This is Not My Beautiful House: Flyers beat Caps 6-4

Vinny - Matt Slocum

Photo: Matt Slocum

This is the “game” recap. I’m putting game in scare quotes, because I don’t know what the cram happened during this Philadelphia Flyers-Washington Capitals …event. The Caps looked like a clown trying to fight off a direwolf with a whiffle bat for the first 45 minutes. And then– and I have no idea how they did it– they started stabbing their way back. 

Here’s the part where I summarize the scoring. I don’t wanna do it. It’s like that episode where Josh Lyman is talking to Adam Arkin and he can’t differentiate music from gunshots. Okay, here goes (deep breath.)

Claude Giroux feasted on a puck stolen from Hillen for number one. Jakub Voracek snuck one through traffic. Claude got another, and then Adam Hall. Forgive me for not remembering how: rage blackouts. Joel Ward got the Caps on the board, followed by an Ovi goal from the Ovi spot and a dart from Troy Brouwer. All of a sudden, the blowout was a one-goal game.

But then Voracek got away from the Caps defense — namely Mike Green Eric Fehr– by using the rarely seen technique of skating. 5-3. Brooks Laich tapped a Mike Green shot to make it 5-4, but then Steve Downie got the empty-netter.

Flyers beat Caps 6-4.

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What a Waste: Flyers beat Caps 5-4 (OT)

orlov-scores

Photo: Rob Carr

The Washington Capitals wrapped up a weekend of early games by taking on the Philadelphia Flyers at noon on–

[NBC CHIMES DROWN OUT REST OF INTRODUCTION]

— my grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger, and a duck!

The Caps and Flyers are a resurgent rivalry that rarely leaves us lacking drama. This was no exception.

Dmitry Orlov capped off some great zone time by putting a one-timer past Steve Mason. Claude Giroux tied it up with an in-and-out goal that took 90 seconds of game time before the refs figured it out. Marcus Johansson got in the paint to deflect in Jason Chimera’s pass as a power play expired. Nick Backstrom won a scramble with Steve Mason, but the war room in Toronto didn’t have enough evidence to overturn the no-goal call.

Alex Ovechkin abandoned the puck behind the net during a power play, allowing Adam Hall to tie the game with a shorty, but no worries: Jay Beagle got a pass off Joel Ward to score from exactly zero feet out. Dmitry Orlov got his second goal with a nice little mudskipper of a shot from the blue line and through some traffic up front.

Jakub Voracek scored on a screened Holtby during Orlov’s five-minute major penalty and then set up Giroux for the game-tying goal with just over a minute left.

Vincent Lecavalier won it in overtime.

Flyers beat Caps 5-4.

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Ovi and the Great Eight Hundred: Caps beat Bruins 4-2

Michael Dwyer

No idea what is happening here. (Photo: Michael Dwyer)

March and its steady trickle of tough games began on Saturday with a matinee match-up against the Boston Bruins. Alex Ovechkin, perhaps still seething over his loss at the hands of Finnish goaltender Tuukka Rask, was terrific (again), but the Washington Capitals needed more than their captain to win this one.

Ovi scored from the Ovi spot in the first period, then ripped a terrific shot from above the circles in the second. Both goals came on the power play. Joel Ward went Rambo-style, scoring unassisted with a backhand on Rask. Boston struck back with a nifty powerplay goal by Patrice Bergeron and a lucky deflection off Mike Green’s stick. Eric Fehr got his own breakaway and beat Rask to make it 4-2 midway through the third period.

Caps beat Bruins 4-2!

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brooks

Photo: J Pat Carter

I forget how to recap. I don’t know what the numbers on the back of the jerseys mean, and all the players look giants playing on a snack-size rink. I forgot how to get to all the stats reports. Everything looks weird to me. I’m gonna do my best, but go easy on me.

The Washington Capitals returned from their Olympic break down in sunny Sunrise, Florida. The Panthers, mainstays of the league’s bottom-5, were supposed to be the right team to face in this first game back. The Caps pulled out an early lead, promptly blew it (as they do), and then got another one, then blew that one.

Here’s how it went.

Troy Brouwer stuck first, owning a scramble in the slot to record a power play goal. Brooks Laich followed up, finishing off a nifty pass from Alex Ovechkin to make it 2-0. Hey, look at that: a two-goal lead. Sweet. Everybody relax.

Then Tomas Fleischmann caught a pass Jesse Winchester to make it 1-0 and Brad Boyes scored from the slot early in the second to tie it up. Two-goal lead, we hardly knew ye.

Nick Backstrom scored later in the second period, a layup that even a total allergy-med junkie could have hit. Troy Brouwer got his second PPG of the night, winning another fight in the paint off of Alex Ovechkin’s rebound.

A powerplay goal by Jimmy Hayes and a clustereff clean-up by Brad Boyes midway through the third made it a tie-game– erasing the Caps’ second two-goal lead. Mike Green blew the best breakaway chance ever, but Captain Alex Ovechin scored the game-winner, his 41st, on the very next shift.

Caps beat Panthers 5-4! Oh hurrah. They beat the Panthers.

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canada

Photo: RIA Novosti

Canada shut out Sweden 3-0 to win gold in the last Olympic hockey tournament I will ever watch.

Three players who had been without a goal, Toews, Crosby, and Chris Kunitz, each scored in the effort.

Carey Price kept the Swedes without a goal, extending his shutout streak to 164 minutes.

Nick Backstrom did not play. Originally, reports stated Backstrom was suffering from a migraine. Now, an NHLPA source says Backstrom was disqualified for using a banned substance– possibly an allergy medicine containing pseudoephedrine.

So, not a great day for much of our readership.

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usa-fin

Photo: RIA Novosti

Defeated. Deflated. Enervated. Team USA went down in flames against a flashy Finnish team, losing the bronze medal in stunning fashion. 5-0.

Patrick Kane missed two penalty shots. The American penalty kill sucked. Jonathan Quick let five pucks past him. Tuukka Rask was exemplary with a light workload.

No medal for America. Everything sucks and so do you. Let’s talk about it.

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carly

Damn. I don’t even want to write this.

Two Caps players will vie for gold on Sunday, but they won’t be Americans.

Marcus Johansson and Nick Backstrom won with Team Sweden to make the finals. Canada vs USA was David vs Goliath except Goliath won, and don’t even come at me with that Malcolm Gladwell craptrap.

This sucks.

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KSTZ2Hc

From /r/hockey

Unlike this morning, Wednesday afternoon’s games went as planned. Well, almost. There was that whole thing where Latvia, led by inhuman goaltender Kristers Gudlevskis, scared the living hell out of Canadian Hockey Twitter for 55 minutes of rego hockey. But the US put away the Czechs with a strong, evenly distributed scoring effort, and that was pretty cool.

The wins by America and America’s stupid hat set up a rematch of the 2010 Vancouver finals for Friday at noon. It’s going to be absolutely unbearable; I need you to start rationing your anti-anxiety drugs now.

But first: let’s delve into the recap.

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bruce

Photo: Bruce Bennett

Wuh oh.

Oh man.

This is gonna be bad.

Russia got knocked out.

Related: Team Russia Knocked Out: Reactions and Sad Photos

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Ovi-AP

Photo: AP

And down they drop! Tuesday was the first day of elimination in the Olympic mens tournament, meaning lots of high stakes and desperate players. More importantly, the recaps will be easier from here on out because there will be fewer games. Maybe that’s not more important for you, but it is for me.

Peace out, Austria. Adios, Norway. Keep it real, Slovakia. YOLO, Switzerland.

Let’s do the recap.

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