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In I-can’t-believe-I’m-actually-writing-about-this news, Sunday night at the SILVERDOME — err, I’m sorry the Superdome — WWE held their own Superbowl of Superbowls: Wrestlemania. And because it was the 30th anniversary, it was extra super. Stone Cold came back and drank some beers with The Rock, The Undertaker got his ass unmercilessly kicked by Brock Lesnar, and Triple HHH did something narcissistic again. That last one’s not special.

And sorry Peter, no, CM Punk did not come back.

Arguably the most special moment was when a former independent wrestler, the very bearded Daniel Bryan, won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship over DC’s own Batista and Randy Orton. Bryan is tiny and shouts “yes!” a lot and everyone loves him.

From where did he summon this mighty power though? Obviously, from the video they showed before the championship match, in which a younger Bryan high-fives a guy in a white Capitals jersey.

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Photo: @m0tar

On Sunday, the Colorado Avalanche held their fan appreciation night at Pepsi Center in Denver, Colorado. Just like the Capitals, each Avs player gave the jersey off his back to one adoring fan.

After making 30 saves in 65 minutes of work (plus a shootout), a very tired Semyon Varlamov was the first to give his jersey away.

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Photo: Kyle Mace

Newly-signed Capitals prospect Caleb Herbert had a fantastic debut with the Hershey Bears last Wednesday, picking up two points in a 3-2 win over the Portland Pirates. The 22-year-old forward recently finished his junior season at University of Minnesota-Duluth before opting to turn pro this spring.

“It was an exciting day when I found out I was going to be in the lineup,” Herbert told Patriot-News’ Tim Leone. “It was kind of a shock. Not really a shock, but my head was kind of spinning all day. I was thinking about the game all day. It was kind of tough to settle down.”

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Photo: Kathy Kmonicek

Sometimes Washington Capitals forward Marcus Johansson struggles to finish in front of the net. Example: last night in the third period against the New Jersey Devils where Mojo , wide open in the crease, hit Cory Schneider right in the pads instead of lifting the puck up and over. The Capitals would lose 2-1.

The next day, Mojo flubbed another easy goal, but this time against the New York Islanders. No worries. Evgeny Kuznetsov cleaned up his mess.

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This could not come at a better time. Once and future Caps forward Brooks Laich starred in a segment with Cabbie Richards of TSN called “Five Things Every Man Should Know.” Guest-starring Dustin Penner and Evgeny Kuznetsov– as girls, the video teaches you (not me) everything you (not me) need to know about how to be a manly man.

Brooks guides us (you mostly) through the vagaries of manly tasks we (you) so often get wrong. It’s indispensable viewing: instructive, entertaining, has nothing to do with the Caps’ season, and features D.P. and Kuzya as girls.

Enjoy.

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Alex Ovechkin Scores 49th Goal of the Year (GIF)

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Photo: Julio Cortez

Over the last two days, Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin has become hockey’s version of a human piñata. The reason why the mainstream media has figuratively flogged Ovechkin with its bat full of angry pixels: Ovi gave up on a play that led to a Dallas Stars goal. It was already 3-0 and there were three defenders in the D-zone. Deal with it. Head coach Adam Oates didn’t help matters much on Wednesday when he said that Ovechkin “quit” on the play.

Since then, life as a Caps fan has been nothing short of depressing. On Friday, however, things got a bit back to normal in the first period.

After being reunited with Nicklas Backstrom for the first time since the mid-80′s, Ovechkin scored his first even strength goal… also since the mid-80′s.

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In Narrative Land, the biggest story in the hockey world today was Adam Oates calling out Alex Ovechkin for quitting on the play that resulted in a third period goal for the Dallas Stars. But c’mon, it was already 3-0 at that point. How much would one more goal hurt? Other than, ya know, emotionally.

The hockey media went all out covering the living ish out of this quote. How would Ovechkin react to being literally thrown under a literal bus by his head coach? By driving his six-figure price-tag car to Georgetown and shopping at the Nike Store with his two Russian bros.

So I guess Ovi’s not exactly devastated by his coach’s heel turn.

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Photo: Marissa Baecker/Getty Images North America

The Washington Capitals have announced the signing of Madison Bowey, the 18-year-old defenseman selected 53rd overall in the 2013 Draft, to an entry-level contract beginning in the 2014-15 season.

He seems excited about it.

For the past three years, Bowey has played for the Kelowna Rockets of the Western Hockey League. This season, serving as team captain, he scored 21 goals and 60 points, breaking the club records for goals by a defenseman earlier held by the Colorado Avalanche’s Tyson Barrie and recording the third-best season in points by a blueliner. What makes Bowey’s achievement more impressive is the list of the Rockets defensemen he has surpassed (in single season goals and points): Tyler Myers, Alex Edler, Shea Weber, and Duncan Keith, among others.

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Photo: Patrick Smith

When the Washington Capitals gave up two straight breakaways to the Dallas Stars while on their own power play last night, I thought that was rock bottom.

Nope.

Rock bottom was Dustin Jeffrey‘s second period goal. The tally, which came 34 seconds after Ryan Whitney’s 2-on-0 goal on a botched Capitals line change, gave the Dallas Stars a 3-0 lead. It essentially ended the game.

The defense on the goal was atrocious. I’d waste my time or yours with a description. The screenshots and video say everything.

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The Caps game sucks, so let’s look elsewhere for entertainment. How about Pittsburgh, where Sidney Crosby recorded an assist on Chris Kunitz‘s first-period goal against the Carolina Hurricanes. That apple gave Crosby his fifth career 100-point season. He’s a lock for the Art Ross trophy, but that’s not why we’re writing.

No. We’re writing because tonight is the night the refs finally turned on Sid. As Crosby skated into the Pens’ defensive zone, he got smacked a linesman. We’re ethically obligated to say it was unintentional, but c’mon.

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