The NHL awards are always a weird hodgpodge affair of C-list celebrities and jokes that seemed funny before they were read off the teleprompter, but we got our own slice of specialized absurdity tonight, just for the Caps. In the video below, former Arrested Development star Will Arnett impersonates Brendan Shanahan — bored monotone and all — and disciplines Alex Ovechkin for a parking violation.

…Actually, we can see that happening.

Unfortunately, there were a few glaring errors that must be corrected, because we’re pedantic, fact-checking party poopers:

• First, Ovechkin drives what is basically a sexier Batmobile to games, not a Honda.
• And Mike Green rides a Vespa, thank you very much.
• If you are going to use a Brooks Laich body double, he must be at least four times more handsome than that if he is to pass for Brooks Laich.
• No way Alex Ovechkin has ever driven his car that slow. He’s more of an 88.8 mph / 1.21 gigawatts kind of driver.

And now, let’s let Nickelback play us out!

Photo credit: Ethan Miller

Wednesday was a night of hardware in the NHL as the league’s annual awards show took place in Las Vegas. The night’s biggest winners? Corey Perry of the Ducks picked up the Hart, Ryan Kesler of the Canucks hoisted the Selke, baby-faced Jeff Skinner of the ‘Canes took home the Calder, Stanley Cup champion Bruin Tim Thomas won the Vezina and Washington fan favorite Disco Dan Bylsma of the Pens presented with the Jack Adams Award.

So how did the Capitals fare?

Alex Ovechkin was named to the NHL’s second all-star team while John Carlson was honored with a spot on the all-rookie squad. Via Nate Ewell, this is the first time in five years Ovechkin has not held a spot on the first-team, ending his record streak to start a career.

As for the trophies, Brooks Laich finished 11th in Selke voting as best defensive forward (0 first-place votes, 1 second, 2 third, 4 fourth, 7 fifth); Bruce Boudreau placed sixth for the Jack Adams as top coach (2-3-7); Carlson (3-3-16-12-21) and Michal Neuvirth (0-0-0-1-1) were fifth and 14th respectively for the Calder as best rookie; George McPhee finished sixth for GM of the Year (2-4-3); Mike Green was edged out by the Kings’ Dustin Brown for the NHL Foundation Player Award for charitable work; finally, Ovechkin came in 15th for the Hart as MVP (0-0-0-4-7).

Sadly, none of the Capitals were in Vegas leaving us unable to critique their red carpet photos. Yes, none of this this year. No awkward tension between Sid the Kid and the Great Eight either, though Bobby Ryan and Ryan Getzlaf filled the void. Since everybody loves “comedian” Jay Mohr, we leave you with one of his few funny moments of the night.