MVP. (Photo credit: Patrick McDermott)

And so we said goodnight to the Southeast Division. With one last dance between the Washington Capitals and the Winnipeg Jets (née Atlanta Thrashers), the stakes were a division title and a guaranteed ticket to the postseason dance for the home team. It was a barn-burning good time, which doesn’t sound like a good time if you own a barn but you don’t so it was. The Capitals came out of the gates shooting and hardly stopped to catch their breath. All four lines were clicking, and that’s exactly the kind of hockey we want to see one week before the playoffs start.

Alex Ovechkin is the best.

Caps beat Jets 5-3. The Capitals make the playoffs. The Capitals are Southeast Division champions.

• Southeast Division: You were the best and the worst. You were a bad girlfriend, but we had some great memories anyway. The Capitals owned you and your sad, sad banners.
• Matt Hendricks had gone pointless (adj. - without a point) for over a month and goalless since March 2nd. That ended on Tuesday when Hendy scored on the scramble, bouncing the puck off Pavelec’s shoulder. If you were waiting for secondary scoring, your wait is over.
• Jason Chimera and Matthieu Perreault exchanged pretty passes behind the Jets net until Chimmer stormed the crease and scored his third goal of the season, the first one I’ve seen live. I actually called a Chimera goal right before the game (#thebank), but I guess that matters less since this is the 46th consecutive game I have predicted such a thing.
• The star of the first period was Big John Erskine. Along with Martin Erat, Ersk dove in front of a Winnipeg shot on an empty net to save an early goal. A few minutes later, Erskine swatted away a puck that bounced off and dropped behind Holtby. The play was reviewed, and Erskine was the savior.
  
• Evander Kane is sadly awesome. Fresh in the middle period and on the power play, Kane used Erskine as a screen and scored on Braden Holtby’s far blocker side. That should have been a wake-up call that the Jets would not go quietly into that good night.
• Steve Oleksy coudn’t clear the puck late in the second, allowing Blake Wheeler to tie the game up and make it exciting, but the MVP set up Nick Backstrom a few seconds later for a timing play goal, making it 3-2. Backy’s goal was reviewed because, once again, the guys in the war room in Toronto are huge fans.
• Matthieu Perreault got his tiny French Canadian frame into a scrum and came out with a goal with a couple minutes left in the second period. He thinks he’s people.
• Alex Ovechkin’s hit on Evander Kane was clean and devastating. Kane looked shook up, but he was back in the third in time to put a dirty elbow into Oleksy’s pretty pretty face.
• The Verizon Center blacksmiths were at the ready in the third as the Caps started targeting the posts with pinpoint accuracy. Even Volpatti pinged one.
• Nick Backstrom got boarded, no call. Referees are a joke in your town.
• Nik Antropov made it a one-goal game with a high slot shot to the top shelf. He had to fight through three Caps to get the shot off, and it was telekinetically directed to the twine. Gorgeous, but kinda deflating, but what happened next made it so much worse.
• Matthieu Perreault high-sticked Antropov with just five minutes to go. The Caps PK unit kept the Jets shotless, and Verizon Center went ape-bananas.
• MVP Alex Ovechkin scored the empty-netter, his 31st of the season. He’s taking over the world.

Joe B suit of the night

Fun hockey, to me, is Capitals hockey. That means tons of offense, creative passing, and lots of playing where the ice is painted. The Caps played fun hockey tonight. Every line was pressuring and producing, and anything could happen. That and the possession domination made this a very encouraging game to watch one week away  of the postseason.

You want to see your players dancing. And they did.

So this was the first of what’s now officially a five-game homestand. The Caps have two more games to play in the regular season, and then the real game begins.

I cannot freaking wait.

That was just a distinct ass-kicking motion.

— RMNB (@russianmachine) April 24, 2013

No-goal GIF by welshhockeyfan

Eff you. Brouwer is an anteater. (Photo credit: Travis Golby)

On Thursday, the Washington Capitals beat the Winnipeg Jets by coming out shooting and then protecting the lead. On Friday night’s insta-rematch,  the Caps didn’t own the puck by any measure, but they did carpet bomb the Thrashers so decisively that no one noticed. Goals went like this: Brooks, Brouwer, Beagle– and then Ovi and Green jumped in to disrupt the literary consonance– and then Byfuglien, and then Ovi again for some kind of poetic unity. It was a blowout when the Capitals needed it most.

Okay, maybe they coulda used it more at the beginning of the season. Sure. No no no, that’s a fair point. I hear you. Yeah. Okay. Listen I don’t wanna fight tonight. It’s Friday and the Caps won and won big. Can’t we all just get along?

Caps beat Thrashers 6-1.

• Blake Wheeler took liberties with Karl Alzner in the first period, prompting the ever-gentlemanly Brooks Laich to demand satisfaction. The following duel was penalized, but Wheeler’s initial hit drew no such comeuppance. That advantage might have mattered more if the Jets power play were not so horribly deficient on the night, mustering just 1 shot on goal through their first 6 power play minutes.
• At even strength, however, les Capitales had pretty dismal possession. The Jets finished the first period with a plus-13 in even-strength shot attempts and never gave any slack back. That would have been the story of the game, except the Winnipeg Jets filled their net with a matador*. Ondrej Pavelec let in three on nine shots, Al Pacino let in a trio more.
• (*Listen: about that last bullet. I didn’t get it either, but the guests at RMNBHQ demanded it. Like “Olé” I dunno guys I can’t defend it. They can’t all be winners.)
• Troy Brouwer scored one of the prettiest goals of the year, a 2-on-1 set up by Mike Ribeiro. Ribs was the dude-behind-the-dude on the game’s first two goals. Doesn’t mean the Caps shouldn’t trade him for a pocket full of golden dragons come the deadline.
• This bullet is here to justify the puppy pic at right. Like so many others, Jay Beagle scored tonight, his second of the year. Beagle caught a total BS penalty for goalie interference; he was clearly shoved into Montoya.
• And Alex Ovechkin scored too. Twice– once at 5 on 5 and again on power play. (It’s pretty obvious that these bullets are just naming people who scored, so if you’ve seen the box score, just step away from the recap and call it a night.) Ovi is on another streak, y’all. Alert the national hockey media. No, seriously, they won’t know otherwise.
• Mike Green made his Steven Stamkos stick work for him. He scored from waaaaaaay outside, ensuring wings if wings could be ensured, and proving that scoring on the Jets is like playing tennis with the net down.
• <sarcasm>Oh noes, Braden Holtby didn’t get back-to-back shutouts against the Atlanta Thrashers. We are utterly devastated. Bravo, Dustin Byfuglien/Mike Green’s skate, you have bested our champion.</sarcasm>

Joe B suit of the night

Six goals. Two by Ovi. Points for pretty much everyone. A shining performance by Holtbeast in net. Is there anything not to completely love about how the Caps acquitted themselves tonight and the night before?

The Capitals absolutely mollywallopounded the Jets. You’d have no idea that the Jets lead the division because — oh yeah, they won’t for long.

I have no clue what this means for the Caps’ prospects, but I do know that we should reserve all judgment until after Sunday night, when the Caps occupy Madison Square Garden.

That’s okay. We’ll take it from here, guys. RT @capitalweather: If anyone got a pic of meteor, please share, thanks so much….

— RMNB (@russianmachine) March 23, 2013

Photo credit: Marianne Helm

The Southeast Division Farewell Tour kicked off with a battle between the Washington Capitals and Winnipeg Jets. The Capitals managed to continue their strong five-on-five play from Tuesday and convert it into two early goals. Big Buff and the Jets tried to mount a comeback, but the Caps stuck two more daggers in ‘em instead. And oh yeah: Braden Holtby had his fourth perfect game this year.

Caps beat Thrashers 4-0.

• I don’t want to tell you something you already know, but yeah: Braden Holtby rules. That is shutout number four on the year.
• Troy Brouwer kicked things off early with a goal well screened by returned hero Brooks Laich. I think Brooks might’ve gotten a piece of it, but I’m wrong about most things, so what is one more? Laich was great all over: driving play (plus-6 Corsi), screening goals, and threatening with some shorthanded chances.
• Steve Oleksy fought James Wright and it went a little something like this:

• I was gonna give Dustin Byfuglien credit for being Atlanta’s best player, but then he checked Mike Green into the boards after a whistle, so eff that noise. Mike Green is off limits, you guys. That goes for you too, Evander Kane, who gave Greenie a cheap shot in the final minute. We’re TPing their cars later, so let me know if you want us to pick you up in our Chinook. We gotta stop off at WaWa to pick up supplies first, so just text me.
• Regarding Mr. GreenLife52, he looked pretty solid in his first game back. He certainly wasn’t getting soft minutes (around 23 minutes), and though he didn’t join the O too much, he looked great when he did. Let’s hope he can stick around this time. He’s too good to lose so much of his career to injury.
• Gee, I sarcastically wonder if RMNB will have a post dedicated to that shift by Alex Ovechkin in second period where he unleashed a bunch of MonStar hits? Cause seriously– other than that, the second period was booooooring. And I say that as a fan of Downton Abbey and Infinite Jest.
• Speaking of Ovi, he was the agent of the Caps’s second goal– feeding Marcus Johansson at the back door. I made some crack about Johansson being lucky to have such a great passer setting up him, but on review it was clear that Mojo put himself in position, got his stick on the ice, and let Ovi know to hit him up. It’s a gift to be wrong about a player sometimes.
• I wrote a joke about the name of a Jets player, but then I deleted it for being borderline naughty. You can scan the roster and guess which one.
• The return of the DOG. Steve Oleksy scrambled for a puck behind the goal line, chipping it over the glass in the process. DOG, old friend. Good to see you again. Now go away forever. Srsly, there’s talk that the over-the-glass rule might get rewritten for next year.
• Alex Ovechkin twisted the dagger with a perfect power play goal from his favorite spot. In addition to being Ovi’s second point of the night, it was also Nicky Backstrom’s first primary assist on a PPG this season.
• Ack last-second  bullet: Nicky Backstrom got a sneaky one-timer from the high slot late in the third and yeah he’s great no time to check grammar.

Joe B suit of the night

That was a terrific performance by your Washington Capitals. I’ll leave it up to you decide if it’s due in part to the return of Orlov, Green, and Laich. And while I’m still not keen on counting standings points, there’s no reason to be cranky about the Caps tonight. Big win over a divisional opponent, three-point night from Captain Alex Ovechkin, healthy roster for the first time since the Taft administration.

The best news of all: they get it to do it again tomorrow. A strange artifact of the lockout-shortened season: the Caps will play the Thrashers again on Friday night, right after JMU beats up on the Hoosiers. See you there? Naturally.

Ovi is having one hell of a game. Check NBC for highlights later. Surely you’ll hear about it.

— RMNB (@russianmachine) March 22, 2013

Photo credit: John Woods

The Washington Capitals looked like a troubled team before Saturday’s game at the Winnipeg Jets. With a grinder on their top line, a goal-scorer in Wojtek Wolski scratched in favor of a tough guy, and more injured players than you can shake a groin at, expectations were low for the early afternoon rumble in Manitoba. For twenty minutes, those expectations were met, and then the Capitals took control of their destiny and looked like a damn fine hockey club.

And oh yeah: Braden Holtby.

Caps beat Jets 3-0.

• First period possession was a mess for the Caps. After twenty minutes, the Jets led the Caps in shots 14-4 at even strength. The Caps turned it around mightily in the second though, eventually claiming the even-strength shot lead before the second intermission.
• Top-line forward Matt Hendricks (?) opened up scoring by tapping in a Mike Ribeiro pass. I love greasy goals too, but seeing plays that looked as deliberate at this one are probably better for this team right now.
• A John Erskine slapshot injured Blake Wheeler right before the Hendricks goal. In the first period, Anthony Peluso got injured somehow while beating up Aaron Volpatti. That left the Thrashers short two forwards for a long stretch of the game. Wheeler returned in the third.
• Here’s that Aaron Volpatti fight. Back in ancient Rome, the oligarchs would give away free bread and throw elaborate circuses to distract the population from realizing how bad the society was organized. Don’t know why that popped into my head just now.

• There are children who will fail geography tests because Winnipeg is in the Southeast Division. There are hikers who will die of exposure because they went northwest instead of southeast because the NHL is organized by crazy people.
• I predicted that spurned shooter Jason Chimera would finally score in the second period. I was wrong. With a wide open net, Chimera’s puck somehow found Pavelec’s glove. I know it’s seductive to blame shooters for dry spells, but the best thing to do with guys like Chimera is to encourage them to shoot even more. They’ll break through given the opportunity, and it’ll be worth it.
• The Caps played a pretty buttoned up game in the first 39 minutes– until Mathieu Perreault shoved a Jet into the Pavelec’s net. Yes, I also jinxed that. My bad, guys.
• Troy Brouwer leads the Caps in goals. He grew that lead in the dirty ‘Peg with a nasty wristshot that took some weird bounces before beating Pavelec.
• Mike Ribeiro, whom Hendricks called one of the best he’s ever played with, cleaned up an Ovechkin rebound in the third to make it a blowout.
• Zach Bogosian roughed up Matthieu Perreault in the third, making two consecutive games where Washington’s diminutive French-Canadian forward got into scary trouble late in the game. New rule: No Perry in the game’s last 10 minutes.

Joe B suit of the night

I love how the Caps came back from a really bad first period. Lucky to be scoreless after a sad opening twenty minutes, the Caps recommitted themselves to offense in the back 40 (is “back 40″ a thing in hockey? If not, can it become a thing?). Last game I took issue with the apparent habit of the Caps to get all jammed up. That definitely didn’t happen in Manitoba today.

That’s a sign of good leadership, which is something you’re really not gonna hear from the hockey media, who are more interested in increasing their public profile than actually enlightening their audiences. Alex Ovechkin (4 shots, 1 assist) was great today, and that’s what really matters. You can say he’s not “a real man” if you’re a chauvinistic ass, but I saw Alex grin like a schoolboy when he suckered Mark Stuart into a double-minor. Hashtag leadership.

And, oh yeah, one last thing: Braden Holtby is still incredible. When the Caps were seeing a fusillade in the first, I said Holtby was only thing that would stop this from becoming a blowout. Holtby did his job perfectly and inspired the skaters ahead of him to do theirs too. Nine straight starts, most of them sterling. No player has turned around his season more dramatically than Holtby, who looks more like a true NHL star with every passing day.

Great game.

ANGRY HENDRICKS. And Karl’s parody of Hendricks’ face. twitter.com/callyourbluff/…

— Katie Brown (@callyourbluff) March 2, 2013

The Jets are five points behind the Caps with one less game played. They have the worst road record in the Eastern Conference.

And since this happened, Alex Ovechkin has scored four goals in three games. Thanks a bunch, Winnipeg!

It’s been a long time since Verizon Center has seen their boys. How will we greet them? And how will we welcome the Jets, whose fans have been so snarky lately?

A few suggestions:

• Let’s go Thrashers! CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP
• P-A-R-K / Your kids got no place to play / Winnipeg ooh ooh Winnipeg!
• Jets, you suck! Jets, you suck! ExceptforyouEricFehryou’recool! Jets, you suck!

UPDATE BY IAN at 2:30 PM

Want to bring a sign to the game tonight? There’s no better option than what Brendan Sheridan just sent to us: The Stay Puft Byfuglien Man.

Click on this bad boy above to get the full version and print it out! We want to see one on the glass tonight.

Puck Buddy Doug Johnson writes for RMNB. Follow @PuckBuddys unless you’re Sean Avery.

The Pre Game: I’m going to let you in on a secret. We people of the prairie have known it for decades, but as a group we tend to be Scandinavian, and so tight-lipped. We only pass it down– whispered– when there’s no other choice; as on those nights the wind shakes the windows and hope seems to extinguish in the pit of a cold, dead emptiness. And here it is: there is no darker, stranger place on this Earth than Winnipeg. It’s Canada’s sooty heart of darkness… and now, thanks to the NHL, we have to spend a night there.

You can spend a lifetime overnight in Winnipeg.

The Puck Drop

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. “But it’s Canada! How scary can that be?” Here’s how creepy: David Lynch won’t even go there. That’s how creepy Winnipeg is. Built at the base of a floodplain that sinks in summer and concentrates the winds into an arctic vortex each winter, Winnipeg is a place that sensible cultures would just abandon. Admit their mistake, move on, and leave it to future anthropologists to try and make sense of the debris: curling, BTO, and Guy Maddin.

Sure, some have escaped. Cody Eakin and Eric the Fehr among the more adorables. But let me ask you this: do you know anyone who’s been to Winnipeg? Didn’t they come back…changed?

Drama aside, perhaps our Caps could use a little change. Maybe get a little creeped out. Fight a little harder to survive. Get freaking pucks to the net. You know, that sort of thing.

What Makes Them Hot

Evander Kane

#1: Fly-in. So the Jets have just landed this season from Atlanta, a place that shares nothing with Winnipeg except, perhaps, its smell. Look, save for some call-ups, the Jets are basically the Thrashers, but with less Coke and more coney dogs. OK, I kid…but neither team dazzled – the Thrashers the last several seasons, or the Jets so far this one. Ordinarily this would be a ‘Not’ more than ‘Hot’; but here’s the rub: hockey was as welcome in Atlanta as an anthrax attack on Olympic Park. Residents never took to the team, nor the team to the ice. It’s different now – and while fan support is clearly an intangible, any team worth their paychecks will play harder before an audience that really, really wants to see them. That’s new for the Thra-Jets, and game by game they just might start to respond. Remember, also, that the Jets are doing better at home so far than then Caps are on the road. Call me crazy, but this team might bite.

Jim Slater and Mark Flood

#2: Individuals. Nik Antropov (3-9-12), Kyle Wellwood (5-6-11), and Dustin Byfuglien (3-8-11); all these guys are performing at least as well as a dozen or more Caps (Sasha?) Sharp-shooters Jim Slater (5-1-6) and Evander Kane (6-5-11) both have five goals in about twice as many games. But I’m seeing less smart team play and more individual action. It’s like a bad stew: there hasn’t been enough time or attention for the flavors (players) to come together and play getting-to-know-you. But hot-shot players (SASHA?) still count for something: if the coaching squad can get it together, they might have a fine meal on hand.

#3: Trap Crap. Several of the teams the Jets have played lately, like the Bolts, are trap teams. The Caps are not. The Jets, with the exception of that last game, don’t do well with quick, fast play that unsprings the trap. Believe it or not, they might just have the right style in meeting the Caps.

What Makes Them Not

Ondrej Pavelec mysteriously collapsed during a game with the Caps last year. He’s fine now!

#1: It’s a Net Thing. Ooof. Neither Ondrej Pavelec (.895%) nor Chris Mason (.893%) are doing much in the net for Winnipeg this year. They’re sort of a mix, all over the place. That means pucks are landing all over the place, too. Caps have the upper hand here – unlike with Pekka Rinne. Which sounds like something I put on my pasta. And Ondrej Pavelec? Didn’t I order that for dessert in Paris? *lesigh*

#2: Faster Penalty Kill! Kill!: The Jets are simply sucking at PKs at 79%. Granted, the Caps aren’t much better at 83%, and unfortunately as we’ve seen a better motivated team can bend those stats and capitalize where data says they shouldn’t. The Jets aren’t quite stinking on PP (16%) so much as they’re middle of the road. Caps, again, may drive the car here (at 20%), but these numbers are not far apart enough to give me comfort.

#3: Enough: I’ve prattled on long enough without pointing to the obvious: the Jets are a middling team. On paper they should not defeat the Caps. Then again, if it were all just paper, we’d never race horses.

The OT

In closing I’m going to be uncharacteristically nice… in part because my contract with RMNB specifies I have to do so. But this one I mean: has anyone noticed the players on the Jets? I mean really, it’s a more diverse line-up of guys than I’ve seen in…well, just about ever. Even more so than may pans of the Caps fans benches. It may not change their play, but it’s one of the few nice things I can say about Winnipeg these days. Like the look of your lineups, Jets!

Your Sudden-Death Shoot Out

Ladies and gentlemen: I give you Winnipeg.

Here’s a picture of Ovechkin eating snow for the billionth time. (Photo credit: Scott Cunningham)

To all our friends stuck on the roads during this crazy #thundersnow storm, safe travels. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

So the final game for the Washington Capitals before the All-Star break found them meeting the Atlanta Thrashers in the not-so-balmy temperatures of Georgia. It did not go well.

Nik Antropov settled a lucky bounce in the Caps zone, leading to an easy goal against Semyon Varlamov. That was it. No other goals. Shutout for Ondrej Pavelec. Thrashers beat Caps 1-0.

• Atlanta didn’t offer a lot of pressure in the neutral zone, but they did an excellent job of pushing traffic to the outside in their zone and clogging the net when crashes were attempted. The Caps offense was stymied, so all the Thrash had to do was wait for a weird chance, which they got. Atlanta is still a playoff contender.
• Our nerd Neil Greenberg is stuck in the snow somewhere between BWI and his luxurious villa estate, so we don’t have reliable scoring chance stats for you. The Caps did fire 36 shots on Pavelec (and attempted another 30), but most of those were marginal opportunities. The net was crash-proof.
• The Caps power play continues to be an empty ritual with no actual impact on the game. Across two and three-quarters chances, the Caps only threatened Atlanta’s net a precious few times.
• The Capitals had 5:37 of 5v4 time. Mike Green attended to all but seven seconds of it.
• Of the seven Caps shutouts this season, five have come against teams from the Southeast division. Craig Laughlin has renamed it the “Southbeast”. Let us never speak of this again.
• Is anyone else sick of making every opposing goalie look like Patrick frakking Roy? Throwing low-quality pucks at guys like Ondrej Pavelec gives false confidence to those netminders. I would sell your first born child to see some timing plays and one-timers again.
• Brooks Laich, who is awesome, led the losing team with 7 shots, 3 hits, and a 2-for-2 faceoff record. Alex Ovechkin was right behind him with 8 shots and 2 hits, but Laich didn’t create excruciating turnovers at pivotal moments.
• After a third period power play, Alex Ovechkin got speared and generally roughed up. No whistle. He looked hurt after that, but he did return for more shifts. Wouldn’t it be a riot if he joins Malkin and Crosby in missing the ASG?
• Consolation/your-sister-is-your-prom-date award to Semyon Varlamov, who knocked down 23 shots. The one that got by him was an unfettered dart, so it’s hard to fault him for the loss. Then again, how would Braden “87-for-90″ Holtby have handled it? Just stirring the pot.
• Welcome back, Matt Bradley. You had a monster chance in the second period, but an unfortunate holding penalty in the third. Let’s get that rust off and reclaim your spot as The Greatest Player Ever (According to Peter).
• Once Alex Semin rejoins the ranks, who gets sent down: Jay Beagle or Mathieu Perreault? Neither had ANY offensive presence tonight, so we wish we could say both.

Joe B's suit of the night

At the beginning of the season, some thought the Capitals’ big problem would be their young defenders and goalies. I, an arrogant S.O.B., said the problem would be the psychological trauma inflicted after that offensively meek playoff series with the Habs. The Caps have now been shut out seven times on the season, but they’ve allowed only one goal against in each of the last four games. What’s up?

So here we are, pausing for a short intermission before the final run to the postseason. It’s time to summon all warm feelings, page all sports psychologists, and crash every damn net between here and May. We hereby declare the Capitals offensive slump over, and welcome with open figurative arms a blizzard of goals.

Stay safe, peeps. Catch you next week.

P.S. – Something about a Sputnik moment here.

It’s not like the Washington Capitals have a hard time getting pumped up for a intra-division game. Facing the Atlanta Thrashers at home tonight, the Caps put a season-high 46 pucks on net (with another 20 attempted). But Ondrej Pavelec stood like a giant in the Atlanta net, turning away all but one of those pucks. At least it wasn’t a shutout.

Rich Peverly deflected a monster shot from Byfuglien to create the first goal of the night.  Penalty engine Alex Burmistrov recorded the second goal, a brilliant chip shot from no angle. At the end of a long shift in Atlanta territory, Alex Ovechkin ended his nine-game goal drought with a one-timer assisted by the other Alex. After David Steckel took a controversial kneeing penalty, Andrew Ladd took only eight seconds to score the game’s final goal. Bummer. Thrashers beat Caps 3-1.

• 

  Ovechkin ends the slump (Photo credit: Luis M. Alvarez)

  If Ondrej Pavelec were a car, he’d be firing on all cylinders. Last time we saw a goalie this hot, we had to invent a word for it: Halak’d.

• That said, the 46 shots stat might be misleading.  The Caps took a lot of their shots from outside and were not helped by friendly traffic in front of the net. It was way too easy for that nigh-invulnerable goalie to swat away pucks without imminent rebounds. The PP unit can cycle the puck in their sleep, but they falter when it comes to shifting into the slot.
• Alex Ovechkin scoars, thank goodness. I know we were all “he’s a playmaking, Russian assist machine now; who cares if he doesn’t score!”, but c’mon. He needed this. We needed this. In an interview with CSN’s Al Koken during the second intermission, Alex said it best: “My job is to scoar goals.”  Then Do Work, Son. Crosby’s got a hefty lead on you.

• This bullet is dedicated to all the ludicrous saves Pavelec made. That desperate swat of the glove to turn away Mike Green should be criminal.
• Personnel notes: John Erskine missed tonight’s game after a bad bump sustained on Thursday. In his place was Tyler Sloan, who mostly paired with winless Scott Hannan. It should not go unsaid that this pair was on ice for Atlanta’s game winner.
• The faceoff dot was unkind to the Caps. Of the players who were not dismissed from the circle entirely, pucks seemed to go the wrong away too often. Most at fault here is Nick Backstrom, who had an uncharacteristic 5-for-17 faceoff record.
• David Steckel collided knee-on-knee with Tobias Enstrom. After the ensuing fight with Jim Slater, the referees retroactively imposed a penalty on Stecks for the original contact, but did not penalize Slater for the instigator. What’s the point of the instigator penalty if it’s never used?
• I hate piling up on the zebras, but there’s more. Either the Capitals’ faces spontaneously generated some attraction for hockey sticks, or the Thrashers knew they weren’t gonna get called for it. Mike Green can testify to that. So can John Carlson. Jason Chimera could tell us about that three or four times, and the nasty gash on his lip would be exhibit A.

Joe B's suit of the night

But let’s put the whining aside. Just like last game, poor officiating is not the reason the Caps lost tonight. The refs are not to blame for the paltry offense we’ve seen lately. You can define lately as either “this week” or “since April”. There’s a killer instinct, a Bodhi-like hunger for adventure that is missing from the D.C. forwards. Until the Capitals get back in that zone, feeding free wings to the fans at every chance, they’ll continue to lose marginal games like this one.

Catch you guys on Monday, when the Caps will undoubtedly put the hurting on the wallowing Toronto Make-Believes.

A despondent Braden Holtby looks on after giving up the third goal of the night. (Photo credit: John Bazemore)

Ovi reacts after missing a shot in the second period. (Photo credit: John Bazemore)

When Joe B. and Locker finished their pre-game intros and CSN cameras zoomed in for the opening face-off, it was hard not to notice the rows and rows of empty seats in Phillips Arena. The Capitals, seemingly aware of their surroundings, lacked energy and focus and proceeded to play down to their opponents. After giving up three quick goals to Ben Eager, Nik Antropov, & Evander Kane respectively, Braden Holtby was quickly summoned to the Caps bench by an enraged Bruce Boudreau.

Michal Neuvirth was steady in relief, but unfortunately for the Capitals, they were never able to locate their game after the switch. The offense was blessed with quality scoring chance after quality scoring chance but all resulted either in a missed shot, a ping off the post, or a solid save by Thrashers goaltender Ondrej Pavelec.

Evil cheeseburger-eater Dustin Byfuglien then put the game officially out of reach, closing the second period with a nifty short-side wrist shot past Neuvy. And let’s not even talk about that Burmistrov goal. I’m still angry at Jeff Schultz, who stopped skating, got deked out of his jockstrap and resembled a giant, awkward pylon on the play. Whatever. Thrashers win 5-0.

Your Friday night bullets:

• How bad was Braden Holtby‘s night? He gave up three goals on five shots, and left the ice with a humbling .400 save percentage. The second goal he wandered way too far out of his crease, and paid the price. Nik Antropov took advantage of the broken play, and slipped a backhander past a kneeling Jeff Schultz, into a yawning net. Clearly frazzled, Holtby gave up another 15 seconds later. Caps-killer Evander Kane circled the net, saw the rookie goalie briefly glance to the opposite side of the ice, and proceeded to let go a no-angled shot from the corner. The puck somehow found a hole through Holtby’s pads and…
• Out came Lil’ Michal Neuvirth! Neuvy certainly did his best to try and get the Caps back into the game, stopping 29 of the 31 shots he faced. Really, if only the Caps could have scored a goal in that danged second period… I’m kidding.
• Tyler Sloan was um, terrible. He had 7 starts in the offensive zone (during 5v5), most of any skater, and still was on the ice for 4 goals against on 5 chances against. His turnover in the neutral zone also led directly to Byfuglien’s sixth tally of the year, the most amongst NHL defensemen.

• Another ugh for Schultz after I just relived video of that Burmistrov goal. What was that? It’s fine if you get walked. That happens. But don’t give up on the play! It’s embarrassing.
• Alex Semin‘s nine-game scoring streak is now kaput. Peace, yo.
• Mike Knuble just can’t buy a break. First, Alex Ovechkin hits him with a sweet pass, he’s wide open, and his shot clangs off the post. Next, the dude’s downlow creating havoc, being all Kanooblian, and Eric Fehr hits him square in the face with a shot. Knuble went to the bench clutching his bloody chin, then to the locker room for repairs, and did not return. Corey Masisak asked Bruce about the injury and it sounds like he may miss some games.
• Mike Green got The Palm tonight. For what you ask? He had two blocked shots and really “gave it his all.”
• Marcus Johansson sure skates fast. Still waiting for everything else.
• Seeing Flash and Byfuglien forechecking along the boards was probably the only comical part of the night. On one exchange during the third period, Dustin shoved Fleischmann from the corner boards to the faceoff circle. That’s Charmin soft.
• Alex Ovechkin was probably the third best Alex out on the ice tonight and has now had consecutive iffy games. That DVD sure is good, though!!

Joe B's suit of the night.

One of the things about the Caps that I love is that no opposing team’s lead is ever really safe. Last year, the Capitals offense came back from several three goal deficits and seemed capable of magical things. Tonight, however, they wilted. They looked defeated. At no point during the game did they ever have momentum. No one stepped up. They just took their beating and emotionlessly walked out of the Phillips Arena’s doors with their heads held low.

Tomorrow night, they will play at home against Conference foes the Philadelphia Flyers, where they’re 10-1-0. Will Bruce tinker with the line-up? Will our heros return with swagger. Does Mike Knuble still even have a chin?

I suppose we’ll find out tomorrow. Until then, enjoy your weekend!

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg.

“Can you believe we won this???” (Photo credit: Greg Fiume)

Boulton and Erskine beat the tar out of one another. (Photo credit: Mitchell Layton)

This third meeting of the Washington Capitals and Atlanta Thrashers was not overshadowed by injury like the season-opener was by Ondrej Pavelec‘s collapse. Instead, we were treated to a cavalcade of slapstick puckery. The puck had a mind of its own tonight, and the game’s three goalies were none too happy about it.

Alex Ovechkin opened it up early with a lucky bounce knocked in by goalie Chris Mason. Mason had already bobbled an earlier shot; this one he knocked in all by himself. Mike Green piled on with a mustache-fueled power play goal hooked up by Eric Fehr and Mike Knuble. Atlanta’s Rich Peverly turned in what was either a world-class goal or a total fluke (we vote the latter). Tyler Sloan dove in front of a shot to lead to a turnover and breakaway for Alex Ovechkin. Ovie’s pass enabled Alex Semin to score a dazzling deke-and-goal that should humble the authors of the All-Star game ballot.

Like an out-of-control garbage truck full of terminally ill kittens, the second period brought destruction and woe to all in its path (i.e. the Capitals). Andrew Ladd scored one and Bryan Little scored two, the last of which was a shorthanded breakaway furnished by the careless puck control of our very own Russian Machine.

The third period languished on for 13 minutes before John Erskine– yes, that John Erskine– rocketed the game winner past relief goalie Ondrej Pavelec. Then David Steckel found the empty net as Capitals players are so eager to do.

Phew, that was exhausting. Caps beat Thrashers 6-4.

Conserve your bullets for the coming zombie apocalypse

• John Erskine: one assist away from a Gordie Howe. John Erskine: clashing titan with lightning-fast fists of concrete and clay. John Erskine: moustachio’d man’s man to whom Alan May is now erecting a statue. Big John: you were excellent tonight; we salute you!

• Here’s a bullet dedicated to John Erskine’s cataclysmic battle royale with Eric “Michael” Boulton. After a sustained exchange of heavy hooks, John shoved Eric into the boards and breathed his musky breath on Boulton as the linesmen pounced on them. Epic stuff by both warriors.
• Alex Ovechkin doesn’t get any such gushing congratulations. His assist on Semin’s goal was vintage Ovi and his first goal a happy accident, but that’s about it. His puck control was insufficient, and his cough-up to the Thrashers on that second-period power play was the low point of the night.
• That second period was awful, awful, awful. Unlike last night’s offensive absenteeism, this disaster period was plagued by bad turnovers and unlucky bounces. Why must the Capitals face a messy period like this once every game?
• Coach Bruce Boudreau is probably just as upset as we are. In reaction he favored his grinders: Steckel, Bradley, Hendricks. Each of those guys floated around 14-15 minutes of ice time tonight, while the top line stayed south of 20 minutes each.
• How smart was it to play those checking lines? Considering the dismal performances from Ovechkin and Backstrom (both minus-4 Corsi), pretty darn smart.
• Instead of 8 and 19, it was Mike Green and Jeff Schultz who had offensive gumption. Each had plus-7 even-strength scoring-chance differentials. Each was on ice for 11 Caps’ chances for at 5v5, season highs for any Caps skater. Objectively, the Caps defense is not outperforming the offense.
• Heartfelt sympathies go out to the goalies on both teams. Some prankster must have coated the pucks in flubber before the game. Demerits are in order. It’s ridiculous of us to expect Michal Neuvirth to stop a puck that crawls up his chest and hops off his helmet on the way to the net. You’ll get it back, Mikey. No harm, no foul.

Wow. Does this win the record for longest RMNB recap or what?

Think about it this way: The Capitals played two uneven and clumsy games of hockey this weekend and still took away three points. It could quite easily have been none. The Caps keep snatching points in this still-early season, and they keep learning different ways to lose hockey games without actually losing. So there’s that.

Post script: We totally blew it. Can anyone hook us up with a picture of Joe Beninati in his (birthday) suit? Much appreciated.

Additional reporting by Neil Greenberg.