BO: Don’t forget, you promised to come to a game!

As President Barack Obama tries to gain more public support for his plan to avoid the fiscal cliff, he did an interview Thursday with Minneapolis’s Frank Vascellaro of WCCO-TV. Vascellaro, who traveled to Washington DC to meet up with POTUS, was given permission to ask five questions. So Frank asked about the fiscal cliff negotiations, spending cuts, trust on Capitol Hill, the medical devices tax (?), and… hockey!

Frank Vascellaro: Minnesota’s known as the state of hockey, and we’re under the NHL lockout right now. Would you be willing to intervene in that lockout?

President Obama: You know, look. I’ve got to say, because we’ve had an NBA lockout, we’ve had an NFL lockout during the course of my presidency, the president of the United States shouldn’t have to get involved in a sports lockout. My message to owners and to players is, you guys make a lot of money and you make a lot of money on the backs of fans, so do right by your fans. You can figure out how to spread out a bunch of revenue that you’re bringing in, but do right by the people who support you. And I shouldn’t have to be involved in a dispute between really wealthy players and even wealthier owners. They should be able to settle this themselves. And remember who it is that’s putting all that money in their pockets.

That’s the stuff, Barry O.

This is the second time Obama has addressed the NHL lockout since it began three months ago. On October 24th during an appearance on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, Obama once again implored the NHL and NHLPA to remember the ones that are really suffering: the fans.

“Every time these things happen I just want to remind the owners and the players, you guys make money because you’ve got a whole bunch of fans out there who are working really hard, they buy tickets, they’re watching on TV,” Obama said. “Y’all should be able to figure this out. Get this done.”

Those comments didn’t work then. And his comments tonight won’t work either. But hey, regardless of your political affiliation, this is a message we can all get behind.

Now, Barry, sing us home!

Timmy and the Obama signs on NBCSN. (Photo credit: @levnaginsky)

On Sunday we posted some highly scientific analysis about the Tim Thomas – Barack Obama connection, as well as two printable posters and an Obama mask that could be cut out and worn all over your pretty face. The response was enthusiastic and varied. It is truly an honor to appear on Bruins blogs and Glenn Beck’s site in the same day.

We were flanked in our effort to psyche out Timmy by our friends at Sick Unbelievable, Brooks Laichyear, and Homer McFanboy. Whatever you make of the political dimension of the campaign or its impact on the game, at least we got to see how tight this Caps fan community is. It’s large-scale silliness and public mayhem for a good cause.

We’ve got all kinds of meta-coverage below the jump, so please follow along.

ABC 7′s Britt McHenry Talks About Our Signs Pre-Game

Video credit: Michelle Geyer (@CapsFan2475)

CBC’s Hockey Night In Canada Talks About Our Campaign

Video by @brightestcolour

Chris Gordon’s Photos

After the first two games of the quarterfinal round, Bruins goalie Tim Thomas is sporting a .964 save percentage, having stopped 54 of the 56 shots he has faced. Last season’s Vezina and Conn Smythe winner, Thomas has already had a successful follow-up campaign, earning a 35-19-1 record during the regular season. He is the calm core of Boston’s defense and a reliable presence to backstop the league’s third best offense.

But Thomas’s composure came somewhat unspooled on Saturday night. After a whistle, he punched the previously concussed Nick Backstrom, who ended up scoring the game-winner in double overtime. While Thomas escaped without the match penalty recommended in rule 51.3 for goalies who use a blocker pad to punch a skater, he has not escaped the attention and ire of the Washington Capitals and their fans.

Games Three and Four of the series will be played in DC, and we just figured out precisely how we will troll.

By now you’ve heard about how Thomas’ snub of the Bruins’ visit to the White House coincided with a drop-off in his performance. It’s a tongue-in-cheek little narrative that doesn’t really adhere to the strict tenets of Responsible Statisticking, and it doesn’t actual imply any correlation.

I have decided to improve it.

The chart below plots Tim Thomas’s save percentage against President Obama’s approval rating over the course of the season. I used Rasmussen’s approval rating data and adjusted Obama’s approval to start at the same point as Thomas’s Sv% so we can track how they change relative to each other. Behold!

As you can clearly see, the hockey skills of Tim Thomas wane as President Obama becomes more beloved. The fearful symmetry of these lines proves– beyond any credible doubt– that the two are inextricably entangled. See how Obama’s ascent following The Snub mirrors the increasing sieve-ness of Thomas? And how the month of March saw Timmy dipping well below league average while Obama’s numbers were climbing like a pederastic crimefighter? Clearly, obviously, the two are related.

There you have it: irrefutable proof that Tim Thomas’s performance in net is tied to the popularity of the American President. And judging by TT’s abruptly ended interviews and Curiously Capitalized Facebook manifestos, Thomas knows this as well.

Still, we should probably remind him.

You know the drill. The big links below will download PDFs, which will fit a normal 8.5″ x 11″ page snugly. Please print out a trillion of these and camp out in front of the glass during warm-ups. Cut out the eyeholes on the mask, tie it in front of your ugly mug, and give Thomas a warm welcome to Washington, D.C., the most powerful city on Earth. This is your moment to shine.

RMNB’s Obama Posters and Mask for Tim Thomas

Download	Download	Download

Because– despite the mewling whines of “Leave Timmy alone!” coming from the Boston area– we believe this is a winning strategy. An angry Tim Thomas gives up goals. A scored-on Tim Thomas gets angrier. And then he gives up even more goals. It’s a vicious cycle, and we just need to get it started.

Distraction is the name of the game. (Actually, the name of the game is still hockey but we don’t play hockey, so we’re gonna do this instead.) And if anyone asks you where the idea came from, tell ‘em it was ProHockeyTalk’s Joe Yerdon, a connoisseur of fine trolling.

Mind games! Let’s do it, guys. Send us your pics: @russianmachine, thecrew@russianmachineneverbreaks.com.

A parting note: this ain’t about politics. Hockey is for everybody, and that includes tea-partying, Michael Cudlitz-looking fellas like Timmy. We’re just having a laugh and ribbing the other team. As long as we take a deep breath before speaking and keep our senses of humor in tact, I think we can do this with some degree of civility. Go team.

Posters and masks by Ian Oland.

Behold! Alexsandr's other "We Are The Champions" painting

Did you think this would be a slow news week? Maybe an injury update here or a scouting report there, but overall an uneventful period before the semifinals. Well, you were wrong. From the Internet’s very own disreputable flea market emerges what might become the cultural moment of the hockey season.

(Are we building this up too much?)

Artist Aleksandr Reut has crafted Washington Capitals – We are the Champions!, an exquisite 40″ x 32″ oil painting on canvas. This inspired (yet absurdly premature) work of celebratory art and its partner piece are available for bid or purchase on eBay right now. Starting bid is only $5,000, so crack open those piggy banks.

A 50-something Ukranian ex-pat living in Harrisonburg, Virginia, Reut fills the daytime hours as an architect, but the muses compel him to high art. A decade-old profile from Harrisonburg’s Daily News-Record (reprinted here by brama.com) extols Reut’s passion for mixed media as a sculptor, but he tells me that it’s hockey that really inspires him.

“I used to play hockey myself,” Reut tells me by phone. ”When I moved to the U.S. twenty years ago, the Capitals were my only comfort zone. Finally, they are pretty close to the Stanley Cup.”

Close, I am quick to point out, is a distance still measured at one dozen wins. But Reut’s enthusiasm does not waver.

It’s important to understand that these are images of aspiration, not celebration. “I painted those two paintings right after their loss to the Montreal Canadiens [in the 2010 playoffs],” Reut says. “I called Ted Leonsis. He really liked the idea, but he thought it was kind of premature.”

Hell yes, but we dig it anyway.

Champions depicts the Washington Capitals in a medieval setting. As knights in solemn triumph having just slain hockey’s equivalent of St. George’s dragon, they gather to in court to receive Lord Stanley’s Cup from two… — well they’re dwarfs, aren’t they? Settling a nagging question, Reut tells me the little people are part of the painting’s dark-ages milieu and don’t represent anyone (*cough* Marcus Johansson *cough*).

There’s George McPhee in academician’s garb and Bruce Boudreau as a royal clergyman (“preaching and teaching, you know!” says Reut). King Ted Leonsis himself rides a horse with his flaxen wife by his side. The Knights of the Round Puck stand at far left. There’s Ovechkin, Green, Semin, Backstrom, Knuble, and Varlamov. And, oh yeah. The President and First Lady are there, too.

“You see Barack Obama and his wife standing behind the Stanley Cup,” Reut laughs across the line, “I didn’t know about the huge reception [for the Chicago Blackhawks] yet when I painted this.”

In the background are some  of D.C.’s most striking landmarks. The Capitol, the National Cathedral and Georgetown University sit atop the hills like the mythical Camelot — warmed by diffuse, Albionic sunshine.

In the world of Reut’s art, hockey and knighthood are one and the same. He cites for me Mike Green’s recent sacrifice and urges the team to institute the title Knight of the Year to “the most noble and courageous and handsome” player on the team. Reut nominates Green for the honor, and we second the motion.

Yes, this is exactly the kind of thing we should be avoiding right now. Caps fans already have a reputation as overeager and prone to self-congratulation. But this is not that. Full of humor and fun and good will, this painting embodies what we love about each other and the team that we cheer on. This is precisely the kind of attitude that our community needs. So go put a bid in. You’ll have a beautiful painting to hang in your den and a great story to tell.

But please: lock it in a dark room for a couple months first.

More Art from Alex Reut

Thanks to @itallfallsdwn for unearthing this gem for everyone.

Appendices compiled by Ian Oland.

Photo credit: Chris Gordon

Mike Green was back in a Capitals jersey on Friday, though unfortunately for him, he won’t be seeing game action in one for at least a week. Suffering from a concussion after taking a blow to the head from Derek Stepan of the Rangers, Green was placed on long-term injured reserve, holding him out until March 22nd at the earliest. Russian Machine Never Breaks caught up with the 25 year-old Canadian on Friday at the White House. Green had been invited to participate in a street hockey clinic at part of Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” campaign. The First Lady even asked Green how to drop the puck to begin the event. “I told her, ‘Just drop it. Don’t throw it up in the air,’ Green recalled. “She was fine.” He also had a front row seat when the Chicago Blackhawks were honored for their 2010 Stanley Cup championship by President Barack Obama. I assume, however, he would me much happier to be on the other side of that picture next year.

Q: How are you feeling?

“I am getting better. I’ve started skating. So it is just about me getting healthy everyday. When I am ready, I’ll play.”

Q: What’s your view on the increase of head injuries in the game?

“There is always going to be that risk factor. You know it’s unfortunate the way things have gone lately, but you know it’s a part of the game. I mean, no matter what sport you play you are at risk, and we understand that. It’s something that obviously has to be watched and taken care of or taken action when needed.”

Q: Did you feel NHL was right not to suspend Zdeno Chara for his hit of Max Pacioretty?

“It’s their decision. I don’t comment on decisions they make. But you know it’s unfortunate situation for the player from Montreal. I know as a player that you never mean to put somebody out or injure them to that degree. We wouldn’t like to see that ever, but it does happen.”

On Friday afternoon, President Barack Obama welcomed the Chicago Blackhawks to the White House to celebrate their Stanley Cup championship last season. The ‘Hawks presented Mr. Obama with a jersey bearing his name and the number 44. “I think we’ve even got some blood on here,” the president said after he was given the sweater. “It shows it’s authentic. Fantastic.”

After the ceremony, First Lady Michelle Obama hosted a street hockey clinic with local children on the South Lawn as part of her “Let’s Move” campaign to help keep kids fit. Washington Capitals defenseman Mike Green was attendance to help Mrs. Obama kick off her event. Below the jump, I chronicle the day in pictures.

(Click to enlarge — All photos by Chris Gordon)

Mr. Obama shakes the hand of Blackhawks owner Rocky Wirtz.

Blackhawks president John McDonough lets Mr. Obama try on his championship ring.

“That’s what you call some bling,” Mr. Obama quips.

‘Hawks captain Jonathan Toews gives a miniature Stanley Cup to the Commander-in-chief as a gift.

Mr. Obama joked that “it looks so much bigger on TV.”

Mr. Obama greets the children in attendance for the First Lady’s event.

Wirtz speaks with the media after the ceremonies.

First Lady Michelle Obama enters to conduct her “Let’s Move” campaign.

Mrs. Obama is presented with a Team USA jersey emblazoned with “FLOTUS” — standing for First Lady of the United States — and number one.

Mrs. Obama poses with the kids participating in the street hockey game.

The First Lady drops the puck to officially begin the festivities.

According to Capitals defenseman Mike Green she inquired about the correct way to do so. “I told her, ‘Just drop it. Don’t throw it up in the air,’ Green said. “She was fine.”

In you are so inclined, check out Caps Snaps for some additional photos from the day.

All those that thought President Obama would attend a Caps game before physicists figure out how to teleport an object all the way across the galaxy, please step forward to claim your prize. Wait a minute, everyone, not so fast…

All hope is not lost. The Washington Post’s new Caps beat reporter Katie Carrera informed us that Barack Obama attended yesterday’s Washington Mystics game at the Verizon Center. Those of us here at Barack The Red were instantly filled with heartbreak.

Even comrade Dan Steinberg agreed:

Look, I’m all for the President of the country — whoever he or she is — supporting the D.C. teams of all sports and genders. But at this point it seems like he’s going out of his way to spite the Barack the Red movement…I mean, I love the D.C. Divas, but if Obama goes there before he attends a Caps game, I’m crying foul.

We’re not going to wait: FOUL!!

Say it with us: FOUL!!

Tweet it: It’s time to @barackthered President @BarackObama

See, it’s already working: Then on last night’s SportsNite, Lisa Hillary asked Ted Leonsis a few questions after he sat court-side with POTUS.

At then at the 2:30 mark, it happened:

Lisa Hillary – “We know the Washington Capitals are near and dear to your heart. Might we see [the president] at a game this fall?”

Ted Leonsis – “Yeah. He gave me some grief there. He said ‘I was planning on coming in the playoffs but you lost in the first round.’

Lisa Hillary – “Wuh oh.”

Ted Leonsis – “He did promise me he would come to a game next season.”

So can we consider Barack The Red a success? Not so fast, homeboy. Until we see Barack’s ass Presidential Seal in the Owner’s Box with our own two eyes, we shall be dubious of this claim – no matter how many peanut shells and popcorn kernels Ted picks up off the floor.

Additional Coverage: Ted’s Take, I Spy Things DC, NBC Washington

Mean Muggin’ Game Over T-Shirt

RMNB’s answer to the Wizznutzz’s jaw-dropping Agent Zero Metallic Gold Portrait Tees, the Game Over Portrait T-Shirt shows everyone’s favorite disrespected defenseman mugging for the ladies. The shirt comes in black and green, and with or without the psychological baggage of the Olympic snubbing. Also, for the first time ever, our Game Over graphics will be printed in a beautiful, space-age Metallic Silver.  You can microwave a pizza on it!*

* Please don’t microwave a pizza on it.

Game Over T-Shirt

Not to be outdone, this Game Over Portrait T-Shirt includes our high-flying defenseman sporting shades and his Blue Steel look. Is this the perfect wardrobe selection for the Wale Stanley Cup Celebration Concert in Early June at the Verizon Center?  We think so.  Buy twenty!

Sasha Minor- The Most Complex Of All The Constellations T-Shirt

There are few mysteries in this world as lasting as Alexander Semin.  Next to LOST and thermos technology, nothing fascinates us more than Alex’s out-of-this-world ability. Sometimes he’s so good he embarasses the competition, sometimes he looks downright bored.  In both cases, he heads inexorably towards a stick penalty like he’s caught in its gravity well. One day we will understand this most complex of figures.  Wear this shirt to show your friends that you are a dedicated Seminologist.

Nacho Power T-Shirt by The Hockey Chronicles’ Meghan H.

Much like how the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fuel up on Pizza to regain their power, Megan H. of The Hockey Chronicles believes the only way the Russian Machine reaches  full strength is if he’s eating several servings his highly coveted Arena Nachos. Drawn in paint in a playful style reminiscent of Home Movies, this illustration was just too wonderful not to decorate a t-shirt. Don’t you agree?

Barack The Red – Hope T-Shirt

President Barack Obama continues to act like he hasn’t heard our pleas to Barack The Red – yet still manages to find time to share his horrible Bracket Picks on ESPN and throw out the first pitch of a Nationals Game.  Nonetheless, our campaign forges on– this time in t-shirt form! Outfitted in a Hawaiian Hockey jersey and a HOPEful smile, POTUS shows everyone just how cool he’d look out on the ice (if he ever bothered to make the FIVE-MINUTE TRIP to the Verizon Center. Come on Mr. President, it’s not too late!)

That’s it, folks!  Share your thoughts below and vote with your wallets. And don’t forget to check page 2 and 3 of our store for different styles and colors.

Weird bounces, Long goal reviews & Floating Pucks. What a fun night. (Photos by Nick Wass)

Funny isn’t it that the Capitals and Bruins will meet twice in the last week of the regular season before playing one another in the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. If tonight’s game sets a precedence for next week, we’re due for some entertaining hockey.

Tonight’s victory over Boston saw goals from fan favorites Nicky Backstrom, Mike Knuble and Books Laich, who secured the overtime gamewinner. Despite the everpresent physicality of Zdeno Chara’s bleeding nose and the dynamism of Patrice Bergeron, the Caps emerged victorious. Three games or bust.

• Tonight’s line up merits comment. Mike Green deserved his well-earned rest, while Scott Walker returned to active play. Brendan Morrison remains MIA, but we’re in no rush to have him return.
• Actually, nevermind. His replacement at 2nd-line center, Tomas Fleischmann, won a dismal 33% on the faceoff dot. I love the guy, but Flash needs to get his groove back, and it will not be found at center. Or will it?
• Nick Backstrom got three points tonight– a goal and two assists. I mention this not because I’m surprised, but because I am now certain that Nicky is deserving of fame far exceeding that which he is currently granted.
• Is there a player on the Caps roster who plays with more consistent oomph than Brooks “You Can Just Get Lost In His Eyes” Laich? His overtime in-your-face-goal is just another exhibit in the mountain of evidence that Brooks wants to win more than any other player out there. Maybe the Caps were coasting without Brooks, but when he’s around, they go to the net.
• More on that Laich character. We can’t get over the full cage he’s wearing to protect that beautiful chiseled face of man. So when we prompted the ladies if Brooks Laich in a full cage was cute or simply the cutest ever, we got some hilarious responses. Some of our favorites were “more like cant wait for him to get it off to see his face again“, “ADORABLE. he looks like a babyyy“, “Cute, but without it is cutest ever“, “I would say that Laich has trumped Michelangelo’s David…even with the busted face“, “it makes me think of the cone a dog wears so it doesn’t chew its stitches” & “ew“. Awesome.
• John Erskine and Tyler Sloan are mighty fine gentlemen, and I think that I would enjoy a frosty draught with either one, but give me Milan Jurcina or John Carlson any day.
• Ian has repeatedly said that players like David Steckel are crucial to a prosperous postseason.  Judging by Davey’s PK effort tonight, we agree.  On the other hand, Stecks was just as bad as Flash on the faceoff (33%).
• Wouldn’t tomorrow night be wonderfully exciting if “Crazy Legs” Braden Holtby started in net?
• RMNB mathman Neil Greenberg was at the game tonight, but who wasn’t?  How about President Barack Obama, whose first pitch at the Nats game sailed so far wide left that I can already imagine the next batch of Tea Party protest signs.  NO POLITICS, PEOPLE! THIS IS HOCKEY!

Well, we are now down to felt as they say. Three games separate the Washington Capitals from what should be a historic post-season. And don’t say “an historic”– that’s stupid.   While I’m a proponent of the “win everything” philosophy, I’m willing to concede that Bruce Boudreau’s hockey savvy exceeds my own.  Let’s just establish a bit of the big Mo’ before next week. A 10-0 shutout of the Penguins in Braden Holtby’s NHL debut would suffice.

Obviously, the President loves him some sports. We do, too. The NCAA basketball tournament is one of the most exciting sports events of the year, and we could never disparage the President for being into it. We just want our Caps to get a little love, too. Speaking of, have you signed the Facebook petition yet?

Tonight, the Washington Capitals play the Hurricanes.  Ovechkin’s still suspended, Varly’s in net, and I’ll be able to watch the whole thing live for once.  Last time the ‘Canes and Caps met was only one week ago, and that game implausibly went to overtime before D.C. pulled out the win.  Hopefully, tonight will be a secure win in only 60 minutes.