The Los Angeles Kings did their ground-and-pound routine against the Washington Capitals on Tuesday. The Caps struggled at special teams and got pushed around at evens, but a sturdy performance by the back-up goalie kept it interesting until a win could be eked.
A disastrous first-period power play yielded a shorthanded goal for living zombie Anze Kopitar. The second period was dominated by Los Angeles, but Orlov and Burakovsky combined to get the Caps on the board late. The Caps look stronger in the third and pushed their way to victory with a late, scrappy goal by Kuznetsov, and then Chimera got another empty-netter. Haha.
Caps beat Kings 3-1!
Photo: Ronald Martinez
This weekend’s game between the Washington Capitals and Dallas Stars had the makings of an epic Saturday night bout. The Caps and Stars are the two highest scoring teams in the National Hockey League. They boast three of the league’s top four goal scorers and five of the top 15 point producers. Both teams are the best in the respective conferences, making this a possible, albeit premature Stanley Cup Final preview. Instead of a title fight, we got an episode of Tiny House Hunters as we sat stupefied, trying to make sense of the madness — at least for most of the game.
The first period wasn’t pretty, but the Caps made it to the dressing room with the score nil-nil.
In the second, the carnage began. Mattias Janmark opened the scoring on a two-on-one less than two minutes into the frame. Despite Braden Holtby’s best efforts, Dallas’s deadly Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin went to work, hitting the back of the net three more times. By the time the period was over, the the Capitals were getting outshot 25-11 and Seguin was just four goals behind Alex Ovechkin for the league lead.
Ovi added a PPG in the third to ruin Kari Lehtonen’s shut out and put Seguin back in his place. The next shot the Capitals took hit back of the as well as Justin Williams made it a two goal game, somewhat making up for his idiotic turnover that cost the Caps a goal earlier in the game. Resident good at hockey lately person Andre Burakovsky added his 15th point in 12 games to make it a one goal game. But the hole was just too big. Dallas held on with despite ending of high drama. Stars edge Caps, 4-3.
This baby will never forget this night.
I could say that the Washington Capitals defeated the Minnesota Wild, but that wouldn’t be totally cromulent. A better way to put it: Alex Ovechkin defeated the Minnesota Wild. (Braden Holtby helped.)
Ovi scored, then Ovi scored, then someone else scored, then Ovi scored again. One of those was a power-play goal. Then Ryan Suter scored, and it was close all of a sudden, but it’s the Caps so they won. Chim-dawg got an empty netter and some Minny dude got a late goal, whatevs.
Caps beat Wild 4-3! Five wins in a row!
Two Swedes, one box
George McPhee traded prospect Filip Forsberg away sometime in the late 80s in exchange for Michael Latta, who is a nifty fourth liner, and a skunked case of Labatt Blue. We drank the beer, and then Forsberg scored twice on the Caps in Nashville on Tuesday. Don’t care. The Caps are still the best.
Tom Wilson, of all people, was involved in the Caps’ first two goals. In the first he assisted Jason Chimera, and in the second he swatted a saucer pass from Marcus Johansson. Filip Forsberg, dammit, scored on a power play in the second period.
In the third, Justin Williams put the Perds in a two-goal hole with an impressive scramble in the Nashville crease. Marcus Johansson welcomed himself back with a goal of his own, but the Preds struck back with goals by Roman Josi and Filip Forsberg (oh come the frick on) in quick succession. Alex Ovechkin got the empty netter.
Caps beat Preds 5-3! Four wins in a row!
It’s Super Bowl Sunday! Before you eat a bunch of super unhealthy food and then lose all productivity at the office on Monday, let’s rap about the Caps win over the Philadelphia Flyers.
The Caps looked sluggish in the first, giving the Flyers an early lead when MDZ knifed a redirected slapshot. The Caps rallied in the second, scoring twice on consecutive shots, the first knifed by Alex Ovechkin and the second knifed by Dmitry Orlov.
Carrying a lead into the third period, the Caps promptly surrendered it as Nick Schultz knifed a goal after a Caps icing. No matter: Matt Niskanen wrested back the lead by driving between the Philadelphia and knifing a gorgeous goal single-handed.
Caps beat Flyers 3-2!
Photo: Mel Evans
I got called into recap duty at about 12:50 as Peter was out buying a car with his girlfriend, who is a doctor and also his girlfriend. Both teams were equally groggy after Marty Brodeur’s ceremonial puck drop as the the Caps and Devils combined for just 12 shots in the first period.
In the second period, the Caps started tilting the ice in their favor. They got on the board in the middle of the frame when Evgeny Kuznetsov did the ol’ Evgeny Kuznetsov, with his behind the net pass deflecting off a Devils defender’s stick and then off off lil’ Andre Burakovsky’s knee.
The Devils tied it up early in the third when a questionable call on Mike Richards led to a net crashing power play tally for Joseph Blandisi. Adam Henrique gave the Devils the lead less than five minutes later as the trailing man on an odd-man break. Pay no mind though, because not Alexander Semin did what the real one never could: he scored a clutch goal. Paul Carey’s deflection from the slot was the his first career NHL marker and sent the game into a shootout.
Blandisi went wide.
TJ Oshie fired a laser beam.
Braden Holtby robbed a Swede.
Kuzy was stopped at the line.
“Reid Boucher” scored for the Devils.
And Alexander Mikhailovich “Alex” Ovechkin won the game for the Washington. Again. Caps beat Devils 3-2 (SO).
Photo: Amanda Bowen
Winless for what seems like weeks, the Washington Capitals looked a bit flat at home against the New York Islanders. The Isles had a free pass into the Caps zone, whereas the Caps looked aimless, dumping and chasing to get deep. But possession aside, the Caps were the better finishers and escaped a close game with a #rego win thanks to their returned Captain and his late goal.
The Isles’ opening goal stung– it was (ex-Cap) Mikhail Grabovski off John Tavares through a billion screens. TJ Oshie got his 16th of the season off a pass from Nick Backstrom. The Isles had the puck for a million years but didn’t actually score, so Andre Burakovsky tapped in a puck set up by Jason Chimera to give the Caps the lead. With a chip shot from the paint, Josh Bailey made the game new in the third period.
Caps beat Isles 3-2! So this is what winning feels like!
Hoo boy. I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, guys. The Caps got wubbalubbadubdubbed by the Florida Panthers. With approximately 35 thousand players missing due to various injuries and arbitrary suspensions, the remaining Caps couldn’t put the puck in the net for forty minutes, whereas the Panthers couldn’t stop scoring.
First was Jonathan Huberdeau assisted by Jaromir Jagr. Alex Barkov came second with a top shelf score on Philipp Grubauer. The second period saw goals from Trocheck and Huberdeau again, and if you noticed that none of those people are Capitals, good for you.
The Caps came back to life in the third, lifted by goals by Nick Backstom and Andre Burakovsky, but this was never a winnable game. Some dude got an empty netter, and that’s that.
Panthers beat Caps 5-2. The Caps have not won a game since January 19.
Tom Wilson returns to his natural habitat.
Hockey back! Wee! Bye snow. Hi hockey! Stick and puck and Ovi and yay! Flyers bad, boo Flyers. But yay hockey! Caps goalie and old Caps goalie say grrr. Bad hockey but also good hockey. IKEA people score hockey goals two times plus one. Boo Flyers, but yay hockey back!
It seems I have forgotten how to write hockey. Maybe my fingers would remember their old strength better …if they recapped the goals.
Well, the Flyers owned the first period, scoring twice on the sticks of Brayden Schenn and Ryan White, but the Capitals woke up in the second period, erasing Philadelphia’s lead in a blink thanks to goals by Swedes Andre Burakovsky and Nick Backstrom. Jakub Voracek restored the Flyers leads before the third, but Kuznetsov fed Burakovsky to knot it again. Without a winner in rego, we went to overtime, where Voracek felled Holtby with a tricky release.
Flyers beat Caps. Washington’s home streak snapped at like 1329581635 consecutive wins. Oh well, got a point anyway.
The game between the Washington Capitals and Anaheim Ducks was originally scheduled to be played at the usual 7PM time slot. After concerns began to arise regarding a potential snowstorm that was set to hit the Metro DC area, it was pushed up to a 5PM start time in the hopes that they’d be able to squeeze 60 minutes of hockey in before everything shut down. Even that was overly ambitious, with the league ultimately putting the kibosh on the game entirely for the time being. Or so we were led to believe.
Turns it out it was all something of an elaborate hoax, and we were all just pawns in it. Well, except for me. Considering the game was actually set to be played in my bedroom the NHL begrudgingly accepted that I’d need to be in on it for the plan to be seen through fully.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
All original content on russianmachineneverbreaks.com is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-NC-SA 3.0)– unless otherwise stated or superseded by another license. You are free to share, copy, and remix this content so long as it is attributed, done for noncommercial purposes, and done so under a license similar to this one.