scoring lifted the Capitals to a big divisional road win. With Beagle, Alzner, and Kuznetsov hitting twine, the Capitals were able to fell the New Jersey Devils in a taut, kinda fun game (for the Devs) on a Saturday night.

Karl Alzner, yes, Karl Alzner, scored first, cleaning up off the cycle. Patrik Elias got one for the Devils, tapping in Danius Zubrus’ airborne puck. In the second, Jay Beagle scored a highlight-reel backhand goal to put the Caps up, which Evgeny Kuznetsov added to with a snipe on the power play.

The Devils never climbed out of that two-goal hole. Laich made it three with a lay up in the final minute.

Caps beat Devils 4-1.

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Safe is Death: Caps beat Canes 2-1

sasha

The Capitals played another excruciatingly mild game on Thursday night, this time on the road against the Carolina Hurricanes. They had the lead, but then they stopped pressing, and then they didn’t have a lead. If not for Eric Fehr, this would have been an awful night.

Jay Beagle scored on the rush early in the first, cleaning up Jason Chimera’s rebound. The second period went scoreless, but old pal Alex Semin scooped the puck to the top corner early in the third to tie the game. Eric Fehr forced a turnover late in rego and scored solo.

Caps beat Canes 2-1.

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Carlson’s Couple Not Enough: Canucks beat Caps 4-3

Patrick McDermott

Photo: Patrick McDermott

Like I said in the pregame, it seems like everyone is a little low lately. We really coulda used a soaring, 60-minute game from the Washington Capitals to defeat the traveling Vancouver Canucks. Instead we got a sleepy start and a putrid penalty kill. A couple from John Carlson and a beauty from Brooks Laich just weren’t enough.

The Canucks fourth line won a faceoff in the Caps zone against the fourth line, allowing Bo Horvatt to set up Derek Dorsett for a goal. That’s all we had to speak of in a generally dreary first period.

John Carlson tied the game up in the second, scoring a snazzy wrister via Nick Backstrom with Tom Wilson running interference in front of goalie Ryan Miller. Daniel Sedin restored the Canucks’ lead on a power play, grabbing a pass by from Henrik, who I think is the cuter one. Radim Vrbata put the Caps in a two-goal hole while Jay Beagle was in the box, but John Carlson made it a one-goal game with a brilliant slapper betwixt Ryan Miller’s nethers.

Brooks Laich tied it up with a gorgeous goal during a third-period four-on-four session, but Daniel Sedin got his power-play goal on the rush to restore the Canucks lead with ten minutes left. The search for a tying goal was thrilling but futile.

Canucks beat Caps 4-3.

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Leafs beat Caps 6-2: Farting on a Snare Drum

holtby

Pic by Ian Oland, who I am told wore pants today for the first time in a week.

I don’t wanna write about this junk.

Bad bounces and bad mistakes made the Caps’ road game against to Toronto Maple Leafs a torrid swamp of chumpswargle hockey. I made that word up.

It started innocently enough with a freak bounce of a goal by Morgan Rielly, but then Cody Franson got a sneaky shot from the outside during a Leafs power play to close out the first period.

Holtby took the net for the second and got punctured just 23 seconds in after a turnover by the Carlson-Orpik pairing. Troy Brouwer gave us a glimmer of hope with a hardworking PPG from the slot, but the Leafs answered back like .005 seconds later when freaking David freaking Carlson freaking scored. Tyler Bozak scored his second of the night on a power-play late in the second.

Justin Peters returned to the net in the third, because, why not? Tom Wilson put the biscuit in the basket, making this something less of an abject failure and more of a stupefying bummer. And then Lupul made it an abject failure again. What the heck even is this team?

Oh god it burns. Leafs beat Caps 6-2.

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Bailamos is Back! Caps beat Isles 5-2!

Rob Carr

“Red rover, Red rover, send Niskanen over!” (Photo: Rob Carr)

The Washington Capitals looked terrible for the first ten minutes of their home game against the New York Islanders, and no, I won’t blame the turkey. But instead of a lackluster affair, the Caps woke up and played a competitive game against one of the league’s best– a reward for the 18 thousand fans in attendance and the return of my personal Caps anthem below the jump.

The Capitals’ second power-play unit took the ice in the first period thirty seconds before Matt Niskanen unloaded his cannon through traffic to make it 1-0. A glorious snap shot from Marcus Johansson gave the Caps their first 5v5 goal in forever and made it 2-0, but hold on a sec. In the next 66 seconds, the Capitals’ bottom six allowed two goals– one from John Tavares and one from Anders Lee, to neutralize the two-goal lead before the first intermission.

Tom Wilson absorbed a bunch of Isles defenders to open up a seam for Alex Ovechkin to score halfway through the second period.

In the third, Evgeny Kuznetsov feasted upon his second-line spot, scoring at the tail-end of an offensive-zone shift, sliding into the high slot and ripping the puck top shelf. Joel Ward got the empty-netter and there was much rejoicing.

Caps beat Isles 5-2! Bailamos!

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All This Happened, More or Less: Isles Beat Caps 3-2 (OT)

GWG

Photo credit: Al Bello

“That is my principal objection to life, I think: It’s too easy, when alive, to make perfectly horrible mistakes.” – Kurt Vonnegut

For years, the Islanders have made that quote ring true. Confused ownership, terrible hockey and of course Nassau Colosseum. The old place will soon be gone from our TV screens. The smell, the lighting, the architecture, the scoreboard stolen from the local high school. So it goes.

Now, though, the Islanders are moving on. Pretty soon they’ll playing their games in a decedent building in Brooklyn. They’re also now good at hockey. The Caps had trouble with that tonight.

The first period was mostly dominated by the Isles. Anders Lee put them up top after John Carlson failed to cling to his man. Washington then released a small furry of shots before Alex Ovechkin got the Caps back in it with another one of them goals from the circle place when his team has more people on the ice. Travis Hamonic then gave New York the lead again when his high flying wrist shot made it past an effectively blindfolded Braden Holtby.

The second was mostly Isles, but the Caps came on towards the end. The Isles took another unnecessary penalty and Ovi did The Thing. 2-2.

Isles pressed in the third but there was nothing doing.

In the extra, scrapeless frame, Nicky grabbed someone’s stick. John Tavares threw his hands in the air. That’s all. Isles beat Caps 3-2 (OT).

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