Photo credit: @brouwerrangers

The Brouwer Rangers are on fire. Rocking their playoff beards at game one of the quarter finals, the boys found one slothful NYR fan catching up on some sleep. Yeah: photo opportunity.

Bravo, Rangers (Brouwer version, not New York). You did us proud.

[Editor's note: When Mike Knuble was let go by the Capitals over the offseason, Knuble's Knights were temporarily without a player to worship. After some careful thought, they re-formed as a fan club dedicated to power forward Troy Brouwer and dubbed themselves the Brouwer Rangers. Nathan Burchfiel, the group's fearless leader, is now here to reveal the group's new spandex'd uniform and signs for the Caps home opener. The floor is all yours, Nathan.]

After the Caps lost their season opener to the Tampa Bay Lighting on Saturday, many Caps fans were weeping and gnashing their teeth about this Schultz or that Ovechkin. We, on the other hand, were busy experiencing something of an existential crisis.

As we struggled to squeeze into lycra suits and freshly painted motorcycle helmets during our first and only Brouwer Rangers “dress rehearsal,” the existential question wasn’t, Who are we and what are we doing with our lives? It was more, How are we going to pull this off without being arrested for indecent exposure?

As you may know, for the past three years, we’ve attended Caps games decked in plastic armor, shields and swords, and armed with an array mildly controversial but mostly silly signs in support of fan-favorite Mike Knuble. With Knuble’s departure – and at his encouragement – we knew we had to continue the tradition with a new victim muse player to cheer for.

There’s plenty floating around about why we picked Brouwer (and why we do this at all in the first place) so we won’t rehash it here. With the lockout still fresh in our minds, who really wants to dwell in the past anyway? Instead, the fine folks at RMNB asked us to provide a preview of what’s in store for the Brouwer Rangers during this shortened season. Our existential crisis has become, Can this possibly live up to the antics and adventures of Knuble’s Knights?

We hope so. Here are the Top 11 (because 20 (Brouwer’s number) divided by 2 (number of Brouwer Rangers) equals 10, plus one for good luck – don’t overthink it) reasons we’re hopeful this season will be the best yet, in no particular order.

1. New hashtags and sign. Not only is #brouwerpouwer fun to say, it’s also applicable to goals, hits, penalties (ironically, natch), funny quotes and basically anything that makes Troy Brouwer cooler than your favorite player. Use it liberally. And it’s already a handy-dandy printable sign. And remember #knublefacts? #brouwerfacts is like that, but more Brouwery. Follow us on Twitter @brouwerrangers to get your game-day #brouwerfacts. Also, #ConstellationEnergyBrouwerPlay. (That one might not stick.)
2. More games, in “better” “seats.” Though it’s a shortened season, it’s our first as full season-ticket holders. For us, this means more chances to finally catch one of those “burritos.” (Spoiler alert: it’s really a t-shirt wrapped in foil.) And who needs the 100s, with its wide sets, vertigo-free inclines and easy access to bathrooms? Bring a Sherpa and come say hit at the very top of Section 402. We picked these seats because they’re directly across the ice from Horn Guy, so we’ve got optimal sound-wave directionalization. It’s science.
3. Cooler shirts. I mean, seriously, who doesn’t want one of these? (100% of our proceeds from these shirts will go to Caps charities, just as soon as you people buy enough stuff to warrant Spreadshirt cutting a check. So, order some.)
4. BROOOOOUUUUUWEEERRRRR Sign. Will #knublesign be revived as #brouwersign? Who knows? Maybe. [coy smile]
5. Adam Oates. We hereby promise not to create, distribute or display any signs that may be deemed critical of head coach Adam Oates or any other member of team management. Unless Brouwer is ever healthy-scratched, bought out, or traded — then all bets are off.
6. Spandex!, which brings us to our next point:
7. Mandatory Fanny Packs! We were going to go “full Ranger.” Our wives … did not want us to do that. Awkward fanny packs were the compromise. You’re welcome, everyone. (We promise Ranger Ryan will have his by Tuesday’s home-opener.)
8. Brouwer for President. Brouwer’s contract expires at the end of the 2015-2016 season. There is a presidential election in 2016. Coincidence? We think not. We’re already working on very realistic Hawaiian birth certificate for Troy.
9. Cornhole Tournament. It’s a certifiable traveshamockery that we have these sick unbelievable hand-painted Caps cornhole boards and no parking lot to tailgate in. We hereby challenge the team of Ted Leonsis and George McPhee to a cornhole match at center ice. Winner sits in the owners box for a game; losers sit in our seats. But seriously, who has the hookup for setting up a pre-game cornhole tournament in the arena or nearby? Tweet us.
10. Oppan Brouwer Style. Go ahead and get all up on your high horse about the dystopian future pop music is dragging us toward. We’re right there with you. But don’t pretend you’re not going to love it when Brouwer scores his first goal of the season and busts this out.
11. Fun. In all seriousness, this should be a ton of fun. We go crazy like this because it’s fun, and we like to think it helps other people have some fun as well.

We’re so glad that (NHL) hockey is back, and we know you all are too. See you at the games, and Go Go Brouwer Rangers!

[Editor's note: After the Washington Capitals extended Troy Brouwer's contract for another three years on Wednesday, Nathan Burchfiel, fearless leader of Knuble Knight's, had his own announcement to make. The floor is all yours, Nathan.]

When the 2011-2012 NHL season ended, the questions about the future were only just beginning. The zeitgeist was buzzing about whether there would even be a 2012-2013 season, but moreso about what would become of Knuble’s Knights, that magnificent armor-clad duo who won the hearts of many a Caps fan with their often strange and occasionally ill-advised antics in support of their one true liege. Could the Knights continue on with their fearless leader in limbo? Would they carry their swords into battle for another worthy team member? Would they fade into the masses of normal Caps fans? Would they finally get upgraded to full season tickets? (YES!)

The new Brouwer Ranger helmet.

Well, the future is now, good people. And the news of the extension of Troy Brouwer’s contract by three years provides as good a news hook as any to announce that the armor has been polished and locked away in museum-quality display cases and shipped off to the NHL Hall of Fame, for the Knights have mightily morphed into something, dare we say, bigger, better, and more badass. Ladies and gentleman, the fans formerly known as Knuble’s Knights, in conjunction with the fine upstanding journalists at Russian Machine Never Breaks, proudly introduce … the Brouwer Rangers. (See what we did there with the mightily morphed thing?)

In his exit interview with Elliot Segal on DC101 in June, Knuble said of us, “they’ve got to take somebody else under their wing.” We knew we wanted to carry on the tradition we’d started, and Knuble’s parting words sealed the deal. After much soul-searching, and considering literally every combination of player name and character we could think of (Chimera’s Chimeras, Wolski’s Warriors, the King Crabbs, Neuvy’s Ninjas, Hendy’s Henchmen … the list goes on and on), we realized the first idea we had was, in fact, the best. And not just because the costumes are going to be fantastic (and trust us, they’re … awe-inspiring), but because Troy Brouwer is truly worthy of the recognition, no matter what Neil Greenberg says.* A solid on-ice contributor and locker-room leader whose name happens to adorn Lord Stanley’s Cup but isn’t considered one of the team’s “superstars,” Brouwer embodies the characteristics that make us respect and appreciate a player. Plus it’s really fun to pretend you’re Wes Johnson and growl-yell, “Goal scored by #20, Troooyyyyyyy BRRRRRRRROOOOOUUUUUUWEERRRRRRRR!”

As you may have already noticed (but let’s be honest, you probably haven’t noticed), the Twitter handle has been changed. The logo is set. The final touches are being put on the new costumes (including the new helmet previewed in the picture). The rest will come with time – hopefully sooner rather than later. Will there be a Big Head Brouwer? Probably, yes. The cheering and signs and (reasonably tempered) antics will continue from our new permanent perch atop section 402. We’ll be rocking the Red Ranger suits just as soon as Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr hug it out. (That’s assuming the season is delayed by at least one game. You see, someone planned his wedding and honeymoon before the schedule was announced, and happens to return the day after the scheduled home opener against the Devils. What a dinkus.) We’re excited for this new adventure, and hope you guys have some fun along the way as well!

Go Go Brouwer Rangers!

*To be fair to Neil, his pre-season prediction on Brouwer’s contributions last year was spot on. He said Brouwer would have to up his shooting percentage to 15 to hit 20 goals. His shooting percentage was 13.5, and he scored 18 goals.