Once we get past the Alex Ovechkins of the world, we’re left with another tier of Ice Bucket Challenges acceptance videos, where B-list athletes we’re not nearly as excited about post vertically oriented videos. But that’s okay because in this third round of Ice Bucket Challenges (see Post 1 and Post 2 here), we’ve got toilet water, a four-minute short-film, and Nate Schmidt shirtless.
Studs. Also, Troy gets Brouwer Bombed. (Photos by Chris Gordon)
The day has come. During warmups before today’s game against the Bruins, RMNB’s Ian Oland pressed his body against the Verizon Center glass in section 102 dressed only in spandex.
“I’m sorry for doubting you, Troy,” his sign read.
In November, Ian made a bet. It was somewhat accidental: if Troy Brouwer scored 20 goals this season, Ian would dress as a Brouwer Ranger. That looked unlikely for a while, but with a wacky 11-goal total in 15 games during February and March, Brouwer hit the milestone for the first time as a Capital. On Saturday, the #IanOlandApologyTour began. Ian, who wanted me to say he “looks pretty skinny” and is “definitely not fat,” wiggled into the famous unitard. He looked like an imbecile, but that’s the point. Brouwer agreed, coming over and giving a thumbs up to the newly expanded trio.
Ian will be watching the rest today’s game from section 402, right in front of the Brouwer Rangers. He’ll be very sweaty. Never make bets on Twitter.
Editor’s note:Hockey Prospectusprojected Troy Brouwer to score 21 or 22 goals this season. Ian did not consult the book before betting the Brouwer Rangers that he would not even hit twenty. The stakes if he lost: Ian would have to dress up with the B.R. and attend a game in full regalia. Brouwer scored twice on March 16th, and Ian has been dreading this coming Saturday ever since. To get you wayyyyyy more ready than you need to be for the big day, we turn things over to the Brouwer Rangers.
As you should know by now, Ian is set to join the ranks of the Brouwer Rangers. On Saturday, March 29, 2014, during a #mustwin hockey game between your Washington Capitals and those bastardly bastards of Beantown, Ian will don spandex, fanny pack, and helmet as retribution for a momentary but utter lack of judgment. It will be glorious.
In the meantime, let’s recap how Ian arrived in this tight spot (spandex joke!).
Waking up on the morning of your first Caps Casino Night is like waking up on Christmas morning. Except you don’t get to open presents until after you’ve spent the whole day at work. And you have to wear a suit, not pajamas. Also you pay for all your own presents.
Nevertheless, we awake with great anticipation, and spend much of the day preparing. Ranger Nathan starts researching table games as soon as he arrives at work. Hoping to have a chance to show off some James Bond-level expertise, Ranger Nathan does a quick Google search but ends up just watching a lot of Burt Bacharach videos.
Lots of boring work stuff happens before we rendezvous at Ranger Ryan’s house to get ready. Finally, we arrive at the hotel. As a group of fans piles into the elevator in the parking garage, Mikhail Grabovski and his wife step through the door. Nobody acknowledges them. It’s weird. Though we all recognize him, no one wants to be the first goober to say, “Oh hey you’re Mikhail Grabovski!” Instead, we just do that head nod “what’s up” thing and stand there silently for the whole elevator ride pretending like this scenario is totally normal. Four floors of awkward agony.
Editor’s note: The Washington Capitals fan base is a tight bunch. We have both super fans and normal people, but everybody comes together to watch the team blow a late lead. It’s a nice community like that. Recently, a few of those superfans shot a commercial for a local wine shop. We’ll let Nathan from the Brouwer Rangers take it away.
On a chilly, drizzly night in December, unbeknownst to all but a few fortunate souls, magic was happening behind the locked doors of an Arlington storefront. On Tuesday, that magic was revealed to the world in the form of this commercial for Arrowine, a local fine food and adult-beverage store. Give it a look. We’ll wait.
On the top floor of the Walter E. Washington Convention Center, Ovie’s human parents, Mike and Kim Robertson, set up shop with their leashed and well-behaved pup, greeting Caps fans on their way down to the convention. He made lots of friends.
Washington Capitals General Manager George McPhee has yet to finalize the 2013-14 on-ice roster, but at least one of the organization’s off-ice squads is now set. Following two days of tryouts and interviews held at the Verizon Center over the weekend, the Caps introduced fans to the latest iteration of the cheerleading and community relations team known as the Red Rockers. But two rather visible Caps fans were turned away from the auditions.
On January 22, 2013, In Guest Post, By Russian Machine Never Breaks
[Editor's note: When Mike Knuble was let go by the Capitals over the offseason, Knuble's Knights were temporarily without a player to worship. After some careful thought, they re-formed as a fan club dedicated to power forward Troy Brouwer and dubbed themselves the Brouwer Rangers. Nathan Burchfiel, the group's fearless leader, is now here to reveal the group's new spandex'd uniform and signs for the Caps home opener. The floor is all yours, Nathan.]
After the Caps lost their season opener to the Tampa Bay Lighting on Saturday, many Caps fans were weeping and gnashing their teeth about this Schultz or that Ovechkin. We, on the other hand, were busy experiencing something of an existential crisis.
As we struggled to squeeze into lycra suits and freshly painted motorcycle helmets during our first and only Brouwer Rangers “dress rehearsal,” the existential question wasn’t, Who are we and what are we doing with our lives? It was more, How are we going to pull this off without being arrested for indecent exposure?
As you may know, for the past three years, we’ve attended Caps games decked in plastic armor, shields and swords, and armed with an array mildly controversial but mostly silly signs in support of fan-favorite Mike Knuble. With Knuble’s departure – and at his encouragement – we knew we had to continue the tradition with a new victim muse player to cheer for.
There’s plenty floating around about why we picked Brouwer (and why we do this at all in the first place) so we won’t rehash it here. With the lockout still fresh in our minds, who really wants to dwell in the past anyway? Instead, the fine folks at RMNB asked us to provide a preview of what’s in store for the Brouwer Rangers during this shortened season. Our existential crisis has become, Can this possibly live up to the antics and adventures of Knuble’s Knights?