Graphic by Amanda Bowen
Tuesday, Tom Wilson turned 22 years old. Willy Baby got a million well wishes online by Caps fans but it was three special wishes I want to point you to. They were from Wilson’s roommate Michael Latta (2) and Andre Burakovsky.
Latta called Wilson a lot of things I’m guessing he’s not and Burakovsky brought out the old #brobeans hashtag.
Wednesday is Alan May‘s birthday, so before he hit the road with the team CSN Washington preemptively gave him a birthday cake. If you were wondering if it went better than the disastrous time Locker gave Joe B a cake, you’d be right.
In front of an empty arena, May was surprised by friends with a custom-made cake, featuring an old hockey card, from the DC Cake Room.
During Friday’s first intermission, Craig Laughlin and the rest of the Comcast Sportsnet crew presented Joe Beninati with a birthday cake. In typical Locker form, however, the cake from Clyde’s had been destroyed before arriving in front of Beninati, who is celebrating his 49th birthday.
“We had a little accident, everybody,” Laughlin said laughing. “You know what my mom says? ‘It’s always the thought that counts.'”
Laughlin tipped the cake over to the camera.
“I can read it,” Laughlin continued. “It says ‘Happy Birthday.’ There was ‘Joe B’ below that, but… this is sort of what happens to you [in your life], right?”
“That’s my story in a nutshell,” Beninati deadpanned.
Later, Laughlin struck a match and lit a candle on the cake. As he blew out the match, the candle on the cake sitting in his lap was blown out.
Illustration by the one and only Rachel Cohen
Today is one of the best days of the year. On this beautiful Wednesday we celebrate the birth of our blog’s namesake, Alex Ovechkin. And since Ovi has everything a guy could ever wish for (except the respect of Canadian pundits), we figured that the best gift would be something creative: homemade birthday cards.
Unlike in years past where we’ve asked you to email us five-minute scribbles in Microsoft Paint, this year we’ve simplified the submission process. You can create a card in any way you’d like: Photoshop, noodles, Vines, GIFs, YouTube, whatever. You can upload your file in the comments or put a link to it. Our commenting system, DISQUS, has a great explainer on how to properly upload JPEGs and link to all other rich media like GIFs, Youtube, Vine, and tweets.
But please, don’t pull a Gormley. It’s not Alex Ovechkin’s 30th Birthday. It’s his 29th.
Please do us proud and vote for your favorite cards. Downvote whatever Peter does. There are a lot of fun topics to potentially cover here. If you need inspiration, check out our last four years of cards.
Have a blast, and happy birthday, Ovi!
Around 1 am Moscow time, Alex Ovechkin tweeted out a photo of his birthday cake (lit apparently using the same technology used to launch SPUTNIK). If you’re one of those exasperated persons worried about Ovi’s figure, rest easy: it’s a spongecake with blackberries, raspberries, kiwi, and dates (I think?) scattered on top of it. Looks tasty and nutritional!
Once again, from everybody here at RMNB, we extend our warmest birthday wishes to Ovi. Now go check out our readers’ birthday cards for him and please, somebody end the lockout already.
We asked you, deranged and lovely readers of RMNB, to congratulate our hero Alex Ovechkin on his 27th year of life. You had to make a birthday card. The only rule was that you had to use a cheap graphic editor to make it.
What we didn’t tell you is that we don’t have to follow the same rules. Above is our card for Ovi, via RMNB resident artist Rachel Cohen. Meanwhile, you guys knocked this assignment out of the park. Like Josh Morgan, you threw a football into the face of your limitations and blazed new trails of Art with a capital A. Cruise on down past the jump to check out the gallery. And make sure to vote for your favorite on our Facebook fan page at 10am this morning.
Ovi after he got pie’d in the face last year on his birthday. (Photo credit: Chris Gordon)
Fellow RMNB’ers, mark your calendars! In exactly one week, Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin will turn 27 years-old.
To celebrate the occasion, we’d like to continue a tradition we started a few years ago wherein you, our faithful and slightly demented readers, make homemade birthday cards for the Russian machine himself.
We set out a task, faithful users of the Russian Machine, to create birthday cards worthy of our gut-less (wait, did that sound bad?) leader. The only rules: use an inferior graphics program to make it.
What we avoided telling you again this year was that we didn’t have to follow the same rules. Above, is our Penguin-Pinata card for Ovi via RMNB illustrator, Rachel Cohen.
Meanwhile, you guys rocked this assignment harder than a Bruce Boudreau fitness test. Unfortunately, only one of you could win our grand prize: a RMNB t-shirt and a Mr. Big Bar. Cruise on past the jump to check out the gallery.
Ovi’s all growned up!
Our hero and blog namesake, Alexander Ovechkin, will turn the ripe old age of 25 on Friday. To celebrate the occasion, Russian Machine Never Breaks is throwing one of those contest things we’re trying to become known for.
The contest: Using MS Paint or any other primitive graphic program (Photoshop is cheating), make a birthday card for Alex Ovechkin. Let Ovie know that you love him and wish him the best for his silver year. Draw him a pretty picture, write him a poem, demonstrate somehow that you are person of passion and culture. Whatever it takes. Send your submissions, either by attachment or in a link, to firstname.lastname@example.org. Use the subject line “Ovie’s birthday card”. We will accept submissions until Friday at 5pm. That night we will share the submissions, name a winner and present our own card.
The prize: The winner of the contest will win a high-quality RMNB t-shirt. The winner of the contest will be selected by our arbitrary and completely capricious judges.
Remember: this is Ovie’s birthday. Do what he’d do; kick some ass and do it with a big, goofy smile on your face.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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