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The Caps game sucks, so let’s look elsewhere for entertainment. How about Pittsburgh, where Sidney Crosby recorded an assist on Chris Kunitz‘s first-period goal against the Carolina Hurricanes. That apple gave Crosby his fifth career 100-point season. He’s a lock for the Art Ross trophy, but that’s not why we’re writing.

No. We’re writing because tonight is the night the refs finally turned on Sid. As Crosby skated into the Pens’ defensive zone, he got smacked a linesman. We’re ethically obligated to say it was unintentional, but c’mon.

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brett-leonhardt-rookie-card

His career NHL stats may read 0 wins, 0 losses, 0 goals allowed, and a 0% save percentage, but Brett Leonhardt is now just like one of the guys. On Monday, Upper Deck announced that they had created the long sought-after Brett Leonhardt rookie card.

And what a delight it is.

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april-fools-chimera-ward

We needed this. With all the furor surrounding the Caps currently, Joel Ward and Jason Chimera helpfully hit the release valve by cutting an Aprils Fools video posing as Caps media men John Walton and Mike Vogel.

In a skull cap and wig, the third-line wingers hosted the pre-game  Two-Man Advantage video. Ward repeated Walton’s catch phrase three or seven times, and Chimera rattled off stats in a meaningless number salad– all in an uncanny impersonation of Vogel.

This is great. Please watch it. I promise it will cheer you up.

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backstrom-high-five

There’s a saying I hate: What have you done for me lately? It’s ignorant, brushing off a person’s full contributions. But that’s the attitude among a lot of lippy sports fans, especially on Twitter.

I bring this up because after Nicklas Backstrom missed on his shootout attempt at the end of Sunday’s game, some people got frustrated. I get it– to a point.

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wilson-angry

First-year pro Patrick Wey hit Nashville Predators facepuncher extraordinairre Rich Clune along the benches on Sunday night. That was obviously unacceptable per the rules of gentlemanly conduct, so Clune challenged Wey to a fight and then knocked him out.

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IanBrouwerRangers (7 of 11)

Studs. Also, Troy gets Brouwer Bombed. (Photos by Chris Gordon)

The day has come. During warmups before today’s game against the Bruins, RMNB’s Ian Oland pressed his body against the Verizon Center glass in section 102 dressed only in spandex.

“I’m sorry for doubting you, Troy,” his sign read.

In November, Ian made a bet. It was somewhat accidental: if Troy Brouwer scored 20 goals this season, Ian would dress as a Brouwer Ranger. That looked unlikely for a while, but with a wacky 11-goal total in 15 games during February and March, Brouwer hit the milestone for the first time as a Capital. On Saturday, the #IanOlandApologyTour began. Ian, who wanted me to say he “looks pretty skinny” and is “definitely not fat,” wiggled into the famous unitard. He looked like an imbecile, but that’s the point. Brouwer agreed, coming over and giving a thumbs up to the newly expanded trio.

Ian will be watching the rest today’s game from section 402, right in front of the Brouwer Rangers. He’ll be very sweaty. Never make bets on Twitter.

Here’s how it went down.

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Photo: Chris Gordon

Editor’s note: Hockey Prospectus projected Troy Brouwer to score 21 or 22 goals this season. Ian did not consult the book before betting the Brouwer Rangers that he would not even hit twenty. The stakes if he lost: Ian would have to dress up with the B.R. and attend a game in full regalia. Brouwer scored twice on March 16th, and Ian has been dreading this coming Saturday ever since. To get you wayyyyyy more ready than you need to be for the big day, we turn things over to the Brouwer Rangers.

As you should know by now, Ian is set to join the ranks of the Brouwer Rangers. On Saturday, March 29, 2014, during a #mustwin hockey game between your Washington Capitals and those bastardly bastards of Beantown, Ian will don spandex, fanny pack, and helmet as retribution for a momentary but utter lack of judgment. It will be glorious.

In the meantime, let’s recap how Ian arrived in this tight spot (spandex joke!).

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RMNB Party 6 in Photos and Videos

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Eat your heart out, Ellen. (Photo: Chris Gordon)

For some this has been a long week. That’s because of the fallout from RMNB Party 6. We’re not even remotely sorry.

On Saturday night, RFD gave us the keys to their private back bar and 300+ of you cycled in to watch the Caps/Sharks game with us. It was magical. The Caps ended their 21-year losing streak in San Jose and about 150 of you jumped for joy in the wee hours of the morning with us when it happened. Seriously. The video is below. It was like a hockey mosh pit.

Along the way, we all made some new friends. Horn Guy and Goat cheered the team on. And I debuted the new Brouwer Rangers helmet I will wear at Verizon Center this Saturday.

Thanks to all of you who hung out with us. To those who didn’t: tsk, tsk. You missed out.

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EvgenyKuznetsovCar (2 of 3)

Photos by Chris Gordon

Eight games into his NHL career, Evgeny Kuznetsov is settling in. And by “settling in,” I mean living a life of luxury none of us will ever attain. First he got himself an apartment. Now he’s got himself a brand new car. The ride: a customized 2014 Mercedes Benz S63 AMG, with a base price of $140,000. It’s got 577 horsepower. That’s a lot.

Kuzya will probably spend most of his time sitting still on 66, but if you’re going to buy a mobile lounge, the new S-Class is pure and total luxury.

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Photos by Igor Kleyner

The Capitals took their team photo on Thursday. It was perfectly normal, with players and coaches lining up at center ice to pose for photographers. Except for two exceptions: the Chick-fil-a cow and the Parking Panda. Anything for sponsors!

The cow was helped onto the ice by defenseman Karl Alzner before being led off by none other than Alex Ovechkin. No word on the whether the panda received any assistance. The team later took a normal photo.

Thanks to an accident on 50, I missed the biggest Caps cow-related photo-op since Jenn chopped the head off some rubber animals last year. However, RMNB spaceman and Kuyza-whisperer Igor Kleyner did leave on time. He snapped these photos.

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