Craig is a Puck Buddy. This is his story. @PuckBuddys

Ohai Caps fans! Coinciding with Coach Hunter’s latest round of mind-boggling line changes, we’re changing up things today on the pregamer, too.  No, Doug hasn’t been sent down to Hershey with the other famous Caps redhead, Cody “Swoon” Eakin, but he’s taking a short break from cranking out his inimitable prose, obscure cultural references (he’s still working on Cy Twombly), and his proselytizing on behalf of the radical gay agenda.

Actually, he’s wrapping up the last of his community service obligations that resulted from his conviction in that 2011 World Juniors point-shaving scandal. And truth be told, he was also the one who bought all that liquor for those Russian kids. But luckily for all involved, including international aviation authorities, the team behaved responsibly on that flight home after their big win. In fact, we just heard from a few of our old pals on last year’s Russian team - and even they were appalled by Alec Baldwin’s airline antics last week.

The Puck Drop

The instructions that Doug scribbled on the back of a cocktail napkin say this is where I’m supposed to write about hockey things and stuff. We’ll keep this light since we already kicked the crap out of the Devils and their squalid landfill of a state ahead of the November 10 tilt with those hooligans.

Like every other Caps fan, we’re wondering about what team will show up Friday night at Prudential.  We’ve been on this roller coaster for almost the entire season (the weakest 7-0 team in NHL history?) – craptacular play followed by some well executed hockey, then five steps back, followed by another glimmer of hope. The litany of problems was evident as recently last Saturday against the Avs – anemic offense, catatonic PPs, defensive breakdowns and our netminders giving up squishy softy goals.  Those terrifying lows have been followed by dizzying highs: Ovi working his magic, Sasha wristing, Nicky being gorgeous, the PP off of life support, savage play in the neutral zone and a lot of hitting.  Yeah, we like hitting. Many of those elements, on full display during Tuesday’s Preds game, reminds me of why I jumped on the Caps bandwagon in the first place.

Now some hockey. Lending an assist here is our pal Brian, @trot71 on the twitter, the Devils correspondent at PuckBuddys.  Unlike the rest of us over there who never played the game and just like to flip spit, talk trash, and flirt, Brian knows the game and plays on the NYC Gay Hockey Association squads.  Forget Ken Daneyko, Brian is “Mr. Devil, ” devilishly handsome, too! Brian summarizes the first third of the Dev’s regular season:

This first third has provided something of a relief to Devils’ fans – there were fears they would come out of the gate as poorly as they did last season, which may have led to a fire sale of talent and a commitment to rebuilding.  Instead, there have been some young contributors (rookies Adam Larsson and Adam Henrique)  play vital roles on the veteran-dominated team, and increased scoring under first year coach Pete DeBoer.

All I Want for Christmas

Zach Parise (Jeff Zelevansky)

According to Brian, “Top center Travis Zajac‘s return was a little early to call a Christmas present, but it’s everything the Devils could have hoped for.  Travis has come back and looked fairly good, which will present DeBoer some lineup problems going forward, but the good kinds of problems (too many good players for the top 6 forward slots).  If there was one wish every New Jersey fan has, it’s that Zach Parise signs a long term deal with the club in January. If there’s no ink on a contract and the team continues to sit at the tail edge of the playoffs, look for GM Lou Lamoriello to deal Captain Zach to a contender for a king’s ransom of talent.  (But my money’s on Zach staying a Devil).”

The Naughty and Nice List, Festival of Lights Edition

Nice: Jeff Halpern: Haply Hanukkah, everyone! The hometown boy put in a great effort on Tuesday, the first night of the holiday. Hockey’s Hebrew Hammer also put Leonsis ahead of God on opening night against the Canes on October 8, Yom Kippur. We’ll check the schedule to see what day Purim falls on.

Nicer: Alexandr Valeryevich Semin:  ‘I’m not sleeping, I’m sniping!” Leave it to the Great 28 to confound and confuse us with his erratic play. When he’s good, he’s magnificent; when he’s bad, he’s infuriating and when he boards an opponent, he’s the best!  And while we’re at it, can everyone get a jump on their New Year’s resolutions and forever swear off “enigmatic and mercurial.” Both the Associated Press and the Washington Post used those exact words to announce the death of Kim Jong Il. We are NOT making that up. Russian influence on the world stage cannot be underestimated, but look at what lazy hockey writers have done now – they’ve dragged our dear Sasha into a nuclear tipped, geopolitical game of brinksmanship, when he’s got his hands full on just backchecking as it is.

Martin Broudeur

Naughty: Old Man Winter: Martin  Brodeur is just not elite anymore.  He looked shaky for great stretches in last Tuesday’s 4-1 loss against the Rangers.

Nicer: Swedish Meatball: Johan Hedberg is playing much better hockey than Brodeur at this time and should probably be getting the bulk of the starts.

Nicest: Awesome Possum:  The stunning Zach Parise has been leading the Devils offense this month, with 14 points (5G 9A) in the 10 December games.

Nicely Nicely Neuvy: Baby Czech Michal looks to be getting the start on Friday night and one of the smart guys we follow on twitter, but are contractually prohibited of mentioning his name, wondered about when the last time Vokoun has sat for four games. Then there’s the theory that a strong Neuvy makes Vokes better. Those same geniuses may be the ones who keep telling Rick Perry he has a shot at the nomination.

What Makes Them Hot

Ilya Kovalchuk

The Devils top line offers something for everyone, an All-American boy (Parise), the mysterious Russian (Ilya Kovalchuk) and the young buck (rookie Adam Henrique).  And they’re clicking – they’ve combined for 13 goals and 22 assists in December.

What Makes Them Not

Their power play has been beyond substandard.  They aren’t last in efficiency or power play goals scored, but they’ve given up a whopping 10 shorthanded goals, tops in the NHL (four teams are tied for second with five SHGA).  They have a remarkable ability to cough the puck up from the points (currently Kovalchuk and newly-acquired Kurtis Foster), leading the shorthanded chances for the opposition.  If their power play wasn’t so awful, more people might be talking about the Devils insanely good penalty killing, which has only given up 9 power play goals all year (while scoring 7 SHGs themselves).

As Seen On TV: If you need our help telling you where to find the game on TV, you’re a sad Christmas puppy.

Meme of the Day:

Let’s Go Caps and God Bless us, every one! С Рождеством! (Merry xmas)

Editor’s Note: Doug Johnson of PuckBuddys writes for RMNB. There’s this new thing called Twitter; look into it.

The Pre Game: Some weeks…  they exist to test our mettle. Or remind us of what’s truly important. This has been one of those weeks.

Joe Frazier

First came news of the passing of Smokin’ Joe Frazier. A brawler of the first order and a retired sports ambassador of highest rank, we were jolted first thing Monday to learn of his death at just 67. “Respect and admiration,” is how Muhammad Ali remembers him. We join our fellow Michigander in his descant.

We just wish it were with that kind of dignity and accolade that Joe Paterno could’ve retired, but this week wouldn’t have it. Sucked into the vortex of a repugnant scandal swirling around him or partly of his making (everyone else is judging so we leave it up to you), JoePa has coached his last Big Ten game, just one week after achieving what must have been a long-held goal – most wins of any Division I coach, ever. He has coached at Penn State as long as I’ve drawn breath. The alleged horrors of Coach Sandusky and the criminal process will stand on their own. The lingering acrid smell of individuals with their eye on something other than the children’s and players’ well-being hangs foul over Happy Valley.

Wilson Ramos (AP)

And then Thursday we learn of Nats catcher Wilson Ramos being kidnapped from his home in Venezuela, bundled away by several men in an SUV. One man gone, another pushed aside, and a third hanging in the balance.  We’re left empty, with no target meriting lampoon. If there’s anything to be earned by this horrid week, perhaps it’s perspective on the Capitals slump.

The Puck Drop: Is it a slump? As always, it depends who you ask. If Coach Boudreau, Mike Knuble, and Brooks Laich are to be believed (and how could we not trust Brooksie?), that Caps 7-0 start got players a little soft, a little lazy. “Working harder” is something being thrown around a lot now, like manure in the Spring, and we’re sure Coach will do just that during practice. But at risk of sounding like a Dilbert strip, however, perhaps it’s not hardness but focus and purpose that the Caps are needing.

Which, frankly, isn’t something that can be said now of the Devils. Against inconsistent teams (*coughCarolinacough*) they’ve eked out a few victories, but faced with quality (don’t make me say who) or just odds, they’ve been turning up sour on the draw. Except recently. They’re 3-1 in the last four, compared to 2-4 in our last six. When is a streak a streak? When it continues. When is a slump a slump? When it doesn’t stop. Bringing us to the Devils key weapons:

What Makes Them Hot

Adam Henrique

1: Adam Henrique. What is it about French names… or at least Quebecois? The 21-year-old rookie may be no Patrick Elias, but he’s testing the limit, becoming the first rookie Devil (after Elias) to score two back-to-back game-winning goals. 7 points overall, and 4 goals in the last 3 games make this one red-hot Devil. And yes, we know that Henrique is an Ontarian, not Quebecer, but still, c’est bon! Shutting this guy down is job #1 for the Caps D.

Patrick Elias

2: Patrick Elias. Oh, him. Once upon a time, Elias was the hottest prospect cooking. Then he became a Devil, and has be a demon since. Devils Coach Dipwad or whatever has talked recently about his squad pulling it together, and cited Elias on several occasions as a unifying figure. Experience, skillz, and numbers so far this season (points in nearly every game) make Elias and wannabe Henrique lethal shooters.

3: Adam Larsson. PuckBuddys’ Devils correspondent and all-around hockey great guy Brian Marshallwrites:

Rookie Adam Larsson leads the Devils’ D in ice time. There have been some chinks in his previously ‘unflappable’ play of late, but he’s still as fine an 18-year-old defenseman as I’ve ever seen. Smooth on the body and on the puck. If only he had Seguin’s looks, I’d make you guys Devil fans!

First off, no, you won’t. Not ever. Second, he’s right about Larsson’s performance of late. Third, we’ll put up Skelleftea’s Swedish son against Seguin any day.

What Makes Them Not

1: Ow! My Groin! Words you never want to say, but hear too frequently when it comes to NHL players. Among them, Ilya Kovalchuk, a stalwart for the Thrashers before traipsing up to the Garden State. Frankly less a name than a bad hand a Scrabble, Kovalchuk is out on a “lower-body injury.” Which, wink-wink-nudge-nudge could be code for glass groin. Don’t expect to see him Friday or Saturday unless it’s all been a lark to rest him for the Caps.

2: Old Man “Mar-tahn”: Martin Brodeur was the stone in our soup last year and arguably one of the Devils’ keys. Perhaps that lock has now been picked. He had a craptacular game against Toronto, but has stepped back up in the last two. However, we think we’re staring to see “Abe Simpson” syndrome here; great guy, lotsa talent in his day, needing maybe to rethink what he can do against the young hot-shots sniping at him. Call us nuts, but while Brodeur is in the web, we’re feelin’ good. (H8rs can cut and paste that now to avoid the rush.)

3: Matchy-matchy. Brlgh. Despite being homosexicals, we confess we don’t know the first thing about fashion. We do, however, know about things that just shouldn’t be. Stripes with patterns? Even we know that’s wrong. What’s worse: the Devil’s matchy-matchy ensemble. What’s black, white, and red all over? A hideously dressed Devil. Seriously, there’s red and there’s red, and you can either pull it off or you can’t. New Jersey: please don’t make us say what everyone wants us to say; we don’t want to have a messy intervention.

The OT and Shoot Out: Like we said, we’re just not feeling up to taking cheap shots at our opponent this week. It’s reminded us how hard it is to be a professional athlete, how difficult it is to manage a sports operation, and how fickle fate can be. And also, what a garbage hole New Jersey is.

As Seen On TV:  Tune into CSN at 7:00pm for Joe B. and Locker with the call, and for the viewers among our rapidly diminishing New Jersey fan base, it’s on MSG.  Speaking of MSG, guess who’s a new pal of Mr. Devil himself, Ken Daneyko? Our very own Brian Marshall, that’s who! Gay hockey is the new black. Or Red.