Tuesday, Tom Wilson turned 22 years old. Willy Baby got a million well wishes online by Caps fans but it was three special wishes I want to point you to. They were from Wilson’s roommate Michael Latta (2) and Andre Burakovsky.
Latta called Wilson a lot of things I’m guessing he’s not and Burakovsky brought out the old #brobeans hashtag.
Wednesday is Alan May‘s birthday, so before he hit the road with the team CSN Washington preemptively gave him a birthday cake. If you were wondering if it went better than the disastrous time Locker gave Joe B a cake, you’d be right.
In front of an empty arena, May was surprised by friends with a custom-made cake, featuring an old hockey card, from the DC Cake Room.
During Friday’s first intermission, Craig Laughlin and the rest of the Comcast Sportsnet crew presented Joe Beninati with a birthday cake. In typical Locker form, however, the cake from Clyde’s had been destroyed before arriving in front of Beninati, who is celebrating his 49th birthday.
“We had a little accident, everybody,” Laughlin said laughing. “You know what my mom says? ‘It’s always the thought that counts.'”
Laughlin tipped the cake over to the camera.
“I can read it,” Laughlin continued. “It says ‘Happy Birthday.’ There was ‘Joe B’ below that, but… this is sort of what happens to you [in your life], right?”
“That’s my story in a nutshell,” Beninati deadpanned.
Later, Laughlin struck a match and lit a candle on the cake. As he blew out the match, the candle on the cake sitting in his lap was blown out.
Unlike in years past where we’ve asked you to email us five-minute scribbles in Microsoft Paint, this year we’ve simplified the submission process. You can create a card in any way you’d like: Photoshop, noodles, Vines, GIFs, YouTube, whatever. You can upload your file in the comments or put a link to it. Our commenting system, DISQUS, has a great explainer on how to properly upload JPEGs and link to all other rich media like GIFs, Youtube, Vine, and tweets.
Around 1 am Moscow time, Alex Ovechkintweeted out a photo of his birthday cake (lit apparently using the same technology used to launch SPUTNIK). If you’re one of those exasperated persons worried about Ovi’s figure, rest easy: it’s a spongecake with blackberries, raspberries, kiwi, and dates (I think?) scattered on top of it. Looks tasty and nutritional!
We asked you, deranged and lovely readers of RMNB, to congratulate our hero Alex Ovechkin on his 27th year of life. You had to make a birthday card. The only rule was that you had to use a cheap graphic editor to make it.
Fellow RMNB’ers, mark your calendars! In exactly one week, Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin will turn 27 years-old.
To celebrate the occasion, we’d like to continue a tradition we started a few years ago wherein you, our faithful and slightly demented readers, make homemade birthday cards for the Russian machine himself.
We set out a task, faithful users of the Russian Machine, to create birthday cards worthy of our gut-less (wait, did that sound bad?) leader. The only rules: use an inferior graphics program to make it.
What we avoided telling you again this year was that we didn’t have to follow the same rules. Above, is our Penguin-Pinata card for Ovi via RMNB illustrator, Rachel Cohen.
Meanwhile, you guys rocked this assignment harder than a Bruce Boudreau fitness test. Unfortunately, only one of you could win our grand prize: a RMNB t-shirt and a Mr. Big Bar. Cruise on past the jump to check out the gallery.
On September 15, 2010, In Contest, By Russian Machine Never Breaks
Ovi’s all growned up!
Our hero and blog namesake, Alexander Ovechkin, will turn the ripe old age of 25 on Friday. To celebrate the occasion, Russian Machine Never Breaks is throwing one of those contest things we’re trying to become known for.