Photo credit: Pavel Lysenkov

For more than half of my life, October has signaled the beginning of two things: the NHL regular season and the deranged glee of driving my car through piles of neighbors’ leaves arranged in neat pyramids in the street. Since the NHL owners and players cannot seem to master the art of sharing the rest of us learned in kindergarten, my bloodlust for foliage is the only thing getting me through these days.

So we’re in a weird spot. As hockey fans, that extra cash we set aside for Caps games, beers, and foam fingers is still in our pockets. This cannot stand; we must spend it on something. The RMNB inbox has swelled with a hundred different iterations of the same question: Where can I buy a Dynamo Moscow KHL jersey of Nick Backstrom or Alex Ovechkin? How about Traktor Chelyabinsk’s Evgeny Kuznetsov?

Since you guys are so supportive of us and already like us on our Facebook fan page and follow us on Twitter, I went to the trouble of researching and finding the best place to buy. My findings are below.

Unlike the NHL, the KHL does not sell customizable jerseys in their shop (at least as of right now). So we turn to the next best thing: the company that produces the jerseys. The Russian company Lutch is a partner with the Russian Hockey Federation, which is the official supplier of jerseys for KHL hockey clubs. And fortunately for us, Lutch has an English website that accepts American money and offers customizable jerseys.

So here are some links to buy jerseys of your favorite Caps players and prospects.

Nicklas Backstrom, Dynamo Moscow #99

Blue Home Jersey | White Away Jersey

Notes: Backstrom’s name is spelled out in English on his jersey. Lutch already has pre-made jerseys of Backstrom available, so select his name under the “Player” dropdown.

Alex Ovechkin, Dynamo Moscow #32

Blue Home Jersey | White Away Jersey

Notes: Ovechkin’s name is spelled out in English on his jersey. Lutch already has pre-made jerseys of Ovechkin available, so select his name under the “Player” dropdown.

Evgeny Kuznetsov, Traktor Chelyabinsk #92

Black Home Jersey | White Away Jersey

Notes: Kuznetsov’s name is spelled out in English on his jersey. Lutch already has pre-made jerseys of Kuzya available, so select his name under the “Player” dropdown.

There are a few other legit places to buy too. I’ve heard good things about The Jersey Hub (testimonials), as well as Pro Russian Jerseys. Though their websites look like they were built under Gorbachev. And if you need a shirt to wear under the jersey, I hear that the RMNB’s t-shirt store is a great place to buy from.

There you have it. You have your links. You can buy your jerseys. I’ve even suggested some nice undershirts to go with them. Go spend that non-NHL money.

If you have a success story about buying a KHL sweater or have any questions, please share in the comments below and let’s get a conversation going. We’ll try to steer you in the right direction.

Peter was on the Baltimore Sports Hockey podcast last night to chat about the Capitals and the playoffs. Peter tried his best to mask his pessimism, and much merriment was had on topics such as:

• Brooks Laich’s “guarantee” and the Caps’ playoff chances
• What’s wrong with Alex Ovechkin?
• What kind of offseason changes do we want to see?
• Are there any Washington Capitals fans in Baltimore?
• Peter’s favorite Joe Beninati suit
• Predictions for the playoffs and the Pittsburgh Penguins

Peter’s segment starts around 15 minutes in, but the BSR guys are funny throughout the show.  The only problem is Georgia the bulldog snoring audibly in the background. Check it out and Go Orioles!

Maybe this is just news to us, but whoa!

Alyssa Milano, star of Embrace of the Vampire and Poison Ivy 2: Lily,  has a clothing line called Touch. Touch has designed blue jeans with a Caps weagle on the butt. Now I’m not saying this is a must-buy, but you literally MUST BUY THESE.

From the product description on Modell’s:

Want everyone to know what your favorite team is while out on the town? In these Washington Capitals denim jeans from Touch by Alyssa Milano everyone will know. The traditional washed jeans have vintage leather team logo appliques on both back pockets and team logo embroidery on front pocket.

Samantha Micelli

There’s no reason to believe Milano, who is thankfully not actually related to Tony Danza, is a Caps fan. But she’s got a pedigree in fashion design, and also she played Michael Mancini’s sister on a few episodes of Melrose Place. I’m not sure what that last part has to do with anything, but I knew it without having to look it up.

Just buy the things. Or at least, be thankful we live in a world where you can watch hundreds of hours of Charmed in your dorm room and then write a blog post a few years later without even hitting up imdb.

Thanks to eBagel for the heads up. She also recommends checking out these insane boots.

Saturday’s Washington Post comes with a five-page feature on Alex Ovechkin and his great decline. Former Caps beat writer Tarik El-Bashir and Rick Maese list a gamut of explanations– tactics, work ethic, bad attitude, weight, family, partying, schisms with teammates, and more. It’s what the kids call a “must read.”

Read: Alex Ovechkin: What’s wrong with the Washington Capitals superstar?

There’s a lot of anonymous sourcing in there, but the conclusions line up well with what we’ve been observing here for a long time. What do you think?

Hopefully you’ve noticed that RMNB engaged the Puck Buddys website in a partnership this season. Their pregamers and features have been clever and kind-spirited, and we’re honored to count them among our friends.

Over at their site, the Puck Buddys have been running The Thin Blue Line, a long-read profile of a gay player in high school. The series culminates with this weekend’s installment, which is transcendentally good and we strongly recommend you read it. They’ve got a lot of big stuff cooking too, but we’ll get to that soon enough.

Read “The Thin Blue Line”

Our website is for Everyone, and we believe hockey should be that way too. It makes us happy beyond words to align ourselves with people who not only believe the same, but actually work to make it happen. Bravo, guys.

We at Russian Machine Never Breaks are the Ken Burnses of Joe B. fashion. We’ve been documenting every green blazer, every ostentatious houndstooth and argyle combo, and every– let’s be honest– pimp suit. The esteemed Beninati was your guide through a spastic season, and now we return the favor. Here are (awful cell phone) photos of Joe’s suits from every telecast this season– with links to our gamers.

So let’s take a stroll down memory lane with the sharply dressed, silver-tongued man himself.

P.S. NBC/Versus was pretty dumb to let the guy go, huh?

Down on the Hershey front, Kathryn spoke with goaltender Jared DeMichiel who picked up his first career AHL win last Friday. Head over to SHOE and give it a read!

Now, let’s do the Machinist!

Most Popular Posts of the Week:

1. Our Readers’ Valentines For Their Favorite Capitals Players
   Ian had the enlightened idea to have our readers submit Valentines’ cards for their favorite Caps player. Since you guys are awesome, this happened.
2. Alex Semin: Bettman Has Never Been to Siberia!
   Igor translates what Sasha Minor had to say to Pavel Lysenkov of SovSport.
3. Is Alex Ovechkin’s Contract A Good Deal?
   Neil finds out the answer once and for all. His verdict: Yes… and no.

Posts You Might Have Missed:

1. Second-Line Centers and Unicorns
   Neil doesn’t believe in Marty Reasoners. Wait, huh? Looks like I might have gotten lost somewhere.
2. Feed The Machine: Should The Caps Trade For Stephen Weiss?
   Mr. Greenberg followed up on the post above after some of you asked: “Hey, what about Stephen Weiss?”.
3. Video: Children With Disabilities Skate With Caps After Practice
   Bravo, Caps!
4. Video: CRL Goes Behind The Scenes of Ovechtrick Commercial
   Did someone say Ovechtrick? ::starts writing new post::

Game Recaps:

• Well, That Went Well: Kings Drop Caps, 4-1
  Just over a minute into the contest, Alex Ovechkin ripped the Capitals only tally past Kings goaltender Jonathan Bernier. The goal came the moment I was settling in with my nachos at Verizon Center. Coincidence? I think not.
• Caps Fall to Coyotes, 3-2, on Valentine’s Day
  Before Ovechkin signed his endorsement deal with Gillette on December 8, the Russian Machine averaged over a point per game, tallying 12 goals and 23 assists in 29 games. Since then, he has nine goals, 12 assists in 28 games. The Capitals were 18-8-3 with a bearded Ovechkin but are significantly worse with the clean-shaven one at 11-10-7. Someone hide his razors!
• Alex Semin’s Fourth Hat-Trick Leads Caps Past Ducks, 7-6
  They gave Corey Perry the number one star of the game and not Semin? That’s like throwing a party for Al Gore after he lost the 2000 election. Nice try. Good effort. Decent creativity. But a loss is a loss.
• The Streak Continues: Sharks Bite Caps, 3-2
  It’s now been more than 17 years since the Capitals last won in San Jose. The last time Washington was victorious in the “Shark Tank”? October 30, 1993. The Sharks netminder for that game? Current Caps goalie coach Arturs Irbe.

What happened this week? Yeah, we picked up photog supreme, Chris “Caps Snaps” Gordon, but the real big news is our Facebook “LIKE” button! Russian Machine is slowly wrapping its greasy tentacles around every corner of your social media world.

It’s All-star weekend, baby, I’m about to have me some fun. Let’s do the Machinist.

Democratically Elected Posts for the Week

1. Should We Be Concerned About Brooks Laich?
   No. I saw Brooksy at Front Page a few weeks ago, and I think he had the French Dip. Rest easy, everyone.
2. Is $6.7M for Alex Semin a Good Deal?
   Neil uses Sasha’s projected performance to reach a verdict on GMGM’s latest purchase. 
3. Prospect Watch: Russians Win WJC, Eakin Gets Traded
   Fedor documents Cody Eakin’s super-duper trade and the Ruskies big win at WJC.

Insurgent Posts Demanding Your Attention

1. Matt Hendricks Brings Grit, Grime, Dekes to the Caps
   New RMNBer Chris Gordon talks to Hendy about how to be awesome.
2. Feed The Machine: Fashion, Penguins Fan Romance, and Holtby
   Neil talks to readers about the burning questions of the day. Also, gladiator movies.
3. Prospect Watch Extra: Caps Prospects Shine in 2011 WJC
   A collection of compelling media displaying the future Caps’ victories at junior champs.

Game Recaps

• Capitals 4, Maple Leafs 1 — of course, Ovechkin’s hat trick would come on the night I was at the Dismemberment Plan show.
• Rangers 2, Capitals 1 (SO) — Alex Ovechkin had an Alexander Semin-kind of game.
• Thrashers 1, Capitals 0 — Is anyone else sick of making every opposing goalie look like Patrick frakking Roy?

Have a great weekend, y’all!

219 people reached the site looking for Ovechtrick, and all of them were disappointed. 27 people were looking for Charissa Thompson, and I guess they took a wrong turn somewhere.

SHOE alert: Do yourself a favor and read Kathryn’s recap of Hershey’s shutout SHOOTOUT (my bad!) loss to Lake Erie. Kyle’s photo of Holtby pouting in the paint is priceless.

Now, let’s do the Machinist.

Posts That Have Already Infested Your Soul

1. The RMNB Alternative to NHL Guardian ‘The Capital’
   Bask in the glory of Rachel and Ian’s D.C.-themed superhero.
2. John Carlson’s 21st Birthday Party at RFD
   The beatdown Vancouver delivered sort of tainted JC74′s big day, but our grainy video and washed out photos captured people having fun anyway.
3. Not Another Goalie Post
   This dispatch in Greenberg’s series on Arturs Irbe’s mad experiment finds him jumping the fence over to #TeamVarly.

Posts That Want To Infest Your Soul Should You Allow It

1. Wisdom Beyond Their Years
   Okay, here’s the story behind this one. We’re waiting for Ian at Kettler, and Neil’s playing with his audio recorder. He says, “Hey, I’m gonna go interview all these kids and ask them what’s wrong the Caps.” The rest is history. And journalistic GOLD.
2. Last Goalie Post. Promise.
   Everyone’s got an opinion on Varly vs. Neuvy, but Neil drives the conversation with some truly brilliant statistical analysis and his best-in-the-business data set.

Game Recaps

• Canucks 4, Capitals 2 – [Ovechkin threw] up his hands up in effete tantrums whenever the referees didn’t provide the penalty whistles he demanded like a petulant child.
• Capitals 3, Senators 1 – You don’t need a flashy video package to unleash the fury, you just need BL21.
• Flyers 3, Capitals 2 (OT) – Braden Holtby’s beeper just went off.
• Capitals 2, Islanders 1 – RMNB wishes a speedy recovery to our beloved ginger weirdo.

We’re debuting a new column later, and your participation is mandatory. Have a good weekend.

Most Read Posts This Week

1. A Special Birthday Cake For John Carlson’s 21st
   After Nour’s success with the cake, expect to see a confectionary clustereff at RFD tonight.
2. Caps Care Casino Night, Year Two
   Emily dons a dress and hangs out with the boys for a good cause. Great photos, too.
3. Evgeny Kuznetsov: “Next Up is the Stanley Cup”
   Igor hooks us up with two interviews that reveal Kuz is not wanting for confidence.

These Posts Will Be On the Final Exam

1. Not Another Goalie Post
   #TeamVarly adds one to its ranks
2. Alan May Mic’d up at the Winter Classic Alumni Game
   Happy birthday, old man.
3. Breaking Up The Band
   Neil was a couple days ahead of everyone else in noting that the current combos are not working.

Game Recaps

• Capitals 3, Panthers 2 – I have a feeling Carlson is going to be a frozen margarita guy.
• Panthers 4, Capitals 3 (OT) – No Loafing
• Lightning 3, Capitals 0 – If you were facing your division rival in a high-stakes match for first place, you’d be an unstoppable whirlwind of high fives and ninja kicks.