Around 1 am Moscow time, Alex Ovechkin tweeted out a photo of his birthday cake (lit apparently using the same technology used to launch SPUTNIK). If you’re one of those exasperated persons worried about Ovi’s figure, rest easy: it’s a spongecake with blackberries, raspberries, kiwi, and dates (I think?) scattered on top of it. Looks tasty and nutritional!

Once again, from everybody here at RMNB, we extend our warmest birthday wishes to Ovi. Now go check out our readers’ birthday cards for him and please, somebody end the lockout already.

We asked you, deranged and lovely readers of RMNB, to congratulate our hero Alex Ovechkin on his 27th year of life. You had to make a birthday card. The only rule was that you had to use a cheap graphic editor to make it.

What we didn’t tell you is that we don’t have to follow the same rules. Above is our card for Ovi, via RMNB resident artist Rachel Cohen. Meanwhile, you guys knocked this assignment out of the park. Like Josh Morgan, you threw a football into the face of your limitations and blazed new trails of Art with a capital A. Cruise on down past the jump to check out the gallery. And make sure to vote for your favorite on our Facebook fan page at 10am this morning.

Abbie’s family sent us in this video of their adorable daughter playing hockey. Abbie wishes Ovi (and Brooks Laich?) a happy birthday from Langley Air Force Base. She even scores a goal. Though Abbie, where’s the belly pat celebration after you score? Also, what’s your t-shirt size? We want to send you a shirt.

Joanne reveals that Ovi lied when he told Mike Vogel that he was going back home to Russia for his birthday. He actually flew to Mars to make party with the Mars Rover.

Here Diana, Hedda, and Rosannah illustrate how Ovi’s birthday would go if he would have stayed in DC this year. Tennis birthday!!!!! best!!)))))

@HockeyHourly‘s Geoff T. illegally dug through some mailboxes and found Gary Bettman’s birthday card for Ovechkin.

hahahahaha fire. Via some guy named Ian O.

Ashley B draws the Russian machine daydreaming about his favorite healthy snack.

Some guy named Peter H. used his iPad to make this gem. I’m not really sure what’s going on here: there’s a giant two-legged dog with a pink field hockey stick and clown make-up on, a moon with sun glasses, stars, and a Russian hat. [Ed note: Yep. You nailed it. -P]

Well, at least Lord Stanley Alexander the Eight won’t be locked out all day. Via Lisa M.

Wow. Ovi’s hair grew back really fast. Nice headband! Via Hockeyshopped’s Brendan Sheridan.

@BatmanEatsBabies offers some diet tips to the Russian machine during his big day.

The lovely and talented Justine K did this fantastic painting of Ovi for his birthday. Way to go!

Misty’s 7-year-old son Cooper is already growing his facial hair for this year’s playoffs, if there even are playoffs this year.

Elizabeth H cutely draws The Great Eight’s signature smile.

If there were actually hockey, this would be how the eights on Ovi’s jersey would be decorated. Via Perri M.

It’s not just Ovechkin’s birthday, it’s also Quentin R’s. From all of us here at RMNB, Happy Birthday, dude!

Miranda shows that Ovi’s decision to go home to Russia this year to celebrate his birthday wasn’t that hard of a decision after all.

Tim presents Ovi’s new celebration: The ‘Hot Cake.’

Here’s Brooke’s hand drawn card for Ovechkin.

We love Danielle S.’s card. Though she forgot to mention Ovi’s also the world’s great rapper too!

Jessie N shows us that three Ovechtricks equals 27. Awesome.

Finally, we share Mahesh P’s tradition. Every year when it’s Ovi’s birthday, he has a hockey-themed birthday cake made and his family eats it on the Russian machine’s birthday. These are the types of people I want to be friends with.

REMINDER: Make sure to vote for your favorite card on our Facebook fan page at 10am.

Ovi after he got pie’d in the face last year on his birthday. (Photo credit: Chris Gordon)

Fellow RMNB’ers, mark your calendars! In exactly one week, Washington Capitals captain Alex Ovechkin will turn 27 years-old.

To celebrate the occasion, we’d like to continue a tradition we started a few years ago wherein you, our faithful and slightly demented readers, make homemade birthday cards for the Russian machine himself.

The guidelines are pretty simple: using Microsoft Paint or any other primitive graphic program (Photoshop isn’t cheating, but it’s frowned upon), make a birthday card for Ovechkin. Here are some past examples. You can even draw him a pretty picture, glue on some macaroni elbows, or write him a poem. Consider including the following topics when composing your card: a) Alex will be spending his birthday in Russia this year; b) Alex Ovechkin is the ee cummings of Twitter; c) nachos; d) Alex Ovechkin’s biggest accomplishment over the summer was watching tennis; e) think of the best possible places for Alex to make party. If possible, please also demonstrate that you are an intelligent and cultured person whose work might be posted on a website that has child readers.

Once you think you’re done, send your submissions, either by attachment or in a link, to thecrew@russianmachineneverbreaks.com. Use the subject line “Ovi’s Birthday Card”. Please, if at all possible, save out your images as a jpg, gif, or png, and keep the size under 100kb.

We will accept submissions only up until noon on Sunday. That night, I will then put all of your cards into a post and then try to think of something funny to say under each. On Monday, we will share the submissions with the world (and Ovi) and present our own card. We’re also going to try something new and hold a vote on our Facebook Fanpage (which you should already be following) to see which card you think is the best. If there are any entries that go above and beyond, we will award a yet-to-be-determined prize.

So there you go. Go to work. You’ve got a week advanced notice. Make us proud!

We set out a task, faithful users of the Russian Machine, to create birthday cards worthy of our gut-less (wait, did that sound bad?) leader. The only rules: use an inferior graphics program to make it.

What we avoided telling you again this year was that we didn’t have to follow the same rules. Above, is our Penguin-Pinata card for Ovi via RMNB illustrator, Rachel Cohen.

Meanwhile, you guys rocked this assignment harder than a Bruce Boudreau fitness test. Unfortunately, only one of you could win our grand prize: a RMNB t-shirt and a Mr. Big Bar. Cruise on past the jump to check out the gallery.

First, we start with the people who didn’t follow directions.

First, Alice A. sends us “The Ovi Dance,” as performed by Phillip — whom we’re going to assume is her kid (no clarification in the email). The editing: profound and superb. How about this? Alice, send us your address and we’ll mail your son over a Mr. Big Bar. Well, just as long as you promise to take video of  him dancing after he eats it.

Jenna M. tweeted us a cake. For what this lacks in pretty pictures it makes up for in high fructose corn syrup!

To the actual cards! Reader Justine K. flipped the script on a “In Soviet Russia” joke. The illustration of Ovechkin: tremendous. The cutting out of the illustration: not so much.

Not sure why Alex Semin and Bon Jovi have jetpacks here, but it sure makes me laugh. Via the demented mind of Brendan S!

Reader Sarah pokes a little fun at Ovi’s ways of communicating online.

Lisa A. too!

Someone tell Alex N. that you need to keep the cup at least an arms length away from your favorite team’s superstars or you’ll jinx them to hell like we did in the playoffs.

Reader Hosannah, confounded like everyone else by Ovi’s pants on pants combination, let’s Ovi know we still love him.

Via holidayblues.tumblr.com, here’s Ovi’s detached head in a box. Weird. My favorite part of this graphic is the dots around the text. Really gives it a professional look.

Here’s another one from our buddy, Alex N., who took out the colored pencils for this masterpiece!

We hope all your wishes come true too, Ovi (but don’t eat too much pizza)! Via Reader Miranda K.

Sasha O. sent us this card via twi… Hey, wait a minute. How did this get in here?

Also via Reader Miranda K.

LuAyne B. helps Snoop Dogg pass along his well wishes! Fantastic.

When I first saw this card, I couldn’t stop laughing. Who knew Ovi looked so much like Chewy when he put on that hat and burka in Dagestan. Great work, Brendan S.!

Defending birthday card champion Stephanie C. makes it rain nachos.

Just like Anastasia and her grandmother were united “Together in Paris” in the film, we hope on the year of his 26th brirthday that Ovie and Lord Stanley can find themselves united “Together in Washington.” Congrats, Rachel C. You’re our grand prize winner. Shoot us an email!

Ovi’s all growned up!

Our hero and blog namesake, Alexander Ovechkin, will turn the ripe old age of 25 on Friday. To celebrate the occasion, Russian Machine Never Breaks is throwing one of those contest things we’re trying to become known for.

The contest: Using MS Paint or any other primitive graphic program (Photoshop is cheating), make a birthday card for Alex Ovechkin.  Let Ovie know that you love him and wish him the best for his silver year.  Draw him a pretty picture, write him a poem, demonstrate somehow that you are person of passion and culture.  Whatever it takes.  Send your submissions, either by attachment or in a link, to thecrew@russianmachineneverbreaks.com.  Use the subject line “Ovie’s birthday card”.   We will accept submissions until Friday at 5pm.  That night we will share the submissions, name a winner and present our own card.

The prize: The winner of the contest will win a high-quality RMNB t-shirt.  The winner of the contest will be selected by our arbitrary and completely capricious judges.

Remember: this is Ovie’s birthday.  Do what he’d do; kick some ass and do it with a big, goofy smile on your face.