And since I didn’t have anything to do with the making of these shirts, I can tell you this without reservation: These shirts are totally freaking awesome. Let me show you them.
People, we’ve got a ton of new shirts in the store.
There are 6 new shirts, featuring original artwork by Ian Oland and Rachel Cohen. These have been a labor of love by our talented art crew, so feast your eyes and maybe cover up your quivering naked torso.
And for today only, while America loses billions in lost productivity, we are discounting everything by one dollar. We’re also offering free shipping on all orders over $50 through Christmas (Coupon codes – US: SHIPFREEUS, Canada: CADSHIPFREE).
If you follow me the past jump, you can get a first look at our new bundles of joy.
RMNB’s New Rally Balloon T-Shirt. Click here to view all colors and sizes.
The Rally Balloon. It turned a struggling team– who had lost four straight, with one star benched and another under scrutiny, with an embattled head coach and a bunch of grumpy fans– into winners.
When the Capitals were down 2-1 in the second period, an unassuming red balloon floated out from the crowd. It hovered ominously twenty feet over Jason LaBarbera’s head. The annoyed Coyotes goaltender swiped at the ‘loon before knocking it up in the air with his stick. No biggie, right?
The Capitals promptly scored three inspired goals and defeated Phoenix 4-3.
To prepare for the playoffs, we at RMNB were compelled to revamp our store. Gone are the Bruce WTF, inSEMINation & We Want Wings tees. In their place we bring you five awesome, new designs. Peep the store and chat it up in the comments.
Mean Muggin’ Game Over T-Shirt
RMNB’s answer to the Wizznutzz’s jaw-dropping Agent Zero Metallic Gold Portrait Tees, the Game Over Portrait T-Shirt shows everyone’s favorite disrespected defenseman mugging for the ladies. The shirt comes in black and green, and with or without the psychological baggage of the Olympic snubbing. Also, for the first time ever, our Game Over graphics will be printed in a beautiful, space-age Metallic Silver. You can microwave a pizza on it!*
* Please don’t microwave a pizza on it.
Caps Nation has chicken wings fever, and we’re happy to report that that isn’t a new infectious disease. No, we’re ensorcelled by the high-scoring Washington Capitals who, for the 10th time this season, have scored 5+ goals at a home game. The lovable fools at Glory Days Grill will trade game tickets in for a plate of scrumptious buffalo wings (see RMNB redeem ours). To commemorate the hunger for copious goals and wings alike, we have added this stunning shirt to our repertoire:
The We! Want! Wings! tee is cut from only the finest cottons to keep you at the peak of comfort whilst chanting from the upper bowl of the Verizon Center. When the score is 4-2, and you don’t have dinner plans for tomorrow night, this shirt will bestow magical powers unto players like Mike Green or Alex Ovechkin. BAM! 5 goals and free wings.
OM NOM NOM
Our last t-shirt of this crazy four t-shirt day (see our 3 new Bruce Boudreau T-Shirts below) is a doozy. And by doozy we mean terribly inappropriate and probably should never be worn by anyone ever. Seriously. Leave our website, we’re awful people. Like we didn’t even make this one in kid’s sizes for fear someone in a Maryland Private School might be expelled. But sadly, there is an audience for this type of trash, and the Russian Machine must abide.
So with that positive introduction out of the way, we bring you our newest t-shirt, appropriately titled the “inSEMINation.” Available in Men’s and Women’s sizes. Where did we get this idea? Why did we even make this? Well, obviously the Russian Machine is partial to his fellow Russian Superstars on the Capitals. So when anyone says something glowingly or creative about one of our players, we must act. Immediately.
During the Capitals 5-3 beatdown of the Flyers, Heather Blumburg blurted out this beauty of a tweet to celebrate a goal by Alex Semin, which immediately got our attention. We were so impressed, we created this t-shirt in less than one hour after we saw it.
As a side note, yes, the Capitol building shown here is meant to be a phallic representation of where most of Semin’s most ardent supporters reside: Siberia Washington DC. And yes, we considered putting a white 28 above the dome, but it was just too distasteful distracting from our typography on the bottom.
So for those girls in College who want to party and impress their current hockey-loving boyfriend with your knowledge of hockey and the human anatomy, this shirt’s for you. And no, I’m not eagerly awaiting the “Stay Classy, @russianmachine” tweets when I sign back online onto Twitter. Sigh.
If you’re Bruce Boudreau, you’re livin’ large. You’ve got a Book Deal, a budding acting career, a Bobblehead, a Jack Adams Trophy, and the two-time NHL MVP on your team. How could life be any better? It’s hard to say.
But realistically, even with all of those luxuries, you’ve still got some problems. BIG problems. Like your GM just signed a guy barely playing NOW to a two year contract, you watch your team get beat up every fight it accepts, and your number one goalie has been out half the year with a multitude of weird, crotch-related injuries.
So if you’re feeling like Bruce is feeling after your “other” star winger gets whistled for another offensive zone penalty in the third period, then protest along with Gabby, and buy our WTF T-Shirt, available in Men’s and Women’s Sizes. Also available in Blue and White in Men’s and White in Women’s.
Want to see the rest of our Gabby T-Shirts in this series? Take a look below the jump.
Another T-Shirt Tuesday is among us my friends. And this week I learned something that I never thought I’d know: How a dog looks in one of my T-Shirt Designs. Wow. The look in his eyes says it all:
Please kill me now! I’m suffocating in Awesome!
We wanted to extend a huge thanks to Reader Courtney for modeling our entire line of T-Shirts and to our good friend DookFn who became the first person to invade Verizon Center with one of our Tees! I mean hell, they’re no Chad Dukes (meaning they know something about hockey), but we’ll take what we can!
To see everyone who has modeled in our t-shirts thus far, please join our Facebook Fan Page and take a look!
Last Saturday the Caps awesomely dominated the Thrashers in Atlanta 8-1. Not only was there a lot of highlight reel goals, Comcast SportsNet also managed to find a lot of local Caps fans invading the Lower Bowl of Phillips Arena. Who said the Caps don’t travel well?
While on Twitter we even randomly mentioned a few of them:
russianmachine: Backie score because of crazy bouncing puck on crazy terrible ice. #Caps fan in 5th row happy!
russianmachine: Knuble gets goal #2. Russian Machine gets another assist. Crazy lady in knit hat happy.
Well, ironically enough, a few days later I got an email from The Crazy Lady in the Knit Hat: Elyssa Klopfenstein. Not only did she shoot me a picture of herself and Stacey Watkins on TV, she told me that she bought a few of our Mike Green – Canada’s Best Defenseman: Snubbed T-Shirts. The even better news:
As soon as our Snubbed T-shirts come my friend and I definitely want to wear ours to a practice at Kettler and see if we can’t snag a picture w/Green in them. He seems like a cool enough guy, and I can’t imagine he wouldn’t also totally love them.
Or as one prominent media member intelligently pointed out to me, he may not want to be seen around them because it could potentially anger the people who control his Olympic chances in 4 years. I guess we’re going to see!! Hooray for social experiments!
Regardless Elyssa, be gentle with @Greenlife52 when you put the shirt over his head. Say please and thank you. Snap the picture quickly. We’ll have the car running out back.
Anyways next Tuesday, we’ll have a brand new shirt in our store, and it’ll be worth the wait – I promise. And yes, our contest is still going on. Get Green to sign your Snubbed T-Shirt with photographic evidence, and you get entered into a drawing for a free t-shirt. Get Green literally in our shirt (or maybe even holding it up with a big smile and thumbs up – my discretion), you get 2 free upper level tickets to an upcoming Caps game.
As for now, please peruse our current offerings and let us know what you think in the comments below: http://russianmachineneverbreaks.spreadshirt.com
We’re going to keep this one short and sweet. The Russian Machine thinks Mike Green is Canada’s Best Defenseman. Team Canada and Steve Yzerman thinks Mike Green isn’t even worth being in their the Top 7. Japers Rink thinks Mike Green was snubbed.
Simply put: Mike Green Doesn’t Get Any Respect. No Norris, No Olympics. What???!??! We here at RMNB are fed up. So with all these hopeless emotions filling our respective souls, we had to take these negatives and turn it into a positive. Thus after 20 hours of non-stop illustrating, sketching, and photoshopping, here is our latest shirt entitled “Canada’s Best Defenseman: Snubbed.” See the Full Size Graphic Below.
We are also Holding a Contest with this t-shirt design Until The Olympic Break: If you purchase this t-shirt and send us a photo of you in it, you go up on the website. No questions asked. If you get the shirt signed by Mike Green with photographic evidence accompanying it, you will enter a drawing (with the others who do so) to win a free t-shirt. If someone does the ultimate and gets Mike Green in this t-shirt with photographic evidence, you get two upper level tickets to an upcoming Caps game and a free t-shirt. And the Grand Prize would go to whoever manages to do so first. So who’s game? Caps Fans, It’s time to protest in style.
And oh yeah, one last thing, screw you Canada. We were going to root for Russia anyways.