Hockey players are accustomed to terrible nicknames; they’ve got a lot. The current iteration of the Washington Capitals includes Patsy (Aaron Volpatti), Crabber (Joey Crabb), and Carly (John Carlson). Now we know Steve Oleksy‘s too, though he won’t be happy with RMNB once his teammates read this. See: Oleksy’s lifelong nickname isn’t Stevie O (as head Adam Oates called him); it’s Binky. And we’ve got the story behind that.
“When I was younger, I was sick and I was in the hospital quite a bit,” Oleksy told me recently. “I called my pacifier my binky, and every time I started crying the nurses would tell my mom to put my binky in. She started calling me that, and then the kids at school caught on, and it just kind of grew with me.”
Listen: I know the Capitals are a regional team, drawing fans from Maryland and Virginia, in addition to the District. But Piney Orchard and Capital Centre are proof that the team’s roots are deep in the Old Line State. And it’s for fans from the great state of Maryland that we debut this new RMNB shirt.
As Caps fans, most of us were already aware that Matt Hendricks was awesome. Perhaps we were not aware until this season just how awesome he really was, but we’ve had our eyes opened one shootout stunner and monster playoffs shift at a time. As the games have gotten bigger, so has he. All-Star goaltenders everywhere have come to fear him, and superstars brace themselves when they see him about to finish a check.
In honor of the nickname Craig Laughlin coined for Hendy earlier in the season — “The Paralyzer” — we present our new Minnesota license plate inspired t-shirt, lovingly designed by Ian Oland. You can check the shirts out in our t-shirt store here. Also, shipping is free right now through May 8th when you place an order over $30. Just use the coupon code MOTHERSDAY12 at checkout.
There are 6 new shirts, featuring original artwork by Ian Oland and Rachel Cohen. These have been a labor of love by our talented art crew, so feast your eyes and maybe cover up your quivering naked torso.
And for today only, while America loses billions in lost productivity, we are discounting everything by one dollar. We’re also offering free shipping on all orders over $50 through Christmas (Coupon codes – US: SHIPFREEUS, Canada: CADSHIPFREE).
If you follow me the past jump, you can get a first look at our new bundles of joy.
LaBarbera swipes at the Rally Balloon. (Photo credit: Ann Heisenfelt)
The Rally Balloon. It turned a struggling team– who had lost four straight, with one star benched and another under scrutiny, with an embattled head coach and a bunch of grumpy fans– into winners.
When the Capitals were down 2-1 in the second period, an unassuming red balloon floated out from the crowd. It hovered ominously twenty feet over Jason LaBarbera’s head. The annoyed Coyotes goaltender swiped at the ‘loon before knocking it up in the air with his stick. No biggie, right?
To prepare for the playoffs, we at RMNB were compelled to revamp our store. Gone are the Bruce WTF, inSEMINation & We Want Wings tees. In their place we bring you five awesome, new designs. Peep the store and chat it up in the comments.
Mean Muggin’ Game Over T-Shirt
RMNB’s answer to the Wizznutzz’s jaw-dropping Agent Zero Metallic Gold Portrait Tees, the Game Over Portrait T-Shirt shows everyone’s favorite disrespected defenseman mugging for the ladies. The shirt comes in black and green, and with or without the psychological baggage of the Olympic snubbing. Also, for the first time ever, our Game Over graphics will be printed in a beautiful, space-age Metallic Silver. You can microwave a pizza on it!*
Caps Nation has chicken wings fever, and we’re happy to report that that isn’t a new infectious disease. No, we’re ensorcelled by the high-scoring Washington Capitals who, for the 10th time this season, have scored 5+ goals at a home game. The lovable fools at Glory Days Grill will trade game tickets in for a plate of scrumptious buffalo wings (see RMNB redeem ours). To commemorate the hunger for copious goals and wings alike, we have added this stunning shirt to our repertoire:
The We! Want! Wings! tee is cut from only the finest cottons to keep you at the peak of comfort whilst chanting from the upper bowl of the Verizon Center. When the score is 4-2, and you don’t have dinner plans for tomorrow night, this shirt will bestow magical powers unto players like Mike Green or Alex Ovechkin. BAM! 5 goals and free wings.
Our last t-shirt of this crazy four t-shirt day (see our 3 new Bruce Boudreau T-Shirts below) is a doozy. And by doozy we mean terribly inappropriate and probably should never be worn by anyone ever. Seriously. Leave our website, we’re awful people. Like we didn’t even make this one in kid’s sizes for fear someone in a Maryland Private School might be expelled. But sadly, there is an audience for this type of trash, and the Russian Machine must abide.
So with that positive introduction out of the way, we bring you our newest t-shirt, appropriately titled the “inSEMINation.” Available in Men’s and Women’s sizes. Where did we get this idea? Why did we even make this? Well, obviously the Russian Machine is partial to his fellow Russian Superstars on the Capitals. So when anyone says something glowingly or creative about one of our players, we must act. Immediately.
As a side note, yes, the Capitol building shown here is meant to be a phallic representation of where most of Semin’s most ardent supporters reside: Siberia Washington DC. And yes, we considered putting a white 28 above the dome, but it was just too distasteful distracting from our typography on the bottom.
So for those girls in College who want to party and impress their current hockey-loving boyfriend with your knowledge of hockey and the human anatomy, this shirt’s for you. And no, I’m not eagerly awaiting the “Stay Classy, @russianmachine” tweets when I sign back online onto Twitter. Sigh.