Russian Machine Never Breaks

Dmitry Orlov: Hockey Hits, Hipchecks, and More Hits

Orlov and Max Pacioretty fight for the puck. (Photo credit: Richard Wolowicz)

Way back on November 23rd, Dmitry Orlov registered his first NHL point in his second NHL game against the Winnipeg Jets. That night he also made his presence felt physically with two monster hits. On one, he hit Evander Kane so hard into the boards that his stick flew into the crowd. On the other, he laid out an unsuspecting Blake Wheeler with an open-ice hip check.

“I really like the physical element of the game,” Orlov told RMNB’s Igor Kleyner a few days later. “Always have, since I was a kid. One of the reasons I came to play here – there is more hitting. I like that.”

Well, here’s a hit you may not have even known happened. On January 13th against the Tampa Bay Lightning, Orlov caught Steve Downie with a hip check after the pest rifled a shot on goal. The hit flipped Downie end-over-end to the ice in hilarious spectacular fashion. Video is below the jump.

Continue Reading

An Unauthorized Transmission from Capsonymous

 

The PuckBuddys have been memorably called the Russian mafia inside the Russian Machine. For the well-being of the operation, we’ve deliberately kept our pasts hidden. It’s been suggested that we’re former-Blackwater mercenaries, Watergate burglars or even Romney moles inside the Gingrich campaign (mission accomplished!) None of those are true, but we do admit to having relationships with some of the more subversive and extreme hockey organizations.

One such group is Capsonymous, a shadowy hive of anarchist Caps fans that operate off the grid, under the radar and over the top. Misunderstood by the mainstream hockey world, media and law enforcement, it’s been said that their methods are unsound. We judge them only by their record of mischievous achievements: the Crosby – vampire rumors, the Sabres’ implosion, Dustin Penner and Pancakegate, and getting Ryan Kesler to pose naked (again, mission accomplished.) Unofficially, on behalf of the home team, Capsonymous is responsible for DC winning the 2014 Winter Classic, convincing Ovi to skip the All Star Game, and getting Ted to blog and tweet about us.

Continue Reading

Tagged with:
 

Video: Tomas Vokoun’s Save of the Year Candidate

While his teammates in front of him were having a bit of a vacation hangover, Tomas Vokoun was brilliant in net during the Capitals’ 4-3 (OT) loss to the Tampa Bay Lightning Tuesday. Vokoun made 27 saves, including stoning Steven Stamkos on a breakaway in regulation. The Czech netminder’s best stop however came in overtime, when — down on the ice and out of position — he stretched out and caught Vincent Lecavalier’s shot from the crease with his glove. Check out the video below the jump.

Continue Reading

The Score’s Top 10 Goals Features the Caps Not in a Good Way

Justin Bourne of The Score published a video on Tuesday capturing his top 10 goals of the 2011-12 season (so far). It’s a good list with a ton of action, but it might stir up some bad memories for you. Not only are no Washington Capitals players on the list, but three of the ten goals happened against D.C. goalies.

Enjoy the video and follow me past the jump:

Continue Reading

Screengrab via @recordsANDradio

Alex Ovechkin has been suspended for three games, but that didn’t stop him from getting in on the fun of the Capitals’ 5-3 win over offensive juggernauts, the Boston Bruins. Ovechkin congratulated Mathieu Perreault‘s on his first career hat trick by surprising him with a shaving-cream pie to the face during the post-game interview with Al Koken. Typical Ovi.

Video under the jump.

Continue Reading

Alternate Cut of the Alex Ovechkin Suspension Video

Our Russian spies have infiltrated NHLHQ and recovered this alternate cut of Brendan Shanahan‘s suspension video for Alex Ovechkin. This video, archived by RMNB contributor Max Duchaine, contains several revelations about Shanahan’s mental state.

What we find is a broken man at the edge of madness, hated by all, who retreats to a lonely room to watch teen dramas and weep quietly. Do not loathe this man. Pity him.

Continue Reading

At the end of the second period between the Capitals and Penguins, Paul Martin seems to say words to Jason Chimera that are supposed to verboten in the new NHL.

Around 2.5 seconds into the video above, Paul Martin appears to call Chimera a derogatory name for a gay man. (Sorry to be so stilted about it, but it’s hard to discuss these things for a wide audience. Plus, there’s no audio, so we can’t be certain.)

Martin started the third period in the penalty box for a slashing penalty that we could not locate.

So if Paul Martin is seen calling another player a [expletive] on national television and the league does nothing about it, then they’re just feckless and craven worms, right?

Reminder: our comment policy is strictly enforced. Be mindful of the difference between “what they did” and “what they are”.

Thank you to @tonytenor1 for pointing this out, and thanks to Peter Robbio for the video.

Video: Alex Ovechkin Hits Zbynek Michalek

During the second period of the Capitals-Penguins game on Sunday, Alex Ovechkin leveled a bad hit on Zbynek Michalek.

Michalek was stuck in the corner, Ovi charged in, left his skates, and hit Michalek in the head.

Michalek was okay, but Ovechkin should have been whistled for charging. Shanahan might take a look, but Michalek’s falling before the hit is probably exculpatory.

Evgeny Kuznetsov is introduced to the crowd. (Photo credit: KHL All-Star Game site)

Our all-Evgeny Kuznetsov/all-the-time policy continues with this contractually obligated recap of the 2012 KHL All-Star Game and SuperSkills competition held in Riga, Latvia, on Saturday.

Kuznetsov nearly won in both the Fastest Skater and Breakaway Challenge. He also tallied a goal and an assist for Team Fedorov in their 15-11 win over Team Ozolins during the All-Star Game.

Below the jump, we’ve recapped our favorite moments from the the KHL’s signature event.

Continue Reading

Before leaving for the 2012 World Junior Championships, Evgeny Kuznetsov had been in a a slump, tallying only two assists in five KHL games. Since he returned from Calgary, the WJC Tournament MVP regained his lost form posting four goals and three assists in his last five contests for Traktor Chelyabinsk. His game-winning goal against SKA Saint Petersburg on Tuesday reclaimed for him the league lead (6) from teammate Petteri Kontiola. Kuzya also had a four-game point streak, snapped on Thursday in a 3-2 loss to Dinamo Riga. That streak fell one game short of tying his KHL career best.

Despite their first line winger’s late December slump, Traktor hasn’t missed a beat. The White Bears are 8-4-2 in their last 14 games and lead the KHL’s Eastern Conference with 84 points. Though the KHL trade deadline was a bit of disappointment for the Chelyabinsk team — the only notable acquisition was Avangard’s veteran defenseman Dmitry Ryabykin — Traktor looks poised to make a playoff run in the spring. Their young superstar will now travel to Riga to participate in his second straight KHL All-Star game with Team Fedorov.

Since his last two weeks in Russia have been particularly noteworthy, let’s take a look back at his goals, fancy assists, and bizarre celebrations.

Continue Reading

Tagged with: