Doug Johnson is a Puck Buddy. You will read his website and follow his Twitter thing.

The Puck Drop: Hey everybody! It’s a pajama party! Whooot! ZOMG, we’re gonna stay up late, an we’re gonna make popcorn, an an we’re gonna have hot chocolate! An an an we’re gonna get in our PJs and an an an we’re gonna watch the Caps!  Squeeee!!!

News Update! Dit-dit-dit-dah-dit-dit-deee-dit! Realignment on hold! Flash – Icers cry Foul on Fall festivities! Yups, the players union has turned nose down at the realignment plan handed down from on high. We’ll have more in the coming days. Stay tuned to this station…and now, we return you to your regular programming.

Before we douse ourselves in estrogen for the Caps pajama party these next few nights, let’s just have a little testosterone-based reason shall we, hmm? Yes, everyone comfortable out there? So let’s just state it: the Capitals are looking like the team they should be these last few games. Key players are doing key work, and our second-stringers– newbies and vets– are showing even more hustle than we expected four months ago. Hams, Troyboy, Wides; we’re loving you. JCar (aka “Towlely”) Halpy, Racoon, Chimmer and Alz; we never stopped.

Ovi and Sasha – you are starting to play the outsized hockey on the scale of Semin’s ginormous inflatable glow-in-the-dark Snowman/Santa display that we hoped for, and expect. Which brings us back to bringing sexy back: Angel and Greenie. 19 and 52. Nicky and Mike. Arguably, well, with the addition of Kanoooobs, there are no more two skilled Capitals; they’re good at their positions and even better at the jobs they’re asked to fill.

Except we’ve recently heard things. Things about these two… ostensibly from folk who know. We’re biting our tongue here. After all, we have…

New Years Resolutions

• First, we resolve to dress like we look in the mirror in the morning, unlike our favorite play-by-play guy.
• And Second, we promise we shall start fitting into our player jerseys without the awkward tight pulls.
• And Third, we want to not traffic in filthy hockey gossip.

We want to do these things. Really we do. I’m packing my gym bag after 6 months of disuse! But we’re troubled by things we’ve heard about our angel backs – Nicky and Greenie. Ugh, we’re resolving… must be… nice…

What Makes Them Hot, And Not

Hot:Do You Know the Way to Whatever? Or where the freak ever San Jose is? Don’t get all mapquesty on us – we’ve been there, and can tell you honestly that we didn’t even know it until we had left. Nobody with any self worth and who isn’t slobbering all over pimply freaks for a hot job knows where it is, either. That’s because there’s no there there (Gertrude, you were only off by about 60 miles.) The only thing that makes this a place are the Sharks. They’ve played in teh Cow Palace – once graced by the Dead – and have the singularly most hard-assed entrance schpiel of any NHL team.

Logan Couture

Hot: Lawdy. Have you seen these boys? Get me a fan. Between Logan (and we really don’t think this is your real last name) Couture (16G-13A), Patrick Marleau (14G-16A) and Joe “Regular Joe” Pavelski (16G-13A), this team has more hitmen than the A-Team. Har har, you kids don’t even know what that is, do you? OK – they’re the guys who kick your freakin’ ass. Got it?

Hotter: AntiPasti. Or Antti Niemi, as they say up while chattering their teeth up in the northern tundra. The 6’2″ Finn is nothing extra especial, except lately when he’s in his nest, earning a SV% of .918 and a GAA of 2.29, putting him just a hairs-breath of the top ten in the NHL.

HAWT: Past is Prologue. So, lessee…when exactly was the last time the Capitals won in San Jose? Umm… Mike Knuble was still playing at U-M? Olaf Kolzig had yet to win an NHL game? Sarah Palin had just been elected to the Wasilla City Council? Yups. All dat, and we had never EVER heard of anyone with the name Kardashian. Oh… and then, as now, the Sharks boasted one of the singularly hottest lineups of ice-meat to hit the boards. Don’t believe me? Click here and tell me I’m wrong.

No… AAAAGGH!!! We can’t take it anymore! So the NHL whispering is that Nicky and Greenie aren’t quite “NHL ready” – meaning some *#$^-waffle in a suit somewhere who hasn’t seen real ice time in years thinks they’re just a little too pudgy for prime time. So… ummm, yeah, go peddle your crazy elsewhere, we’re really full up here, OK?

Backstrom and Green not “NHL ready”? WTF are you even talking about, ass hats? REALLY? Oh my stars, I see a little extra bulk on Nicky’s torso; heavens to Murgatroyd, Mike seems to have a full face these days, no? WTFF are you people talking about? HINT: this isn’t RuPaul’s “Drag Race”, OK? We’re not evaluating players based on how cut they look, or whether they could double for dip$#$*s who do Vogue spreads.

Here’s the truth for your haters to just eat: Lars Nicklas Bäckström and Michael David Green are in just freakin’ fine shape, as seen by their performance. We’ll take one Nicky or Greenie for 20 Jags or Kesslers or Pyatts or (barf) Averys any freaking day and beat the skins off you any day.

Not NHL ready? The NHL can Kiss My Ass.

What To Watch For

We’ve already broken one of our resolutions… in just about the 20 minutes it took to write it and then smoosh it into dirt. Hahaha — we’re the one’s with guilt now!

Meme Of The Night

Photo credit: Tony Avelar

Coming off an insane, 13-goal affair in Orange County late Wednesday night, the Caps headed to Silicon Valley Thursday to take on the Sharks. It’s been nine long days since the Capitals matched up against San Jose in the District and the question was: which team would show up Thursday night? The Capitals that have been anemic offensively as of late and the squad that was bested by S.J. on the 8th? Or would it be the cardiac Caps reminiscent of last season who decided to pop their head up against the Ducks?

Well, it looks like we’re right back where we were before the Anaheim goal-fest.

The first period was rather uneventful. That is for about 19 minutes. After Ben Eager was called for a tripping penalty at 18:40, Washington headed to the power play. But it would be Joe Pavelski of the Sharks who score first on the Caps man-advantage, converting on John Carlson’s turnover with just over a minute left in the frame. Alex Ovechkin, however, would take matters into his own hands. Ovechkin threaded the needle to put the puck past San Jose goaltender Antti Niemi just 22 seconds after Pavelski’s tally, knotting the score at one.

The second period was a somewhat of a snooze-fest. Nether team racked up more than 10 shots in the frame and no penalties were doled out, giving fans little to cheer for. Five minutes into the third period, Ryan Clowe put home Kyle Wellwood’s rebound, giving the Sharks the lead. Dany Heatley would extend San Jose’s advantage midway through the frame when he deflected Danny Boyle’s attempt from the slot. With just under two minutes remaining, Nicklas Backstrom gave Capitals fans some hope when he ripped a wrist-shot over Niemi’s shoulder. However, the rally would stop right there. Sharks beat Caps, 3-2.

• The streak continues. It’s now been more than 17 years since the Capitals last won in San Jose. The last time Washington was victorious in the “Shark Tank”? October 30, 1993. The Sharks netminder for that game? Current Caps goalie coach Arturs Irbe.
• By all accounts, Backstrom had a superb game, netting a goal, three shots, and two hits. But it was in the face-off circle where the Swede struggled tonight. Lars lost six of his seven face-offs in the first period, lost four out of his six in the second, and went seven for 20 overall; a paltry 35% winning percentage. On the game’s final draw with 3.5 seconds left, Bruce Boudreau decided to pass over the strong and lanky David Steckel and matched Backstrom up with Joe Thornton.  The former League M.V.P. beat Backstrom cleanly, and the Caps went quietly into the night.
• Ovechkin has been getting gradually more consistent with each and every game that goes by. In tonight’s opening period, it was easy to confuse Ovi with a raging bull. The Russian Machine had four big hits — one that was whistled as an interference call — while adding a takeaway, a drawn penalty and a goal. Unfortunately for the Capitals, the Great Eight went into the intermission with a minus one, and seemed to tire as the game wore on.
• What was the minus for you ask? Like many games that have preceded this one, the Capitals gave up a shorthanded chance on the power play. And just like last night, Ovechkin misplayed a rush in the defensive zone. After Carlson fell to the ice at the blue-line, Patrick Marleau raced into the offensive zone with Pavelski planked to his right. Instead of  staying into the middle and taking away the pass, Ovechkin aggressively went for the puck. Marleau responded by dishing to Pavelski who shot it past a helpless Michal Neuvirth. At some point, something has to give. Either Ovechkin stops playing the point on the man advantage or starts to show more defensive responsibility.
• Craig Laughlin, who was without his normal enthusiasm and jolliness behind the mic, was reduced to almost a whisper by the third period. If Locker was out of gas, imagine how the players felt. The Capitals surrendered two goals, put themselves in a 3-1 hole, and were outshot 14 to seven during the last twenty minutes. Perhaps the Caps would have fared better had they not been playing their third game in four nights.
• Carlson continues to impress and is staring to creep into the Calder conversation. The Real American Hero had two assists, blocked three shots and diffused a semi-breakaway by Marleau. Imagine what this kid’s going to be like in three years?
• The Capitals failed to get more than nine shots on goal in any period, with only seven coming in the final frame. What’s that I hear? “SHOOOOOOOOOOT”?

Joe B. Suit of the Night

It’s nice to prevent the opposition from scoring but with the exception of Wednesday’s contest the Capitals are simply failing to score enough goals lately. As some have noted, Boudreau’s new defensive style is like having a race horse pull a carriage. The Caps just aren’t built to play this way. And it shows.

The Capitals will be up in Buffalo on Sunday afternoon. We’ll see you right here after the game. Now if you’ll excuse me… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Additional reporting by Ian Oland.