Since 2010, RMNB has been keeping track of Caps fans’ playoff beards under the banner #beardpact. It’s been our way of keeping in touch regarding our ill-advised facial-hair enterprises, sending some traffic towards Beard-a-Thon, and having a few laughs.

Maybe that’s been fun for you, but it’s been hell for me.

When I can actually grow a beard, I look really bad. Like Nick Backstrom bad. And my so-called friends have this awful habit of getting married during the playoffs. Like every goddamn year. It’s as if their wives didn’t even care about Bruce Boudreau’s job. And have you ever tried to talk to a smart and sophisticated lady while you have the facial scruff of a pubescent seventh grader?

So, yeah. Not this year, guys. I am not growing a playoff beard.

I could pretend like this is an anti-superstition thing, but it’s not. While I still vehemently believe that my scratchy-ass face has absolutely no effect on the Washington Capitals’ unblocked even-strength shot-attempt differential while the score is close, that’s not why I’m bailing on #beardpact. I’m just sick of letting everyone down every year.

Check it.

• April 24, 2010: The Caps had a 3-1 series lead over the Canadiens when I left for a wedding in Florida. I shaved before the ceremony and you know what happened next. P.S. Don’t eat at Don Shula’s. That place is a scam.
• April 29, 2011: With the reluctant permission of my personal guru Suzanne Kang, I allowed myself to “clean up” my beard. The Caps dropped four straight to the Tampa Bay Lightning.
• May 10, 2012: I actually attended a wedding with a full-on beard, but was later forced to scale back for a business meeting in California. The Caps managed to beat the Bruins, but fell in seven games to the Rangers while I looked like an utter tool with my van dyke.

I’ll be attending a wedding on May 18th. I’ve decided to stay clean-shaven for the duration of the playoffs rather than break ranks after two weeks, provided– knock on Rechlicz’s stick– the Caps are still in it by then.  I find it’s better to disappoint you a little now than disappoint you a lot later.

And c’mon. This wasn’t a good look for me.

I won’t blame the desolation that is my social calendar on my futile beard-growing efforts, but I detect a statistically significant correlation in there that I’d like to get peer-reviewed if anyone has a TI-83 and some spare time. In general: no, the womenfolk did not take kindly to the soupcatcher.

So I’m out. I acknowledge that I am violating ritual and dissolving the bonds on fandom here, and for that I am truly sorry. I’ll still throw some bones to Beard-a-Thon in the form of a donation, but my face shall stay smooth.

(Unless the Caps get their FenClose over 53% next season, in which case I’m totally going Grizzly Adams up on you guys.)

In the meantime, I strongly encourage all of you to participate in #beardpact and Beard-a-Thon. Take a pic of your facial hair progress and tweet it at us with the hashtag #beardpact. It’s still a thing. Chris and Ian are probably still doing it, I bet.

Again: sorry. My bad.

The 2010-11 NHL regular season will end around 9:00pm Sunday, forbidding any overtime or shootout shenanigans. The Washington Capitals’ season concluded at around 9:45pm Saturday night. Before you and your hockey friends head out for a celebratory drink before the Caps take on the Rangers next week, consider the state of your chin. Are you sporting a bit of weekend scruff? A well-kept van dyke? A two-foot beard tucked into your belt to signify your status as King Under the Mountain? In any case, shave it. Shave it now. The season is over, and the time has come to start fresh.

From Monday morning until the night Alex Ovechkin hoists the Stanley Cup, we vow not to shave.

We now begin our second annual #beardpact, where the Caps faithful lay down their razors in the hopes of triumphant wins. Preceding every Caps game during the playoffs we will post a #beardpact update featuring the hairy chins of you, our faithful readers.

This year our #beardpact will not only include the simple task of not shaving. We’re taking it to the next level. Wearing your favorite Caps shirt/jersey when the Capitals win? WEAR IT EVERY GAME. Watching the game with your pals at your local watering hole? BE THERE EVERY GAME. Basically, whatever you are doing when the Caps are winning, KEEP DOING THAT.

I’ve already started a #beardpact column on my TweetDeck, and it seems full of questions, so let’s cover the ground rules.

The holy grail (Photo credit: Kyle M.)

It’s as simple as that. Every game day we’ll scan the tweets and post your fuzzy faces for all the world to see. In addition we’ll keep an eye on the players themselves and see what their chins can muster. Not a guy? Don’t feel discriminated against. Show us what you’ve got. Hair, nails, shoes, anything — just make it RED. Tweet it and we’ll see it. If you’re part of a more official beard-growing charitable endeavor, put it in your posts and let everyone know how to help out. Don’t forget that the Caps themselves are participating in the Beard-A-Thon, so be sure to contribute to your favorite player.

That about covers it. It’s been a long, rough season. Let’s make our beards just as long and rough. Our significant others may hate it, but they’ll see the payoff when we’re all done. Give your beards one last shave and let’s start it up.

On Tuesday, Gillette announced a multi-year partnership with Alex Ovechkin. The Capitals’ superstar is now the company’s ambassador for Russia and Eastern Europe. Dan Steinberg of the DC Sports Bog has reported that Ovi will join such international sports icons as New York Yankee’ aging shortstop Derek Jeter and British rugby player Jonny Wilkinson in representing the company.

Well, last night I caught glimpse of Ovi’s first Gillette commercial, which has dropped in Moscow. Check it out!

The dialogue of the commercial is as follows:

There’s a superstition that you can’t shave before the important games [Ed. Note - Peter knows this better than anyone else]. This is a great excuse for a hockey player with sensitive skin! But with Gillette Series Aftershave Balm, you won’t feel dry or tightened skin anymore. The new balm’s formula with aloe vera moistens skin after shaving. So from now on, use Gillette, and have no superstitions!

A few notes: First, the colors of the Gillette jersey are terrible. It reminds me of the New York Islanders’ sweaters, and that is not a team you want to be emulating.

Second, does this mean no playoff beard for Ovi? When asked by the popular Russian-language sports portal Sportbox, Sasha had this to say:

I haven’t decided yet how I will groom myself for the playoffs – maybe I’ll shave or maybe I will grow beard. We have an agreement with Gillette to observe sacred traditions. But it’s too early to talk about it – we need to make the playoffs first!

Great non-answer. Being among the politicians in D.C. has paid off.

So finally, for our readers, we must end our post with an important question. Which edition of the Capitals captain do you like better? The clean-shaven Ovi or the unkempt one? Let us know in the comments blow.

We say NO. The Caps have won their last 4 Wednesday games. Tonight shall be no different. The boys in red will prevail, as will our facial hair.

Our beards cannot give up, they cannot surrender. My beard is only a faint glimmer of its full potential. Besides, girls seem to think my beard is cute, and I WILL NOT let that go away. This #beardpact must survive the night, there is no other option. May my razor rust and all my neighbors think I’m a danger to their kids before I have to shave this beard.

#beardpacters, what say you?

Ian’s got his game face on.

Peter is attempting to make amends for shaving last week, and has made the necessary sacrifices to Olaf the Troll God.

Neil has taken a break from babysitting to grow at least a full centimeter of beard length since game 6.  Now he looks like a sad Wayne Coyne.

Fedor’s commitment to the cause is starting to have me concerned.

Game 7 anxiety is making Stevie K’s blood sugar’s erratic, but seems to be fueling his beard growth remarkably.

Parade of Stubble Fully-realized Beards

Those are some solid looking beards/nails right there. This group is hungry for a win. LET’S DO THIS!

Game day has arrived once more, my fuzzy-faced friends. Four games have passed thus far, some of us have been lectured by our bosses on our unkept visages, some have likely had significant others part ways (Not me, I actually got a number unsolicited the other day. Go beard!); but despite any misfortunes, the bearded ones persevere. As such we come to Game 5 tonight, with the Capitals returning home to the Verizon Center intent on closing out the series with the ‘Nads. From starting the series with a loss, the once-scraggly Caps have grown into a well-bearded offensive machine, even Nicklas Backstrom, whose face is forever frozen in time at age 13.

Let’s see how everyone’s faces are filling in today.

Blog aristocrat Ian Oland described his facial hair to me this morning as “getting more embarrassing by the day.”

Hangover isn’t the word to describe Peter Hassett’s current mental state. Aftermath looks about right.

Neil Greenberg continues to astound the masses with his preternatural ability to grow a beard on command.

Moscow correspondent Fedor Fedin has really stepped up his game today.

In a surprise fill-in for Peter, who thinks his best friend’s wedding is more important than playoff hockey, your bewhiskered author for the day, Stevie K.

Stubble Parade!

Stay strong, brothers and sisters of the #beardpact.

Puck drop imminent, and it’s time to check in with our scraggly soldiers.  But first, tell me if this has happened to you:  you’re at 7-11 getting a BIG GULP, paying in pennies as usual, and the lady behind the counter thinks you’re homeless.  You try to explain that the hockey team with the Russians MADE you lock up your razor blades, but that just makes things worse.  Some people! Right?

How are the RMNB dudes looking?  NOT GOOD.

Here’s Ian, whose bedroom is as unkempt as his facial hair.

Here’s Peter, who is openly laughed at by children and adults alike.

And here’s Neil, for whom beard-growing is so easy it’s unfair dammit it’s unfair.

And then there’s Fedor… who makes us suspicious.

Before we do the Parade, it’s come to my attention that some people cannot, by the miracle of genetics, grow a beard.  Women, here’s an alternative for you: Beardhead!

Also, some co-workers sent me this little nugget today, and I had to share with my fellow #beardpact-ers.  They Might Be Giants, ladies and germs!

Parade of Stubble!

Looks at these handsome folks! Darbish remains the leader by a mile, but you can’t ignore the professional evenness The Horn Guy.  Lindsey, I suspect is cheating, however.  Thanks, everybody!  Grow on.

C-A-P-S!

It’s game day, Caps soldiers!  We’re only a few minutes from puck drop, so we’ll keep this quick.

I’ve got a wedding on Friday, but I ain’t shaving.  I’ve gotta grow this facial hair because I know that John Carlson and Nick Backstrom cannot.   Way up in frozen Canadia, I feel certain that the Capitals know we’re at home supporting them.  And by supporting, I mean we look like idiots.

Hey, how are the RMNB souljahz?

Bump-on-a-blog Ian Oland thanks BB for starting Varlamov.

Typing maven Peter Hassett has not so much a beard as a series of well-spaced whiskers.

Neil Greenberg could go from Top Gun fresh-face to The Last Samurai in 2 weeks, I’m sure.

Here’s an educational video for all your #beardpact-ers out there.

Stubble Parade!

Whew!  How ’bout that game last night?  The Washington Capitals beat the Montreal Canadiens in a plum zinger of a hockey game.  John Carlson and Nick Backstrom summoned some playoff heroics for us, but there’s a problem: they’re both clean-shaven.  Do they know something we don’t?

Just between you and me, RMNB might have taken the celebration too far.  The word hangover seems understated; it’s more like an aftermath.  Compounding the problem, Caps Nation is looking increasingly more haggard.  Scanning the #beardpact channel, I’m seeing a broad spectrum of growth.  Before we get to the parade of stubble, let’s check in with the Russian Machinists.

El Hefe Ian Oland is cheering up, but he’s still #1 on the  most likely to shave list.  Do not let him.

Sentence-maker Peter Hassett is cheerful despite looking terrible.

Numerical Savant Neil Greenberg‘s whimsy declined somewhat in the second period last night.

Even the elusive Russian correspondent Fedor Fedin is getting in on the action!

Parade of Stubble!

It’s never too late to join #beardpact!  Hide your razors now and post your pic on Twitter with the hashtag.  Support your fellow fans who chose to look like serial killers, especially the high-risk ones (like Ian) who might bail.

The magic is starting to work.  Don’t quit now!

How much did last night suck?  True story:  Peter and Ian had a big fight about writing the game recap.  Peter was too grumpy to write it, and Ian was too grumpy to put up with Peter’s hissy fit.  Today, they exchanged LOLcats and everything seems fine again.  For now.

Is the change of mood due to the Caps’ pathetic overtime loss, or is something more sinister behind it?  Could it be that our nascent facial hair is turning us into hyper-masculine, moody bastards?  The intention of #beardpact was to create levity and togetherness among Caps fans, but it may have gone awry.  Let’s take this time to redouble our efforts.  No change from yesterday: sixteen wins stand between our team and glory.  Within that increment there must be a lot of dudes with itchy necks and annoyed girlfriends/wives/platonic opposite-sex companions.

Let’s check in with the RMNB staff, all of whom could use a hug today.

Imperator Ian Oland has a long way to go.

Wordsmith Peter “Neckbeard” Hassett‘s anger is 50% last night’s loss and 50% wanting to shave.

Vegas oddsmakers have math-man Neil Greenberg‘s odds of bailing on #beardpact before Monday at 80%.

Please share words of encouragement below.  Neil is clearly way ahead, but unhappy about it.  Ian is in dead last place, and Peter is going to two weddings in the next week.  Help is needed!

Parade of Stubble!

Thornbury is thankfully using a much less creepy picture than last time.

Brother blogger RockTheRed is sideways, but looking manly.

RMNB associate/bad photographer Stevie K ‘s beard will scary soon.

@raveygirl17 spites me, doing that fake moustache thing I hate.

@capsforthecup proves that paper goat > fake moustache every time.

@Darbish is the example to which we must all aspire.  *Applause*

If you’re growing a playoff beard, get thee to Beard-A-Thon with the quickness.  Then post your pictures on Twitter with the hashtag #beardpact, so that we may congratulate/mock you.  Other playoff desiderata include fingernails, dyed hair, piercings, jewelry, and anything else you can think of.

Take one for the team, guys.  Tomorrow is another day.  It may be itchy, but we don’t have to lose!