Vikings: Making RMNB Last

vikings

Tommy L. wants me to write about the culture of vikings. Tommy L. is awesome. Here goes.

There never was a viking culture and there never were any vikings. Vikings as we know them– villains wearing horned helmets who sacked dark-age Europe– were just a name and a story told by people who weren’t vikings. To the northmen, no one was a viking unless he or she was on a viking, which is what they called their raids. In general use, viking was an exonym: a named used by people outside the group. Among themselves, the vikings were known as the Northmen or the Norsemen– not to be confused with the Normans, whom we’ll discuss below.

Norsemen were the people of the Nordic countries. At some point in the 8th century of the Common Era, the Norsemen decided to go sailing and bust some heads. They were a bustling culture already, but advances in art, technology, and specifically seafaring were what spurred the Viking Era.

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stan-galiev-scorpions

Photo: @Galixon_97

Washington Capitals forward Stan Galiev is on vacation with his wife Olya in Vietnam, and they’re having some new experiences. And by “new experiences” I mean eating some of the most disgusting things you can imagine – things I’m not even sure Andrew Zimmern would put in his mouth.

This weekend, for example, they ate scorpion kabobs.

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Seven Things We’ll Miss Most About Steve Oleksy

Steve Oleksy holds up the puck from his first NHL goal

Lost amid the news Wednesday afternoon that longtime Caps defenseman Mike Green had signed a 3-year, $18-million contract with the Detroit Red Wings was the news that another Caps D-man, Steve Oleksy, had signed his own 1-year, $575,000 deal with the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Oleksy had been in the Capitals organization for the last three seasons, playing in 62 games (3 goals, 16 assists) for the Caps and 153 games for the AHL Hershey Bears (12 goals, 29 assists), where he served as the team’s captain since March. An under-appreciated defenseman, Oleksy made his mark as a fan favorite for his scrappy style and his personable nature. Here are just seven (that’s his minor league number!) of the many reasons we’re going to miss him.

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caps-2015-draft-hat

Every year, the NHL unveils new hats at the draft and they’re always super fancy. This year’s edition features each team’s logo on the hat and then either the team’s alternate logo or a zoomed-in detail of the original logo on the bill. The NHL’s shield is also located on the back of the fitted cap, just as a friendly reminder where your hard-earned cash is going.

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Welcome back inside GM Holden’s war room. Previously, we’ve added Patrick Sharp to the Caps forward ranks and re-signed Eric Fehr to be the team’s third-line center. Next up: adding scoring depth and skill the the forward ranks.

Last season, when the Caps acquired Curtis Glencross, it seemed like an unnecessary move. Glencross was a redundant piece on a team that already had plenty of forwards who brought a similar skill set. While talent level and some specific strengths may vary, Glencross is similar to Troy Brouwer, Joel Ward, Brooks Laich, and Jason Chimera. As these names show, the Caps have a lack of skill players among their depth forwards.

Finding a player who is more finesse and less grit to play a depth position can be tricky; often these types of players are in the top six and command that type of money.

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Peter’s Scifi/Fantasy Draft: Making RMNB Last

spidey

You are about to read an essay commissioned by RMNB Platinum Patron Michael Reschly as part of the Making RMNB Last campaign. Michael chose the topic, and now Peter must write about it. Game on.

Michael has asked me to draft a hockey team using only scifi and fantasy characters. My entire life was leading up to this moment and now we are here. Michael suggested Harry Potter as first-line center and Chewbacca as goalie, and that’s when I stopped paying attention to his ideas.

First, some self-imposed limitations: none. Anything goes. Let’s party.

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This post is part of a series in which we enter an alternative universe where I get to call the shots during the Caps offseason.

Yesterday, I wrote about filling the Caps hole in the top six with Patrick Sharp. For the tl; dr crowd, this is what my Caps top-six looks like now:

LW C RW
Ovechkin Backstrom Burakovsky
Johansson Kuznetsov Sharp

I also touched on the Caps’ depth forwards who would find themselves in the top six if poor play or an injury left a void there.

Top-six depth
Tom Wilson
Troy Brouwer
Stanislav Galiev

The Caps could stand to acquire some more scoring depth, but that’s an issue for another day. Today, we’re shifting focus to the Caps bottom six, specifically the third-line center role. Eric Fehr, who apparently won’t be re-signed, has been the team’s primary third-line center over the past two seasons.

But this isn’t Brian MacLellan’s Cup-winning team, it’s mine.

Unlike a top-six winger, the Caps can likely find a third-line center either internally or via free agency. Here are some of the options.

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patrick-sharp

This is the first in a series of posts looking at moves I think the Caps need to make to have a legitimate shot at winning the Stanley Cup in 2015-16. Shout out to the Orioles blog Camden Depot, as their “Building a Champion” series was the inspiration for these posts. These are not what I think the Caps will do; these are what I think the Caps should do, within the realm of what’s realistic.

The Capitals’ lack of shot-generating, skill forwards is one of the primary reasons why they weren’t playing hockey in June, something we touched on here at RMNB back in March. Having Alex Ovechkin, whose shot-generating abilities are other-worldly, is really helpful. But hockey is too much of a team game for Ovechkin to carry this current group of Caps’ forwards through four rounds of playoff hockey.

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What to Watch Instead of the NHL Awards

ovechkin-all-the-trophies

Photo: Tom Szczerbowski/USA TODAY Sports

Let’s get real for a hot second. I don’t enjoy the NHL Awards. You don’t enjoy the NHL Awards. Why do we insist on pretending we do?

Every year the NHL trots out a mediocre host and a handful of celebrity (?) presenters, mashes them up with a band best known for being one people love to hate (2015: Daughtry, 2014: Phillip Phillips, 2012: Nickelback – you get it), and tries to pretend players would rather be there wearing shirts than at a pool party not wearing shirts. The best year of the NHL Awards was 2013, when there wasn’t an NHL Awards.

Here’s what’s going to happen tonight: Alex Ovechkin will take home the Rocket Richard trophy. That much is certain. He’s also contender for both the Hart Trophy as league MVP and the Ted Lindsay Award as the MVP as voted by the players. If he wins them, you knew he was going to win them, so what’s even the point of watching? If they go to Carey Price, then it was all a sham anyway so why bother?

Instead of suffering through Rob Riggle’s Gary Bettman-approved jokes and big-name celebrities – one half of 90s country duo Brooks & Dunn, Tom Hanks’ son, and Alex Ovechkin’s favorite DJ – awkwardly mispronounce the name Pavel Datsyuk, you should watch something else. Always here to serve, RMNB has put together some recommendations based on tonight’s TV listings.

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