On Tuesday night, CSN analyst and great head of hair Alan May took to Twitter to complain about his lack of a personalized t-shirt.

@alexsemin every one has a great MayDay tee, but me. Hook a brother up

— Alan May (@MayHockeyCSN) May 1, 2013

We’re on the case.

In Rachel Cohen’s pencil-drawn style, we see Alan just as he looked two years ago when the Caps pulled out a dramatic win over the Rangers. That’s how we like to think of Alan: pugnacious and passionate– maybe a homer, but still among the best hockey minds in our world. Wear this shirt because Alan May beat up all your favorite players from the early- to mid-90s and now he just insults their haircut and fashion sense.

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On this very special day, we’re releasing a bunch of new shirts to the RMNB store– and we’re sure you’ll love at least one of them. If you’re into Perreault’s post-game celebrations, The Wagon, or meteors, we’ve got a shirt for you. And if you hate Pennsylvania (and who doesn’t?), we’ve got you covered as well. Seven new shirts in all, in men’s and women’s cuts, all printed on the finest natural synthetic fabrics available.

Wwith Mother’s day coming up, all Women’s tees are 15% off. Just use the coupon code MOTHER2013 during check-out.

We’re real proud of this new batch of shirts. Take a look and let us know what you think!

#PerryCelly T-Shirt

Emotions run high when hockey goes to extra innings. Anything can happen in sudden death overtime, but it seems like one thing always does: Mathieu Perreault freaking out. The #PerryCelly shirt, illustrated by RMNB’s own Rachel Cohen, is your way of commemorating and celebrating along with him.

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Wagon T-Shirt

Carrying the Caps like a rickety Conestoga, there’s the ever-reliable Matt Hendricks, whose name has fallen out of fashion in favor of this new one: The Wagon. He’s sturdy and well-worn, like your mom’s Buick Estate, except Hendy does somewhat more more punching and goal-scoring than grocery-getting.

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RMNB Space Logo T-Shirt

We’re proud of our ties to space. Sorry: spaaaaaaace. There was the time Igor found ice on Mercury, and then the whole meteor thing that nearly melted our servers. Hockey is now just a side project for us, something to fill the hours before our next space adventure. Wear this shirt if you’re boldly going with us.

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The Ten Train Brings the Pain T-Shirt

Tom Wilson wears the #10 jersey in Plymouth. The Whalers announcers dubbed him “The Ten Train” for his railroading hits, which along with grain and dry goods, also bring the pain. Rock The Ten Train shirt so you can tell your friends you were onboard with Wilson first.

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Hip-Check 3D T-Shirt

Dmitry Orlov and hipchecks go together like milk and pasta. Also like milk and pasta, Orlov’s hipchecks can be devastating to your health. And while this shirt probably isn’t 3-D even when you wear the glasses, it looks rad in any situation. Disorient your friends all day long!

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Pennsylvania Is The Worst State Ever T-Shirt

Pennsylvania is awful. Why is is there a town named Intercourse in PA? Why does driving over the Mason-Dixon Line feel like traveling back in time to an era before pothole-filling technology was invented? Pennsylvania hosts two of the Capitals’ most heated rivals, the Penguins and the Flyers. Let your enmity be known in this lovely shirt, which comes in two variations: retina-burning Philly orange or Pittsburgh powder blue. Also appropriate for ironic or self-loathing Pennsylvanians, because we call agree on point: Hershey rules! (As noted in the small print.)

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I Survived The Chelyabinsk Meteor T-Shirt

The Chelyabinsk meteor injured over a thousand people, but most of those were from broken glass and the like. Everyone made it through okay, and now it’s just a wild story with lots of concomitant property damage. And because The World is Wrong, your humble hockey blog was first to cover it all. The “I Survived the Chelyabinsk Meteor and Read About it First on RMNB” shirt is part solemn remembrance of a crazy time and also a really nice way to help us pay for the ridiculous bandwidth expenses that came out of it.

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“What’d you call me?” (GIF by jaybeagles)

Hockey players are accustomed to terrible nicknames; they’ve got a lot. The current iteration of the Washington Capitals includes Patsy (Aaron Volpatti), Crabber (Joey Crabb), and Carly (John Carlson). Now we know Steve Oleksy‘s too, though he won’t be happy with RMNB once his teammates read this. See: Oleksy’s lifelong nickname isn’t Stevie O (as head Adam Oates called him); it’s Binky. And we’ve got the story behind that.

“When I was younger, I was sick and I was in the hospital quite a bit,” Oleksy told me recently. “I called my pacifier my binky, and every time I started crying the nurses would tell my mom to put my binky in. She started calling me that, and then the kids at school caught on, and it just kind of grew with me.”

“That’s been my nickname my whole life growing up, and it’s stuck with me all the way through every level of hockey I’ve played,” he added. “People find out and it catches on. A lot of people back home don’t even know me by my real name, they know me by Binky. It’s kind of stuck with me through the years. It’s not something that I try to hide from.”

The rise of Oleksy — nickname and all — from an undrafted minor league player to getting big minutes with the Capitals is remarkable. He didn’t become a full-time AHL player until this season and was something of a role player even in Hershey. But thanks to a bruised-up Caps blue line and Oates’s insistence on a balancing right-handed and lefty shots, Oleksy has joined what is ostensibly the team’s top pairing– alongside Karl Alzner. He’s now getting more than 20 minutes of ice time a night. In nine games, Oleksy has scored four points, including his first NHL goal.

“As a hockey player you prepare for that,” Oleksy said of his playing time. “I don’t think you should be a hockey player if you don’t want to be on the ice every second of every game.”

“At every level you just play the game,” he continued. “That what I try to do here.”

Still, it’s significant change to go from playing in front of 200 fans in an old barn to starting next to Alex Ovechkin and Nicklas Backstrom on national television.

“They’re teammates now; I look at them as teammates just like any other,” said Oleksy of his new colleagues. “They joke, they have a good time, they’re fun to be around. When you got a group of guys like that, it makes things a lot easier to play in that situation — you’re not so astounded.”

But back to Oleksy’s nickname, which he seems to have squashed before he got to the pros. It’s currently unknown in Washington’s locker room. According to Braden Holtby, even with the Bears most players didn’t know it.

“It never caught on,” Holtby said. “I think he kept that under wraps in Hershey pretty well.”

A few guys, however, did find out. Holtby was one of them.

“I knew about one time because I was at his house and on his computer it said ‘Binky’s Computer’ or something like that,” he said. “I was like ‘Who is that?’ One of the guys told me. It’s one of those nicknames where it’d be pretty funny if it caught on.”

Yes. It would be funny, but how could it possibly catch on?

Oh. Right. We made a shirt.

(From now until March 23rd, if you buy two RMNB shirts, you get free shipping. Just enter EASTER2013 during checkout.)

Additional reporting and shirt by Ian Oland. Thanks to Rachel O’Brien for the tip.

As a reminder to all of you hooligans to vote today, we’ve unveiled a new t-shirt in our store. While we all may have wildly different opinions on who we think would be best in the White House for the next four years, let’s all agree on this: Barack Obama is an amazing singer Voting Yes For Number 8. This finely printed red shirt will be available in our Spreadshirt store for today only. Check out the shirt, buy one or two or ten, and be the envy of all your friends.

Before you start hassling us да means yes in Russian. Here’s a bigger version of the graphic.

Listen: I know the Capitals are a regional team, drawing fans from Maryland and Virginia, in addition to the District. But Piney Orchard and Capital Centre are proof that the team’s roots are deep in the Old Line State. And it’s for fans from the great state of Maryland that we debut this new RMNB shirt.

The Baltimore Orioles are competing for their first playoff run since puberty (ours, maybe not yours), and they’re doing it with help from a 20-year-old from Miami named Manny Machado. He made waves by hitting three home runs in his first thirteen at bats, but his real achievement has been in the field. Taking Cal’s old spot at third base (instead of his preferred position, Cal’s old spot at short stop), Manny has surprised baseball fans with his surprising maturity and defensive savvy.

Consider this move on Wednesday night, wherein Machado tricks Tampa’s Rich Thompson into a trap. Machado palms the ball and fakes a pass, letting Thompson think  he should run home. But no. Manny purloins that third out, saving the game in the process. Our pal Daniel Moroz at Camden Crazies called it Jeter-like (we assume this means smart defense, not saying Manny has an overly large and malformed head). A few minutes later, Machado scored the winning run on a Nate McLouth hit.

The Os are still positioning for first the AL East thanks to plays like this, and for the first time in a long time the Baltimore club has a future. We now see a fanbase growing across this great state and beyond. Perniciously they reach into Virginia and the District, usurping the territory of its bewildered Expos fans– and everywhere they go, they declare it MANNYLAND.

Wear this shirt while cheering on your favorite AL east, bird-mascotted team playing their first winning season since the Clinton administration. Tell the world you were there when the Orioles magic was rekindled.

Go Get the Mannyland T-Shirt.

As Caps fans, most of us were already aware that Matt Hendricks was awesome. Perhaps we were not aware until this season just how awesome he really was, but we’ve had our eyes opened one shootout stunner and monster playoffs shift at a time. As the games have gotten bigger, so has he. All-Star goaltenders everywhere have come to fear him, and superstars brace themselves when they see him about to finish a check.

In honor of the nickname Craig Laughlin coined for Hendy earlier in the season — “The Paralyzer” — we present our new Minnesota license plate inspired t-shirt, lovingly designed by Ian Oland. You can check the shirts out in our t-shirt store here. Also, shipping is free right now through May 8th when you place an order over $30. Just use the coupon code MOTHERSDAY12 at checkout.

Now let’s enjoy some of Hendy’s greatest hits one more time.

And make sure to check out RMNB tomorrow for some more Matt Hendricks love.

The weather is getting nice, and we at RMNB thought you might need some new t-shirts to wear. Well, that and the whole playoffs thing.

And since I didn’t have anything to do with the making of these shirts, I can tell you this without reservation: These shirts are totally freaking awesome. Let me show you them.

The shirt above is Holtbeast, an original work of art by RMNB’s resident artist, Rachel Cohen. It depicts Caps goalie Braden Holtby as we saw him in the quarterfinals: a ferocious manimal who rages on any unfortunate few who happen upon his cage.

When to wear this shirt: When a supposedly potent offense washes up on Holtby’s shore as ineffectually as waves upon the shore. When the enemy’s dangled puck is sent flying away by Braden, who has pounced out of his crease. And when a veteran goalie, one considered superior to our own by the hockey cognoscenti, retreats with his tail between his legs– off to lick his wounds on a golf course somewhere.

View this shirt >>

Alzner’s Amigos

We are unsure of the etymology of “Alzner’s Amigos.” Apparently, it’s Karl Alzner‘s version of Knuble Knights, but with a lot more ice time. Ian cooked up this shirt, and he is so very very proud. Rightfully so.

When to wear this shirt: Next time the “most underrated player” debate gets sparked up. You just open up your vest or cardigan or members only jacket and go “Boom! This guy. Right here. Mic drop.” (You don’t have to say the “mic drop” part; that’s optional.)

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Brooks Tire Repair

There are stories and then there are legends. What Brooks Laich did on the Roosevelt Bridge after losing game seven is the latter. The Brooks Tire Repair shirt is the uniform of gentlemen and gentleladies across the DMV.

When to wear this shirt: In moments of chivalry and good citizenship. Helping an old woman across the street, throwing your jacket on top of a puddle so that your date doesn’t get wet (sidebar: has that ever really happened?), pulling out chairs, easy on the swears. You don’t have to do any of that stuff, but if you’re being polite and articulate and/or are a good two-way forward, this is the shirt for you.

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Scoar Moar Goals

My favorite. We’ve been saying SCOAR MOAR GOALS so much, we’ve even got the Captain saying it now. S.M.G. is the rallying cry for a team that really could be putting 6-7 goals up on the scoreboard every night. When was the last time anyone got free wings anyway?

When to wear this shirt: For starters, always. But specifically, this one looks good when the Caps are up two goals and they seemingly forget there’s a net at the other end of the ice. That doesn’t happen much anymore (the being up two goals thing), so how about you wear this next time we’re high-fiving at a Front Page viewing party?

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Super 8

There are two Ovechkins. One is a shy, well-meaning momma’s boy with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The other is a manic, goal-scoring, belly-patting superhero. The Great Eight t-shirt celebrates the latter.

When to wear this shirt: Under your work clothes. In the middle of a your mid-morning meeting, pretend your heard something from very far away. Stand up abruptly, make an awkward or vague excuse, and then rush out the door. Rip your shirt open and then… well you’ll have to figure it out from there. Disco?

Shirts designed by Ian Oland. “Holtbeast” illustraton by Rachel Cohen.

There are 6 new shirts, featuring original artwork by Ian Oland and Rachel Cohen. These have been a labor of love by our talented art crew, so feast your eyes and maybe cover up your quivering naked torso.

And for today only, while America loses billions in lost productivity, we are discounting everything by one dollar. We’re also offering free shipping on all orders over $50 through Christmas (Coupon codes – US: SHIPFREEUS, Canada: CADSHIPFREE).

If you follow me the past jump, you can get a first look at our new bundles of joy.

Late-Night Filings: )))))))

RMNB Matryoshka Dolls: We loved Rachel’s illustration so much, we jammed it in the footer of every page.

Eye Exam: Let everyone know where you go to gush over Orlov and Kuznetsov.

Super Friends: Inspired by Joe Beninati’s greatest cold open ever.

Sasha Cares: Because who doesn’t think of Alex Semin as a cuddly love ambassador?

I Hate the Penguins: We eagerly await the first report of a fist-fight started because of this one.

All these, the dang Rally Balloon, and many more are available on our T-shirt site. Check ‘em out now before we start price-gouging.

RMNB’s New Rally Balloon T-Shirt. Click here to view all colors and sizes.

LaBarbera swipes at the Rally Balloon. (Photo credit: Ann Heisenfelt)

The Rally Balloon. It turned a struggling team– who had lost four straight, with one star benched and another under scrutiny, with an embattled head coach and a bunch of grumpy fans– into winners.

When the Capitals were down 2-1 in the second period, an unassuming red balloon floated out from the crowd. It hovered ominously twenty feet over Jason LaBarbera’s head. The annoyed Coyotes goaltender swiped at the ‘loon before knocking it up in the air with his stick. No biggie, right?

The Capitals promptly scored three inspired goals and defeated Phoenix 4-3.

First star of the game? Among fans it’s the #RallyBalloon. There’s now a RallyBalloon Twitter account, a rollicking Rally Balloon hashtag, and now our Rally Balloon T-Shirt.

Check ‘em out here.

Here’s Video of the Rally Balloon in Action

Mean Muggin’ Game Over T-Shirt

RMNB’s answer to the Wizznutzz’s jaw-dropping Agent Zero Metallic Gold Portrait Tees, the Game Over Portrait T-Shirt shows everyone’s favorite disrespected defenseman mugging for the ladies. The shirt comes in black and green, and with or without the psychological baggage of the Olympic snubbing. Also, for the first time ever, our Game Over graphics will be printed in a beautiful, space-age Metallic Silver.  You can microwave a pizza on it!*

* Please don’t microwave a pizza on it.

Game Over T-Shirt

Not to be outdone, this Game Over Portrait T-Shirt includes our high-flying defenseman sporting shades and his Blue Steel look. Is this the perfect wardrobe selection for the Wale Stanley Cup Celebration Concert in Early June at the Verizon Center?  We think so.  Buy twenty!

Sasha Minor- The Most Complex Of All The Constellations T-Shirt

There are few mysteries in this world as lasting as Alexander Semin.  Next to LOST and thermos technology, nothing fascinates us more than Alex’s out-of-this-world ability. Sometimes he’s so good he embarasses the competition, sometimes he looks downright bored.  In both cases, he heads inexorably towards a stick penalty like he’s caught in its gravity well. One day we will understand this most complex of figures.  Wear this shirt to show your friends that you are a dedicated Seminologist.

Nacho Power T-Shirt by The Hockey Chronicles’ Meghan H.

Much like how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fuel up on Pizza to regain their power, Megan H. of The Hockey Chronicles believes the only way the Russian Machine reaches  full strength is if he’s eating several servings his highly coveted Arena Nachos. Drawn in paint in a playful style reminiscent of Home Movies, this illustration was just too wonderful not to decorate a t-shirt. Don’t you agree?

Barack The Red – Hope T-Shirt

President Barack Obama continues to act like he hasn’t heard our pleas to Barack The Red – yet still manages to find time to share his horrible Bracket Picks on ESPN and throw out the first pitch of a Nationals Game.  Nonetheless, our campaign forges on– this time in t-shirt form! Outfitted in a Hawaiian Hockey jersey and a HOPEful smile, POTUS shows everyone just how cool he’d look out on the ice (if he ever bothered to make the FIVE-MINUTE TRIP to the Verizon Center. Come on Mr. President, it’s not too late!)

That’s it, folks!  Share your thoughts below and vote with your wallets. And don’t forget to check page 2 and 3 of our store for different styles and colors.