The Caps Didn’t Win 16-3, But That Woulda Been Cool

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The Caps beat the Islanders 4-3 in the shootout, but if you were peeping at CSN Washington you might have got the wrong idea. An innocent mistake from the graphics department for sure, but imagine for a second how great that would’ve been.

It would’ve been the biggest blowout ever– tying with Montreal beating Quebec by the same score in 1920. Troy Brouwer and Nick Backstrom would have scored twin hat tricks. Jay Beagle would have scored two. Alex Ovechkin would, naturally, have done the Ovechtrick. All three goals against would have been scored while shorthanded.

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kuznetsov-goal-islanders

Photo: Kathy Kmonicek

Sometimes Washington Capitals forward Marcus Johansson struggles to finish in front of the net. Example: last night in the third period against the New Jersey Devils where Mojo , wide open in the crease, hit Cory Schneider right in the pads instead of lifting the puck up and over. The Capitals would lose 2-1.

The next day, Mojo flubbed another easy goal, but this time against the New York Islanders. No worries. Evgeny Kuznetsov cleaned up his mess.

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so-caps

This is so Capitals.

All season long, the Washington Capitals have had recurring momentary lapses in judgement in which they forget how to hockey. That’s why the Caps won’t be making the playoffs for the first time in six years, and now I’ve got a drinking problem.

On Saturday at Nassau Coliseum, Mike Green and Jason Chimera illustrated how to do the worst breakout ever. Instead of establishing possession and exiting the defensive zone, they crashed into each other full speed right in front of their own goal.

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Alex Ovechkin Scores 49th Goal of the Year (GIF)

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Photo: Julio Cortez

Over the last two days, Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin has become hockey’s version of a human piñata. The reason why the mainstream media has figuratively flogged Ovechkin with its bat full of angry pixels: Ovi gave up on a play that led to a Dallas Stars goal. It was already 3-0 and there were three defenders in the D-zone. Deal with it. Head coach Adam Oates didn’t help matters much on Wednesday when he said that Ovechkin “quit” on the play.

Since then, life as a Caps fan has been nothing short of depressing. On Friday, however, things got a bit back to normal in the first period.

After being reunited with Nicklas Backstrom for the first time since the mid-80′s, Ovechkin scored his first even strength goal… also since the mid-80′s.

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why3

Photo: Patrick Smith

When the Washington Capitals gave up two straight breakaways to the Dallas Stars while on their own power play last night, I thought that was rock bottom.

Nope.

Rock bottom was Dustin Jeffrey‘s second period goal. The tally, which came 34 seconds after Ryan Whitney’s 2-on-0 goal on a botched Capitals line change, gave the Dallas Stars a 3-0 lead. It essentially ended the game.

The defense on the goal was atrocious. I’d waste my time or yours with a description. The screenshots and video say everything.

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crosby-hit-in-face-by-linesman

The Caps game sucks, so let’s look elsewhere for entertainment. How about Pittsburgh, where Sidney Crosby recorded an assist on Chris Kunitz‘s first-period goal against the Carolina Hurricanes. That apple gave Crosby his fifth career 100-point season. He’s a lock for the Art Ross trophy, but that’s not why we’re writing.

No. We’re writing because tonight is the night the refs finally turned on Sid. As Crosby skated into the Pens’ defensive zone, he got smacked a linesman. We’re ethically obligated to say it was unintentional, but c’mon.

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brett-leonhardt-rookie-card

His career NHL stats may read 0 wins, 0 losses, 0 goals allowed, and a 0% save percentage, but Brett Leonhardt is now just like one of the guys. On Monday, Upper Deck announced that they had created the long sought-after Brett Leonhardt rookie card.

And what a delight it is.

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april-fools-chimera-ward

We needed this. With all the furor surrounding the Caps currently, Joel Ward and Jason Chimera helpfully hit the release valve by cutting an Aprils Fools video posing as Caps media men John Walton and Mike Vogel.

In a skull cap and wig, the third-line wingers hosted the pre-game  Two-Man Advantage video. Ward repeated Walton’s catch phrase three or seven times, and Chimera rattled off stats in a meaningless number salad– all in an uncanny impersonation of Vogel.

This is great. Please watch it. I promise it will cheer you up.

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backstrom-high-five

There’s a saying I hate: What have you done for me lately? It’s ignorant, brushing off a person’s full contributions. But that’s the attitude among a lot of lippy sports fans, especially on Twitter.

I bring this up because after Nicklas Backstrom missed on his shootout attempt at the end of Sunday’s game, some people got frustrated. I get it– to a point.

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wilson-angry

First-year pro Patrick Wey hit Nashville Predators facepuncher extraordinairre Rich Clune along the benches on Sunday night. That was obviously unacceptable per the rules of gentlemanly conduct, so Clune challenged Wey to a fight and then knocked him out.

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